Does my email address scream "Sucker"?

Hi wisecrone333,

Some great lessons for you here - if you want them.

Excuse my honesty/bluntness/directness - but if what you say is true, then you should appreciate it.

Yes. But they don't care. Compare this with experiences where people 'bring you down' for no benefit to them, except for the pleasure of doing so. Solution - resolve to never let other people bring you down, as much as is possible - especially in business. Develop rhino-skin.

'Yet another hour.' How many times are you going to keep looking for others to give you the 'keys' before you realise that only you can do this yourself, because you are the only person who really cares enough about yourself and your progression?

So she's not the worst of the worst out there. If you keep looking, you WILL find them - much worse. What's the lesson? Your assumption that you might glean something useful from a thinly disguised sales pitch was incorrect.

You went into this from the start in order to reject the pitch, but to glean as much for free as possible. She knew this and bluffed you back. She won. Who are you really angry/upset with - yourself or her?

You don't say. What exactly did you expect?

If you really, truly want to learn about business, sales and marketing you'll focus on what you said above (I bolded it.)

You are possibly searching for a 'feel-good' factor. Many people are. But it won't make you rich, just someone else. The only feel-good feeling you should focus on is the one you get from succeeding. This doesn't come from expecting others to help you, it comes directly from helping yourself.

People are making fortunes every day because they truly understand the psychology of people 'looking for a feel-good feeling.' I'm not just talking internet marketers - I'm talking everyone - doctors, politicians, shopkeepers, manufacturers, ministers, personal fitness instructors - the list is absolutely endless. Study hard (as if your life depended on it) and understand this (deeply) and the benefits are two-fold. Think about it. It will help you to prosper and to avoid pain.

You've already answered this earlier on - yes, you should.

Of course. But the majority of people start out like this. You are not abnormal whatsoever. People who succeed in business ARE abnormal in some ways because they overcome their naivety and they learn to focus on what matters, and don't go looking for the feel-good factor from others - they become self-sufficient in this area. It's a pre-requisite to success in all areas of life - depend on others and you will end up with this feeling over and over. Some criticise this hard-nosed approach and call it cynicism. It can be - but you must find the right balance yourself.

Not 100% of the time, no. But close to 99% of the time - yes! This is business. Can you live with that?

A child spends the early part of it's life making you feel that they simply enjoy spending time with you as their parent - which they often do.

Once they become an adult, they still tell you that they enjoy spending their time with you, but often it's a thinly-veiled disguise for getting close enough to ask you for something. Do you despise and reject them for demonstrating that they are now capable of surviving in this world? Or do you accept that this is exactly what you spent all those years nurturing them for? Life is tough. It has to be or evolution will fail. We would not be here if our ancestors had not developed (partly) cold, mean hearts in order to survive. If they hadn't, those who did would have enslaved, abused or eaten them.

...and hopefully you will not misconstrue my words and you will see them as possibly the kindest words that will be said to you here. Harsh, but kind.

For heaven's sake - NO! And don't forget this is a community, BUT it's a community of successful marketers/business people. It's not a tribe surviving together in a village. It's a worldwide community of people, many of them anonymous, where some will make alliances, some will break them, and some will take what they can and run - giving nothing. It's a microcosm of the world. Is the world a really nice place, overflowing with altruism? You decide.

Another lesson. So - don't do it again! She had NOTHING to offer you, but pretended she did. Learn to look for the signs. Don't waste your time on unlikely dreams, make your OWN dream real and guard it like a well-trained, competent, gnarly dog!

You'll feel even worse if you fail in business and have to go and get a job. So learn the lessons quick.

This is probably the single most important part of your post.

You are suggesting that you want the world to be direct, straight, honest, candid and 1000 other things that it is NEVER going to be.

This is not just about business. This is about human nature, psychology etc.

Think about it like this - is your business plan to go out there and be 100% honest and direct and candid about everything you try and sell?

If so, how are you going to compete? Because hardly anyone who takes this approach succeeds. As I said, it's not just business. It's everything.

EG - dating.

Try successfully dating by being brutally honest. You will FAIL epically.

You are looking for the easy route, the 'touchy-feely' 'I can just be myself' and expect everyone else to follow suit route. Good luck with that.

So what's the solution? Do you have to be dishonest, sneaky, tricky, slimy etc?

Of course not. Everything is not black and white.

Get yourself some paperback books (nice and cheap but the best) on -

Winning, psychology, persuasion, buying/selling, business, success, mindset, wealth creation, etc

You need to understand the game, come to terms with the game, develop your unique approach to the game - before playing the game. Unless you enjoy getting burnt (losing the game), which you have explained that you don't.

Look at it this way - if it was easy and everyone could do it - there would be no-one willing to take a job. Market forces dictate that this is not possible.

The strong will prosper, the weak will work for the strong, thus making them stronger. Now which do you prefer?

I gave you 15 minutes of my time (free) and my best answer too. Let's see if you (and others) know REAL help when they see it.

Also, I took a look at one of your websites in your sig (ebay secret - no selling.)

Now, because I have experience, I know the name of the other person on your website and how you ended up with that page. BUT -

To someone who doesn't have experience, your page is set up in a way that suggests to them that YOU are regularly earning over $1000 a day from eBay (RE - your headline.)

There are many other aspects of that page which are misleading, in the same way that the person you have written about misled you.

There is a saying about 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander.'

I hope this helps.

Hi Lisa,

Ace!

I noticed that you were probably my senior and asked myself if my advice was still relevant - I decided it was.

You see, I have my 13 year old son with me - he's not always here (usually with his mum), but is for a little while.

As no-one answered my point straight away, I decided instead to show him your post and my response and to discuss the whole thing.

One of the end results was that we decided to see how you replied. I am aware that I don't sugar-coat my advice, and this often draws responses that miss the point and focus on anything I say that seems to be too cutting.

We are both delighted that you got the point of the message!

I don't necessarily think that you should take your site down. You could just adjust a few words here and there (if you are allowed to).

I DO think that it is a good idea to tailor your approach to suit yourself in terms of being straight with people. BUT I do also think that you should consider also using your mental toughness (which you obviously have, to have survived) in a way that is acceptable, and that you should be proud of it, and use this as a way to help develop the mental toughness of your 'students'/readers.

I don't think that we should shy away from the fact that business can be cut-throat, and that it's a dog-eat-dog world. I think that instead, we should be proud of the fact that ordinary, nice, decent, honest people can set their stall out in their OWN way, BUT also compete with the rest of them out there by having an element of toughness - EG -

What also tickled me is that I have a client who's previous career was as a psychologist and his current career involves elements of it. He has learnt some things from me too, and I have never been trained in that area, except for self-taught stuff. :rolleyes:

Ahem. You and I both know that it has a massive bearing on how you will run your business. I didn't just learn from books myself.

Me too! It's the only place to be. But to keep it cheery, someone has to keep one eye on everyone else so that they don't paint it black.

Thanks for the excellent reply Lisa. Please don't tear down your site - that was not my point or my aim. I know that Sara's (ummm, Tony's) products are very good - I have many of them myself.

PS I've been to rural NZ and it rocks - as do Kiwis! Christchurch was my favourite city/town - crazy place.