Would anyone be willing to provide feedback on a marketing email?

by Sienicwi 10 replies
I started a new job and everything is honestly a little weird there. My boss randomly decided to redo this entire email- mind you, he isn't a marketer, and he didn't just have me redo it or change stuff, he literally redid it himself. Anyway, I'm just wondering if it's a good email or not and how I could improve in the future.
#email marketing #email #feedback #marketing #provide
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  • Profile picture of the author helisell
    So....can we see the email?
    Signature

    Making Calls To Sell Something? What are you actually saying?
    Is there any room for improvement? Want to find out?

    Say This Instead

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  • Profile picture of the author AlexisAdv
    we are ready to give you some feedback concerning your email if you provide it
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  • Profile picture of the author Sienicwi
    Yes, I just couldn't figure out how to post an image via mobile last night. I will post it momentarily
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    • Profile picture of the author Sienicwi
      I sent you guys messages, for some reason it wouldn't post here. Hopefully you can see it there. Thank you for your help.
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  • Profile picture of the author dragoshs
    You have to provide that email first
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    • Profile picture of the author Sienicwi
      I will send it to you. For some reason the URL won't post here.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sienicwi
    https://pix.sfly.com/YehOc9 This url goes to the image version of my email, so you can see exactly what it looks like. The text reads:
    Come see us! Telenotes is excited to announce we will be at STAFDA 2017. If you haven't seen us before, we would love to show you the CRM that your sales people will love. This year, in addition to the incredible software and service we have always offered, we will be debuting our new leads and routes app feature as well! Whether you're a small company, a large company, or anything in between, we want to see you at booth TF6!
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  • Profile picture of the author ak432
    Thank you for taking the time to read this

    Self-taught newbie who's building a portfolio here, I would greatly appreciate feed back on my first b2b cold email I wrote.

    Context- Imagine you own a market place where British retailers, suppliers and wholesalers can build relationships. The campaign's aim is to get marketing managers to check an info-graphic or call up a number to discuss the marketing opportunity.


    Without further or do here is the email with subject lines included



    3 possible Subject lines for the email:

    1. Gateway to UK retailers and Wholesalers
    2. Advertise to 40% of the top retailers and 400 wholesalers
    3. Access top UK retailers with this info graphic


    To the marketing manager (marketing director),

    This is a quick note about how you can market to 65,000 retailers and 400 wholesalers.

    We are offering you access to a database where buyers are purchasing branded and exclusive goods to sell on their retail and eCommerce sites.
    90% of the buyers are based in the UK!

    Offer bespoke goods?

    You may fit the bill as a supplier.

    Keep your marketing message consistent and keep your brand tone-of-voice by providing content for us to forward to qualified leads.

    Check out our info graphic to learn more about how you can take advantage of this offer.


    Alternatively call us on [number] and have your goods and services introduced to 40% of the top retailers in the UK.

    Yours Sincerely

    [Sender]
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    • Profile picture of the author DIABL0
      Originally Posted by ak432 View Post

      Thank you for taking the time to read this

      Self-taught newbie who's building a portfolio here, I would greatly appreciate feed back on my first b2b cold email I wrote.

      Context- Imagine you own a market place where British retailers, suppliers and wholesalers can build relationships. The campaign's aim is to get marketing managers to check an info-graphic or call up a number to discuss the marketing opportunity.


      Without further or do here is the email with subject lines included



      3 possible Subject lines for the email:

      1. Gateway to UK retailers and Wholesalers
      2. Advertise to 40% of the top retailers and 400 wholesalers
      3. Access top UK retailers with this info graphic


      To the marketing manager (marketing director),

      This is a quick note about how you can market to 65,000 retailers and 400 wholesalers.

      We are offering you access to a database where buyers are purchasing branded and exclusive goods to sell on their retail and eCommerce sites.
      90% of the buyers are based in the UK!

      Offer bespoke goods?

      You may fit the bill as a supplier.

      Keep your marketing message consistent and keep your brand tone-of-voice by providing content for us to forward to qualified leads.

      Check out our info graphic to learn more about how you can take advantage of this offer.


      Alternatively call us on [number] and have your goods and services introduced to 40% of the top retailers in the UK.

      Yours Sincerely

      [Sender]
      I don't do a lot of B2B cold emails.

      When I have, I never sent an offer.

      I tried to make a connection by asking a question that was likely to get a positive response / yes that warmed things up.
      Signature
      How to Build HUGE EMAIL LISTS on a BUDGET and MONETIZE Like a PRO
      17+ Years Exp . . . . . .. . . . . . Email Monetization
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      • Profile picture of the author ak432
        Interesting thanks for the reply
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