Help on my offer

Like Tinkerbell, I was confused about just what you were offering. I missed the software offer entirely until someone here mentioned it and I went back and noticed the video. You also mentioned a course in the video.

I'm guessing that somewhere in that 20+ minute video is something that explains the Niche Packs and why they might be worth $47 to someone. I sure didn't get that from the copy.

I know people tell you to write like you talk, but you are taking that to an extreme. It makes reading your copy as difficult as reading a verbatim transcript of a phone call. Unless you give them a compelling reason, people just aren't going to work that hard.

The proof is in your stats.

If you want to sell the packs, you'll need to provide more info about why they are worth buying. You name a niche, then give a keyword number and a link number. If I have half a brain, I tell myself that I can get the same info by sticking the niche in a keyword tool and a search page. And that won't cost me $47.

If you want to sell the niche packs, and a software package, and a course, you need at least three sales letters. And they need to be a lot tighter than what you have here.

I know it's hard to put something you've worked on up for scrutiny and hear that it falls short. But there is good news. You have a starting point and you know that you can get traffic to the page. Now you need to clean things up and focus on one step you want those visitors to take next.

Good luck to you...

Mechanically much better, although you still need a proof reader.

After giving it the "consumer skim", I do have a question for you as the product developer...

In your story, you talked about being burned out from the grind of doing fulfillment, yet you seem to be offering an open-ended stream of weekly updates for one fixed price. Aren't you setting yourself up for the same kind of burnout, especially if new sales ever taper off? Or is there some type of continuity aspect that isn't explained? Even if there is, the first question is still valid - by promising a weekly update, aren't you setting yourself up for the same burnout?