Please, No More "Ultimate Guides": 10 Headlines That Don't Blow Chunks

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From Business Casual Copywriting, debating headlines for blog posts.

Headline writing is tricky. Tricky, but absurdly important. Write the wrong headline and your incredible piece could be destined for mediocrity, gathering dust on the far corners of the internet (it is a well documented and accepted fact that the internet is not round and thus has corners. Just ask Al Gore.)

"On the average, five times as many people read the headline as read the body copy. When you have written your headline, you have spent eighty cents out of your dollar." -David Ogilvy

What Does "Ultimate" Really Mean?


Ultimate: Last; furthest or farthest; ending a process or series. Maximum, decisive, conclusive. Final, total. The best, greatest or most extreme of its kind.

Pretty good word, right? But at this point in guide-making history, "Ultimate" has suffered the same fate as "Special".

When everything is special, nothing is. Millenials, let your brain run rampant on that one for a little bit.

Let Me Help You Out.

The nice thing about the English language is that there are so many different ways to say the same thing. You can say "ultimate" without being the 5,000th ultimate guide on the web. Together, we're about the callously wield the power of the thesaurus to create some far more compelling headlines for your "ultimate" guide:

1. "Supreme" Guide. Who WOULDN'T be compelled to read "The Supreme Guide to Knitting: A Yarn Warrior's Battle Guide?"

2. "Essential" Guide. Don't leave home without the "Essential Guide to Pitching a Tent", or somehow, you're going to wind up on fire. "Essential" creates urgency in and of itself; it begs the question, "How will I survive without the essentials?"

3. "Really Quite Good" Guide. Okay, so it' s bit tongue-in-cheek. But just try to tell me you wouldn't be enticed to click on "A Really Quite Good Guide to Firing Bad Employees?" If you've got a brand with a humorous persona, you can definitely make this work.

4. "Unrivaled Guide". Damn, that's a bold claim - even more than ultimate. Not only is your guide to sweeping your chimney good, it's so good that the competition doesn't even have a chance. You can also substitute in "Peerless", "Matchless" or "Unsurpassed" if you're feeling a bit wild.

5. "A Champion's Guide". You don't even need to use champion, but why not stroke the reader's ego by making them feel like a winner just for reading your guide? Nobody wants to be a loser, or read the "Loser's Guide to Steam Cleaning the Wine Out of Your Dress Pants". Choose a word with an ego-stroking connotation.

6. "The Healthy Man's Guide". Why not choose a word that immediately describes the benefit of the guide someone is about to read? For example, "The Productive Woman's Guide to Saving Yahoo!" or "The Handsome Man's Guide to Matching Socks and Ties"?

7. "No-Bulls&#! Guide". Got an audience that's suffering from "fluff" fatigue? In an industry where a bunch of razor-thin pieces are big on bravado and tiny on usefulness? How about letting your audience know you're not about to waste their time with a headline that screams "Everyone else is lying to you!" If this one sounds familiar, it's because I just used it a few days ago.

8. "Complete Guide." Sure, it's not as flashy as "Ultimate", but readers still know they're about to get everything they need in the same place. For example, "The Complete Guide to Hiding a Body" leaves nothing to question. And hey, I used this one, too!

9. "Uncensored Guide." Borrowing a page from the movie industry, why not subtly introduce sexual connotations into the mix? Sure, we all know there's no nudity in "Gigli", but I'm willing to bet that an "Uncensored" version would sell like hot cakes. "Uncensored" hints that there is something worth being censored. Where other guides are prudes, yours is going to let it all hang out. Rock on, man.

10. "Last Guide to ______ You'll Ever Need." Sure, it's a bit wordy (and eliminates all hope of doing a follow-up piece), but this right here is the King Banana when it comes to putting readers at ease. You could waste time reading several different pieces, but not when the "Last Guide to Ballpoint Pens You'll Ever Need" is out there. Those other guides are for suckers.

There you have it. In less than 10 minutes, I came up with 10 mind-blowing, pants-fillingly-good headlines that will definitely (probably) get clicked on.

Take some time to be creative. After all, your audience is watching.

Read the full article here: Please, No More "Ultimate Guides": 10 Headlines That Don't Blow Chunks.

What are types of "ultimate guides" headlines variations would you use?
#blow #chunks #headlines #ultimate guides
  • Profile picture of the author neshaword
    Honesty is (supposed to be) the best policy. There's really no need to make something better than it already is. Yet, I keep seeing these bombastic titles. Also, you should treat people with respect. Respect their intelligence. Offer them something relevant and interesting. I see a great and catchy title, and then I'm completely disappointed to find out there is nothing with value on the other end. The most annoying thing is when I have to decipher what's hiding behind some of these headlines. Some of the notorious ones are included in your list. Thanks for sharing. Cheers. N
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  • Profile picture of the author neshaword
    [DELETED]
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  • Profile picture of the author T S Chan
    Already stop using "ultimate" long time ago.

    Thanks for the great tips anyway.
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  • Profile picture of the author scribeforhire
    "Ultimate" is the ultimate cop-out, as are all things "epic," "...on steroids," "ultra-," and any paragraph (especially in press releases) that ends in "...going forward." Others that have always stuck in my ear canal (I've been a speech writer, on and off, since 1983) include: "concerning," as in, "The annual revenue changes were concerning"; supposed quotations by Einstein, Maya Angelou, the Buddha, and George Carlin. In nearly every case, those people did not say what the writer/speaker says they said. But, the grand-daddy of the misquotes has got to be "Einstein/Freud/Jung/Angelou/fill-in-the-blank said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."
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  • Profile picture of the author scribeforhire
    And... the "insanity" line is not only NOT the definition of that malady, but was most likely coined by Rita Brown in her novel, Sudden Death, in 1983, and is actually closer to being the definition of persistence. Don't tell that to the folks in AA or they'll throw hot coffee on you, going forward.
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  • Profile picture of the author gurutard
    I haven't seen one of these titles live up to their promises. Complete guides are hardly ever complete. "The Last Guide You'll Ever Need" should be "The Guide You Never Wanted to Read." A supreme guide sounds like I should be eating tacos.

    If you're going to use a link bait title make sure your content lives up to whatever you're promising.
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  • Profile picture of the author Gambino
    Wow, I'm really going to start using "The Really Quite Good Guide to..."

    That sounds much better than "The Ultimate Guide to..."

    Or my usual go-to "This Guide to ... Doesn't Suck that Bad."
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  • Profile picture of the author bigoc23
    Titles are very important and usually the reason why someone will click on your content. One great way to improve the click through rate is to add a number in the title and keep it as short as possible . I like the "Really Quite Good Guide" by the way.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve B
    Sometimes you have to throw the thesaurus away and start from scratch. Changing one word usually won't save a headline. The whole idea of using "the ultimate guide" approach should be scrapped for a new approach that isn't so commonplace.

    The goal of the headline is to grab the attention of the reader, stop him from moving on, and compel him to read the article, blog, offer, or whatever is being presented.

    When any particular headline type becomes common, there will be a tendency to pass it by for something that stands out or is unique or different.

    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    Please, No More "Ultimate Guides": 10 Headlines That Don't Blow Chunks.

    They advise to not use Ultimate Guide cliches in a title while they're using Ultimate Guides in their title.

    Do as I say, not as I do.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Sometimes it's easy to be "just too precious" with titles.

    I tend to avoid any words that are currently popular with marketers. That means Ninja is out permanently - guru disappeared a couple years ago - blowing chunks and f-this and that are not my style. Very few things live up to the term 'ultimate'....

    It's easy to get caught up in "what is working now to get attention" - but it's not critical to your product's success.

    One great way to improve the click through rate is to add a number in the title
    That's what 'they' say - but another thing I've completely stopped doing is quantifying article titles.

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    I know it's popular but it's so commonly done now that I automatically think "formula written" or "outsourced"....or....'advertisement'.

    Funny how many titles of "6 things to...." are followed by articles that list "5 things".... Now, that's funny!
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    • Profile picture of the author BellaZee
      I'll admit to reading listicles. I kinda really like them. Small chunks that I can skim through easily, but I tend to do it more in the entertainment niche -- stuff like 10 Actors Who Are Hell to Work With or something like that. Yeah, still get suckered in by those.

      Actually watched two vids yesterday on YouTube from Mojo.com -- 10 Unexpected Actors Who Can Sing -- or something like that. It was fun and I discovered that Robert Downey Jr has a totally awesome voice. Who knew he could sing like that? LOL


      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      Sometimes it's easy to be "just too precious" with titles.

      I tend to avoid any words that are currently popular with marketers. That means Ninja is out permanently - guru disappeared a couple years ago - blowing chunks and f-this and that are not my style. Very few things live up to the term 'ultimate'....

      It's easy to get caught up in "what is working now to get attention" - but it's not critical to your product's success.

      That's what 'they' say - but another thing I've completely stopped doing is quantifying article titles.

      top 15
      15 free
      12 on-page
      5 dumb mistakes
      Top 9 blogging basics
      5 tips for
      5 tricks to
      5 Mistakes that
      5 ways to
      5 things
      Top 10 tips
      10 tips
      7 tips to
      10 dos and don'ts
      6 creative
      10 reasons why

      I know it's popular but it's so commonly done now that I automatically think "formula written" or "outsourced"....or....'advertisement'.

      Funny how many titles of "6 things to...." are followed by articles that list "5 things".... Now, that's funny!
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  • Profile picture of the author John Cho
    Damn it and I created an ebook cover with the words "Ultimate" last week!
    Love the tips thank you!

    John Cho
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  • Profile picture of the author discrat
    Dan thanks for the post.
    Headlines are important. But make no mistake WHERE the Content and WHO the Content is coming from has way more pull in determining the Open Rate or initial Engagement


    - Robert Andrew
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