Would someone be kind enough to ctriticise thse few sentences.
Following the advice of warrior members a short while ago, I have re-written my site incorporating suggestions, thank you for that.
In particular I have re-vamped my home page. (edenworkshops.com)
On my home page I have started with a few sentences to be followed by headlines, I have tried to incorporate such ideas as making only verifable claims. Not blow my own trumpet but let others blow it for me, and empathising with my prospects.
These are the few sentences, I would be very grateful if someone would give an opinion and or suggest changes and why.
The sentences:
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For over 20 years my wife and I ran an EXTRAORDINARY system of craft workshops.
In 1997 the workshops were nominated a National Living Treasure for our contribution to the book arts.
We now bring interesting content and VERIFIABLE EXCEPTIONAL offers of equipment and materials to bookbinders around the world.
We understand that many bookbinders or would be bookbinders are NOT rich people, so we strive to bring GENUINELY EXCEPTIONAL value for money. Do read on.
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Thank you
Richard Norman
Copywriting|Publishing|Training
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Robin Pike
SnaggleFoot-WakeForest
"Sell the Magic of A Dream"
www.DP-Copywriting-Service.com
Copywriting|Publishing|Training
Your Premier Conversion Cooperative
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Direct Response Copywriting
*Breakthrough Marketing Blog (+ goodies) *
CopyWriting Services