Real Product Letter (last request before I try for real)

20 replies
I hope I'm not driving anyone crazy here, but thought I'd take the advice of trying a real product for once.

This is for a water filter I've been using at home the past year or so and is aimed at the more moderate of the preparedness crowd. I took out the name because I'm not sure of the legalities.

Thanks in advance for any replies. I think after this I'll start looking for something real to dip my toes in.

__________________________________________________ ___________________

U.S. DRINKING WATER KILLS 9 ACCORDING TO CDC

Will One Of Your Loved Ones Be The Next Victim?

The Journal of Water and Health reports there were an average of 22.5 waterborne disease outbreaks from drinking water sources each year from 1920-2002.

But it's only getting worse.

According to the CDC there were 33 outbreaks associated with drinking water between 2009 and 2010 (36 from 2007 to 2008). Sadly, most of these outbreaks occurred in Federally regulated public water systems.

That's 33 outbreaks and 9 deaths from drinking water from supposedly safe sources.

Not even Federally regulated water sources are completely safe in what is considered one of the strongest and most advanced countries in the world.

We are at a crossroads.

Americans take it for granted we will always have a safe supply of drinking water but consider this....According to the American Water Works Association, the majority of underground pipes supplying our drinking water are more than 50 years old. Many in the more rural areas have hit the century mark!

According to the AWWA, we are faced with an aging and failing drinking water infrastructure that will cost more than 1 trillion dollars to repair and upgrade over the next 25 years. With so much turmoil in the world and a financial system on the verge of collapse, how sure can we be the money and resources will be available?

It's only a matter of time.

Once the money stops flowing, how long before the system starts shutting down? With no one to "man the pumps", how long before an endless supply of clean, fresh drinking water at the end of your tap is a thing of the past? How will you provide safe water for your loved ones when the taps go dry?

If you're one of the lucky ones you live in an area with abundant sources of water. But imagine how filthy these sources will be when the masses start flocking in. Of course you can always boil the water to make it safe to drink, but how easy will that be?

The EPA says the average American family uses about 300 gallons a day. Between the rising costs of fuel and dwindling resources (assuming they are readily available), how long will you be able to ensure your loved ones have safe water to drink? Clean water to wash with?

How long before your family becomes sick or worse, without a reliable source of clean water?

It's never been easier.

Fortunately, thanks to developments in water filtering techniques purifying water has never been easier. Every family can afford to turn bacteria and virus laden water into pure, clean drinking water in minutes.

At (Company Products), we are dedicated to eliminating one of the biggest causes of death in the world. Bad water.

Using advanced kidney dialysis filtration technology, we developed hollow fiber membrane filters. They are the fastest, easiest, and most cost efficient water filters in the world.

According to independent lab reports, the (product one) removes 99.99999% of all bacteria and 99.9999% of all protozoa. The (product 2) is the only portable purification device to physically remove viruses (99.9997%) as well.

Our system uses gravity to filter contaminated water, making pure drinking water right before your eyes. No chemicals, heat sources or mechanical methods are required.

You can take this system anywhere.

All you need are a couple of buckets and a water supply and you can make an almost endless supply of clean water for your family. In fact, our filters have been tested and verified by the United Nations and have been providing clean water to more than 70 countries throughout the world.

Customer Review
★★★★★5 out of 5 stars.
ScoutLeader
Works amazing.
Bought it at U-Spray in Atlanta. Used it camping at Lake Lanier. Produces more water than the troop of scouts used each day.

Customer Review
★★★★★5 out of 5 stars.
GlobalBeliefProject
Fantastic Product
Our organization purchased 50 of the zero point two filters and brought them to Uganda. We installed them at schools, orphanages, churches, and prisons. They are still working great!

Our Guarantee

We offer a one million gallon guarantee and a limited lifetime warranty against defects. Should the filter fail due to a failure in workmanship, we will repair or replace your unit at our discretion. And with our backflushing technology, you will be able to quickly flush contaminants from the membrane and safely use the filter for decades to come. This means NO REPLACEMENT FILTERS for the life of your product.

Please note, damage due to improper use and care will not be covered. In addition, due to the technology used, there is no safe way to determine damage due to freezing. If you freeze your filter, throw it away and replace it immediately.

Don't wait until it's too late. With world turmoil and our financial stability at stake, do you really want to rely on anyone else to ensure your family has access to a safe water supply?

(Company) filters are portable, inexpensive and can easily provide an almost endless supply of clean water. Get a (Company) filter today and you will be able to provide your loved ones with water that's safe to drink no matter what the world brings you tomorrow.


Causes of Outbreaks Associated with Drinking Water in the United States from 1971 to 2006

http://www.awwa.org/Portals/0/files/...edNoLonger.pdf

Surveillance for Waterborne Disease Outbreaks Associated with Drinking Water and Other Nonrecreational Water -- United States, 2009-2010

http://company.com/technology/water-filtration/

http://www.iwaponline.com/jwh/004/0s19/0040s19.pdf

Water Use Today | WaterSense | US EPA


P.S. If anyone is interested in the water filter name, pm me. It's pretty freaking good.
#letter #product #real #request
  • Profile picture of the author RogozRazvan
    Nine per day? Week? Month? Year.
    First paragraph - not related to me. I’ll think that most people die in poor areas so I don’t need to read what you are saying.
    Third paragraph, you’ve got a point but it is too late and impersonal. You can lead with this in the headline or better yet …

    In (Your area), there has been 51 drinking water related cases in 2013.

    Here are five tips to keep yourself and your kids safe …

    1.

    2.

    3.



    One of the most efficient ways to keep those you love safe from xyz, xyz, xyz is to use an water purification system. Most people don’t invest in one because (objection 1 - cost, no easy to use, lack of education) but if they would know … (explain why unpurified water is dangerous), then they would rush to the nearest store to …

    Then move into showing why your purifier is a good choice. Keep the objections in mind, buying an water purifying device is a change of the status quo, asking them to do things differently.
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    • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
      Originally Posted by RogozRazvan View Post

      Nine per day? Week? Month? Year.
      First paragraph - not related to me. I'll think that most people die in poor areas so I don't need to read what you are saying.
      Third paragraph, you've got a point but it is too late and impersonal. You can lead with this in the headline or better yet ...

      In (Your area), there has been 51 drinking water related cases in 2013.

      Here are five tips to keep yourself and your kids safe ...

      1.

      2.

      3.

      ...

      One of the most efficient ways to keep those you love safe from xyz, xyz, xyz is to use an water purification system. Most people don't invest in one because (objection 1 - cost, no easy to use, lack of education) but if they would know ... (explain why unpurified water is dangerous), then they would rush to the nearest store to ...

      Then move into showing why your purifier is a good choice. Keep the objections in mind, buying an water purifying device is a change of the status quo, asking them to do things differently.
      Thanks, yeah I kept the 9 vague for a reason but I think you are right. That focus should have been moved elsewhere.

      The numbers are all accurate, but a bit vague, because if you think of the population size (and population increase since 1920), not very scary at all, lol. Btw, that's only 9 deaths a year which is why I didn't state the time frame.

      I'd thought the statistics would serve as the scare factor. The reason for showing an urgent need for the product, leading into the facts regarding the current condition of our water supply.

      I can see how it would turn people off too, so will rethink that as well.

      Thanks again
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  • The ultimate "water filter" letters were written by the late great Mr Gary Halbert.

    I'm not suggesting you should "swipe" them.

    But you can't help but get a lot of ideas, techniques and sheer inspiration if you read them.

    You'll find them all on the GH letters website.


    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
      Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

      The ultimate "water filter" letters were written by the late great Mr Gary Halbert.

      I'm not suggesting you should "swipe" them.

      But you can't help but get a lot of ideas, techniques and sheer inspiration if you read them.

      You'll find them all on the GH letters website.


      Steve
      I didn't even think to look for water filter ads. I'll check his site out for those. I've been there quite a bit, but always looking for specific ads. Thanks for the tip.
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    Drinking water could mean a few things. Evian is for drinking right?

    Dirty Tap Water KILLS 9 Americans Every Day: Who Else Wants Crisp Safe Water?


    James
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    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Tracy, I can't help but think this letter/ad is targeted
      to no-one in particular, therefore falls flat.

      Had you targeted prepers, the ones who are on high alert
      for contaminated water, you'd have an answer to a problem
      they are already aware of.

      As is, you are making aware of a problem in which
      they still think it doesn't affect them.

      See the difference in approach now?

      Best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
        Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

        Tracy, I can't help but think this letter/ad is targeted
        to no-one in particular, therefore falls flat.

        Had you targeted prepers, the ones who are on high alert
        for contaminated water, you'd have an answer to a problem
        they are already aware of.

        As is, you are making aware of a problem in which
        they still think it doesn't affect them.

        See the difference in approach now?

        Best,
        Ewen
        Thanks Ewen, and you are right. I'd started out writing it geared more towards preppers but as I kept returning to the company's website for fact checking I sorta moderated the initial goal. They market more to hikers, campers and world travelers, as well as third world aid organizations and I let that influence the writing, diluting my initial target.

        I think what I need to do is get my facts up front, then maybe steer clear of any outside influence once I've decided on my market.
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    • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
      Originally Posted by JamesDLayton View Post

      Drinking water could mean a few things. Evian is for drinking right?

      Dirty Tap Water KILLS 9 Americans Every Day: Who Else Wants Crisp Safe Water?


      James
      That's a good point. I've always thought of drinking water as tap water and anything in a bottle was always just bottled water. Same purpose, but never really connected for some reason.

      So I need to think like the masses (or at least the avatar) and not just myself.
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    True.

    If there was a breaking news article about a chemical spell etc, and you ran the ad (worded differently) in the town/state: Ewen is correct.

    James
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    I agree with Ewen that it's not targeted towards anyone in particular. Did you take any time to research your target audience?

    Feels like you're trying to target the doomsday preppers, but stop short of really doing so.

    The headline is better suited to a news article than a sales piece. Combined with a really boring lead where you're throwing statistics around straight away most people will lose interest.

    Practically nobody in the USA is worried that tap water is going to kill them, so your headline is not connecting with where people are already at.

    Th whole thing feels really heavy-handed and I'm sure you can come up with a more effective way to draw people in.
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    • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
      Originally Posted by Tim R View Post

      I agree with Ewen that it's not targeted towards anyone in particular. Did you take any time to research your target audience?

      Feels like you're trying to target the doomsday preppers, but stop short of really doing so.

      The headline is better suited to a news article than a sales piece. Combined with a really boring lead where you're throwing statistics around straight away most people will lose interest.

      Practically nobody in the USA is worried that tap water is going to kill them, so your headline is not connecting with where people are already at.

      Th whole thing feels really heavy-handed and I'm sure you can come up with a more effective way to draw people in.
      Thanks. You are right. I backed away from the initial target while reading through the companies site.

      I'd have been better off sticking with the main target all the way. I guess I thought I'd have them, then I'd also have those less preparedness minded if I didn't go too far out there.

      I could have put a lot more current events into it with a touch of political drama to push more pain/fear buttons for those with a more prepper focus.

      And I noticed when replying, you commented on the statistics not Rogoz, so thanks for pointing it out. I'll keep it in mind for future writing.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Tracy, I'm not kidding when I say go write out that Blu Blocker ad someone posted up. By hand. 3 times. Then come back this.

    See if that doesn't make a difference for you.

    - Rick Duris
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    • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
      Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

      Tracy, I'm not kidding when I say go write out that Blu Blocker ad someone posted up. By hand. 3 times. Then come back this.

      See if that doesn't make a difference for you.

      - Rick Duris
      Funny you should say that. I was planning on writing it out today
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomasOMalley
    Just write your ad and put it out there...or else you have a serious case of analysis by paralysis and your career will be over before it even started.
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  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    Never forget a call to action. You hint strongly that you want them to buy. Several times in fact. You even offer them a guarantee.

    But no actual offer. No time frame. You've GOT to tell them to take action and how to take action. And you've got to be crystal clear about it.
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    • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
      Originally Posted by angiecolee View Post

      Never forget a call to action. You hint strongly that you want them to buy. Several times in fact. You even offer them a guarantee.

      But no actual offer. No time frame. You've GOT to tell them to take action and how to take action. And you've got to be crystal clear about it.
      Thanks Angie, I had thought the way I wrote it would make it less sales-y and more like the person had decided on their own. I can see it was too weak now.
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  • Profile picture of the author IDoTheLegWork
    Here's some scary stuff you can draw on:

    Cysts in Drinking Water - Universal Water.

    As for the copy, for me it lacked believability, urgency and
    connection. I like my tap water but pur grabbed me by the
    throat and got me to filter with one word: microbial-cyst.
    What the hell is that?! and why is it in my water? and I sure
    as hell don't want them inside me. They didn't even have
    to tell me what it was. They just told me that, by clicking
    a simple device on my faucet they would be gone! when I
    looked it up and found the article linked above -- case closed
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    • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
      Originally Posted by IDoTheLegWork View Post

      Here's some scary stuff you can draw on:

      Cysts in Drinking Water - Universal Water.

      As for the copy, for me it lacked believability, urgency and
      connection. I like my tap water but pur grabbed me by the
      throat and got me to filter with one word: microbial-cyst.
      What the hell is that?! and why is it in my water? and I sure
      as hell don't want them inside me. They didn't even have
      to tell me what it was. They just told me that, by clicking
      a simple device on my faucet they would be gone! when I
      looked it up and found the article linked above -- case closed
      Thank you.

      In the researching I was doing they talked about the numbers of people getting sick and being hospitalized, etc. The numbers of course, were much larger than those who died, etc. and that probably would have been much more compelling and applicable to a wider audience.

      Not saying I should have been trying to reach a larger audience necessarily, just that it probably would have been much more effective.

      Thanks for giving me something to think about.
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  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    You're going to have to let go of avoiding being "salesy".

    Sales are how you make money, and if you're selling them what they want, it's not like you're trying to trick them. Always ask for an action. Could be to call/wrote for info, could be attending a webinar or downloading a report. Could be buying something. They take action, they're more likely to be in your corner when it comes time to reach for the wallet.
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    • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
      You are right yet again, lol.

      I need to learn to balance the art of selling and hype, etc. and get to the point I can do so in a more compelling way.

      Thanks yet again.
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