I failed. And now want to get back on it.

10 replies
Hello guys,

A week ago I launched my first product, I got quite some traffic but zero orders.

Looking at the sales page now I am wondering what made me think it would sell in the first place. The copy is not good enough and the images look unprofessional. In short; The sales page sucks.

I do, however, believe that there is a market for my product. My Facebook ads in the right hand bar got a CTR of 0.3%. While that might not always be a good indicator for ad success, I believe it shows that there is a demand for the solution I am giving.

I am going to have the photo's done by a professional, so I'm not too worried about that, but I want to do the sales page myself. And although I have learned a lot, I am not a good copywriter yet, even though I want to be. And that is why I would like to ask for your help with writing.

I have though of the header, the copy in it will look something like this. There will be a slider image showing the package next to it.

The header

Painful feet because of your heels?

With 'painless on heels' you'll walk painfree again!

This package...

-Finally cures your painful feet!
-Fits in every heel!
-Is invisible from the outside!
-Incredibly comfortable!
-For multiple heels!


In the body that follows I came up with this:

It's 12 o'clock
Noon at work, or midnight on a night out. You still have a few hours to go, but your feet hurt
badly and you really want to go home. Unfortunately, you must go on ... But the rest of the
time you only dream about the moment you can take off your heels and free your feet.
**

However, this is not how it has to be. Take just a few minutes to the end to read this page.
The solution that I want to give you because you can just keep walking without pain.


This is where I am now, and I don't really know how to get any further. I don't even know if it's any good actually.

Some more info on my product
Other benefits include that everything is in one package, and comes with a guide.

The biggest unique selling point is that the products can be taken out of the shoe and put in another one. Competitors have a solution for just one heel.

To give you an idea of what the product looks like:
The Heel grip

Which uses this powerstrip to allow it to be taken out

And the GelPad


Any input is greatly, greatly appreciated!

Regards,
Bart
#back #failed
  • Profile picture of the author GarrettLST
    Hi Bart,

    Try this 12 step copy formula for writing sales pages.

    1. Get attention
    2. Identify the problem
    3. Provide the solution
    4. Present your credentials
    5. Show the benefits
    6. Give social proof
    7. Make your offer
    8. Inject scarcity
    9. Give a guarantee
    10. Call to action
    11. Give a warning
    12. Close with a reminder
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9457672].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Around the middle of last century there was a research company
    which tested phrases on what probably was the largest number of people.

    They tried different approaches in retail stores
    to see what fold the most.

    One product was for shoe insoles for the same purpose
    as yours.

    The girls at the counter were trained to say
    different phrases and sales were compared.

    The winning phrase was...

    "Are you on your feet a lot?"

    Then when the shoe buyer would invariably say yes,
    the girl will bring out a pair of insoles and say...

    "These are especially made for people who are on their
    feet a lot. Shall I add them to your order?"

    That was was the best performing selling sequence.

    Can you see how you can apply that?

    Best,
    Ewen
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9457675].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author KreativCopy
      I am not sure the headline works, you might want to try a few more variations on that.

      Also, I would want to know 'how' your product works. Not anything in depth..just a brief explanation. Many people suffer from a condition called Plantar Fasciitus (or joggers heal) which can be extremely painful on the base of the heel. Perhaps you could incorporate a short list of conditions that your product helps with.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9457944].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    I remember you asking about this awhile back. As I remember, there was some decent advice on that thread.
    Signature

    Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9458054].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Bart de K
    Thanks for the replies! Really appreciated.

    Angie, back then the product was slightly different and I wasn't as far as I am now. There was a lot of good advice in that thread which I've taken to heart.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9458127].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author technicalanarchy
    Do they work and how much are they?

    Was looking for something like that for my wife just last week. We got a major brand pad kinda thing that did nothing but cost me $9.99.

    Just a couple of ideas hit me.

    Pain is mentioned a lot but I don't see sore, achy, tired and the like.

    Sizing info and is there a guarantee?

    What are the odds of getting a video for it? Pack 15 seconds of pain and 15 seconds of comfort into it.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9462307].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    Killing a little time here so I looked over what you have so far.

    If you were to pay my usual upfront fee of $145,000.00 for marketing advice...Bentley payments aren't cheap...this is what I'd tell you right off the bat.

    1. I don't feel you're getting serious about selling this product. You need to get bold.

    2. The name of the product "painless on heels" is a loser. You need to change the name. The name should instantly convey what the product is. Do a survey of people and ask them to tell you what you're talking about as soon as you say your product name...think you'll discover a lot of perplexed people. Yeah I know not all product names do what I recommend, but you probably don't have millions to spend in order to brand a name.

    3. Your headline isn't really a headline. "Painful feet because of your heels?"

    "Gosh Bob what's wrong?"

    "I have painful feet"

    "Really?"

    "Yeah, my feet are painful"

    Quite sure Bob would say something like: "My heels are killing me".

    Seems trivial, but it's psychological. Talk the way people really talk. You'll connect a lot quicker with your message.

    3. The body copy.

    You're trying to paint a picture but you're not doing it.

    "Noon at work, or midnight on a night out. You still have a few hours to go, but your feet hurt
    badly and you really want to go home. Unfortunately, you must go on ... But the rest of the
    time you only dream about the moment you can take off your heels and free your feet."

    Why on a night out must you go on? People don't think like this...in the way you framed it. And what does it mean "take off your heels"...the heels on your feet? High heels? Are you selling just to women?

    You're thinking of how to say what you want to say in the cutest wordy way you can.

    Your readers aren't connecting with all this bunk. The rest of your body copy is just as nonsensical.

    4. You say the product can be taken out of one pair of shoes and put in another. Not only a turnoff for this product but a wasted chance at dangling a carrot in front of your prospective client.

    So here's my advice without knowing a lot about your product...and mostly off the top of my head...but hopefully you get the point I'm trying to quickly make.

    Say what you mean and get to the point. Pull out the big guns and stop trying to be nice.

    I'm a firm believer that your marketing should take no prisoners. Destroy the competition. Make your ad demanding. Force your reader to start getting a twitchy sweaty finger that's trying to jump off their hand and not just click the buy button but slam down hard on it. Leave them dizzy and dazed.

    Your potential clients have painful feet. Just kidding, they have heels that make walking excruciatingly painful.

    I'd hit them with a big promise that ended their pain...and was also breaking news...

    "Miracle Cure Stops Heel Pain Instantly"

    I'd pick 2 or 3 leading papers and do quotes from them mentioning your product...stuff like "Amazing relief blah, blah, blah. NY Times"

    "Instant blah, blah, blah Chicago Sun"

    It builds credibility and it's legal to do real cheap. When I get some time I'll send you a report I did about 10 years ago on 20 ways to build a million dollar reputation for under $100.

    Lots of ways you could go with the body copy. I'd do a quick story.

    Now, for the part about dangling the carrot...

    I'd simply ask: "May I send you a free pair?" Instant attention grabber. Of course you'd explain the free pair would be when they buy 1 pair...they get the second for free. Once you plant the free pair thing, they're usually on their way to being hooked. I've done the "May I send you a free..." right after the headline. Works wonders. I've even used the "May I send you..." as the headline. I did a post once on here where I mentioned this.

    I'm running out of time, but hopefully you got the quick points I'm making. Headlines need to be bold. Create your own proof for pennies and tell a good story.

    Point I'm making...get bold...get serious and start selling.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9463597].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author NickN
      Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

      If you were to pay my usual upfront fee of $145,000.00 for marketing advice...Bentley payments aren't cheap...this is what I'd tell you right off the bat.
      You should preface every critique you do here with this sentence.
      Signature

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9463629].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author max5ty
        Originally Posted by NickN View Post

        You should preface every critique you do here with this sentence.
        Ok, so I added a 1 in front of it.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9463637].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Bart de K
    Technicalanarchy: Yes, they do work and are $18. It is a one-time investment however, as you can take them out of heels and put them in others.

    Max: Wow! Thank you so much for the response. I'm going to work on it ASAP. Really appreciate you taking some of your valuable time to help me progress!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9463893].message }}

Trending Topics