Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

by Steven Wagenheim 30 replies
I'm not easy to get along with. I have very strong opinions about things and
at times that tends to tick people off.

As a result, I've lost several relationships with other marketers, or severely
hurt them. This may have, in the long run, cost me a lot of money.

I am also stubborn in my ways. I am only now starting to do things that I
would have never considered a year or so ago. Again, that kind of thinking
can be destructive to your success.

I am also not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree and tend to shoot
off my mouth with some of the most unbelievable clap trap you've ever
heard. This too has cost me friendships in my personal life as well as my
business life.

In this respect, I am, in many ways, my own worst enemy. My only
saving grace is that I recognize these faults which at least gives me a
chance to correct them...provided I'm not too stubborn and/or stupid to
do that.

What about you? Are you also your own worst enemy or are you the
perfect social animal? Can you worm your way into somebody's heart or
bank account with the blink of an eye? Do you say and do all the right
things? Are you indeed the golden child?

If not, you might want to take stock of your strengths and weaknesses.

And I'm not talking about things like...

"I'm a lousy copywriter"

"I can't design websites"

"I'm terrible with article writing"

All these things can be learned. I'm talking about things that are more
generic, such as interpersonal skills.

Because like it or not, a lot of this business is interacting with others. So if
you can't open your mouth without making most people want to shove
their fist in your face, you've got a real problem.

I am speaking from experience.

So, what do YOU have to work on to better yourself as a person who can
interact better with those around you?
#main internet marketing discussion forum #enemy #worst
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  • Profile picture of the author rwil02
    Excessive Focus Disorder (Just made that up)

    I have a real problem focussing on people. TV on? I'm lost in it. Written material lying around? I have to read it.
    And while I'm doing that, I can't even hear people.

    Then again, I'm a computer programmer, I probably have at least 3 of the 7 signs of autism , practically an occupational requirement.
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    • Profile picture of the author Takuya Hikichi
      Procrastination for me.

      If I have list of things I need to do, I must do what's most important first as explained in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (First Things First).

      So a few days, few weeks or even few months or few years go by, I still have things that I haven't done that I've been meaning to do.

      Like cleaning up all the boxes in the garage that I shipped from Hawaii four years ago when I moved to Vegas. I thought I needed them so I shipped, and I still haven't touched some of those boxes.
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    • Profile picture of the author Daniel Molano
      Yes Steven, I must also admit I am my own worst enemy in this respect. I am stubborn as hell and sometimes a bit arrogant, just to name a few.

      I am also well aware that accepting the fact that I have this "personality defects" will help me overcome them and maybe even use them to my advantage during my personal evolution.

      I believe knowing yourself is a vital and essential 'key' to success in any given area and accepting and working WITH your faults is a huge part of it.

      On the other hand, sometimes these faults will come out and there is nothing you can do about that, it happens to the best of us.

      Good post,

      Daniel
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      • Profile picture of the author Mike Williams
        Excellent and timely post!
        For me it's overcoming my shyness and being more outgoing.
        The internet is a great place for shy people, but soon we'll all have to get over it because people want to see your face, hear your voice and know everything about you before they want to do business with you.
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        • Profile picture of the author Chaiwriter
          Good post is right.

          I am my own worst enemy. And the #1 problem I have is trying to do too much and not doing first things first. Plus I'm very organizationally challenged. Very. I guess the two go hand-in-hand.

          That's just to name a couple.

          Chai
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        • Profile picture of the author thatgirlJ
          I need to be more bold in my interactions and not take things to heart so much. Let's face it, IM is dominated by males. If I want to "run with the big dogs" I've got to get a thicker skin

          (be nice to me )
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          • Profile picture of the author vorales
            Yea sometimes when devil take charge of our minds and we cannot differenciate what is wright and what is wrong.

            Anger is our own worst Enemy.

            One must learn how to control Anger,If you control Anger than you there would be no Enemy.
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            • Profile picture of the author sylviad
              Oh, no. I really didn't want to do this.

              Like Steven, I can't keep my mouth shut. If I could only take back all those posts where I blurted out far more than anyone needs or wants to know about my life. Not good for business to reveal all your weaknesses. Even worse to demonstrate your inappropriate social skills.

              That, and my excessive procrastination, lack of discipline and poor organizational skills make me my own worst enemy. I've found to-do lists dating back to the 1980s that haven't been completed yet.

              And Takuya thought HE was bad with boxes sitting for 4 years. I have boxes dating way back to when I left home... in 1969! S'true! Shocks even me, sometimes.

              Sylvia
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              • Profile picture of the author GrantFreeman
                Originally Posted by sylviad View Post

                Oh, no. I really didn't want to do this.

                Like Steven, I can't keep my mouth shut. If I could only take back all those posts where I blurted out far more than anyone needs or wants to know about my life. Not good for business to reveal all your weaknesses. Even worse to demonstrate your inappropriate social skills.

                That, and my excessive procrastination, lack of discipline and poor organizational skills make me my own worst enemy. I've found to-do lists dating back to the 1980s that haven't been completed yet.

                And Takuya thought HE was bad with boxes sitting for 4 years. I have boxes dating way back to when I left home... in 1969! S'true! Shocks even me, sometimes.

                Sylvia
                ^^^ Her favorite color is purple. Not the blueish kind, but the reddish colored purple.


                G
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                • Profile picture of the author JayXtreme
                  No Waggerz...

                  YOU are my worst enemy.. YOU Steven Wagenheim... are my worst enemy and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next...



                  Just playin... great post as per Steve

                  Peace

                  Jay
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                  Bare Murkage.........

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                • Profile picture of the author sylviad
                  Originally Posted by GrantFreeman View Post

                  ^^^ Her favorite color is purple. Not the blueish kind, but the reddish colored purple.


                  G
                  Er... Ok. I'm thick. I don't get it.
                  Oh! You mean THAT purple?
                  Must be, cz the other one would be red.

                  Sylvia
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          • Profile picture of the author lilmechante01
            Originally Posted by Jenn Dize View Post

            I need to be more bold in my interactions and not take things to heart so much. Let's face it, IM is dominated by males. If I want to "run with the big dogs" I've got to get a thicker skin

            (be nice to me )
            Jenn,
            Well, I'm gonna come to you from the heart on this one Your post really made me reflect about taking things to heart, and I wanted to share some insight I've gained recently.

            Most of the time when we "take things to heart" especially if they have any negativity attached to them, it is actually a response from the ego-which is a fear-based, self-defensive mechanism that can cause us to doubt ourselves and our self worth, question our abilities/skills, prevent us from seeing the bigger picture and the things influencing it, and shelter us from seeing what is truly in our heart-which is the only place the REAL truth exists.

            Being thick-skinned can be either constructive or destructive and self-defeating depending on what it is based on. If taking the approach of being thick-skinned is based on what you know to be true in your heart after much reflection, what you truly believe is worth fighting for, and it serves a purpose for the benefit of the greater good, then it is constructive. BUT, if becoming thick-skinned is a result of things that have happened in the past and you are allowing it to direct your life because hurt, disappointments, and failure have calloused you from seeing what it truly in your heart, then it is destructive because it can build such a barrier and false sense of self that sometimes you fail to recognize some of the most precious gifts life is giving you.

            I won't go into details because it would probably seem very far-fetched to some, but I experienced something today more profound than I ever have in my entire life. Heck, it's hard for me to fathom myself but a very clear "lesson" did come from it (some of which I touched upon above)...The ego, no matter how well you think you understand it and can recognize when it's in play so you can try to control it (if you choose to--which believe me, I try to) has a way of disguising doubt as what seems to be the truth; and it took a VERY extremely intense experience for me to understand just how much I've been my own worst enemy lately.

            Namaste
            bj
            P.S. YOU GO GIRL!! Show everyone you're up for the challenge
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        • Profile picture of the author aditya1107
          I think there's only one area where I lack is that I'm very lazy..... But I'm working to come over it now.
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      • Profile picture of the author GrantFreeman
        Good thoughts Steven.

        I think this is true for lots of people. Just some are more honest with themselves and where they are than others. Some people will never admit it.

        Some people will realize their mistakes because they are just sick of repeating them, others pick up on it sooner and make positive changes to perform better.

        But I think we all, in some point in our lives, realize that if we just got out of our own way, getting the things we want in life could be a whole lot easier.

        The getting out of the way part of this is the challenge. The ego does a wonderful job of hiding this truth.

        Me? I often bite off more than I can chew. And recently my focus on taking one site at a time has been crap. There's more, but this server can only take so much data.

        Grant
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    • Profile picture of the author ShayB
      Originally Posted by rwil02 View Post


      Then again, I'm a computer programmer, I probably have at least 3 of the 7 signs of autism , practically an occupational requirement.

      OK - this is OT. Sorry.


      I have friends who are engineers. The first time they saw my son (who was 2 at the time) line his toys up in rows, they told me he is a future engineer.

      Both of my boys do quirky stuff like that - my friends assure me these behaviors are just about a prerequisite for the job....not to worry about it!

      Back to the originally scheduled thread.....
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  • Awwww...c'mon, Steven. It's so much fun watching you and Les needling each other on the forum. Don't give that up; what would we do for entertainment around here? :p

    Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

    I'm not easy to get along with. I have very strong opinions about things and
    at times that tends to tick people off.

    As a result, I've lost several relationships with other marketers, or severely
    hurt them. This may have, in the long run, cost me a lot of money.

    I am also stubborn in my ways. I am only now starting to do things that I
    would have never considered a year or so ago. Again, that kind of thinking
    can be destructive to your success.

    I am also not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree and tend to shoot
    off my mouth with some of the most unbelievable clap trap you've ever
    heard. This too has cost me friendships in my personal life as well as my
    business life.

    In this respect, I am, in many ways, my own worst enemy. My only
    saving grace is that I recognize these faults which at least gives me a
    chance to correct them...provided I'm not too stubborn and/or stupid to
    do that.

    What about you? Are you also your own worst enemy or are you the
    perfect social animal? Can you worm your way into somebody's heart or
    bank account with the blink of an eye? Do you say and do all the right
    things? Are you indeed the golden child?

    If not, you might want to take stock of your strengths and weaknesses.

    And I'm not talking about things like...

    "I'm a lousy copywriter"

    "I can't design websites"

    "I'm terrible with article writing"

    All these things can be learned. I'm talking about things that are more
    generic, such as interpersonal skills.

    Because like it or not, a lot of this business is interacting with others. So if
    you can't open your mouth without making most people want to shove
    their fist in your face, you've got a real problem.

    I am speaking from experience.

    So, what do YOU have to work on to better yourself as a person who can
    interact better with those around you?
    Signature
    -----------------------------------------


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    • Profile picture of the author Peter Bestel
      It will be interesting to see how many replies and views this thread gets, cos it's important and, if you care to take the trouble to identify your own strengths and weaknesses, as Big Mike said, you can turn your weaknesses into strengths.

      For me, the biggest weakness I deal with and try to use to my advantage, (it helps with research sometimes) is procrastination and seeing a project through to the end.

      But I'm getting ov
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      • Profile picture of the author SandyDuPlessis
        I don't think I like this topic! It makes me consider things that I don't want to think about.

        My biggest problem (particularly in IM) is my lack of self confidence as regards my knowledge. I never feel that I know enough to offer comments or help and so I end up lurking, buying WSO after WSO, trawling the forum and the web for more and more knowledge that I dont know how to put to best use.

        I also tend to start things but then not finish them, because I feel that they are not good enough and so I trash something that is probably quite good, and start the next.

        Concentration is another big problem, my mind tends to dart around from one thing to the next and tying myself down to finish something that I find boring (like cleaning house or filing) takes one heck of a lot of will power.

        On the other hand when I do find something that really grabs my attention, I will go overboard and work 18 hours a day - and the rest of my life has to sit on the sidelines and sulk.

        I do have a good sense of humor though and can be a generous and loyal friend (even if it is to the point of stupidity sometimes).

        When I get started, I also talk to much!

        Oh dear......

        I told you I didn't like this topic!
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        • Profile picture of the author strive4impact
          I think I'm learning to systemize (systematize? Which is correct?) things, which has been helpful for me...

          I guess that I don't like routine, and I don't like to only have one or two things going on (apparently that's the case,) because it always seems like I have about 100 different projects running at the same time.

          I think if I focused on one or two things, I would have a lot more success, but then, being involved in lots of things has brought great success as well.

          Hmmm...

          What do I have to do... the biggest thing? Get off my computer every night by 11:30, and review what I want to get done the next day, and take time to write.

          Then, I have to start every day by reviewing my list from the night before and prioritizing it.

          If I can get good at doing that on a daily basis, I'm sure that I will move along much more quickly.

          Very cool and thought provoking question. Thanks for asking it!
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          • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
            Wow, I can't believe all the replies to this thing when I got up this morning.

            Jenn, I want to reply to your post in particular.

            I think you're fantastic. There is nothing wrong with your personality as it
            comes across in this forum and you always struck me as being a strong
            willed and successful marketer...female or otherwise.

            That's another thing that this thread made me realize. Sometimes we see
            ourselves differently than others see us and what we perceive to be a
            weakness, others see as a strength.

            Very interesting stuff here...Keep it coming.
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            • Profile picture of the author BIG Mike
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              • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
                Originally Posted by BIG Mike View Post

                I forgot to mention that while I'm happy being me, I'm happier not being Steven
                Me too because then I'd be a big fat Greek sitting around on my arse getting
                drunk all day.

                How can I churn out tons of articles while I'm inebriated?
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                • Profile picture of the author Kay King
                  Sometimes we see ourselves differently than others see us and what we perceive to be a weakness, others see as a strength.
                  Steven - maybe that's the key to it. We are often surprised to find that others see our strengths and not our weaknesses.

                  Like Sylvia, I'm great at making to-do lists - not great on following through with them. My weakest point may be that I'm not comfortable doing something new until I fully understand it - it's a weakness because often we learn just by doing, not by thinking.

                  There's a little voice from childhood in the back of my mind saying "You can't do this or that" and it seems like every time I become confident of what I'm doing, I get into trouble with one thing or another or get stuck on a technical issue and that little voice says "told you so". I talk back to myself a lot!

                  kay
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                • Profile picture of the author BIG Mike
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                  • Profile picture of the author naruq
                    Excellent Post Steven!Sometimes I feel that I am to intense. I sometimes get a little agitated when people try to waste my time.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Flask
                    Is it just me, or do you see some of yourself in all these
                    other replies?

                    Darn near ever post I read has another poster revealing
                    a weakness of mine that I have not identified as being
                    a weakness or just not willing to admit to it.

                    Always battling my own self imposed inner demons of
                    not being good enough, not knowing enough, always
                    wanting to have everything planned out and in place
                    before making any decisions or taking action. Never
                    getting anywhere, never growing further.

                    Seeing others in this thread dealing with some of the
                    same things I deal with, and seeing them succeeding
                    and moving ahead, I certainly can gain more confidence
                    in myself and my abilities.

                    I'm sure others can as well from this.

                    I am currently reading "The Sedona Method". There is
                    a technique used that is known as releasing. Essentially,
                    you release or let go of a feeling you no longer want to have.

                    But the kicker I found is, you need to replace that feeling with
                    one you do want. For me it's lack of self confidence and replacing
                    it with being more confident.

                    Imagine how liberating it would be if you can shed those self imposed
                    limitations and started feeling better about yourself.

                    All the best,

                    Kevin
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                    • Profile picture of the author Peter Bestel
                      Originally Posted by Jestem ja View Post

                      Imagine how liberating it would be if you can shed those self imposed limitations and started feeling better about yourself
                      Imagine that.

                      Go on.

                      Imagine that.

                      What's it like? What's this new you like?

                      How do you act now?

                      Just how much better do you feel about yourself?

                      Whatever your imagine you can be, you can be.
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                      • Profile picture of the author sylviad
                        Originally Posted by Peter Bestel View Post

                        Imagine that.

                        Go on.

                        Imagine that.

                        What's it like? What's this new you like?

                        How do you act now?

                        Just how much better do you feel about yourself?

                        Whatever your imagine you can be, you can be.
                        I no longer recognize who I was the first 25 years of my life - painfully shy, absolutely no confidence, always worrying about what other people thought about me, feeling "stupid" because of my limited education and no chance of moving up in my career, afraid of people in power (bosses, supervisors, the town Mayor, etc.) and almost everyone else, afraid to go far from home... The fact is, I really didn't like myself much. This eventually led to severe anxiety and panic attacks (with depression thrown in for good measure) that took over my life for 8 years or more.

                        Today, I am pretty much the opposite of all those things. Fact is, I'm so far over now that I believe I've gone too far. I've developed the attitude that this is me, if you don't like it, that's your problem because I now accept who I am and your opinion doesn't much matter anymore.

                        Overall, I feel 100% better about myself - I'm comfortable with who I am - I can travel great distances, I know I'm smart and can learn almost anything, and I no longer fear people as I did all those years.

                        It's a great feeling to be rid of that burden and know that the world is my oyster. I'm over the anxiety. Now if I could just get over the ADD, laziness and procrastination, I'd be able to take it the next step and become rich! Hopefully, before I die cuz I don't know what I'll do with it after.

                        Sylvia
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                        • Profile picture of the author Peter Bestel
                          Sylvia I hope you quoted me because you agreed with me! ?

                          Originally Posted by sylviad View Post

                          Now if I could just get over the ADD, laziness and procrastination, I'd be able to take it the next step and become rich! Hopefully, before I die cuz I don't know what I'll do with it after.

                          Sylvia
                          Frank Kern apparently has ADD, as does Jason Moffat, I believe. A lot of top marketers would describe themselves as 'lazy' - ie they like to do as little as possible for the most return (I'd call it efficient, but it doesn't have the same je ne sais quoi)

                          Simply, stop with the procrastination now and you are sorted.

                          Glad this will help.

                          Peter
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                          • Profile picture of the author sylviad
                            Originally Posted by Peter Bestel View Post

                            Sylvia I hope you quoted me because you agreed with me! ?



                            Frank Kern apparently has ADD, as does Jason Moffat, I believe. A lot of top marketers would describe themselves as 'lazy' - ie they like to do as little as possible for the most return (I'd call it efficient, but it doesn't have the same je ne sais quoi)

                            Simply, stop with the procrastination now and you are sorted.

                            Glad this will help.

                            Peter
                            Yes, I was agreeing with you. When corresponding with other anxiety-sufferers, I can't help feeling helpless because it's difficult for them to see the possibilities. Having gone through it all, I know what can be accomplished, and it's absolutely amazing. Of course, it all starts with motivation and having a strong desire to improve. That's where my strong will comes in handy. My mother called it stubborn.

                            But as far as being ADD... I'm really not, in the medical sense. My distractions are mostly based on a desire to learn new things, try new things, experience new things. Unfortunately, it means I quickly drop what I'm doing to check things out and on occasion, never get back to the original task.

                            True... from this thread it appears there are common traits among Warriors, including being lazy, disorganized and easily distracted. Funny, since these are the exact opposites of what you need to succeed. It would be interesting to see if the successful marketers share these traits. I'm guessing... not.

                            Sylvia
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  • Profile picture of the author Emailrevealer
    Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

    I'm not easy to get along with. I have very strong opinions about things and
    at times that tends to tick people off.
    Boy I can really relate to this first part.
    I once went to a therapist to try to develop better skills in getting along with people. I swear I wound up arguing with this guy at every session and we wound up hating eachother.
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  • Profile picture of the author Scott Ames
    Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

    I'm not easy to get along with. I have very strong opinions about things and at times that tends to tick people off.
    You're from Jersey.. that is to be expected

    jk
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    Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

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