The Definition of Insanity Is This!

16 years ago

Dude, your headline REALLY, REALLY needs some work.

The rest of your site looks okay and your graphics actually look really good.

But that headline is awful.

Off the top of my head, you might try something like this:

"Discover How A Lonely, Miserable And Frustrated Bartender Accidently Stumbled Upon A Little Known Seduction Technique That Leaves Women Practically BEGGING For A Date!"

I believe that might work a tad better than your current headline. Feel free to change it up as you see fit.

As for the rest of your page, why not try adding some video to your salesletter. This video can be something as simple as you talking about yourself and your product. Just a simple video like this can easily double your conversion rate.

Finally, I would quit wasting your valuable time painstakingly writing articles and focus on video and other form of traffic.

I wrote an ebook about video traffic that I will actually give you for free so long as you promise to read it. Just PM me!

Thanks
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Brad Spencer

16 years ago

Originally Posted by Zachary R. Skinner

Dude, your headline REALLY, REALLY needs some work.

The rest of your site looks okay and your graphics actually look really good.

But that headline is awful.

Off the top of my head, you might try something like this:

"Discover How A Lonely, Miserable And Frustrated Bartender Accidently Stumbled Upon A Little Known Seduction Technique That Leaves Women Practically BEGGING For A Date!"

I believe that might work a tad better than your current headline. Feel free to change it up as you see fit.

As for the rest of your page, why not try adding some video to your salesletter. This video can be something as simple as you talking about yourself and your product. Just a simple video like this can easily double your conversion rate.

Finally, I would quit wasting your valuable time painstakingly writing articles and focus on video and other form of traffic.

I wrote an ebook about video traffic that I will actually give you for free so long as you promise to read it. Just PM me!

Zach is right about your headline. It's very simple. Almost TOO simple.

I also think your bullet points have too much spacing and paragraphing. That section was a bit tough to get through.

One thing I think might be an issue...and you'll have to check your analytics for this...is maybe your page isn't "workplace appropriate". My reasoning is that if there are bored and lonely men at work...they would be embarrassed to look at half naked women at work. If their boss caught them...bam they are toast. So maybe test a version w/o the header graphic. Just a thought...and it might be worse w/o the header graphic.

One tip I'd try is to "block" up your copy. I purchased a product once that had 4 mini sales page on one. It would introduce a section of the book...and then go through mini headline, bullets, offer, order button...then repeat this 3 more times. It was interesting b/c the copy answered my questions and solved my problem so I bought after only reading 1/4 of the page.

Hope some of these help you out my friend!

Cheers,

Brad Spencer

PS- Also check where your traffic is coming from...maybe your articles aren't targeted enough.

Thanks
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JohnMcCabe

16 years ago

I have a couple of questions before I offer an opinion...

How's your opt-in rate?

How far into the course before subscribers get another call to buy?

The reason I ask is that before I get through actually reading the headline, I get bopped with a pop-up asking me to subscribe. If I do that, I'm more likely to wait on that than I am to keep reading.

Even if I do, a couple of screens down I get interrupted, chastising me to make sure I sign up for the course...

And the membership card for updates is confusing - am I joining some type of monthly membership site? That's the first thing I thought of.

I would test killing the pop-in and putting the subscriber form in a sidebar or two. If you're wedded to the pop-in, make it an exit pop. "If you're not ready to buy, are you ready to try?"

As far as the actual copy goes, the opinion of a middle-aged man who has been happily married for 27+ years likely doesn't mean much...

Thanks
1 reply

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Mad Dawg

16 years ago

My opt in rate is low, only about 8%. I feel that is because of my ugly popover which I am still trying to fix. I've been having issues with Instant Popvover.

The membership card is there simply to have a graphic that illustrates the fact that I will give them free updates of my ebook for life. Maybe I should try putting that down with the bonuses instead?

In the course I have a passive call to buy at the end of each day, and then a hard call to action at the end of day 5.

Thanks for your tips Brad, I'm definitely going to block up the copy more.

I think I'll also try putting my popover as a sidebar too, thanks John. Let me know if I gave you enough info to comment.

Edit: I'd actually love to know your opinion on the copy John

. If you were for some reason back in the dating scene, would this product appeal?

Thanks
2 replies

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JohnMcCabe

16 years ago

Originally Posted by Mad Dawg

My opt in rate is low, only about 8%. I feel that is because of my ugly popover which I am still trying to fix. I've been having issues with Instant Popvover.

The membership card is there simply to have a graphic that illustrates the fact that I will give them free updates of my ebook for life. Maybe I should try putting that down with the bonuses instead?

In the course I have a passive call to buy at the end of each day, and then a hard call to action at the end of day 5.

Thanks for your tips Brad, I'm definitely going to block up the copy more.

I think I'll also try putting my popover as a sidebar too, thanks John. Let me know if I gave you enough info to comment.

Edit: I'd actually love to know your opinion on the copy John

. If you were for some reason back in the dating scene, would this product appeal?

Yes, I'd test putting the lifetime updates as a bonus...

I'll take a closer look at the copy tomorrow, while my wife is at work. I didn't last this long by being dumb...

Thanks

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JohnMcCabe

16 years ago

Originally Posted by Mad Dawg

My opt in rate is low, only about 8%. I feel that is because of my ugly popover which I am still trying to fix. I've been having issues with Instant Popvover.

The membership card is there simply to have a graphic that illustrates the fact that I will give them free updates of my ebook for life. Maybe I should try putting that down with the bonuses instead?

In the course I have a passive call to buy at the end of each day, and then a hard call to action at the end of day 5.

Thanks for your tips Brad, I'm definitely going to block up the copy more.

I think I'll also try putting my popover as a sidebar too, thanks John. Let me know if I gave you enough info to comment.

Edit: I'd actually love to know your opinion on the copy John

. If you were for some reason back in the dating scene, would this product appeal?

Noah, I went through your copy this afternoon. To answer your question - would this appeal to a middle-aged guy suddenly forced back into the dating scene - my answer would be 'no'.

You spend a lot of time telling about learning your system in a hot college bar. My though would be "this is fine for young guys looking to hook up with young women, but it wouldn't apply to me".

I took a closer look at your covers, as well. The four women on the cover look like flight attendants out of the sixties. How many guys go out looking to score a five-way? How many could handle it if they did?

You might be better served if each cover had a different picture of a gorgeous woman appearing to be looking right into the guy's eyes.

If you want to do a little research, see if you can scare up some Penthouse or Playboy from the early eighties. They used to run a series of ads selling a physical book along the same line as yours.

The copy never changed, just the photo. Each photo showed an attractive girl staring into the camera and undressing - usually an unbuttoned shirt or unzipped jeans. Very tame by today's standards. The girls always looked like they were in some kind of trance.

I'm guessing the ads were very successful in their day, as they ran for several years covering the early seventies to mid eighties. This was during the magazines' heyday, when quarter page ads were priced at high-five to low-six figures.

When you introduce the price, you mention that you sold the product at "an affordable $97.75"... Why would anyone believe you're selling it now for a third of that - with bonuses - because you're such a nice guy and want everybody to score?

If you wanted to walk a little more on the edge, you could compare the cost of one night with a high-class call girl to the piddling cost of your product showing guys how to get it for free.

One more note, about your first PS...

If this is a digital product, I'm having a really hard time believing your "publisher" is going to make you stop giving away your bonuses.

Thanks

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GrantFreeman

16 years ago

One of the first things that I'm confused about are your ecovers.

There's no individuality between your main product, and the bonuses because they all look like the same product.

I think you've done a good job making them stand out, but consider these 2 important design techniques...

1. If your ebook is a more powerful attractor than your headline, you're ebook should:

A. Include benefits on the cover
B. Make your headline more powerful. Which one is more important for the reader to see?

2. Seperate the topic of your ebooks with color variation.

You could accomplish this by simply adding a thick, horizontal rectangle behind the title of the ebook.

Make it 'bleed' off the side margins of your ebook (not placed in the middle where it's surrounded by background color). You can have this rectangle be any color you chose, just make it a different color for each ebook.

This is a quick, easy to explain, way of clearly indicating that each book is about a different topic.
You can do much more with color here, but this is a good start.

Grant

Edit:
Item #2 does two things off the top of my head..

First, it seperates the titles of your ebooks from the background. The way they are now, the ebook titles are very hard to read.

Lastly, you could easily create a series of ebooks as your main product, instead of one ebook, and multiple bonus products.

This is another point of confusion where the product grouping is. The general rule is that you group the main product (if it's a multiple product item), and leave the bonuses as single items.

Thanks
1 reply

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Mad Dawg 16 years ago

Thanks guys for the awesome advice! I'll definitely rework my headline, look into video marketing, and ask my graphic designer for a bit of a revision

Thanks for taking the time to help out, it's very appreciated.
- Thanks
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GrantFreeman

16 years ago

Here's a quick example I drummed up to help clarify the headline thing a little.

Grant

Thanks

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Terry Hatfield

16 years ago

Hi Noah,

Great to see you are working on your site I see alot of improvements on it.

First question I would ask is are you sure all your leads are from targeted prospects? You have been showing it on the warrior forum alot. I would bet many of your leads are warriors watching your progress.

Next thing I would say is before you go changing everything and hacking your site all up is to do price test now. I would test it at $27 and if that doesn't convert I would consider testing it at $17 or even $20.

I have had products where I got one sale out of thousands of leads at $47 and changed nothing but the price to $27 and converts like gangbusters.

Before I started changing alot of stuff would definitely start testing price!

Also when I hover over your order link I see the clickbank address in the status bar. May not matter because it is your product but I would look into cloaking it by sending your order to a sub page on your site and do a redirect from their to your clickbank page.

Test price now.

You did alot of changes at once. When you are testing you are only suppose to change one thing at a time. See the results then change something else to see more results.

Slow I know but you can only test one change at a time.

Hope this helps,

Terry

P.s. Did I say test price in the above email yet? Hmmm...guess I did. I will say it again. Test Price Now.

Thanks
1 reply

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Mad Dawg 16 years ago

Grant thanks a lot. I'll have to contact my guy and see if I can get him to do those changes for me, I know he's busy but he did give me unlimited revisions

John, lol!

Hey again terry! Thanks for checkin back with me!

I use analytics to check my traffic and I don't count hits from the WF as uniques, although they do nicely for alexa =P

I'm going to drop my price and see if it makes a difference, I'll let you know how it goes.

Thanks again everyone for your helpful responses!
- Thanks
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Terry Hatfield

16 years ago

I really liked the suggestion to use video as I don't think your target market is anywhere near ezinearticles.

Terry

Thanks

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tommygadget

16 years ago

Noah, fix the copy where it says "amount of numbers". That should read: "increasing the numbers and dates" without "amount". Also, the headline graphic is a bit cheesy (you should test that, cheesy may be good here) and the headline is too long. It does not have punch because it meanders too much. You need a short, punchy line, it is harder but worth the effort.

TomG.

PS - Ditto on the ezinearticles thing. Use facebook and other social sites to get hungry guys over to your site.

Thanks
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Aaron Moser 16 years ago

Yo Mad Dawg!

Try testing it without the pop-up. The other suggestions so far have been good too.
Also you might want to check your stats and see where your visitors are coming from. Like someone else has mentioned it may be some un-targeted traffic coming to your site. So it might not actually be 250 targeted visitors since the re-design.

-Aaron
- Thanks
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Chris Lockwood 16 years ago

Originally Posted by tommygadget

Noah, fix the copy where it says "amount of numbers". That should read: "increasing the numbers and dates" without "amount".

I think it would read even better to just say "If you are interested in getting more phone numbers and dates..." or even "If you want to get more phone numbers and dates..."

Simplify!

Why bother using increase/increasing at all?
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Mad Dawg

16 years ago

Thanks guys. Yea, my traffic has mainly been coming from social bookmarks and ezine, but I also see a lot of direct traffic so I can't be positive where it's all coming from.

I'm definitely going to look into utilizing facebook and video traffic.

Again, thanks all for your suggestions. I have a whole large list of new things to work on, so I no longer have to sit and write articles thinking "why am I doing this if it isnt working".

By the way, check this picture out, I got a kick out of it.

Thanks again guys!

Thanks

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ildarius

16 years ago

Page looks very good! The design, color patterns, font selection and the rest of the stuff blends in perfectly.

I would only change a couple of things, so as to accommodate different demographics. I would get rid of "mad dawg tyrell", don't think a 40-50 year old would be
"down" with that and may be get another picture a picture from a very bad angle...
so that people can say something like "man if he can get girls, I can for sure!"

Just my 2 cents

P.S: Don't touch the layout though

Thanks

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Mad Dawg

16 years ago

Thanks a lot for the tips Chris and Ildarius. Simpler is definitely better, its been changed.

And an even uglier picture of me? hah great idea!

Thanks again all for your wonderful advice!

Thanks

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tecHead

16 years ago

Hi Noah,

You've already gotten some great advice, but I would like to add that when I looked at your page... I wasn't "seduced".

IMHO, I think you would do a LOT better with your target market if you got a LOT more "seductive"; because you're talking about "seducing" women.

First thing that stood out to me was the absence of a "man" in the photo with the women. If I were doing this site my first task would be to scour the net (or where ever) for pictures of women falling all over a man; a single man -- more than one woman.

Secondly, (granted I only skimmed your copy -- but that in and of itself should tell you something), I'd make my copy definitely "conversational" in nature. Like 'the bartender' leaning over the bar talking to the dude hugging his drink shy-ishly checking out the hot babe at the end of the bar.

"Dude. Remember the last time you were at the bar and you kept trying to muster up the guts to go over and talk to the hottie standing alone at the end of the bar? Then as soon as you got the idea to walk by her and brush up against her on your way to the bathroom.. that punk in the outdated 70's suit put a drink in front of her and started talking.

You went ahead with our plan to go to the bathroom, anyway... I mean, ya worked yourself up already! Then on your way back, you see the two of them walking out the door together?!?! DAMMIT!!

Guess what. He read my course."

I'm not a copywriter, (as you can see lol), but I'd go with something like that.

But, anyway... definitely more seductive graphics and copy.

HTH,
PLP
tecHead

Thanks
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Mad Dawg 16 years ago

thanks techead, good advice.

I'm definitely going to be touching up the copy a bit. Am going to leave any huge changes for after I test a few other aspects, but you're definitely right about the conversational tone.
- Thanks
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- TheNightOwl 16 years ago
  
  Heya Mad Dawg
  
  Nice one, man.
  
  Re: previous comments...
  
  I agree that something doesn't sit quite right about the header graphic. The comment about hotties fawning over a guy is one to take on board big time, I think; it succinctly conveys the main benefit you're offering.
  
  I too just skimmed the copy--which is more a reflection of my tiredness, truth be told.
  
  One thing did catch my eye, though, as being somewhat incongruent with your intentions. Just before you introduce yourself, you're using the "I understand you because I used to be just like you" appeal. Fine. But then you immediately go on to tell me what a raging stud you are
  
  I'm not having a shot at you, mate. You see what I mean there, though? If you take that angle at that point in your copy, shouldn't you then launch into the "my story" part of the copy (i.e. how you used to be useless with the ladies and blah blah blah... until you learned the secrets that allowed you to grow some kahunas and hey presto chicks were diggin your jive so much more... and hey shucks, wouldn't you know it... if you lean a little closer, I mean even share them there secrets with you too..."
  
  Ya know what I mean? As D'Angelo would say "Are ya feelin' me?"
  
  Also, the P.S. is just straight up disingenuous and you know it. If you're cool with that, then so be it. But is it killing your sales? If your prospects are reading the P.S. and having the same reaction that I'm having to it, then you've lost their trust = sayonara, baby! Why should they listen to someone who claims to get chicks without any silly methods, yet uses a cheap trick like that to try and get their pants off (i mean, their wallet out)!
  
  Ya feelin' me?
  
  The P.P.S. starts "With my product". Uuurgh. Try something like "Redefining yourself as the kind of confident, powerful, magnetic and sexually alluring man that women are attracted to, that women want, is not as hard as you probably think. What would it mean to you to have as many funny, interesting, beautiful women in your life as you choose to?
  
  Etcetera.
  
  We love to buy; hate being sold to. Using "My product" in your P.S. kind of shattered the "Yes, i'm ready to buy, Mad Dawg! Let me at it!" lather that the copy should have had me in.
  
  Next: Yeah, the membership site graphic is weird and confusing.
  
  Next: I can foresee a customer service nightmare happening from your one-on-one personal coaching bonus (for which the stated value seems ridiculously low compared to the prices listed for the other bonuses).
  
  Why not try dropping that from the bonuses and reducing the price point (as suggested) and then trying the personal "coaching" thing as an upsell? Say, $27 (or even $17) front-end, with 3-months personal coaching via email for $67. Or 3-months personal coaching via email and Skype (30mins a week, max--or whatever... you can do your numbers based on how much your time is worth, obviously; I'm just pulling these out of the sky for the sake of the example)... for $197 etc...
  
  One last thing: The graphics for the bonuses. I'd go to istock or dreamstime and get some different images to make individualised covers for the bonuses. Something with a phone number exchanging hands, or handwritten on a scrap of paper for the first one; a close up of a buff guy's torso (in a suit, not all oiled up!:p) looking powerful for the second; [drop the third, as suggested above]; and for the last one... a picture of a computer with a kind of "network" of profiles of hot women radiating out from it, each on its own "spoke", with a mocked up profile (of you!) on some mocked up dating site on the screen of the computer. Or something like that.
  
  Anyway, hope this helps.
  
  The download I've been waiting for just completed so now I can go to bed. Best of luck with it!
  
  Thanks
  
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Mad Dawg

16 years ago

John and Nightowl, thank you so much for taking the time to write those posts!

Both of you offer awesome advice. I found myself reading it having about 25 "Oh DUH" moments.

Nightowl I particularly love your idea about the backend. I was thinking that last night as I was answering an email from a customer (one of the few so far).

I think dropping the front end and doing an upsell could be a huge help to my business.

I also agree with both of your comments on my copy and graphics.

Thanks again guys and to everyone else who's been helping me. This community continues to amaze me and I can't wait to give back as much as its given me.

Thanks

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The Definition of Insanity Is This!

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