A Blackcat Method for Insane Offline Cash [Satire]

by GeorgR. 5 replies
A few days ago, my wife and me went for a walk, and we passed that house again. In front of the house, on the sidewalk, there was this very pretty cat. It's a siamese cat with a short tail, not something you see any day. Very pretty. (As a side note, we have three cats ourselves, but those are "normal" cats and not fancy once like that one)

The cat was all over us, it actually followed us for a while on the sidewalk.

My wife came up with a genius idea:

How about...if we go around in the neighborhood and "collect" all those cats and hold them for ransom?

We could make flyers aka "Cat found!", without being too specific...and then put those flyers up in the grocery store or in phone booths...

People would call us because they're missing their fancy cats...and...what luck they're in..we found 'em!

Sometimes i am amazed...my wife certainly would make a great marketer

There are certain things you can do to max your offline blackcat profits:

If the cat owners visit or call you.... say things like"wow..that cat surely was hungry. We're glad you called us today, otherwise we might end up in the poorhouse over those amounts of catfood she chowed down...."

Or you could even tell some story how the cat ended up in your house, all dirty and with bugs...and how you rushed to the vet for shots, things like that. --> $$$

Ok...this is satire now. Don't get me wrong. We love cats, we would never catnip...uhm, i mean kidnap a cat.

But today we actually *really* had a meowing cat waking us up at 6:00am in the morning. As if our three are not enough. ( Believe me, they're a handful! )

So, i am going outside and there is a little black cat in the hallway, meowing like crazy right in front of OUR door. Of course, we let her in. She sniffs around a bit, then decides to lie down in our bed.

A few hours later...someone rings at the door.

It's two kids asking whether we might have found a cat, a little black one.

"Yes!" i am saying...and the two kids are all happy and the girl is actually crying as i am handing over that little cat to them!

A few hours later, another ring...and the kids come back and give us a little box of chocolate as a "thank you" that we had their cat.

Proof that the blackcat method works! It might start with a box of chocolate first...then more..i am positive this can be made into a very profitable business

G.
#main internet marketing discussion forum #blackcat #cash #insane #method #offline #satire
Avatar of Unregistered
  • Profile picture of the author Pete Egeler
    There's no doubt about it, George. You've hit pay dirt!

    Cats are just the beginning. Next you can move to dogs, phat little hamsters, and even a stray song bird or two.

    Who knows? You can store-house all those fine rewards you get, then turn around and sell 'em off on eBay.

    You'll soon be a multi-gazillionaire.

    Move slowly though. You'll want to build your reputation so you can move on to bigger and better things. Lost hub caps, spare tires along the road. It boggles my mind.

    Pete
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1026442].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author MarkH45
      Originally Posted by Pete Egeler View Post

      There's no doubt about it, George. You've hit pay dirt!

      Cats are just the beginning. Next you can move to dogs, phat little hamsters, and even a stray song bird or two.

      Who knows? You can store-house all those fine rewards you get, then turn around and sell 'em off on eBay.

      You'll soon be a multi-gazillionaire.

      Move slowly though. You'll want to build your reputation so you can move on to bigger and better things. Lost hub caps, spare tires along the road. It boggles my mind.

      Pete
      I'd have to agree with Pete, this is definitely scalable...
      Signature
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1026738].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author rapidscc
    can this be applied to parallel markets like dog's perhaps?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1026772].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author John Taylor
    George,

    Originally Posted by GeorgR. View Post

    How about...if we go around in the neighborhood and "collect" all those cats and hold them for ransom?
    Watch out for the FBI.. they'll probably charge
    you with a feliney.

    John
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1026787].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Steven Fullman
      Originally Posted by John Taylor View Post

      George,



      Watch out for the FBI.. they'll probably charge
      you with a feliney.

      John
      John,

      Too much Tom-foolery and Jerry-mandering for my taste...

      Steve
      Signature

      Not promoting right now

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1026816].message }}
Avatar of Unregistered

Trending Topics