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Need some feedback on sales letter

by edwardboey
3 replies
Hi guys,

I need some help on your feedback on the sales letter that i have here:
Get Astutexperience Today!! Get Discount to over 12,000 hotels all around the world!!

How can i improve on this, and do you think people would buy it?

Thanks,

Best regards,
Edward
#feedback #letter #sales
  • Profile picture of the author sandrasims
    Honestly? I would not buy it. There are way to many low-cost travel companies, travel deal sites, Travelzoo, etc. for me as a consumer to go to for good travel deals without buying a membership.

    On the other hand, I DO have a membership in a time-share. But it is Hilton. These big companies have a big budget for online and offline marketing to get people like me interested and to buy. They have a lot of benefits, great properties, and amazing service from a trusted brand. Those are some of the reasons I bought it.

    Sorry!
    Signature
    Sandra Sims

    Established marketing services website - view my Flippa website auction here!
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  • Profile picture of the author jaiper
    1. Benefits (such as: discounts) should be higher on the page and attention grabbing.
    2. Lack of social proof. You need testimonials, preferably with photos, and maybe links to social sites.
    3. Top banner and text unaligned/disconnected. Looks unprofessional.

    Hope it helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author Viramara
    nice offer, but it's lacking of specificity....sometimes the customers too will ask "what's the catch? this is too good to be true..."
    it's just too generic for me. you might want to add the hotels logo you're JV-ing with...their brand can tantalize your product. and some testimonials. maybe your photo too, because $150 upfront is not a small amount for "average Joe and Jane"
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