For the wordsmiths, the clever and the not-so-easily-amused

by kf
12 replies
This may belong elsewhere, but it's too good not to share. And it is Saturday ...

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question in an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): it's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid & an ass hole.

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The pick of the literature ... lol.

Only problem w this list is I can't choose my favorite between 5, 11 and 16 of the bottom list.

~ Kate
#clever #soeasilyamused #wordsmiths
  • Profile picture of the author Robin E. Anderson
    These are wonderful...thanks for sharing a good chuckle. Words can be fun! Have you ever read the Bulwer Lytton contest winners? They are vying for the worst opening line in a novel in the tradition of "it was a dark and story night." More fun stuff.
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  • Profile picture of the author designfuschion
    11 and 13 from top list are my fav's..and entire bottom list.

    Very funny! Thanks for the laugh.

    Yay,i now have a word to use to describe when i do this "Arachnoleptic fit".

    wish i'd never ever watched arachnaphobia as a kid :S

    'Cashtration'-very apt for the current times..
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  • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
    Kate... I think it's a tie between 5 and 16 of the bottom list. They're
    so funny. It's a sad state of affairs to realize 99% of all the managers
    I've worked for were ignoranus'.

    That is so dead on it's scary.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Williams
    I loved 16. Thanks for posting this, it was a fun read
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  • Profile picture of the author designfuschion
    just thought of another alternative meaning for 'cashtration'.

    cashtration: Forced removal of cash by external circumstances,thereby rendering the subject financially impotent.

    cashtrated: The time or duration in which the subject is financially impotent. or The time prior to financial success.

    [people can incur cashtration without purchasing a house]
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  • Profile picture of the author dave147
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author Susanrh
      Oh thank you so much for this, I love them all! I just wish I had any hope of remembering them!

      Literally laughing out loud!

      Susan
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      • Profile picture of the author Tina Golden
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        • Profile picture of the author Kay King
          Me too - I was writing the numbers of my favorite ones - and ended up with seven numbers!

          I was laughing out loud all the way through that post - very unusual for me.

          kay
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  • Profile picture of the author kf
    Glad you all enjoyed the giggle.

    On re-reading, I realized that # 16, classified as 'pick of the literature' would be more accurate if there as an 'r' after the 'p'.
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  • Profile picture of the author yves
    They are great! What a laugh. Girafitti, caterpallor and ignoranus were my favourites

    Thanks
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