Looking for some honest critiques...

Thank you Ross for your input.

I will look into finding some images that would be relevant to the page. At least I think that is what you are suggesting. I had thought about that originally because I felt that the page was fairly long and wordy but could not picture in my head what type of images would be consistent with a page about keywords.

I appreciate your critique!

Dave

Hi Brooke,
Thanks for your thoughts on my site. I will certainly look into changing the font as I agree that it needs to be larger. And of course the graphics that everyone is making note of. I know the copy needs to be in shorter increments so I will work on that but will take some doing.

As for your site, this is what I found.

"wonder why their conversion rates are so derisory". I think I would try to find another adjective to use in place of derisory.

"What you urgently need is splendid high-quality real-life buying traffic with people visiting your domain from all four corners of the globe.
But that's about to change (though only for a few noble individuals)..." While I understand the point that you are making, the flow of the copy from one sentence to the next seems to be contradictory. The first sentence says this is what you need...followed by the next sentence stating, "But that's about to change..."

"you've been suspecting that there's a better way to majestically attract visitors to your websites," Maybe it's just a personal thing but I'm not sure majestically fits in properly here. Possibly just delete the adjective altogether.

How Will You Use Max Traffic To
Dominate The Traffic You Desire? Again, maybe it's just me and my vernacular but dominate doesn't seem to fit here.

"Stop Working for Google Start Making Google Work for You" I would either make this two sentences or just add "and" in the middle.

"Good Traffic Bad Traffic" or "Good Traffic vs Bad Traffic"

"Since I'm describing the approach AND providing the Part II book which is capable of providing thousands, I should probably charge around $1500-$2000" thousands...of what? visitors, dollars?

"However, for the next few weeks this book is in a post-launch phase and during this time I'm inviting some of the populace to get their greedy hands on the product as a steal."
I think you meant pre-launch phase. And I'm not so sure you should be calling your prospective buyers "greedy".

"For those of you who are ready to start bring in the Maximum Traffic you can..." bringing in

"are well need added techniques you shouldn't leave out." are well need added?

"Some people say use it some say don't, with our Max Traffic book you'll have all the techniques that you won't need to use it." I guess my thought is why give it as a bonus if you are saying that I won't need to use it.

"As you read this page right now this could well be your
one and only chance to get your hands on the hottest
traffic generation tool soon to be
available..." As I read this page right now...my one and only chance to get...something that is not even available right now?

"so really do have absolutely nothing to lose?!" so you really do have absolutely nothing to lose!

"I hope you make the right choice and begin your way to the Maximum Traffic you can have!"
I would say rewrite this or delete it altogether. Don't say I hope...just tell them to make the right choice.

Okay now. I know this is a lot of stuff and I hope you don't take it wrong. When I critique something I give my honest opinion of things that stand out to me in hopes that it will help someone else in their marketing attempts. But I am in no way shape or form even remotely an expert or even qualified, so take it for what it's worth and use what you can. I have heard many copywriters say that you should write in your own words and speech pattern. I believe they were mostly referring to emails that are sent when communicating with your list of subscribers. I think web pages need to be more polished... and a lot too I imagine will depend on what geographical market you are targeting. It surprised me to see that you are in Kentucky. When reading your copy and the adjectives you chose, such as princely, majestically etc., I would have guessed that you were in England. Anyway, hope this helps some and best of luck with your site.
Dave

Hi Teresa,

Thanks for your input. I have read back through the copy and did find one grammatical error but I guess I am at a loss to the error in the second main header. Could you point it out to me please? I will have to work on the length of some of those sentences.

Dave

Thanks Janet. I changed it and it does look better. I had been thinking about a different color and was thinking about a light yellow but when I compared it to the light gray, the gray looked better. Thanks for the suggestion.

Dave

Hi Dave

I have completed many keyword lists for warriors in the past and I would advise that custom keyword lists are the way to go as I still have clients from a few years ago, but I don't have the time to offer this service anymore as it can be pretty time consuming unless you are using automated tools and charging a reasonable rate per list.

Offering a free list for customers to check out works well or maybe a screenshot of the lists highlighting the low competition keywords that you have found.

Good luck with your site, you should run a WSO and see how much demand is out there but I think it's pretty competitive as many of the more advanced keyword tools and even the adwords external tool offer some great data now.