by smisen
14 replies
Hey Warriors,

I haven't done much in the way of squeeze pages before, so I'm hoping some of you helpful souls can take a look at one I've put together and let me know if I'm on the right track.

The address is Confessions of an HR Assistant - Get the Insider Secrets You Need to Get a Job! - it's for a free report I've put together for people who are looking for jobs. It's actually good information - my "real" job is in HR - so I'm hoping to get it out to as many people as possible.

Specifically, if you have any feedback on the text, I'd really appreciate it. I do a lot of article writing, but copy writing isn't my strong suit!

Thanks so much for any feedback

Sarah
#page #review #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author dalvia
    The copy looks quite good. The only thing I'd add would be a short 60sec video so people get to see who you are and you get to speak their concerns and express sincerity.

    Through the video you can point to the opt-in box and encourage them to opt-in for the report,

    Hope this helps,
    Dale
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  • Profile picture of the author smisen
    Thanks Dale - that's a really good idea. Now I just need a few spare minutes to make a video...
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin_Hutto
    Hey Smisen,

    I think you need to be a little clearer on who you are and why they should opt in for the report... I think that the headline needs to say something like "90% of resumes hit the trash can without even being looked at..." Find Out Why!

    Or something like that... A real specific cliffhanger question that will get them to optin for the answer. I have found that people will optin at a much higher rate the more specific you can make the copy.

    So I would tell them that for the last 10 years my job has been throwing away resumes just like yours... and I will tell you what gets your resume trashed and what gets it in front of the CEO!

    Just sell your USP a little more and be more specific.

    kwh
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  • Profile picture of the author JWB
    The site looks good.very professional and I would
    add what the previous gentleman said....that you should
    get a short video on top...

    But..looks good
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    • Profile picture of the author Jillian Slack
      You have used "HR" several times throughout the page. Go ahead and spell out "Human Resources" once or twice, and throw in "Personnel Department" as well.

      Believe it or not, there are people out there who might not be looking for "HR" or who might wonder what that means.

      There are also plenty of people (and workplaces) who still use the term "Personnel" instead.

      So use those phrases so you can catch those people.

      &
      Change each "&" to spend out "and." It just looks nicer and has a better flow for the reader to see a word there instead of stumbling over the symbol. If it was on a sign or you only had so many spaces and couldn't spare switching "&" for "and," it would be different, but you've got room to spell it out.

      How figure out - with 100% accuracy - exactly what hiring managers are looking for on your resume.

      The word "to" is missing from this bullet point.

      The suggestion for a short video is fabulous. Take advantage of the opportunity to reinforce why you are an expert. Make sure the visitor understands that you (as the HR assistant) are the gatekeeper that the applicant must get past in order to make his or her way to the hiring professional.
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  • Profile picture of the author smisen
    Thanks all for the fantastic advice - much appreciated!!!
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  • Profile picture of the author Jason Keith
    I Love the design and colors used. Very nice squeeze page which should convert well for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kenneth Fox
    Looks very professional to me. I would try a video as well and test the two
    to see which gets the best conversions.
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  • Profile picture of the author Josef_Benjamin
    Great squeeze page.

    I would also add but a short 30sec to 1 min video
    of yourself on there. Make's it much more personal.

    Strangly enough, I thought about doing something like
    this (i've had 11 jobs in my life). Never saw anything
    like this, and in this economy, your report would help
    many ppl get a job and make you money doing it as a
    business.

    have fun
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  • Profile picture of the author disi
    Originally Posted by smisen View Post

    Hey Warriors,

    I haven't done much in the way of squeeze pages before, so I'm hoping some of you helpful souls can take a look at one I've put together and let me know if I'm on the right track.

    The address is Confessions of an HR Assistant - Get the Insider Secrets You Need to Get a Job! - it's for a free report I've put together for people who are looking for jobs. It's actually good information - my "real" job is in HR - so I'm hoping to get it out to as many people as possible.

    Specifically, if you have any feedback on the text, I'd really appreciate it. I do a lot of article writing, but copy writing isn't my strong suit!

    Thanks so much for any feedback

    Sarah
    Great design! Who did it for you?
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  • Profile picture of the author smisen
    Thanks again for the feedback - you guys are fantastic!

    @disi - The design is by Coverscorp. He does WSOs all the time and does a fantastic job - I think the whole design cost less than $50.
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    • Profile picture of the author Killer Joe
      Hi Sarah,

      I Like your page

      Here's a quick fix...you may not be aware that on my browser and many others your headline is broken up so it doesn't read or look good.

      In your code you have this:
      <p>&ldquo;This <span class="style3">absolutely FREE</span> report hands you the tips,<br>techniques &amp; tricks that are guaranteed to get <u>YOU</u> <br>the high-paying full time job, co-op, or summer internship position you want&rdquo;</p>

      Notice I highlighted the offending tags in red. These are "breaks", and they break the text to the next line.

      However, the code line starts and ends correctly with the <p> - </p> "start paragraph/end paragraph" tags so you don't need or want the <br> tags. They just screw it up on browsers like mine and many others. You should have them removed.


      Jillian made a great point about including the entire words Human Resources on the page. You need this to help with your SEO. At least it couldn't hurt.

      KJ


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      • Profile picture of the author Ross Bowring
        Love the angle you've taken.

        I picked up a missing "to" in this bullet...

        How (to) figure out - with 100% accuracy - exactly what hiring managers are looking for on your resume.

        And you should go with "you'll discover..." rather than "you'll learn..."

        Learning sounds too much like work.
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  • Profile picture of the author AndrewStark
    Firstly it's great to see all the basics in place, with arrow eye sliders to the opt-in box.

    My only convern would be that you've overplaying the free aspect, so I'd go for a different headline. The bullets maybe reveal a bit too much, so you could replace them with a video?

    Here's a headline you could test

    "If You Don't Update You CV Now, You'll Hate Yourself Later"

    Hope this helps you and your conversions increase.
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