How could this squeeze page be made better?

Hi. Just a few things that caught my attention:

1) I'm not sure if that Warning line at the top is useful. For me it seemed to be a flow-breaker. I think if you just moved the Discover The 5 Fitness Tips... up it might flow better.

2) I'm not sure if this wordy paragraph is even helpful. I would either shorten it and have more customer benefits or perhaps remove it completely.

"You must be tired of all the rhetoric regarding fatloss. One person says this, another says that, it's enough to make you decide whether you need a degree in nutritional biochemistry just to lose the weight that you want.

Unless you somehow earn a degree in nutrition... here's a small sample of what you're about to discover here (for free) today:"

3) On the one hand I like the overall "quiet" look. Kinda nice for a change. However, the bullet points don't stand out. I would make those fonts a little bigger or perhaps a different color.

4) Some typos.

a) Missing end quote for "Discover The 5 Fitness Tips.

b) Second bullet point -- "keep you're metabolism" -- "you're" should be "your"

c) The start of this sentence doesn't sound right. "Uncovered you'll find what beverages you need to avoid at all costs, the kicker is, you probably thought they were healthy!"

Perhaps something more like: "Learn what beverages you need to avoid AT ALL COSTS, even though most people are told they are healthy!"

Just my 2 cents. Hope this helps.

Wendell

You could add a video to it which would be very professional looking.

I have several very professional looking video squeeze page templates available that allow you to have a opt in on the side or on the bottom with an attached sales page.

www.video-squeeze-pages.com

I have found that using a video helps conversions quite a bit.

Hi Mate,

I am interested to know where you got
that page template from?

Take Care,

Michael Silvester

Hello,

A couple of things, but a word of caution first..

I don't consider myself an expert in this field but I have read quite a bit and have used my own to some success at least...and I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night

Anyway, I think the head line would work better if it was telling the reader how they can benefit instead of how you got ripped. For example ...

"Who else want's to know the never before released, secret 5 fitness tips that can transform your body from overweight to ripped in 6 months or less - guaranteed"

That just jumps out at me more and it tells me how I can benefit.

Just my 2 cents...

Matt

I agree with everything above but I'd probably make the first line a bit smaller and tuck it almost against the top of the header and highlight it in yellow and change from: