Arrogant or confident?

40 replies
Hello Warriors,

I got called arrogant tonight!!! what a joke I am confident I know my beans and am pretty successful yet my sour cousin who I dont see much recons I am arrogant!!

So are you guys and girls arrogant?

They ask me what I am doing I say sat on a beach with a beer writing and thats what started it!!

sounded like jelousy to me

Danny
#arrogant #confident
  • Profile picture of the author jamesburchill
    I love this question. Been called a few things in my life and this one always made me chuckle. Here's MY definition.

    Confidence, a belief in your own abilities.

    Arrogance, a belief in your own abilities as superior to others AND demonstrate this through poor and degrading behavior towards others.

    The kicker though is this...

    If you are in the presence of "weak" characters, any confidence may be misinterpreted as arrogance simply because THEY have self-esteem issues.

    Of course, if you truly are being a d*ck no matter what, then it's arrogance :p
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  • Profile picture of the author Danny Cutts
    haha quality

    I was not being a d**k lol the simple question was what have you dont today this week bla bla bla.

    NIce interpretation I agree with you on this might send her the link later.

    Danny

    PS i have never been called arrogant in all my years I am a fairly held back chap
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  • Profile picture of the author Damien Roche
    Well it's arrogant you came here and asked us if we're arrogant.

    haaa no I'm joking. Ignore the small stuff. Your cousin called you arrogant, so what. You don't have to prove anything to them.

    Look at the upside, it made you look in the mirror, that's always a good thing.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mukul Verma
    Hahahaha, do you really care?

    I would not worry about it if you know your success.

    I have been called uptight and serious, then not too long after asked by the same people what I am doing to succeed. Its called FOCUS!!!!!

    I would not bother with what others think it is likely coming from a lack of understanding of who you really are!!!
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  • Profile picture of the author candoit2
    I just make it sound like I have a job.

    I help companies find customers online and get a percentage of sales.

    Then change the subject.

    Details just makes them try and downplay what you do, or make them jelous and call you names to make them feel superior to you because of their own self image issues.

    Aaron
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  • Profile picture of the author lisag
    Arrogance may be the vehicle you are using to portray your confidence. Perception is truth so, take your cousin's comment as cue to monitor your delivery and demeanor just in case you are inadvertently portraying arrogance to some.
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    -- Lisa G

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    • Profile picture of the author Zeus66
      Originally Posted by lisag View Post

      Arrogance may be the vehicle you are using to portray your confidence. Perception is truth so, take your cousin's comment as cue to monitor your delivery and demeanor just in case you are inadvertently portraying arrogance to some.
      You can't live your life this way. "Perception is truth" does not mean that the one doing the perceiving is infallible. I get that you mean that for the person perceiving, truth is their perception of things, and that's true. The problem is, individual perceptions run the gamut when you do or say any one thing. So let's say Danny attempts to appease his cousin by changing his natural way of speaking or acting to curtail the assessment of arrogance on his part. Now maybe his 2nd cousin once removed thinks he's a hypocrite or two-faced. Now Danny has to alter his natural behavior yet again to appease that other relation. And so on and so on ad infinitum.

      You cannot win playing that game. You have to be yourself and let the 'how you're perceived' chips fall where they may. The more ways you try to win over others by changing yourself, the more people you alienate and befuddle at the end of the day.

      John
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    • Profile picture of the author designyourlife
      Originally Posted by lisag View Post

      Arrogance may be the vehicle you are using to portray your confidence. Perception is truth so, take your cousin's comment as cue to monitor your delivery and demeanor just in case you are inadvertently portraying arrogance to some.
      I agree. Perception is more true than what we may believe. Whenever we are portraying a certain demeanor, we are portraying a certain level of "truth" to others.
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  • Profile picture of the author jamesburchill
    A thought...

    Don't explain yourself. Your friends don't need it, and your enemies won't believe you!
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    • Profile picture of the author lisag
      Originally Posted by jamesburchill View Post

      A thought...

      Don't explain yourself. Your friends don't need it, and your enemies won't believe you!
      But what of the people who are neither friends or enemies? Those in between are potentially prospects. So if our friend here comes across as arrogant to that pool of people he could be losing business.

      Danny posts his tweets in his profile. Let's look at one:

      "Out sourcing is definitely the way to go in IM let someone else do the donkey work while I soak up the sun think up website ideas that work!"

      Most writers don't think of themselves as donkeys. Would some be offended and, perhaps, think that post arrogant? Why take the chance when you could tweet:

      "Leveraging a relationship between myself and writing professionals frees me to build more businesses while my writing partners help support my current ones. That's the way business should be done!"

      Same message. No arrogance, and his writing partners are held up rather than portrayed as servants. That middle group of neither friend or foe see Danny as a supporter and team builder not, perhaps, arrogant.
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      • Profile picture of the author Mukul Verma
        Originally Posted by lisag View Post

        But what of the people who are neither friends or enemies? Those in between are potentially prospects. So if our friend here comes across as arrogant to that pool of people he could be losing business.

        Danny posts his tweets in his profile. Let's look at one:

        "Out sourcing is definitely the way to go in IM let someone else do the donkey work while I soak up the sun think up website ideas that work!"

        Most writers don't think of themselves as donkeys. Would some be offended and, perhaps, think that post arrogant? Why take the chance when you could tweet:

        "Leveraging a relationship between myself and writing professionals frees me to build more businesses while my writing partners help support my current ones. That's the way business should be done!"

        Same message. No arrogance, and his writing partners are held up rather than portrayed as servants. That middle group of neither friend or foe see Danny as a supporter and team builder not, perhaps, arrogant.
        Yeah I would agree with that. If you are coming off line that, then I would not blame someone else for thinking that.
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    • Profile picture of the author Meanna Blog
      Originally Posted by jamesburchill View Post

      A thought...

      Don't explain yourself. Your friends don't need it, and your enemies won't believe you!
      Simple, but awesome thought!
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      • Profile picture of the author Eric Lorence
        There is no comparison ... Confidence is a state of mind ... Arrogance is a demonstration of character.

        Confident people are by definition excellent at what they do, and feel no need to prove it to others.

        Arrogant people believe themselves superior to others, and constantly seek to demonstrate it.

        Confident people take action, and achieve their goals. Without the need for recognition.

        Arrogant people need to "talk" about how good they are, or what they know.
        They need recognition.
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        • Profile picture of the author Josef_Benjamin
          The purest definition of confidence and arrogance.

          I think EVERYONE here would say on this thread that they are
          confident and not arrogant.

          I don't care what anybody says, EVERYONE show's a bit of
          arrogance at some point and time in their life.

          Some people show it more often than others, while other's are
          more laid back and chill and are called more confident.

          I will admit I was so proud of myself and what did, I accidently
          embarrased a young lady at a mall kiosk when I knew it was
          her first day working sales.

          Looking back, she was being genuine, I could tell she was going
          above and beyond her job - but I gave her a little heat about
          "not speaking up" and that I "couldn't hear her" because althoug
          I acutally "could", she was speaking to soft and needed to
          command a presence.

          Plus, she was super cute so now I really wish I eased up on her
          a bit lol.

          That week was a great week for me in my ebay business, and the
          best I ever had...I can't say I was telling many people about my
          success, but I admit I might've showd INNER arrogance and OUTER
          confidence.

          Originally Posted by Eric Lorence View Post

          There is no comparison ... Confidence is a state of mind ... Arrogance is a demonstration of character.

          Confident people are by definition excellent at what they do, and feel no need to prove it to others.

          Arrogant people believe themselves superior to others, and constantly seek to demonstrate it.

          Confident people take action, and achieve their goals. Without the need for recognition.

          Arrogant people need to "talk" about how good they are, or what they know.
          They need recognition.
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  • Profile picture of the author ratracegrad
    Having your cousin tell you were arrogant, tells us much more about him than it does about you. I bet he works a J.O.B., not much in retirement savings, lives paycheck to paycheck, probably has a smaller house, definitely has a smaller income, not an entrepreneur, and resents your success. But I guess it would be arrogant of me to make this assumption?
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  • Profile picture of the author Orator
    When people see you succeed it will often draw envy, and sometimes this is unavoidable. That's why in my opinion it's always best to maintain a bit of a calm but humble opinion in regards to any success. That way it's easier for those who aren't envious to see you as humble, and as for the rest...

    Let them rot in their private hell.
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  • Profile picture of the author globalpro
    Danny,

    Since I don't know you, I won't presume to judge you, but instead offer my take on how this works.

    You didn't say what was said to your cousin, but in light of what Lisa posted about your Twitter page, it may give some insight into the problem. The post does come off as a bit arrogant, but more so insulting.

    The bigger problem is how do others perceive you. If one or two think that, then it happens, especially with family. they can be the worst. But of more see that in you then it's something to consider and I think you the type of person to do that.

    Perception is what people take away from a time spent with you. If you dress like a slob, then they will think you are a slob. If you dress for success, then that's what they will think. And so on.

    It becomes more crucial with what you say. Words can help or they can hurt. They build up or destroy. Once they come out, they are hard to take back.

    The thing I see with confident people is they don't have to tell people how good they are. If they are good at what they do, their actions amd results will tell it all. Confidence is never boastful and always willing to offer a lind word of encouragement if needed.

    People that have to tell me how good they are, usually are overcompensating for something they lack in their character. Usually are insecure about their abilities and need verification from others.

    People that are good at what they do will show me by how they handle themselves. If they have to tell me, then I walk away. The ones that are really confident will prove it by what they do.

    I always tend to sum up this type of problem with a saying I am fond of.

    "A fool is proved wise in his silence. he removes all doubt, when he opens his mouth.

    Thanks,

    John
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  • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
    Hey Danny,

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and so are most things.

    Arrogant is a word often used by insecure people.

    If you care about this person and you think they're upset by your arrogant behavior (or whatever they used as evidence of it), then sure - factor that in for sure but in reality - you don't control what other people think of you, so if you're happy and you have great relationships with the people you care about - let it go.

    You'll never be what everyone else wants you to be - there really will be people who care about you that resent your success. Even aspiring to be successful can make some people feel resentful because they see what they're not doing.

    Just be yourself and work on the relationships you care about.

    Andy
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    nothing to see here.

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    • Profile picture of the author lisag
      Originally Posted by Andyhenry View Post

      Hey Danny,

      Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and so are most things. You don't control what other people think of you.

      Andy
      You don't? You certainly have control over how people perceive you and, by extension, what they think of you as a result of that perception.

      Just look at this forum and think about your impressions of the people you interact with here. For most of us, 100% of what we think about our fellow Warrior Forum family members is based upon what they write in their posts.

      I'd say that's pretty compelling evidence supporting the hypothesis that you ARE in control over what others think of you.
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      • Profile picture of the author Julian Lockhart
        Originally Posted by lisag View Post

        You don't? You certainly have control over how people perceive you and, by extension, what they think of you as a result of that perception.

        Just look at this forum and think about your impressions of the people you interact with here. For most of us, 100% of what we think about our fellow Warrior Forum family members is based upon what they write in their posts.

        I'd say that's pretty compelling evidence supporting the hypothesis that you ARE in control over what others think of you.
        Very true.

        The notion of you don't have control over what other people think is a valid principle to act from,

        BUT

        It needs to be used in the right context or situation.

        Best used for situations where you are being a victim of someones judgments or assessments and need to find a way to have some peace about it.
        --------------------------------------------
        This also helps:

        If one person calls you an ass, pay no attention. If two people call you an ass, go get a saddle.

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      • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
        Originally Posted by lisag View Post

        You don't? You certainly have control over how people perceive you and, by extension, what they think of you as a result of that perception.

        Just look at this forum and think about your impressions of the people you interact with here. For most of us, 100% of what we think about our fellow Warrior Forum family members is based upon what they write in their posts.

        I'd say that's pretty compelling evidence supporting the hypothesis that you ARE in control over what others think of you.
        But I could easily say that using the same logic - Other people are in control of what I think of them, but I know that they have very little to do with what I think.

        They may post what they think is intelligent and confident analysis of a situation - but if their position is fundamentally flawed in a way they haven't considered - my opinion may be the opposite of what they're expecting.

        I've read many books that advocate the idea that other peoples reaction defines the meaning of your communication and you should modify your behaviour based on that feedback - but then again, that's only if your objective is to change other peoples beliefs or behaviour and that's not necessarily everyones goal.

        If I decide to feel a certain way based on someone elses post - you could argue that they 'made' me feel like that - but that's just not true, so I tend to focus on the domain of self improvement rather than expecting to focus on how I can change my behaviour to influence others. I know that's not the 'marketing' mindset for most people - but we all choose our own path.
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        nothing to see here.

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    • Profile picture of the author MarkMilan
      Some people don't believe that you can be confident without being arrogant. The people who believe this tend to believe their own lack of confidence is because they aren't arrogant, and that's how they justify it to themselves.

      In my experience, rather than facing the actual reasons behind their lack of confidence, they say it's because they're a "nice person". It's just another way to ignore their own insecurities, in my opinion.
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  • Profile picture of the author Andy1750
    Hello,

    I think that arrogance is beneficial quality for those that are highly able and intelligent. I think that most leaders have to be that way to avoid being led off the correct path by those that are less able. But arrogance and stupidity is a very dangerous combination!

    Am I arrogant? Just asked my other half and she said definitely. Am I offended? Absolutely not. Nice people are good at parties.

    Andy
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    Not trying to sell you anything :-)

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    • Profile picture of the author Hesaidblissfully
      Like someone above mentioned, confidence is having belief in yourself and your own abilities. Arrogance is looking down on other people and thinking you're better than them. Having said that, some people may interpret you having belief in yourself as you thinking you're better than them. This could stem from their own personal insecurities or low self-esteem, or it could stem from the way you communicate with them.

      In general, if I hear a comment or criticism from just a handful of people, I don't pay it much mind, but if I keep hearing the same criticism over and over again, I know I should evaluate the way I'm communicating with people, because then it could be that their criticism actually has some validity to it.
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  • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
    Arrogance is another word for too much confidence.

    "Too much" is something most people define as "more than I have."

    Now, there are certain things I don't respect. There are attitudes I find offensive and stupid. One of those things is the mentality that nobody should have more than you.

    Lots of people have this mentality. (Republicans normally don't, but I digress.) They like to call it "equality," and whinge about "fair" and "community" and crap like that... but that's not really what they want. They can have more than other people. Indeed, they'll make good and sure you never get more than they do, if they can.

    And I think that's offensive. I think the people with that attitude are stupid, mean, and hypocritical. And if I come across someone that has it, I'm going to put off a pretty strong "screw you and the horse you rode in on" vibe once I notice it.

    That might look like I'm arrogant, but it's really called "standards." I expect everyone to have a certain minimal level of respect and consideration for fellow human beings, and if you don't have it, I don't like you. It has nothing to do with your lack of confidence, except to the extent that it's what makes you such a jerk.
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  • Profile picture of the author coryjean
    For some people the two words are the same and it typically is an issue of jealousy. Stating a fact sometimes such as "that you sit on the beach with a beer writing" could come off as arrogant...when it is simply a fact. They don't have to live your life and if they were smart they would ask you "ummmm...can I sit on the beach with you and write too?" No worries dude...pray for them
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  • Profile picture of the author bettersocial
    Honestly, if you were just confident and not arrogant, you wouldn't have made this thread in the first place.

    A big chunk of being confident means being able to walk away from an insult feeling as confident as before. Arrogance is rooted more in a sense of achievement, driven by any small victory over insecurities.

    But to be really honest, outside of movies, I haven't met any man or woman in my entire life who I would classify as 'truly confident' - we all have our little nervous ticks and flaws. And if not that, we have arrogance.

    So three cheers to arrogance. Or even nervous insecurities. We've made too much out of confidence anyway..
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  • Profile picture of the author Kazooli
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    • Profile picture of the author jiminic2
      I see the majority of posters as having confidence in what they're doing. In my opinion, it's the marketing "gurus" who are full of themselves (or arrogant) because they boast about making millions in a short time, but are hesitant to provide details even when you pay to get their products.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kazooli
    I have seen my family fighting over a fork! The reason of the comment was not this! There are issues other than the one you describe that have caused this. Jelousy could be one of them but not just. This reaction was only the icing on the cake; an excuse. So yes, he thinks you are arrogant. Are you?
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you knew how seldom they did

      If someone thinks you are arrogant - to him that's the situation from his point of view. Consider the source - if several people seem to feel this way, maybe there's truth to it. If it's one person you don't like, who cares?

      kay
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  • Profile picture of the author Danny Cutts
    Hello All,

    I am the sort of person that doesnt care what other people think. I take advice and use it accordingly however I do also agree with what is said by a lot of you guys. I am not arrogant a little too focussed and confident maybe but I dont go bragging about what i do I still tell people I am a plasterer easier...lol

    As far as donkey work I wasnt intending on offending just find that its a little boring for me.

    I have a saying I do what I do best while someone else does what they do best. I would never paint my house I'd pay a painter might save me £100 but in the long run its better to get the best done by a pro.

    Danny
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  • Profile picture of the author bozz723
    Why would you be mad at this? It really does not matter what a person perceives you as. You know who you are, just live that way. It matters not.
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  • Profile picture of the author Danny Cutts
    Haha ebay is great!!

    I dont even mention what I do now its easier

    Danny
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    • Profile picture of the author Josef_Benjamin
      Originally Posted by Danny Cutts View Post

      Haha ebay is great!!

      I dont even mention what I do now its easier

      Danny
      was that meant to be directed at me?

      If so, I agree to ebay is great, but I'm no one-trick
      pony.

      There's no law in making money and building income streams
      from different places.

      I'm open-minded, but very focus. As I get good in one area,
      I slowly expand in other areas and grow my overall business
      as a whole.

      It's not a good idea to bank any business on one strategy,
      I don't care how good it is.

      thx for the comment
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      • Profile picture of the author Danny Cutts
        Originally Posted by Josef_Benjamin View Post

        was that meant to be directed at me?

        If so, I agree to ebay is great, but I'm no one-trick
        pony.

        There's no law in making money and building income streams
        from different places.

        I'm open-minded, but very focus. As I get good in one area,
        I slowly expand in other areas and grow my overall business
        as a whole.

        It's not a good idea to bank any business on one strategy,
        I don't care how good it is.

        thx for the comment
        Hello no was not aimed at you....

        people ask what I do I dont really tell them ...lol thats what I meant


        Danny
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  • Profile picture of the author paullive1986
    presence of "weak" characters, any confidence may be misinterpreted as arrogance simply because THEY have self-esteem issues.
    I STRONGLY AGREE!!!

    It's more on a jealousy and self-esteem issues.

    You're just telling them the truth...
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  • Profile picture of the author Paul Myers
    Lisa,
    Perception is truth
    Only seemingly, and only to the person holding the perception. If it's inaccurate, it's also likely to come back and bite them later.

    It's good to recommend that people look at such comments, if they hear them often or think there might be truth to them. Generally speaking, you should ignore them if they come from just one or two people, or a category whose opinions are ill-informed or likely to be motivated by less than benevolent urges.
    You certainly have control over how people perceive you
    Piffle.

    In many, many cases, you don't even know the basis for their perceptions. They could arise from things you aren't aware of and can't possibly foresee or adjust to.

    For instance, when people ask what I do, I tell them: I'm a writer. I've run into people whose perceptions of writers are such that they immediately assume I'm a recluse and socially inept. I have no control over that, and don't care to bother trying.

    Some of these perceptions are so ingrained that nothing will affect them. Why bother anyway? Who cares? There is no better filter to ensure that you're surrounded by like-minded people than to be yourself.

    "Who do you think you are, trying to please everyone? Even God can't do that."



    Paul
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  • Profile picture of the author diro
    Arrogant or Confident. That is a question for the ages.

    The answer to that is (at least to me) absolutely dependent on the person making the observation to begin with.

    A very confident person seems arrogant to a insecure or weak person, while that same confident person can seem merely confident and sure of him/her self to an expert in that field.

    I do believe it does good to look in the mirror and review yourself, but the answer to the question...

    "Am I arrogant or confident?"

    There are many answers, and none of them are just right!

    Rog
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