Has working in IM made you anti-social?

50 replies
I was just having a bitch to a colleague of mine about a client that is always wanting updates, interaction and generally is a traditional office-type dude that likes to be chatting, liaising, bouncing ideas basically every day.

I'm not into the whole chatting side of things anymore.

I used to do water cooler talk, work drinks, yarns with work mates, now I just want to get the work done and get on with my life.

Is there anything wrong with that?

I do my work to do the following:

- Earn a good living
- Support my family
- Pay for my home
- Pay for amazing holidays
- Retire early
- Do things every day that I could never do when I was chained to the desk in my old corporate career

I can chat and be social when I have done my work, why should I be social when I am busy and focusing on a task.

Has IM made you this way too - I call it focused, but I wonder if it is anti-social?
#antisocial #made #working
  • Profile picture of the author Junaid khawaja
    This is the perfect approach, the best an internet marketer or an entrapreneur can get.

    It is not anti-social. Infact, this is one precious GOLD quality that keeps toxic people, toxic interactions and time sucking vampires out of your life.

    You need that mindset to be successful...The more you start working on your mission and less on their bull shit, the better you wil get each day. Let the minions run for your attention!

    Thanks
    -J
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  • Profile picture of the author cypherslock
    Not anti-social. You just have low tolerance for BS. And that is a good thing. You'll be able to guard your mindset as well. Most folks, around 86%, do not understand what we are.
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  • Profile picture of the author webmarke
    The problem you are facing that your clients think that they are the most important thing in the world. These people need to realize that they may not be your only client and that you are running a business and you are not being paid to be their friend.

    I don't think you are being anti-social. I think you are simply frustrated with people who don't respect you enough to show you the consideration that they would expect from you.
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  • Profile picture of the author RefuseToLose
    I'm not into the whole chatting side of things anymore.
    Sure you are... You just do it differently then other people...

    This is the 2nd thread I've seen so far where you ask questions to "bounce ideas" around haha

    But anyway...

    To answer your question... Being a good Entrepreneur generally sucks. I like the way Gary Vaynerchuk puts it... "It's like being a bad boyfriend"... You will be so devoted to your work that it can hurt your relationship sometimes.

    Finding a balance is good, but there are times where you should throw balance out the window and work your ass off and don't stop until you hit a breakthrough. If people have a problem with you being devoted to your work, then those are the same kind of people who end up dragging you down to begin with. Get them out of your life.

    Surround yourself with successful people, not losers.
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      "This is the 2nd thread I've seen so far where you ask questions to "bounce ideas" around haha"

      True, maybe this is where I ok with being social

      I totally get what Gary is saying, I think if you actually weighed up what is being done and what is being spoken about getting done you would have a pile of wasted time (and I want that time back).

      Don't get me wrong, I have done the corporate chatty thing, sure it's fun, you have a great social life but now that I am working with the aim to have a better lifestyle and not just live for weekends it is really important to me that I don't waste time fluffing around.

      I am committed to what I do and I have purpose, they can keep the water cooler chatter - what a waste of time.
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  • Profile picture of the author james flynn
    Originally Posted by BlossMart View Post

    I was just having a bitch to a colleague of mine about a client that is always wanting updates, interaction and generally is a traditional office-type dude that likes to be chatting, liaising, bouncing ideas basically every day.

    I'm not into the whole chatting side of things anymore.

    I used to do water cooler talk, work drinks, yarns with work mates, now I just want to get the work done and get on with my life.

    Is there anything wrong with that?

    I do my work to do the following:

    - Earn a good living
    - Support my family
    - Pay for my home
    - Pay for amazing holidays
    - Retire early
    - Do things every day that I could never do when I was chained to the desk in my old corporate career

    I can chat and be social when I have done my work, why should I be social when I am busy and focusing on a task.

    Has IM made you this way too - I call it focused, but I wonder if it is anti-social?
    Well I will consider myself as an anti-social if I refuse to hang out with my buddies when I'm done with my work. Then it means I have issues and constant complaining about me will be justified. But being an adult requires oneself to be responsible and one can't deviate from it that easy. But it's life you know!! And we have dreams that might take multiple lifetimes to accomplish . Therefore , my motto is to make enough to have a good living and embrace things that are more important to life than money .
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  • Profile picture of the author TNT011
    I thought that this was something reserved for developers in the IT industry, lol. You know this prejudice that developers are the notorious nerds with no social skills at all, lol. Maybe there are some colleagues in the IM sector experiencing the same trouble. That's likely, although not highly desirable. Sure think, I do my very best not to get into this zone, lol. Cheers!
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    I was just having a bitch to a colleague of mine about a client
    Same client as here?

    http://www.warriorforum.com/main-int...ff-little.html

    There is a rut you can get into as a freelancer where you complain about clients and work and demands of various projects and on and on. It's much the same as hating the people you work with in an office...and about as productive.

    Yes, clients ARE important. That's where the income comes from. An anti social person might resent time spent talking to clients - but time spent talking ABOUT clients is truly wasted time. There's no money in it.
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      Kay I am sorry to say this is another dude.

      'Skype dude', from the previous thread, is getting the picture and is far more behaved.

      Whereas 'Social man' is another kettle of fish all toegther.

      I am putting it down to working too many hours and losing a little bit of patience.

      I agree, I might be in a slump - thanks for pointing that out. with only a few weeks until I take a bit of time off it is probably taking it's toll.

      From now on, only positive thoughts.. well for today at least.
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  • Profile picture of the author aizaku
    not at all.


    IM also makes a great talking point when they ask you "what do u do?"


    i make it a point to enjoy a pint or two with friends and acquaintances...


    -Ike Paz
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    I agree, I might be in a slump - thanks for pointing that out. with only a few weeks until I take a bit of time off it is probably taking it's toll.
    It happens to all of us at some point. I think when you work alone you may not notice when the negativity seeps in. The problem is if you allow too many negative thoughts/comments, at some point clients may pick up on the negative attitude - which is what you don't want to happen.

    Glad to hear the other guy is doing better...often patience and being flexible can smooth the working relationship.

    All freelancers have a few clients that rub them the wrong way - but keep your eye on the prize....earn a living and enjoy more free time than you'd have with a 9-5.
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      It happens to all of us at some point. I think when you work alone you may not notice when the negativity seeps in. The problem is if you allow too many negative thoughts/comments, at some point clients may pick up on the negative attitude - which is what you don't want to happen.

      Glad to hear the other guy is doing better...often patience and being flexible can smooth the working relationship.

      All freelancers have a few clients that rub them the wrong way - but keep your eye on the prize....earn a living and enjoy more free time than you'd have with a 9-5.
      You should be my therapist Kay

      Honestly I appreciate your comments. I have had a run of particularly challenging situations with clients lately - seems to happen every few months and it has obviously blown the wind out of my sails.

      Onward and upwards. Today is a new day... what other metaphors should I use?
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnTimmins
    It is not anti social, is just you are focused and have priorities working on high income activities.

    Chat, surfing, FB , all of these are time wasters
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      Originally Posted by JohnTimmins View Post

      It is not anti social, is just you are focused and have priorities working on high income activities.

      Chat, surfing, FB , all of these are time wasters
      Yep, agreed. I am focused on work when I am working and on life when I am not working.

      I am so mindful of just getting it all done well I don't really have time to stop and besides, it's if I am on a roll it is just down right annoying to have too many outside influences.

      High income activities has been a major focus of late, when I started out I was just happy to do everything and everything and pack it all in. Now there is a heavy focus on productivity and earning what I want in the time frame I want so I can go on and do the other things in life I like to do.
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  • Profile picture of the author matteomatt
    Some days I am unable to leave my apartment without a massive amount of marijuana concentrate. Dont worry i live in colorado so its above board.

    When I see the other peasants in the safeway, I shudder to think what their lives are like working their boring 9 to 5 jobs.

    Afterwards I slink back to my cave, and spam instagram with nudes for 2$. All day baby all day.

    On a serious note, it has not made me antisocial but I spend considerably more time at home working, but I enjoy that.
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  • Profile picture of the author DavidProd
    Being like that is my greatest wish. Just ignore everything and be lazer focused on my work. From my perspective it is a blessing.
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  • Profile picture of the author atrbiz
    I've been working from home over the last 5+ years, running my own web dev business. I interact with clients often, but yes, I have become slightly anti-social, which is why I've signed up for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu classes as it keeps me in shape, helps with stress, and I get to socialize with my training partners.
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  • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
    Banned
    Hell, no. I was anti-social long before the advent of IM. The Internet just makes it much easier to be anti-social to a larger number of people at the same time.

    It's a special kind of magic!

    Frank
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Same here - but I find I'm LESS anti social working online.

    IM allows me to interact with people in a way that suits me best:

    in small doses....well spaced....
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  • Profile picture of the author Keith Everett
    To be honest, you are doing the right thing. You get a lot of office politics when you work offline, so it is refreshing to "hang out" with people who are heading in the direction you want to go..
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  • Profile picture of the author marktman571
    Originally Posted by BlossMart View Post

    I was just having a bitch to a colleague of mine about a client that is always wanting updates, interaction and generally is a traditional office-type dude that likes to be chatting, liaising, bouncing ideas basically every day.

    I'm not into the whole chatting side of things anymore.

    I used to do water cooler talk, work drinks, yarns with work mates, now I just want to get the work done and get on with my life.

    Is there anything wrong with that?

    I do my work to do the following:

    - Earn a good living
    - Support my family
    - Pay for my home
    - Pay for amazing holidays
    - Retire early
    - Do things every day that I could never do when I was chained to the desk in my old corporate career

    I can chat and be social when I have done my work, why should I be social when I am busy and focusing on a task.

    Has IM made you this way too - I call it focused, but I wonder if it is anti-social?
    In the beginning . Yes. Reason because when I started my freelance business I always used to overload myself with projects because I needed the money right away. This made me miserable because for more than half of the day I was sitting in front of the computer without getting a chance to go outside and socialize. But with the passage of time , I developed a decent profile and reputation and I started getting well paid projects . This gave me enough freedom to take only projects that paid me enough so that I could manage my monthly expenses more efficiently. The hussle was real in the beginning but in the end I found a way out of this whole mess.
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  • Profile picture of the author phenomix
    It hasn't made me anti-social, it just consumes a lot of my time. I actually use my time more efficiently now and because of it and have a no BS approach to everything in life now. All I think about is how I get can something done in the most time-efficient way without sacrificing quality. Even if it is something as menial as cooking an omelette.
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  • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
    Thanks everyone for your comments,

    So the consensus is that we are just a little older and wiser about how to spend out time now - if we want to call it anti-social during work hours be that as it may.

    I for one get so much more done and I am unapologetic for the anti-socialness.

    It's funny some days I feel like having a yarn and I am in control of that, and other days I just want to put my head down and punch it out.

    I think that's one of the good reasons about forums like this, you can jump on and have a bit of a virtual chin wag without wasting too much time.
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  • Profile picture of the author Paul Wilson
    I was born anti-social.

    The doctor said there's medication that will socialise me.

    Told him I didn't want to be a dog.

    -Paul.
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  • Profile picture of the author PVGUY
    Several months ago my wife suggested I get some out-of-house work a few hours a week. Yep, I was becoming very anti-social. Following her advice I now work 20 or so hours a week at a local DIY store. I get more human interaction than in years. And I've learned what I needed to set up some new DIY niche sites . . . they're turning a profit, too. Get out of the home office and around non IM people. That's my advice.
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      Originally Posted by PVGUY View Post

      Several months ago my wife suggested I get some out-of-house work a few hours a week. Yep, I was becoming very anti-social. Following her advice I now work 20 or so hours a week at a local DIY store. I get more human interaction than in years. And I've learned what I needed to set up some new DIY niche sites . . . they're turning a profit, too. Get out of the home office and around non IM people. That's my advice.
      Hey, that's cool. You get your fix of social interaction and get to reasearch at the same time.

      I think it's a great solution. I have been thinking about getting a hot desk now and again at a local business hub just to keep a tad social. I have also started to visit business clubs when I travel to engage a little more and also engage with people in my business a little more.

      The IM world can be a little consuming so I'd say your wife is one smart lady.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rory Singh
    Staying away from noise at work that doesn't help you move forward online is okay.

    But for me personally, I am more social ever since coming online. After all this is a people business and being social is a good thing.

    No matter what you're selling online, only the people who 'resonate' with your personality and who also like, know and trust you will be the people who buy 'from' you.
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnVianny
    It happens cause YOU DONT HAVE A SYSTEM

    You need more to delegate and automatize: all your efforts as an Entepreneur has to be
    focused on marketing and innovation.

    You better study a plan to automatize most of the tasks of you business which sucks time and effort, and not need your personal intervention.


    DELEGATE!
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  • Profile picture of the author shaunybb
    Hey there!


    I am too like that when I am working I need to focus.


    I also realise the importance of when I am not working on a specific task


    I need to network and build relationships that will help me in my business


    This has actually made me even more sociable


    Good thread
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  • Good thread, thanks everyone for sharing your opinions.

    I am currently in the banking industry and willing to make a shift to IM. I know how challenging this is, as far many times I am trying to focus and getting things done for my business and then I end up having to turn off my cell phone so I can concentrate. When I am working online I like to network with like minded people with whom I can collaborate and achieve more.

    Sometimes I ask myself if I am being unfriendly to my corporate peers and I realize that we just don't share the same interests anymore, but I try to make some time to hangout with them once in while.

    As Jim Rohn once said "You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with" so those you network with can have great influence in who you will eventually become.
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      Originally Posted by Anderson Goncalves View Post

      Good thread, thanks everyone for sharing your opinions.

      I am currently in the banking industry and willing to make a shift to IM. I know how challenging this is, as far many times I am trying to focus and getting things done for my business and then I end up having to turn off my cell phone so I can concentrate. When I am working online I like to network with like minded people with whom I can collaborate and achieve more.

      Sometimes I ask myself if I am being unfriendly to my corporate peers and I realize that we just don't share the same interests anymore, but I try to make some time to hangout with them once in while.

      As Jim Rohn once said "You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with" so those you network with can have great influence in who you will eventually become.
      Really good point Anderson, while it can be hard in the early days to feel comfortable about the shift from the corporate world to the IM world once you are in a good pattern it gets so much easier.

      I wouldn't think as yourself as being unfriendly, on the contrary I would think of it as being focused and driven to succeed. If you turn off all the 'noise' it certainly helps to achieve your goals. I set periods in my day for breaks and if I feel like having a quick chat with someone for a yarn I will do it but I don't pick up on demand. Most people get used to this and expect I will call them back when I have time and I am not focused on my work.

      It's important to have balance and to socialise and have a balanced life, it's just striking the balance that is the key. Heck, we might seem anti-social, we just probably work a little differently to the norm so that we can get on with our live and do what we want to do.
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  • Profile picture of the author ABBinvest
    i am in IM for much long and it is just a hobby for me. i earn and also a hobby
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      Originally Posted by ABBinvest View Post

      i am in IM for much long and it is just a hobby for me. i earn and also a hobby
      That's a good way to be, that way it doesn't matter how you go and there is not as much pressure. Good for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author jazbo
    Not at all.

    Now leave me in peace and never contact me again.
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  • Profile picture of the author zdebx
    As long as you know the limit to socialising and it doesn't affect your daily work/routine, then there shouldn't be any problems.

    However, if you are on Facebook/What's App/Twitter and Instagram 24/7, then you may want to re-assess your schedule...
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      Originally Posted by zdebx View Post

      As long as you know the limit to socialising and it doesn't affect your daily work/routine, then there shouldn't be any problems.

      However, if you are on Facebook/What's App/Twitter and Instagram 24/7, then you may want to re-assess your schedule...
      True that - social to me means being in front of someone or using my voice (not my keyboard to have a chat about something that is completely unrelated to work and a bit of an escape from the grind).

      Apps and social media while they connect aren't always genuine and I think people do get very lazy with tech and forget about old fashioned social skills.
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  • Profile picture of the author nomore9to5
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      Originally Posted by nomore9to5 View Post

      I do feel a bit anti social at times. Obviously I spend time with my family, but I often spend entire days online and never speak to another person face to face. I do network using social media and talk to people that way, but it's not really the same. Having small children also means that my social life is nearly non existent, but that's another issue!
      Get out and chat with people at the shops or in your community, volunteer for a few hours or go for a walk to the beach or to the park and have a chat with someone friendly down there.

      I understand with kids and home businesses it can be hard but there is plenty of time to chat. I often take the time to just get out and be social (even for a few minutes) with neighbours just to break myself away from the screen and have a change of scenery.

      It's tough, but you will thank yourself later for taking a few minutes out and joining the world - it's really, really healthy.
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  • Profile picture of the author Brent Stangel
    I think "anti-social" is a misnomer. I'm as social as anyone.

    I believe myself to be "anti-society," as it encourages people to be conformist sheep.

    I'll tell you all a short story:

    Years ago I had a very successful ad design business I ran via mailorder. While I had some great clients, it was the not-so-great clients that eventually motivated me to shut it down.

    Fast forward two or three years and I find myself doing basically the same thing with short video ads. Once again I was frustrated and pissed off, and you guessed it, it was ignorant, demanding "clients" who were the root.

    I don't deal with "clients" anymore and I'm a much more relaxed and happy camper, by far.

    </storytimewithbrent>
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      Originally Posted by Brent Stangel View Post

      I think "anti-social" is a misnomer. I'm as social as anyone.

      I believe myself to be "anti-society," as it encourages people to be conformist sheep.

      I'll tell you all a short story:

      Years ago I had a very successful ad design business I ran via mailorder. While I had some great clients, it was the not-so-great clients that eventually motivated me to shut it down.

      Fast forward two or three years and I find myself doing basically the same thing with short video ads. Once again I was frustrated and pissed off, and you guessed it, it was ignorant, demanding "clients" who were the root.

      I don't deal with "clients" anymore and I'm a much more relaxed and happy camper, by far.

      </storytimewithbrent>
      Thanks for story time Brent - anti-society hey, that's interesting.

      Baulking mainstream society is fair enough, but do you keep social with a group you are comfortable with to make sure you get an outlet from IM?
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    Look at me.

    There, now I'm social.
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    • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
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      Originally Posted by yukon View Post

      Look at me.

      There, now I'm social.
      That's not being social. It's being needy. lol

      Frank
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  • Profile picture of the author ProServices
    We can all get carried away with IM and alot of warriors often spend 10-12 hours or even more per day. The secret is to balance everything and include gym/walking/running workouts. Get some quality time, socialize often and we should be fine
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  • Profile picture of the author ryanbiddulph
    Actually, the EXACT opposite LOL! I used to be anti-social. Terrible self esteem. Then I got online. I built bonds through social media. Made friends. Shared value. All that good stuff. Then I found it easier to approach folks offline, to socialize and to make new friends.

    Note: I was a wall flower before doing IM. Making up for lost time methinks

    Ryan
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      Originally Posted by ryanbiddulph View Post

      Actually, the EXACT opposite LOL! I used to be anti-social. Terrible self esteem. Then I got online. I built bonds through social media. Made friends. Shared value. All that good stuff. Then I found it easier to approach folks offline, to socialize and to make new friends.

      Note: I was a wall flower before doing IM. Making up for lost time methinks

      Ryan
      That's interesting Ryan that it has given you the confidence in social settings as well ... pleased to hear it.

      One side effect if you can call it that of IM and working online has been that I care less of what people think, but in a good way. It used to really bother me about people's opinions and now I feel I am more confident and I have a bit more of an understanding my skills and talents.

      It's good to hear that you've had a positive experience.
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  • Profile picture of the author Djwillster123
    Not at all man. I love this stuff!
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      Originally Posted by Djwillster123 View Post

      Not at all man. I love this stuff!
      Good to hear man.
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  • Profile picture of the author Edwin Torres
    Interesting replies... this is actually one of my fears as I'm introverted but I do like hanging out with people and catching up with them.
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    • Profile picture of the author BlossMart
      Originally Posted by Edwin Torres View Post

      Interesting replies... this is actually one of my fears as I'm introverted but I do like hanging out with people and catching up with them.
      It's pretty easy to get anti-social.

      I find I am behind my desk so much and on the computer most people are happy to have a skype for a meeting so I don't really need to be social in business anymore.

      I have started to book in weekly catch ups during the day with friends just to remind myself to be social and outgoing, sounds silly but otherwise I could easily just spend the whole week doing work and focusing on my own stuff and barely focus on friends and the outside world.
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