Can anyone review my landing page and tell me what to improve?

by Devon Tank

Posted: 7 years ago 19 replies

INTERNET MARKETING

Hey everyone just joined the warrior forum, but recently I've been getting clicks to my landing page but I haven't been able to get any conversations. Id really appreciate it if anyone could tell me what I need to improve.
punishpounds.com

#improve #landing #page #review

agmccall 7 years ago

I would change just about everything.

First, it is not a landing page, it is a multi page sales letter. I am not sure if you are the vendor or an affiliate. but if you are the affiliate you are losing right at the start.

It takes four pages before you get to any call to action. The call to action should be front and center right away.

Fix the navigation get rid of the "Next Page" links and put proper navigation. Use the content on those pages in conjunction with your follow up emails.

The whole thing screams "I want to sell you something" in my opinion you will lose most of your visitors after the first "Next Page" and more and more after each one. Get them on your list as soon as you can

al
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- Devon Tank 7 years ago
  
  im sorry about that it was taking some time for my post to get approved so I change it to something else. I just put it back to what it was when I wrote the post. sorry about that.
  
  Thanks
  
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Jason Kanigan 7 years ago

Not enough of a hook. Insufficient curiosity. I don't believe this report will help me solve my problem.

The design is a bit amateurish...I'd invest in an affordable designer...I'll bet you can get a real improvement for less than fifty bucks. And it's a tax-deductible expense.

Most of all, work on your headline.
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Devon Tank 7 years ago

Thank you I'm going to pay a designer.
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- TonyRoberts 7 years ago
  
  I'm glad you've decided to go down this route. I assure you it'll be worth spending the money.
  
  Good luck with it!
  
  Thanks
  
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Mabu Map 7 years ago

The headline should be smaller

"Free Report Reveals..." should be smaller, this is not important.

What important is that what your audience will get. "THE TOP TEN FAT LOSS
MYTHS" should be bigger. But unfortulately, THE TOP TEN FAT LOSS
MYTHS is too general, you should go into a smaller niche, like lose weight with diet, lose belly fat

Hope this helps!
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laila904 7 years ago

Hi there!
You got some constructive feedback already. I say that the page can appear more professional. It currently looks basic. Also, you might want to throw in words/ phrases to capture your target audience. Of course by laser targeting your audience it will be easier to know which words/ phrases will hook them right away.
Wishing you and all the very best
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hardworker2013 7 years ago

LOL smart way to advertise your website on here
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Unrivaled Review 7 years ago

Hi Devon,

I think you would benefit greatly from rearranging the page; specifically by drawing the readers eyes elsewhere.

For example, the arrow is pointing to the scales, an insignificant image. Try pointing the arrow to the "enter email box" this is where you want the viewer to look and enter information.

I'd also focus on the wording. There's not much of an incentive to sign up to your offer - try rewording to something like: "discover the top 10 ways why you cant lose weight". There needs to be a personal connection and incentive, something that captures interest and feels like its almost secret knowledge.

Hope this helps Devon!
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Doan Chi Tin 7 years ago

How about your conversion rates?

I think your call to action is not quite good.

My advice: Do NOT make it more complicated, try to be simple as hell
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Sharon Jones 7 years ago

I don't think there's anything which would appeal a user to fill in the data. Sure there's an ebook but it is a cliched technique which doesn't really work. Instead of pointing out the common reason to buy your product you should add a little description of your product like what makes you stand out from the others, that could give you decent conversion.
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Devon Tank 7 years ago

Thanks everyone, I truly appreciate it.
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Bryan Zazz 7 years ago

Getting "professional help" - i.e. a designer - is great advice.

An alternative to paying a designer: study pages that work, that you feel captivated by, that make you make to push the BUY button - and adapt what you've learned to your case.

Study successful people you admire in the industry, imagine how could that be adapted to your case.

I'm a big Kern fan myself, I always watch and study everything he's sending me with great interest.

So study those you admire ... then apply to your particular case. It's only by applying and trying stuff out - and making mistakes as a learning tool - that you actually learn and improve
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Princess Balestra 7 years ago

Looks kinda lean for a fat loss offer.

I wanna see sum BLOAT ... sum COPY CARBS ... I can really sink my teeth inta.

Plus also, all this offers Moi is 10 REAL STOOPID THINGS I GOTTA QUIT which I MAY NOT ACTSHWLLY BE DOIN'.

I got an ass packin' triple Kardashian excess for sum mystery 11th reason, your report don't help.

Prolly sumone smart could rewrite this forya ... only bein' kinda skinno I don't do weight loss.
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Randall Magwood 7 years ago

My thoughts:

- The headline is weak
- The bullet points copy are weak
- The call to action is weak
- The graphic image on the right is confusing (what is it?)
- The page is too long just to capture an email address
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dragoshs 6 years ago

Ummmm it says coming soon so... change that into a real landing page
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hadyn 6 years ago

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- Brent Stangel 6 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by hadyn
  
  I personally like everything about it. I am building something similar for my business. How did you make yours, by the way?
  
  Really??
  
  What part of the Shopify "Sorry, this shop is currently unavailable." page do you like most?
  
  Brent
  
  Thanks
  
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  DABK 6 years ago
  
  I am betting it's the font size: it's large enough to read without a magnifying glass.
  
  (Is it me, or the number of people who like things they haven't even looked at is on the rise?)
  
  Originally Posted by Brent Stangel
  
  Really??
  
  What part of the Shopify "Sorry, this shop is currently unavailable." page do you like most?
  
  Brent
  
  Thanks
  
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PPG19 6 years ago

¨Sorry this page is currently unavailable¨
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