My Biggest Business Obstacle Yet - Wife of 20 Years Left With The Twins & The Dog.

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My Biggest Business Obstacle Yet - Wife of 20 Years Left With The Twins & The Dog.

I have had to go through a lot in building a successful online business and jumped over or plowed through several obstacles which was especially hard given I have developed schizophrenia which is gradually progressing.

However, now I have a huge obstacle to go through, over or under....

The evening before Thanksgiving without a clue, the wife took the twins and the dog - leaving me to spend Thanksgiving by myself.

This ofcourse killed my motivation to continue working on my business. Needless to say I feel dead inside and the last thing I want to do is continue to build my empire.

I hope your Thanksgiving was better than mine. Hopefully between now and Christmas (our wedding anniversary in the day before Christmas Eve) I can work on a number of projects.

Any virtual shoulders to cry on or words of encouragement would be appreciated.
#biggest #business #dog #left #obstacle #twins #wife #years
  • Profile picture of the author cdhartpence


    Wow.

    I am speechless, and very sorry for your loss.

    Just know that this is the season of giving, and I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that we who know of your plight will be thinking of you...

    -=Vel=-
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    • Profile picture of the author Alaister
      Really sorry to hear about you situation. I hope it all works out ok for you.

      I honestly can't say I know what you are going through but I can understand that it must be really tough.

      Things will always turn around. just hang in there
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    • Profile picture of the author Ray Erdmann
      Been there/done that!

      Though I wasn't married 20 years, my ex left me back in 02' for a kid (he was 23, she was 32) and now they have two kids together, whereas we never had kids during our 12 year marriage and not being a father now at 40 has been something that I've been battling with for a few years now.

      The only encouragement that I can offer is keeping your head 'in the game'. From the sounds of it, your business appears to be 'profitable', thus always realize that you'll never have to work a job again, while your wife may have to work until she's well beyond her retirement years...that is if she even has a job now!

      As for the "kids", get a lawyer and if you really want them, fight for them and do everything you can to stay focused on the job at hand!

      In the meantime, my sincerest condolences on this unforeseen circumstance to have happened at an inappropriate time!
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  • Profile picture of the author Lou Diamond
    Hello,
    life has it's twists and turns and I just take one day at a time.
    Just try to make everyday better than the last one.
    Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tom Harvey
    Bad enough that she left with the twins..but that she took the DOG? unforgiveable !
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  • Profile picture of the author Lambert Klein
    Yes, been though some of that myself. Some the same, some different. Thankfully I'm with a loving lady now.

    Hope your future will be brighter and you find the right person for you.

    Good luck to you and keep your chin up...

    Lambert

    Oh, BTW had tacos for Thanksgiving...
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    • Profile picture of the author bgmacaw
      Since she took the dog, that calls for a country song, a REAL country song, not pop with a tiny bit of twang like you hear today...


      And, if you have mental illness kind of problems, get those attended to first before any business stuff. You have to make getting yourself well your top priority.
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      • Profile picture of the author Greg guitar
        I feel for you brother. Take the time to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I hope you'll find someone local to reach out to, you need more than virtual shoulders to cry on; it would be good to get it all out with a kind person who is actually present in the flesh.

        Realize that you are a person who has value, regardless of what your wife does or thinks. When your most important loved one leaves, it's easy to feel like you have no value, but that's always wrong. We all have immense value. It's just a feeling (although it may be a strong one) that will pass.

        The most important thing to keep in mind is that this pain will pass, and you will be stronger in the long run. But I don't mean to trivialize your pain; it must be pretty overwhelming right now. The fact that you have the courage to open up about it here on the forum and reach out for help, tells us you have the courage to see this tough time through, and come out the other side, still standing, stronger and wiser.

        Good luck with everything, and keep reaching out; there are kind hearts everywhere, just waiting to offer you some comfort. You will survive.
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  • Profile picture of the author uncle randy 71
    Man oh man, I am truly sorry. Words really won't help you right now, but keep in touch with the kids, no matter what. PM sent your way.
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  • Profile picture of the author Imran Naseem
    Banned
    Im sorry to hear that - If you need to talk I am here...I hope you pull through and be strong...remember you need to hang in there..
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  • Profile picture of the author Don Schenk
    Oh Mike, 'm so sorry to hear that. My thought and prayers go with you.

    Over the holiday, a friend of mine from New York was in town for several days. While here his dog took sick (the dog goes everywhere with him). A trip to the emergency vet revealed his 14.5 year old dog has a large inoperable tumor on its liver. It may only live a few more weeks.

    Then yesterday my friend received a phone call telling him his closest (human) friend had a heart attack and died.

    Someday you may be thankfull the wife and dog left.

    Sent you a PM

    :-Don
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  • Profile picture of the author Vikuna2009+
    what a LOUSY timing!!! On the other hand, You got the IM knowledge that people would KILL for. Use your skills to blast to a fortune (oh, sorry, that will probably all be child support. Well then, practice and learn more and after the divorce is final, blast off.

    20 ****n' years of your life, man, I feel for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    Mike,

    I only know you through bantering on Warrior Forum, mostly about UFC of all things. Friends of mine deal with such challenges in different ways. Some see psychiatrists, some go to the gym, some connect with the Great Spirit in sacred ceremonies, some do yoga, some seek counsel with their Rabbi/priest, some to go strip clubs and have a few beers and enjoy the show. I don't know what is right for you, and can only suggest that you find a way of healing that is true to yourself.

    The good thing I see in your post is that you are able to identify your obstacles and challenges, and aren't bottling it all up like a pressure cooker. I think that'll help you identify the best solutions and find harmony with your life again, and harmony is the key to happiness, I think, however you achieve it.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mike Shain
      Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

      Mike,

      I only know you through bantering on Warrior Forum, mostly about UFC of all things.
      Check down the page for some pics for ya!


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    • Profile picture of the author Vikuna2009+
      Maybe this is a little off the top but while you are going through your pain (and loss) write it down and create a membership site with a forum with tons of other people going through the same thing themselves.

      I think it is very brave of you to express your own problems, most people will not. By creating your membership site about what you are going through right now, you will help yourself work through it and others as well (and make an income too, ;-)

      Since I've never had kids, I can't relate, only guess. However, my ex took care of my dog for 4 months when I had to go and help a girlfriend that broke her leg in two pieces (slipping on the hardwood floor).

      When I came back, he refused to give me my dog back but I still had a key to the house. Guess what, he called the cops on me!!! Will never ever forgive him for that one.

      Hang in there, you can do it (posting here PROVES to me, you can).

      All the best, Eva

      P.s. He never managed to take my dog away and being a golden retreiver, she lived to be 14 years and 9 months, God bless her.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mike Shain
      Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

      Mike,

      I only know you through bantering on Warrior Forum, mostly about UFC of all things.
      Here are some pics for ya:

      (My son, me and Matt Huges)



      Matt's sick chopper:




      Yep - that's a championship belt:



      and Matt's hummer:




      Thanks for the support - I could talk UFC all day - great thing to keep my mind of things.
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      • Profile picture of the author brchap
        I, like many of the other warriors here, can relate a little. I'm divorced (not once, but twice) and although I don't know exactly what you are going through, I have this to say:

        Try to at least get JOINT custody. No judge will give you full custody unless the mother is a real screw up, but you can push for joint. It will not only give you more time with your kids, but will allow you to be more involved in the important decisions in their lives.

        Also, after each of my divorces, I would fall into a deep depression in which I couldn't get out of bed for weeks. In hindsight, I should have gone to a doctor a lot soon to get on some short-term antidepressants or something. So if you are prone to depression, I'd suggest you talk to your doctor quickly. You don't have to take them forever... just long enough to get you over the hump (usually 6 months to a year).

        I'm sending you over some good thoughts and prayers tonight, man. Hang in there, buddy.
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        • Profile picture of the author sande
          I will pray for you. I hope things cool down for you and you get to know what is the best step to take.
          All the best
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          • Profile picture of the author Mike Shain
            The last time I tried to manually thank each person's post - they system shut me down (only allowing a certain number of thanks)

            So I will say here - thanks to all for your thoughts and prayers. Your support mean everything to me.

            I really have no other family than the kind folks here so I appreciate your help and virtual hugs/shoulders.

            Thanks again!
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            • Profile picture of the author Shana_Adam
              Originally Posted by Mike Shain View Post


              I really have no other family than the kind folks here so I appreciate your help and virtual hugs/shoulders.

              Thanks again!

              ahh that made me cry....sorry to hear about sad time you are going through!

              Don't give up hope - sometimes people just need space!

              Love always conquers all!!
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      • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
        Originally Posted by Mike Shain View Post

        Here are some pics for ya:
        >snip
        Thanks for the support - I could talk UFC all day - great thing to keep my mind of things.
        Great photos! I can't imagine what it feels like to be the world champion at anything.

        As long as we're on the subject of UFC, Dana White managed to turn the intestinal ailment of Brock Lesnar -- the man everybody loves to hate (nice case study in marketing, that) -- to add more drama to the promotions. He declared that Lesnar may never fight again. This made everybody scramble to look at the other heavyweight competitors (to figure out where to place their bets in the future), thus giving them more publicity. The last reports said Lesnar just required fairly *minor* surgery, and will be fine and ready to fight again in the near future.
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  • Profile picture of the author Lisa Gergets
    You know that the WF is here for you...

    I'm so terribly sorry this has happened to you, my friend...I do truly believe, as trite as it sounds, that everything happens for a reason. Of course, that doesn't help the pain you're feeling right now.

    If you believe you can take better care of your kids, please fight for them. I know my dad could've taken better care of me, but back then, there was no choice to be made. Fight for your babies if you have to.

    Peace be with you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Lisa Gergets
    Maybe this is a little off the top but while you are going through your pain (and loss) write it down and create a membership site with a forum with tons of other people going through the same thing themselves.

    I think it is very brave of you to express your own problems, most people will not. By creating your membership site about what you are going through right now, you will help yourself work through it and others as well (and make an income too, ;-)
    This is a fantastic idea...a way to keep your mind occupied while still working through your own feelings. Imagine how many people you could help!
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  • Profile picture of the author MizzCindy
    I'm really sorry this happened. I know it's tough to take. I hope you can find some good out of it all when the dust settles.

    In the meantime, take care of yourself. If you need to get some help with the darker emotions, don't be afraid to do that. Keeping yourself as healthy and on top of things as possible is the very first step to getting through something like this.

    Good luck to you and many blessings.

    Cindy
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    • Profile picture of the author Affiliatefunk
      I will try to fix your mood with some famous quotes.:rolleyes:

      "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran

      "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."Patrick Murray

      "Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them."Dumas

      "You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to."Henny Youngman

      Keep your Head Up mate.
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  • Profile picture of the author slovatt
    I'm really sorry for what you have to go through Mike. It won't be easy. I've been there and I found that it took about 3 years to get through the pain and anger. But there is the other side and it may even be better that what you've known before. Hang in, it's one step at a time. Don't expect too much from yourself right now. You can pick up the pieces a little at a time as you go forward.
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  • Profile picture of the author peetred
    Mike, So sorry to hear about your situation, especially during the holidays. That's a terrible time to leave someone. Remember to always let your kids know how much you love them, not only with your mouth but with your time and energy as well.
    And try to forgive, even if it's the hardest thing you will ever do, it will also be the best and will help you be happy and get on with life.

    Take care of yourself and I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,
    Vanessa
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  • Profile picture of the author pizzatherapy
    Very sorry to hear about your loss, Mike.

    I can only echo the thoughts and well wishes of everyone else here. Stay well. Lean on your friends for support. Know that you are not alone. You have a lot of support, which is very positive.

    Knowing that your friends are standing with you doesn't make the pain go away. It does however, make the pain a little easier to bear...
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  • Profile picture of the author Darrel Hawes
    Hey Mike,

    Sorry to hear about your loss. I know it's hard to keep focused with these external distractions happening... but you gotta do it! I'll say a prayer for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ideefixe
    Mike you are in my prayers. Be strong. F%ck internet marketing. Focus on #1 (you) and reconnect/establish/work on connecting with friends and family. Bridges may have been burned, but they can be rebuilt. Really try to connect with real people offline (like family). I know, I know, that's gonna be tuff but it WILL help you recover and ultimately beat it... it helped me. And go to Florida for a few weeks, take some of your new friends with ya. Love, peaCE, & Joy. - God Bless.
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    • Profile picture of the author Hesaidblissfully
      Sometimes personal crises that we go through end up being the best things that ever happened to us when we look back at them, because they force us to evolve and move forward to better things, and become better people. Maybe your wife leaving you will open the door to finding a woman who treats you well.
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  • Profile picture of the author Karen Connell
    I really feel for you.

    My ex threw me out just before Christmas (25 years ago now) with 5 boys and a dog.

    I brought up the boys alone and never even considered re marrying - once bitten and all that...

    I suppose I was lucky that he simply chucked me out.

    Keep in touch with your children using whatever means that you need to.

    Don't look back - you can't change what has happened.

    It is what you do today that determines what will happen in the future - so concentrate on getting through one day at a time.

    My thoughts are with you.

    Karen
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    • Profile picture of the author grovesey
      next time marry a girl from middle east .they are very very tolernt even when they should not be .how do i know .because i am one myself.
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      • Profile picture of the author Nightengale
        Omigosh! I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now.

        I'll keep you in my prayers.

        You mentioned that you really don't have friends, just your Warrior buddies. I'd strongly recommend that you begin making friends and cultivating friendships offline. I love the Warriors, but there's no substitute for spending time with someone and talking with them in person, especially at a time like this. Obviously, you can't do that now, but definitely start so that you'll have friends when you really need them.

        If you attend church, that would be the place to start. Churches often have small groups or Bible studies for people in a certain age group or for those who are parents, divorced, single, or whatever. Our church has a divorce recovery group too.

        If you don't attend church, you might look around for some sort of divorce recovery group in your area.

        I imagine you wouldn't do this right away as you're still in shock and likely will be for some time to come. But when you're ready -- no, scratch that, probably BEFORE you're ready, you need to reach out to people whom you have something in common with -- people who know what you're going through -- and cultivate friendships with them. Moral support from your friends and family is critical at a time like this.

        Heck, it doesn't even have to be a divorce recovery group (or something similar). Do you have buddies you hang out with and go fishing with or something? That would be the place to start.

        I've been going through a difficult time myself lately (though not nearly on the scale of what you're going through). It's easy when you're caught up in IM to completely lose any semblance of a social life. I have friends, but they're mostly from college and no longer in the area. Between work, school and IM, I didn't cultivate a new group of friends or any sort of social life after moving back to West Palm Beach about 7 years ago.

        My mistake. Through a series of things I won't go into here, I found myself in desperate need of some sort of real-world social life and real-world friends, not just online chat buddies. I'm seriously burned out and somewhat depressed.

        So I reached out to the singles group in my church and it's been such a blessing. Just to be able to get out and hang out with people who are in a situation similar to mine. People I can share with, cry with, laugh with. They've warmly included me in their circle and have shown they care about me and what I'm going through. They keep me in their prayers and check in with me to see how it's going when I haven't been feeling well.

        Their love and support has meant a lot to me and the positive input and encouragement from them has been what's kept me going lately.

        My heart aches for your loss this holiday season. I'll keep you in my prayers.

        Michelle
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      • Profile picture of the author midasAu
        You are going through a tough time, my heart goes out to you.

        There are no words any of us can offer to lessen your pain right now but one thing you can be sure of - as each day passes you will become stronger. I find the trick is to look forward not back.

        Don't forget no matter what happens you have your business skill and that is buried deep in your brain, no one can take that away from you

        Take care of yourself and stay strong
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  • Profile picture of the author loenex
    Move on with your life. I know it's hard to start again but believe in yourself and you can do it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Prashaant
    Sorry to hear about your loss... or maybe it's not really a loss after all! Just keep your focus.. and the most important thing is to take care of your health... no amount of money can buy that...
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  • Profile picture of the author Profit-smart
    Originally Posted by Mike Shain View Post

    My Biggest Business Obstacle Yet - Wife of 20 Years Left With The Twins & The Dog.

    I have had to go through a lot in building a successful online business and jumped over or plowed through several obstacles which was especially hard given I have developed schizophrenia which is gradually progressing.

    However, now I have a huge obstacle to go through, over or under....

    The evening before Thanksgiving without a clue, the wife took the twins and the dog - leaving me to spend Thanksgiving by myself.

    This ofcourse killed my motivation to continue working on my business. Needless to say I feel dead inside and the last thing I want to do is continue to build my empire.

    I hope your Thanksgiving was better than mine. Hopefully between now and Christmas (our wedding anniversary in the day before Christmas Eve) I can work on a number of projects.

    Any virtual shoulders to cry on or words of encouragement would be appreciated.
    I have a framed copy of this quote on my wall; during any moment of weakness it helps keep my of focused. I cant relate to your difficulty's; but we all have our own challenges.


    "Forget about likes and dislikes, they are of no consequence. Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness."
    -George Bernard Shaw


    Just remember that some things cannot be changed, and even if they can; its not necessarily for the better to change them. Keep focused on what you can control, and not what you cannot control.

    Use your sadness or anger as energy to drive you forward.
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  • Profile picture of the author securedservers
    sorry to hear about that man, stand strong, youll get through it
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    • Profile picture of the author Liam Hamer
      Really sorry to hear this Mike It's a cliche, but things will get better - hang in there
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  • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
    Hey Mike,

    I went through the same thing - I'm now happier and more successful than ever before. She has missed out on my best success and I am now living my life true to who I am and with no compromises - she's still living her old life of limitation.

    Treat this as an opportunity to grow and deal with unexpected obstacles.

    Those people don't define you - so just deal with things in the best way you can and show your kids a great example of a strong man who is a great example of how a father can show his kids to deal with life.

    Andy
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    • Profile picture of the author RexX
      Hi Mike,

      I really can't imagine how hurt you must feel. Don't lose touch with your kids. They still need and love you and you will come through this in time.

      You are in my thoughts,

      Kind Regards,
      Rexx
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    • Profile picture of the author ildarius
      Originally Posted by Andyhenry View Post

      Hey Mike,

      I went through the same thing - I'm now happier and more successful than ever before. She has missed out on my best success and I am now living my life true to who I am and with no compromises - she's still living her old life of limitation.

      Treat this as an opportunity to grow and deal with unexpected obstacles.

      Those people don't define you - so just deal with things in the best way you can and show your kids a great example of a strong man who is a great example of how a father can show his kids to deal with life.

      Andy
      Amen to that. Couldn't have said it better.
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  • Profile picture of the author seriousmny
    Hi Mike,

    Just read your post and I must say, losing a spouse and your children is a hard thing to deal with, especially after investing all that time.

    I had to walk away (no run) from a marriage of 15 years and had to pack my things quickly and take my child and my 2 cats in a matter of hours.

    I can attest to the fact that life does go on and that things do get better. You owe it to yourself to seek some professional assistance with your schizophrenia and take some medication if need be. There is nothing wrong with that.

    I went through depression after it was all over with and took some meds as well. See a counselor to work through your feelings and then move on. I agree with getting joint custody of your children. Don't lose contact with them, and just mirror to them that even though they are not in your home any more, they still mean the world to you. Your wife can never be a father to your children. They need you.

    As far as internet marketing is concerned, if you have things set up where you don't have to particularly be hands on right now and put things on autopilot, I would do that.

    Book a trip to Hawaii, Vegas, or somewhere you haven't been and get out of that house where the memories are. You'll feel better.

    I'll be saying a prayer for you and your kids and your whole situation. You can make it. I did. My daughter's in college now. I am happy and single. Wouldn't mind getting married again, either. All men aren't the same. There are some great people out there.

    Get busy living my friend...time passes quickly, utilize every minute you have.

    Stay encouraged.

    Monique
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    • Profile picture of the author kf
      What could be truer than this? Nice perspective Monique.

      Originally Posted by seriousmny View Post

      Get busy living my friend...time passes quickly, utilize every minute you have.
      Mike,

      You may find some comfort in the work of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, particularly her five stages of grief. Note that you won't always move through them in a linear way, it's quite normal to bounce back and forward.

      K├╝bler-Ross model - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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  • Profile picture of the author tomhoobyar
    Mike,

    I have been in the same place. The ONLY cure is to care for yourself RIGHT NOW! It will make you attractive and help you heal and recover your "natural shape" after 20 years of trying to mold yourself to another. My wife Vikki's not my first wife but she's definitely my last, and she is a dream. Every day for the twelve years we've been together we've thanked God that we stayed open to the possibility of happiness and true love.

    Hang in there, Buddy - it's all up from here.

    Tom
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  • Profile picture of the author raylm123
    I agree with what some others have said. Your first priority right now should be to get treatment for your illness and to see if reconciliation is possible. Have you both been to counseling?

    Family and health are far more important than an internet business. The business can wait. Your family and health cannot.
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  • Profile picture of the author topcash
    Originally Posted by Mike Shain View Post


    This ofcourse killed my motivation to continue working on my business. Needless to say I feel dead inside and the last thing I want to do is continue to build my empire.
    If you continue to build your empire, this will be the best thing for you.
    Keep building and your focus will stay off the negative and on the positive.

    When your a huge success the twins and the dog will come back.
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  • Profile picture of the author cypherslock
    My wife and I have been married since 2006. I've lost jobs because I would neither play politics nor suck up. I've scrapped and struggled to find my niche (so to speak), we've had our fair share of trials, but not once did my wife ever say she wanted to leave. I'd even asked her and she's always said she never would.

    So if marriage is supposed to be based on trust and is supposed to last til you're old and grey, why do I see this happening so much? Love is not disposable. Seems to me like the easy way out. Prayers be with you, this is a bump and you WILL recover.
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  • Profile picture of the author Wilter Quesada
    Hey Mike I wish you the best in life, I would like for you to read How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, By Dale Carnegie this book is amazing it had help me allot in many aspects of my life I am sure that will do the same for you.
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    The average person puts only 25% of his energy and ability into his work. The world takes off its hat to those who put in more than 50% of their capacity, and stands on its head for those few and far between souls who devote 100%.
    -Andrew Carnegie

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  • Profile picture of the author kaarinachanel
    So sorry to hear that Hope all becomes well
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  • Profile picture of the author GoGetta
    Mike, that is DAMN tough and I cannot even imagine how you are feeling.

    However, last year a lot of things were going crazy offline for myself, my Dad was diagnosed with cancer, 3 months to live, this was probably the top of the pile of many things going crazy. But do you know what got me through the tough days,

    Internet Marketing & My Business!

    My advice would be to keep busy and literally throw yourself into your business, when it comes to the New Year, go on holiday for a while and take a break to put things into view a little.

    My business got me through and through the tough times actually thrived, so try to do the same. Although your situation isn't related to mine in any way, it is what worked for me at a tough time!

    Keep ya chin up, TIME, is the best healer!

    GoGetta
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    • Profile picture of the author Andrew Kryzak
      Mike, I know how you feel. My wife left me about three weeks ago. It was awful. I thought I'd be with her forever and I still love her deeply.

      But I can see a benefit. Now I truly understand what's it's like for other people when they go through things like this. Before I didn't have the slightest idea. I wouldn't have even responded to this post.

      So I really feel your pain. I would make a list of ways you're better off now. Even if you can only find one or two. When I did this I realized what I had couldn't have been true love because that endures. Seeing this was very helpful.

      Not to mention that now my life is my own. My results are my own, and my happiness is my own. No hidden ties to outside sources left. It's kind of refreshing.

      And who knows how things will turn out. She could come back to you with apologies two weeks from now, or maybe this event will cause a billion dollar idea to flash into your mind. Try to stay open and realize you cant know the hidden benefits that may be hiding in this seemingly sad situation.

      Take care,
      Andrew
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  • Profile picture of the author 1960Texan
    Mike,

    Sometimes the worst thing that can happen to a person's personal life winds up being the first step that leads to the best thing that happens to a person's life. Hang in there.

    Will
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  • Profile picture of the author greenovni
    Really sorry to hear that. I personally know that having your kids ripped away from you kills you and changes you completely inside.

    Keep your head up and fill the empty and lonely times with learning something new...

    Don't let that depression get the best of you.
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  • Profile picture of the author RobinSkeen
    Mike, my heart hurts for you, especially with the holidays and the anniversary reminder. It seems a lot of us have been in a similar situation (including yours truly - single mom for a lot of years). No deep words of wisdom other than that time doesn't heal anything, but you do get better at dealing with it.

    The only thing to keep utmost in your mind is that, although you and your wife MAY be done, you both are forever your children's parents. Seeing how easy you can make this for your children may be one way of getting through. All my best and my virtual shoulder is here if you need it.
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  • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
    Originally Posted by Mike Shain View Post

    My Biggest Business Obstacle Yet - Wife of 20 Years Left With The Twins & The Dog.
    I'm in about the same boat. The woman I spent the last 14 years of my life with took the two kids and moved out a couple months ago.

    You can get through this. It's not easy... but you can persevere, and get things back on track. I was pretty much destroyed for a month and a half, but I got myself back together eventually.
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    "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
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    • Profile picture of the author 1TopGun
      Mike, you've received a lot of great advice from a lot of great people.

      My two cents are #1. the 2 most important things you need to focus on right now more than anything else is taking care of both your physical and mental health.

      Schizophrenia and depression can be serious risks if left unchecked.

      Talk to several mental health professionals about the risks vs benefits of starting any anti-depressant therapy before you even consider doing so.

      Unfortunately, I know from personal experiences they can, in certain circumstances, with certain individuals, actually make your depression and schizophrenia worse with disastrous consequences.

      Consider some possible alternatives to any anti-depressant therapy such as changing your conscious and subconscious focus to things you have to be grateful for and things you have to be happy about. (thank you T. Robbins)

      Try this..write down on a legal pad..."What do I have to be grateful for?" ... then list everything you can think of .....once your done go back and reread and think about everything you've listed.

      Next, repeat the above process... only this time change the question to "What do I have to be happy about?" ...and repeat the entire process described above.

      If your brain screams out "Nothing!" due to your present state of mind to either question....just change the question to "What do I have that I SHOULD be grateful/happy about?"

      Do this morning and night for 30 days and I can tell you.. from personal experience.. and from teaching this to others...it will change your conscious and subconscious frame of mind from one of depression and unhappiness to one of happiness and gratitude.

      No..it won't bring you kids and dog back...but it will help your mental state which will make everything else much easier to deal with.

      Also, if you aren't doing so already, learn what you can about getting yourself as physically in the best shape and best health possible through your diet and exercise lifestyle...it is said a healthy body helps make a healthy mind.

      You'll also feel better and more confident about yourself.. the healthier and better shape you get in..

      Join a gym..a church..do some volunteer work...get around other people.

      Arm chair quarterbacking is always easy when you're not the one going through it ...but I hope all the advice you've received here on this board helps in some way.

      Take care and pull yourself out of this mental "funk" you're in. You CAN do it.
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      • Profile picture of the author Sissy76
        Echoing the sentiments above, I too urge you to make sure that your mental and physical health are kept as your main priorities during this heartbreaking time. Don't forget to take your medication!

        Even though it's probably not what you really feel like doing, make sure you keep in touch with your friends and family and get out of the house regularly.

        Morning walks with an early dose of melatonin from the sun (no matter how bright or dull) is one of the best defenses against depression and the blues, so get your walking shoes on, hold your head up and breathe in that early morning air! Organise to go for a walk with a friend or neighbour for extra support, it's great for your metabolism as well.

        Life can be heartbreaking, painful and confusing, however make sure you focus on the present moment as much as possible. Don't become obsessed with the past or scared of what the future will hold, it will only lead you to miss the beauty of the here and now.

        This will also be a painful and confusing time for your children, so you HAVE to keep yourself healthy and strong to support them through this tough time. Don't speak negatively about their mother to them, it's not a burden they should have to carry, just be there for them whenever they need their dad. Be that safe place for them, you are the only dad they have and keeping that relationship with them is the most important thing for them and you.


        I wish you all the support and peace in the world and hope that you and your wife can remain good parents for your children, whatever may happen with your relationship.

        All the best,
        Sissy
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  • Profile picture of the author winebuddy
    Well... try and have a Merry Christmas!

    Seriously - someone told me a long time ago.... take care of your income and the others things will take care of themsleves.

    Rings true sometimes - except this time of year.
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  • Profile picture of the author John M Kane
    Hi Mike,
    Here is a post that might help you a bit.
    It did for me.
    Just One More Day... A short Story | SteveOdette.com
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  • Profile picture of the author sande
    Mike. How are you doing now? Been praying for you and wish you all the best.
    Grace
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    How To Easily Achieve All Your Seemingly Unreachable Goals.No Matter How Disoriented You May Be Today! Goal realization made easy
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    • Profile picture of the author ExRat
      Hi Mike,

      If you do drop by this thread, please just drop a line here to let all us concerned warriors know that you're OK.

      My Biggest Business Obstacle Yet
      The biggest ones hold the biggest rewards on the other side - and you start getting that reward once you decide 'this will not beat me.' Best wishes.
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      Roger Davis

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  • Profile picture of the author lawed
    I am very sorry that these traumatic events have come about for you. I am very dlad that you could muster the courage to post about this.

    It is good to see all of the heartfelt repsonse on this woderful forum.

    You provide hope and encouragement for me Mike. I have some challenges which have made my progress very slow for business. And knowing that you have been able to accomplish what you have done is an inspration for me.

    My prayers are with you.
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  • Profile picture of the author avandrunen
    Hey Mike,

    I can't express how much my heart hurts for you, I could not imagine it if my wife did leave me.

    My deepest prayers go out to you in this time of need. I most certainly agree with the others here that stated getting out and socializing face to face is one of the best things you could do, being a man of faith I would suggest a local church but to each their own.

    As far as the mental issue you are having I strongly recommend you continue seeing a doctor. I have been dealing with depression for years and only a couple of months ago did I finally face up to the issue...it has been causing stress in my marriage. I am realizing that my mental state has prevented me from accomplishing the things that I wanted...now that I am on the path to recovery I finally see myself getting there.It will take time but I will get me back. If you see yourself going down this path seek professional help, medication if needed, it will help balance you out while a therapist gives you the tools to help in the future...I start therapy on Monday and can't wait.

    I don't know if this rant will help, at the minimum add it to the list of those here who are reaching out to a fellow man in need and let that warm your heart...some of the people here exhibit the best that humanity has to offer by wanting to be there for someone they have only ever met online.

    Seriously..if you ever need to chat..pm me...I do mean this...this is not one of those...call and we'll do coffee statements that is never meant.

    Well, I have probably ranted on enough...God Bless
    Adrian
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  • Profile picture of the author tush
    The best thing you can do for yourself is to build your business and look after yourself very well. Hang in there:-)
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    • Profile picture of the author Kevin Riley
      Mike

      If it helps. I was the one who did the leaving. Left the house, kids, dog, pickup truck, all my records (gasp), tools, even kitchen sink to my ex. Walked away with two suitcases and came to live in Japan. Best thing ever!

      I'm now with a wonderful wife who has been totally supportive of anything I do for 8 years now. She even works with me (it's she who does all the typing).

      Things may look bleak now, but there's always another adventure just around the corner. Damn, life is good!
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      Kevin Riley, Kevin Riley Publishing, Osaka, Japan


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  • Profile picture of the author grandstar
    how bad is schizophrenia? Is it treatable? Are there herbal treatments available that are effective?
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  • Profile picture of the author kevinfar
    take care of yourself mate.. things will get better, focus on what you want to achieve and not on the negative side of things. I've always found that to be helpful whenever life throws negatives my way.
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