Anyone care to review my site for me?

15 years ago

Originally Posted by WD Products

Hi,

Ok those of you who know me know i have a head strong attitude and try to do things myself.

However.

After changing copy 3 times now i am not getting much results. it is different for me then writing about a new product i created or whatever as it is a membersite - be nice or don't reply link is in my sig

people had promised to join with me in JV to help get it going but they seem to have dropped off the face of the earth so i am on my own hundreds of hits so far but no conversions so obviously i am not doing something right.

As much as i hate to say it what can i do to improve this situation

-WD

Hey WD,

Perhaps you could try a different "Buy Now" button?

This gentleman's "Add to Cart" button has been proven to significantly increase conversions...

The Green Associate Exam Walkthrough for LEED v3 | Green Exam Academy - Tips and Tricks to Pass the LEED AP Exam

In fact, that page alone made him over $200,000+ last year....In one of his blog posts, he talked about he did a ton of research and THAT "Add to Cart" button seemed to be recommended in the IM community more than others....

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WD Mino 15 years ago

Hi,

thanks for the suggestion. i am not sure that is the right button for a membersite though. i would use that/i do use that when selling products i.e. software etc but i don't think it would fit in the subscribe option but i will keep it in mind

thanks for taking the time anyhow

-WD
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ArtiGal

15 years ago

Originally Posted by WD Products

Hi,

Ok those of you who know me know i have a head strong attitude and try to do things myself.

However.

After changing copy 3 times now i am not getting much results. it is different for me then writing about a new product i created or whatever as it is a membersite - be nice or don't reply link is in my sig

people had promised to join with me in JV to help get it going but they seem to have dropped off the face of the earth so i am on my own hundreds of hits so far but no conversions so obviously i am not doing something right.

As much as i hate to say it what can i do to improve this situation

-WD

Hi WD,

Just took a look at your salespage, and I'll give you my feedback from doing a quick look through. First, your headline needs to grab your visitors by the eyeballs...and it's not doing that. Instead of 'their' success...try 'your' success...and work on stronger wordings for what you are trying to state. Keep testing headline variations. Hammer home the biggest benefit your site offers right in the headline. Also, your headline needs to be bigger, and it would probably help to have a pre-head that leads into it, and then a subhead underneath, as the deck area of your page isn't developed. I've seen some effective salesletters that have some handwritten text and then some hand drawn arrows that 'force' the readers down into the copy...you're not giving people enough of a compelling reason to keep on reading.

Also, try putting a picture of yourself right up at the top of the letter - this has been shown to help conversions.

Next, get some graphical bullets - some red checkmarks or something. You need to give alot more detail on what it is you're offering people in your bullets. For each one - emphasize the benefits they are going to receive...what makes these tools stand out from the others out there?

What you might want to consider is a trial offer. Trial offers are known to convert better...and at least you'll get some folks through the front door. Especially for a membership site. You're asking people to lock in for a year at $27.00 per month, correct? Personally, I would click away from this page after reading that stipulation because I don't know enough about exactly how this membership is going to build my business, or what level of support I could expect to receive. It could be fantastic, but if people don't know you and you're asking for that level of commitment without an incredibly strong salespage - that commitment probably ain't gonna happen too easy.

I think the only way you would be able to get a commitment like that from your site members would be to offer this to them once they've experienced the value of your site. Engage them for a couple of months, then perhaps you could lay out an offer (a discount off the monthly price, for example) for a longer financial commitment.

Hope these suggestions are helpful,

Elise

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WD Mino

15 years ago

Hi Elise,

Thanks for your time.

I shall take your suggestions.but i disagree with a few of them as i have already done the video ,picture thing and i am not that handsome so probably scared em more then compelled them but i will do it again and see if that works
thanks for taking time out of your day

-WD

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ArtiGal

15 years ago

Originally Posted by WD Products

Hi Elise,

Thanks for your time.

I shall take your suggestions.but i disagree with a few of them as i have already done the video ,picture thing and i am not that handsome so probably scared em more then compelled them but i will do it again and see if that works
thanks for taking time out of your day

-WD

Hey WD...you look fine to me...I sure didn't get scared away by your picture in this thread! Maybe what you could do is study some other membership site salesletters out there...get some ideas on how they are taking their readers down that 'slippery slope'...(old copywriting term)...right down to the order button so that they can't help but buy.

It's like they just can't get the offer out of their heads until they take action on it. That's the type of emotion you're shooting for in a salesletter...it needs to bother them enough that they just can't stay away...they've just got to keeping coming back and reading it over and over because it's so good and then they just have to give in and game over. In other words...you have to make it irresistible...so it first has to start with you...

You're welcome and I hope this helps you more.

Take care,

Elise

Thanks
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WD Mino 15 years ago

Hi Elise,
ty,

Ok i will give it a shot my problem is i did not want to sound hypey just real but i think there needs to be some oomph in it so i will take the suggestions and get er done. Thanks for the comments

@ rosetree .thanks for your opinion

-WD
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- Tina Golden 15 years ago
  
  I'm not a copywriter but my first thought is that there is far too much "I" in your copy.
  
  Tina
  
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  WD Mino 15 years ago
  
  Hi Tina,
  
  Hey good point i will correct that
  
  thanks for the help everyone i appreciate it
  
  -WD
  
  Thanks
  
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  rosetrees 15 years ago
  
  Lol - but you still don't say what your site is about. You says "it is the best membership site to hit the net" - but you still don't say what it's about.
  
  A friend of mine runs a pretty good membership site. It's for bridge players.
  
  Who is yours aimed at? I still don't see why anyone would join, if you don't tell them what it is they are joining.
  
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  1 reply
  
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  WD Mino 15 years ago
  
  Ok i thank everyone for their time but all you need to do is read and you will find out
  thanks
  -WD
  
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rosetrees 15 years ago

Looking at your page - I have no idea what it's about. Memberprods???

The Content And Training You Will Find Inside is Second To None!

Training in what? What's a prod and why would I want to train in it?

The payment buttons aren't "buttons" and I almost missed them as just graphics.

You have two levels of membership but no explanation of what the difference is - not that I spotted, anyway.

And to cap it all, you try to bully me into joining

I want you to show me a committment like I am showing you.

I'm not a copywriter - but I think if you invested in the services of one it would make a vast difference. Perhaps you should ask here for some recommendations?
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JayPeete

15 years ago

Originally Posted by ArtiGal

Hi WD,

Just took a look at your salespage, and I'll give you my feedback from doing a quick look through. First, your headline needs to grab your visitors by the eyeballs...and it's not doing that. Instead of 'their' success...try 'your' success...and work on stronger wordings for what you are trying to state. Keep testing headline variations. Hammer home the biggest benefit your site offers right in the headline. Also, your headline needs to be bigger, and it would probably help to have a pre-head that leads into it, and then a subhead underneath, as the deck area of your page isn't developed. I've seen some effective salesletters that have some handwritten text and then some hand drawn arrows that 'force' the readers down into the copy...you're not giving people enough of a compelling reason to keep on reading.

Also, try putting a picture of yourself right up at the top of the letter - this has been shown to help conversions.

Next, get some graphical bullets - some red checkmarks or something. You need to give alot more detail on what it is you're offering people in your bullets. For each one - emphasize the benefits they are going to receive...what makes these tools stand out from the others out there?

What you might want to consider is a trial offer. Trial offers are known to convert better...and at least you'll get some folks through the front door. Especially for a membership site. You're asking people to lock in for a year at $27.00 per month, correct? Personally, I would click away from this page after reading that stipulation because I don't know enough about exactly how this membership is going to build my business, or what level of support I could expect to receive. It could be fantastic, but if people don't know you and you're asking for that level of commitment without an incredibly strong salespage - that commitment probably ain't gonna happen too easy.

I think the only way you would be able to get a commitment like that from your site members would be to offer this to them once they've experienced the value of your site. Engage them for a couple of months, then perhaps you could lay out an offer (a discount off the monthly price, for example) for a longer financial commitment.

Hope these suggestions are helpful,

Elise

I think that you have hit the nail right on the head Elise. In your position WD I would try a $1 trial to get people through the door. Then provide so much value that they will want to stay.

Make your guarantee so strong, stating that you will even refund their $1 if they are not happy. Just say that the $1 initial payment is just to make sure that they are a real person that wants to commit to taking an action in order to create success.

That's my two cents...

Best of luck!

Jay

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misterkailo

15 years ago

You should seriously consider free trial because it is not well-known site. If trial members think your site is useful, they will help get the word out, and perhaps start the paid membership.

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Tina Golden

15 years ago

Ok i thank everyone for their time but all you need to do is read and you will find out
thanks

Actually, WD, I read the entire page and I'm still not sure what you are actually offering. You mention new content every month but you don't say what that content is for - will it be for my education? for me to resell? PLR?

The only thing I get is that you say you are going to teach me something but you are very vague on exactly what I could expect to learn.

Tina

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WD Mino

15 years ago

Originally Posted by TMG Enterprises

Actually, WD, I read the entire page and I'm still not sure what you are actually offering. You mention new content every month but you don't say what that content is for - will it be for my education? for me to resell? PLR?

The only thing I get is that you say you are going to teach me something but you are very vague on exactly what I could expect to learn.

Tina

Oh? ok i will change that Tina it is mrr plr stuff i guess i should put that in there. i do go over what teaching is offered though.

I offer you multiple programs to use online. E-courses and Training included with your membership package.
Content for you to download. each month under Software, E books and Articles.

The chance to build relationships with other members in the members Chat Room and Forum.

If you purchase the Elite membership,(best value). You will receive a membership kit, personal coaching and training from me. (Special Guests when available).

My aim with this site is to help people not only make money but teach them how to: Create Products Fast, Brand Themselves, Network with others, How to get themselves known and last but not least How to get their site in front of thousands of people monthly.

I go over everything from Product Creation to List building to setting up your Own site and getting it online. How to price their site in the perfect target range.

i will change the part you mentioned though it is not clear.ok thanks
-WD

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rosetrees

15 years ago

Originally Posted by WD Products

I offer you multiple programs to use online. E-courses and Training included with your membership package.
Content for you to download. each month under Software, E books and Articles.

Sigh. You just don't get it, do you?

E-courses in what? Training in what? Downloadable content about what? Software to do what?

You say we should read to find out. **NO**. Visitors don't want to read to find out. Your site needs to tell them immediately - if it's what they want, then they will read.

OK - I'll spell it out for you.

Are you
a) running a membership site that will teach people about IM?
b) running a membership site that will teach people how to set up membership sites?
c) running a membership site that teaches people life skills
d) running a membership site that teaches people weight loss
e) running a membership site that teaches people how to play bridge

Sigh.

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WD Mino

15 years ago

Originally Posted by misterkailo

You should seriously consider free trial because it is not well-known site. If trial members think your site is useful, they will help get the word out, and perhaps start the paid membership.

I considered doing a trial but... it is my experience some people have 2 habits one is to request refunds after they got the content and 2 is i don't wish for people to waste my time or theirs making a financial commitment no matter how small shows seriousness. my wife and i discussed it and that is the result no trial. especially a free one.
there are many sites that offer it they can go there besides the fact there is no other site out there like this period.

the main reason for giving a free membership is to get them on the list that is not my purpose with this site, the purpose is to teach people how to create products brand themselves drive traffic etc as well as offer content each month for download and when i put them up e courses and webinars i record with the elite members. as well as give them programs to use to help them people pay money to use a banner program online people pay to use all sorts of things when they get in there they are very limited without upgrading so rather then do that i chose to do it this way.

it is geared for new people who either have been ripped off or don't know where to begin i don't have to do things like everyone else because i am not like everyone else and one thing i learned was do something different make yourself stand out so i did no other site is like mine simple.

i have considered an awful lot of avenues but it is my site and i will run it the way i choose i make cash online just haven't been with this site as of yet so i am not unlearned in this i just choose to do it this way. i have made some changes i thank everyone for their input but i am not open to anymore suggestions i will figure the rest out if needed on my own i am jst getting too frustrated with it now. oh but in essence i did offer a trial because i offer a 30 day money back gurantee so i guess that can be considered a trial.

thanks for your time
-WD

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misterkailo

15 years ago

There is nothing in the headline that tells me what this site is about. What are you teaching? The prices at the top scare me when I don't even know what the site is to begin with.

"Have you wasted your time and hard earned money on the latest and greatest products only to find they do nothing of what they say?" - What if I just bought a cleaning product yesterday to find out that it doesn't work? Is the site going to sell me cleaning products that work?

"My aim with this site is to help people not only make money but teach them how to: Create Products Fast, Brand Themselves, Network with others, How to get themselves known and last but not least How to get their site in front of thousands of people monthly." - Half way down, I finally find out that this site is about teaching people how to make money.

"Introducing Memberprods The First site of It's Kind Running various Desktop programs and tools directly online. " - The uppercase and lowercase spellings hurt my eyes.

Your product offers: A Sales Letter Creator - I sure as hell won't go to you for sales letter creation based on your own sales letter that you have on the site.

"You are going to love this site and when you discover exactly what we offer you will not want to leave." - Shouldn't I know exactly what you offer before I spend money?

I'm sorry, but you have a lot to work on when it comes to internet marketing before you can teach people about internet marketing.

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WD Mino

15 years ago

Originally Posted by misterkailo

There is nothing in the headline that tells me what this site is about. What are you teaching? The prices at the top scare me when I don't even know what the site is to begin with.

"Have you wasted your time and hard earned money on the latest and greatest products only to find they do nothing of what they say?" - What if I just bought a cleaning product yesterday to find out that it doesn't work? Is the site going to sell me cleaning products that work?

"My aim with this site is to help people not only make money but teach them how to: Create Products Fast, Brand Themselves, Network with others, How to get themselves known and last but not least How to get their site in front of thousands of people monthly." - Half way down, I finally find out that this site is about teaching people how to make money.

"Introducing Memberprods The First site of It's Kind Running various Desktop programs and tools directly online. " - The uppercase and lowercase spellings hurt my eyes.

Your product offers: A Sales Letter Creator - I sure as hell won't go to you for sales letter creation based on your own sales letter that you have on the site.

"You are going to love this site and when you discover exactly what we offer you will not want to leave." - Shouldn't I know exactly what you offer before I spend money?

I'm sorry, but you have a lot to work on when it comes to internet marketing before you can teach people about internet marketing.

Thanks for your opinion

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misterkailo

15 years ago

My first sentence is a fact. You can ask a million people on this forum, and you will still get the same question as to what your site is about.

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Bev Clement

15 years ago

I'm guessing it is the WSO you recently bought.

Have you Trademarked the term MemberProds?

If it is the WSO, then why is your site any different from the thousands of membership sites full of PLR, MRR & RR? Is there anything unique in it?

You said it is the first of its kind, is this true because there are a lot of well known membership sites which do this.

The tools you talk about have been around for a long time, so what makes your site different.

These are some of the issues within your sales letter you need to address.

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WD Mino

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Bev Clement

I'm guessing it is the WSO you recently bought.

Have you Trademarked the term MemberProds?

If it is the WSO, then why is your site any different from the thousands of membership sites full of PLR, MRR & RR? Is there anything unique in it?

You said it is the first of its kind, is this true because there are a lot of well known membership sites which do this.

The tools you talk about have been around for a long time, so what makes your site different.

These are some of the issues within your sales letter you need to address.

No thanks for that though. i am designing that site which will be the biggest on the net but next year is when it will come out.
Yes memberprods is trademarked according to the law. no there is no other site out there like this but thanks though
-WD

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4freedom

15 years ago

Okay, having built a few converting sites over the years....

1) Center your headline
2) Get rid of the background (white or grey pulls well)
3) Fix your picture because it appears squished. You really have to make your site look POLISHED and professional. 100% spot on, if you know what I mean.
4) Get rid of the price up front. Build value through your copy first - then reveal price.
5) Work on a different headline and sub-head. What's in it for me? What is the #1 benefit I'll get by staying on your page? Why is it even worth my time?
6) Get rid of the "date written" - everyone knows it is not true and you undermine your credibility right off the bat.

And, without meaning to sound too harsh, I read the copy and STILL really don't know what you are trying to offer. Training? Pretend your reader is an idiot. SPELL IT OUT for me. And before you do that - create a relationship with me. Let me know who care enough to care - that you know what I've been going through (because you've been there) and... now that you've figured out a solution... tell me what that solution is. Specifically. Give me examples of the results I can expect.

HUGE standing ovation for your efforts! Keep tweaking it...

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WD Mino

15 years ago

Originally Posted by 4freedom

Okay, having built a few converting sites over the years....

1) Center your headline
2) Get rid of the background (white or grey pulls well)
3) Fix your picture because it appears squished. You really have to make your site look POLISHED and professional. 100% spot on, if you know what I mean.
4) Get rid of the price up front. Build value through your copy first - then reveal price.
5) Work on a different headline and sub-head. What's in it for me? What is the #1 benefit I'll get by staying on your page? Why is it even worth my time?
6) Get rid of the "date written" - everyone knows it is not true and you undermine your credibility right off the bat.

And, without meaning to sound too harsh, I read the copy and STILL really don't know what you are trying to offer. Training? Pretend your reader is an idiot. SPELL IT OUT for me. And before you do that - create a relationship with me. Let me know who care enough to care - that you know what I've been going through (because you've been there) and... now that you've figured out a solution... tell me what that solution is. Specifically. Give me examples of the results I can expect.

HUGE standing ovation for your efforts! Keep tweaking it...

Thank you but the date written is true i just did it.lol
ty
-WD

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4freedom 15 years ago

Originally Posted by WD Products

Thank you but the date written is true i just did it.lol
ty
-WD

Oh! My mistake. I thought it was a java-script auto date thingy.

I think you really just need to "flesh out" the site more. Tell more of a story. Go take a look at two or three well-known membership sites that offer something like you have and copy the "copy structure" - not the copy, but the flow of the copy. I think this will give you a HUGE increase in conversions.
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Bev Clement

15 years ago

Try looking at these successful sites to see their home pages

Resell Rights, Master Resell, and Private Label Rights

Resell Rights | Private Label Rights | Internet Marketing (no affiliate links)

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WD Mino

15 years ago

Thank you everyone.

$freedom i have implemented some of your suggestions thank you.

I think that if i was to offer a free membership i would use this kind of copy but i am not and will not i am not using this to build a list i have a list and i build that in different ways not through a business model like this. that is the purpose of doing that and i for one think it is sneaky and deceptive..

i may offer the 1$ trial i know that lots of people do that also though. i am trying not to do anything everyone else is doing do you understand what i am saying? it is my turn now they have had their fun make way i am on the run and nothing will stand in my way ever again.

doing copy the way others do it is what got me here to begin with but ya know what it was a freikin lie i got sucked in i am just the most beligerant ******* that walks so i made it my mission to devastate the gurus and you know what I WILL so i choose not to write things that will hypnotize people which is what 'drawing them in" is all about.

i have done business to business sales ran a successful computer tech business and i will succeed in this as well i have no choice but to . however i do most everything myself.do you? i have autism and work hard very hard.do you? i don't run to someone and say fix this i do it myself. I help lots of people on here so many of you know.

The first time i ask for help and you feel it gives you a license to push your freikin crap on me well wrong i don't want to be like you or anyone i am going to surpass you it is my turn now wait and see that's all i can say.
-WD

thanks for the advice

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Bev Clement

15 years ago

Originally Posted by WD Products

i have done business to business sales ran a successful computer tech business and i will succeed in this as well i have no choice but to . however i do most everything myself.do you? i have autism and work hard very hard.do you? i don't run to someone and say fix this i do it myself. I help lots of people on here so many of you know.

The first time i ask for help and you feel it gives you a license to push your freikin crap on me well wrong i don't want to be like you or anyone i am going to surpass you it is my turn now wait and see that's all i can say.
-WD

thanks for the advice

I don't know if this was posted to me, but if you only want help which is telling you how good you are then you should have said.

Personally, I don't care whether you have autism or not. To assume we don't work hard is insulting. To assume we don't do all the work ourselves is also insulting.

I do most of my work myself, I spent time building my business. If I have no skill, then I pay someone to do it. You know dollars to do the work.

Well done for helping people, but don't ever assume you are the only one. You should ask the people I have helped before making these type of accusations.

Good you don't want to be like me, yet you don't know what I'm like. You have no idea what my business model is. You don't know what I sell. Have fun and don't ask again for help unless you make it clear you want your ego rubbed.

BTW those sites were not mine, and I don't peddle crap products. I rarely sell anything in the IM niche, unlike you.

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Tina Golden

15 years ago

The first time i ask for help and you feel it gives you a license to push your freikin crap on me well wrong i don't want to be like you or anyone i am going to surpass you it is my turn now wait and see that's all i can say.

Okay, first of all, don't get offended that you don't like the answers when you ask a question. That's not going to do you a bit of good and can do you a lot of harm in the end.

You asked for help so everyone in this thread gave you advice. You don't have to follow that advice, of course. You can continue on and pound your head off that brick wall for as long as you like.

Good luck,
Tina

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WD Mino

15 years ago

Originally Posted by TMG Enterprises

Okay, first of all, don't get offended that you don't like the answers when you ask a question. That's not going to do you a bit of good and can do you a lot of harm in the end.

You asked for help so everyone in this thread gave you advice. You don't have to follow that advice, of course. You can continue on and pound your head off that brick wall for as long as you like.

Good luck,
Tina

Hi Tina,
thank you no i am not pounding my head and i have taken many of the suggestions which i am thankful for because i just am not very good at it but i will be. i am not upset because of suggestions. I apologize for getting upset.
i am upset because the topic is can you review my site for me please. not pick on me .

bev it is not directed at any one person it is a statement i am so freikin mad i got duped into things made me look like a fool to my wife and family and for that i will be like a pitbull on a chihua or however you spell it.
don't be silly. i am so freiking angry with all the crap peddled and how to get people to give you their money even though the tactics used are crap and i for one am going to do something about it by not being that way and actually doing what i say . i do know some things ya know. i never said i would teach people to write sales letters and frankly that pissed me right off if i knew how why the _ would i ask for help in reviewing the damn thing. i am too frustrated now so it is pointless to continue on i am thankful for the good advice i received and made many changes up till after 8 am this morn worked all night redesigning it and rewording it but i don't know how to do it without sounding hypey which in my profile even says one who stands Against hypey gurus. anyhow i really am thankful for help when it is given but pick on me and i flip out simple.
-WD

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misterkailo

15 years ago

You sound like you are angry. The subject of this thread is, "Anyone care to review my site for me?"

I guess you were looking for answers such as, "Great site, keep it up!"

Not going to feed you crap, but your sales page needs a lot of work. If you are going to teach people how to make sales pages, then your own sales page should be flawless.

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Vic Shake

15 years ago

Hi- WD-

Steps you can Improve your product-

1) You need a catching Headline- that will convert- its like going to the library looking at the book shelfs at the covers- which book Caught your eye you grabed it off the shelf.

2) Instead of saying what you are offering-

Sales Letter Creator
A Banner Creator
A Webpage Creator
A Site Submitter
Multiple Tools
An E-cover Creator
An Article submitter
A Teleprompter

You have to state what your product is going to do for PEOPLE buying your product- "Solving there problem.

Example: You will get article submitter-

* You can say Get Instant Traffic by using our Article Submitter that will Skyrocket your sales.

* Need more better graphics

you are in the correct route but need to fix it up more doing research and setting up things.

Best of Luck

Vic Shake

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WD Mino

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Vic Shake

Hi- WD-

Steps you can Improve your product-

1) You need a catching Headline- that will convert- its like going to the library looking at the book shelfs at the covers- which book Caught your eye you grabed it off the shelf.

2) Instead of saying what you are offering-

Sales Letter Creator
A Banner Creator
A Webpage Creator
A Site Submitter
Multiple Tools
An E-cover Creator
An Article submitter
A Teleprompter

You have to state what your product is going to do for PEOPLE buying your product- "Solving there problem.

Example: You will get article submitter-

* You can say Get Instant Traffic by using our Article Submitter that will Skyrocket your sales.

* Need more better graphics

you are in the correct route but need to fix it up more doing research and setting up things.

Best of Luck

Vic Shake

Hey thanks Vic see that's what i mean i don't know how to word things properly but that is great advice i will go back to the drawing board again that is some great advice.

thanks a lot
-WD

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seobro

15 years ago

I kept looking but could not see the final price. Is it $27, or $47 or more? It should be in BIG BOLD letters right near your [BUY] button so people can click. Also a pic of your prod is a plus. If you sell a service. Then a picture of people using your service.

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Jill Carpenter

15 years ago

Just my first observation - your copy that sits directly under your red headline is nudged too far to the left.

Originally Posted by WD Products

doing copy the way others do it is what got me here to begin with but ya know what it was a freikin lie i got sucked in i am just the most beligerant ******* that walks so i made it my mission to devastate the gurus and you know what I WILL so i choose not to write things that will hypnotize people which is what 'drawing them in" is all about.

On the quote above - I understand you're wanting to offer the best help you can, but it is going to be hard to really reach as many people as you want to without considering some of those "hypnotizing" sales pages.

They are not all about trying to just sucker people if your true intention is to really help people. But you need to get them in the door first - and these techniques are what will get them in. Once you got them you can help them until the cows come home - but I would hate to see you screw yourself by not using tactics that have been proven to work and are a bit of an art to use effectively.

There is no shame or guilt to using things that work when your ultimate intentions are pure.

Best luck to you which ever route you plan to go, but it will be easier to build your ladder with solid pieces of wood than with toothpicks.

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Vic Shake 15 years ago

Hey how you doing.

please email me at vicshake@aol.com need to speak with you on a topic to help you with your website.

Thanks

Vic Shake
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- Rory Wilkinson 15 years ago
  
  You are not going to like my review but here it is:
  
  1. I have no idea what you are selling or offering
  2. The font and the format is terrible
  3. Tons of spelling mistakes
  4. Website looks very amateurish
  
  Quite honestly one of the worst sites I have seen.
  
  However there is good news.
  
  You mention that you know how to get other peoples sites in front of thousands of people per month - "How to get their site in front of thousands of people monthly", therefore you must be able to do that yourself.
  
  So stop wasting your time with writing this sales letter (which is clearly not your strong point) and outsource the dam thing to someone who knows what they are doing. It should cost you about $1000. Find someone on the warrior forum.
  
  Seriously, your page needs a lot of work and if you don't do it properly you will end up losing a lot more money from lost sales and also JV's pulling out. (No one is going to promote that).
  
  I Hope you take my advice and I wish you the best of luck
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Click Here For My Free 3 Part Video Training On High Performance and Achievement (The same strategies I teach my clients (which include top sales agents, internet marketers, authors, musicians and business owners).
  
  Don't quit! Keep going, you are so much closer than you think!
  
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  WD Mino 15 years ago
  
  Hi Vic -Email sent
  
  @ rory
  hey thanks for the critique . i could outsource it but i am needing to know how to do it so i am doing it . i appreciate the advice and i could get it done a lot cheaper then that but i am a stubborn mule and choose to do things the hard way so i learn and then can do it over and again and help others too.
  
  working on the new one as i speak here and i am getting the hang of it but will need to revise it probably but i am learning i learn very fast so i am thankful for that .
  
  great advice though. yes i do know how to get the site in front of people that is a good thing it has had all sorts of hits which is why i finally broke down and asked for some pointers but i don't want to outsource it it just doesn't make sense to me to do that. i only outsource my programming and now i don't need to do that i have a fantastic programmer now so .anyways great advice man and i took it as a good pointer.
  
  -WD
  
  Thanks
  
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  "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"
  
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A VONX

15 years ago

Hi,,
Sometimes when we are in involved in a process it is Best to get out of the process and evaluate how well it is going.

The only way to objectively assess any situation is to step back and look from the outside in. Just like in a relationship,we never can see how a relationship is affecting us because we are to close to it and so emotionally involved. Step back step back and see it for what it is worth.
On the other hand, a business venture even a small one needs the objective point of view from someone who can give that point of view.
The reality is that you have to be tough skinned to accept that objective feedback.
Avon Brown
A BROWN CLUSTER GROUP

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WD Mino

15 years ago

Originally Posted by A VONX

Hi,,
Sometimes when we are in involved in a process it is Best to get out of the process and evaluate how well it is going.

The only way to objectively assess any situation is to step back and look from the outside in. Just like in a relationship,we never can see how a relationship is affecting us because we are to close to it and so emotionally involved. Step back step back and see it for what it is worth.
On the other hand, a business venture even a small one needs the objective point of view from someone who can give that point of view.
The reality is that you have to be tough skinned to accept that objective feedback.
Avon Brown
A BROWN CLUSTER GROUP

I don't really understand what your point is. but thanks for posting
-WD

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CDarklock 15 years ago

Originally Posted by A VONX

A BROWN CLUSTER GROUP

This is the single most glaring example of "branding gone wrong" I have ever seen.
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- WD Mino 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by CDarklock
  
  This is the single most glaring example of "branding gone wrong" I have ever seen.
  
  HAHAHAHAHAHAA C you never fail to crack me up
  
  -WD
  
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jewin

15 years ago

Just one thought here. Sell the Sizzle, not the Steak. Your headline reads "Inside you will gain access to many products, as well as receive training on how to build a membership site how to find the best fit for you and how to get that site in front of people."...

What does that get them though. We know that's probably a good thing. But can I buy dinner with that? A wrist watch? A Ferarri? How well has the system worked for you? Show them that - show them the money.

Originally Posted by WD Products

Hi,

Ok those of you who know me know i have a head strong attitude and try to do things myself.

However.

After changing copy 3 times now i am not getting much results. it is different for me then writing about a new product i created or whatever as it is a membersite - be nice or don't reply link is in my sig

people had promised to join with me in JV to help get it going but they seem to have dropped off the face of the earth so i am on my own hundreds of hits so far but no conversions so obviously i am not doing something right.

As much as i hate to say it what can i do to improve this situation

-WD

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Dennis Gaskill

15 years ago

Hey WD

I won't repeat the suggestions others offered, but I do have three suggestions I didn't see anyone else offer (sorry if someone did and I missed it, I started skimming the replies after a while).

A good many people will judge your product by the professionalism of your sales letter. You have some writing habits that stick out like a sore thumb that do not equate to professionalism. Here they are:

You use the word I a lot, but you don't capitalize it. Even in your posts here you say i rather than I - that's a bad habit that will always hold you back some until you stop doing it.

You also don't have a space after your commas, like that. You do it,like this,in a lot of places. A professional sales letter should be proofed for grammar, spelling and punctuation errors. Even just having a friend read it and pointing out what needs fixed can help a lot. The friend will see things we miss.

Lastly, all the text on the page is in bold type. When everything is emphasized, nothing is emphasized. We are not conditioned to read pages full of bold type, so it feels uncomfortable and awkward. We are conditioned, from when we first learn to read, to read normal text with a few words emphasized here and there. That's how emphasis has meaning and impact.

Hope that helps.

PS - The header graphic is really nice.

Thanks
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WD Mino

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill

Hey WD

I won't repeat the suggestions others offered, but I do have three suggestions I didn't see anyone else offer (sorry if someone did and I missed it, I started skimming the replies after a while).

A good many people will judge your product by the professionalism of your sales letter. You have some writing habits that stick out like a sore thumb that do not equate to professionalism. Here they are:

You use the word I a lot, but you don't capitalize it. Even in your posts here you say i rather than I - that's a bad habit that will always hold you back some until you stop doing it.

You also don't have a space after your commas, like that. You do it,like this,in a lot of places. A professional sales letter should be proofed for grammar, spelling and punctuation errors. Even just having a friend read it and pointing out what needs fixed can help a lot. The friend will see things we miss.

Lastly, all the text on the page is in bold type. When everything is emphasized, nothing is emphasized. We are not conditioned to read pages full of bold type, so it feels uncomfortable and awkward. We are conditioned, from when we first learn to read, to read normal text with a few words emphasized here and there. That's how emphasis has meaning and impact.

Hope that helps.

PS - The header graphic is really nice.

Hey Dennis!

Before my response i want to tell you that you really helped me when i started doing web design I used to go to boogeyjack a lot. love it your a good guy .

Thanks a great deal for the pointers. though I am very smart my school ed is only a grade 10 level. My wife usually helps me write but because I asked for review I was in changing things willy nilly and she did not get the chance. I am however doing a brand new one and i will ask for her expertise she ran an office for quite sometime full of nurses-yikes-

Anyhow I will try very hard to speak properly I have learned, something

There are not many people that have helped me in my early time I spent a lot on my own as I do most everything I really don't play too well with others but I do try . but I just wanted to say your site helped me and I thank you for it.

Thanks a lot for taking the time to help me Dennis I appreciate it.

-WD

p.s. thanks for the compliment on the graphic I made it.

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WD Mino 15 years ago

HEY DENNIS!!!!!

I just plugged my new headline in and what do ya know 43.75 percent!!!! wooohooo i am learning man

thanks a heck of a lot for this that really helped me understand i saw a forum post that was laughing at me and i said to myself I'll show you and I guess I really will.
lol

WOooohooo

-WD
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- Dennis Gaskill 15 years ago
  
  WD - Thanks for the kudos about boogiejack.com. That was my first official .com website and it's still kind of my baby.
  
  Glad you like the headline analyzer. I've learned a lot about writing headlines from using it. Tell you what, on expensive products I have even used it to analyze bullet points too!
  
  I sold an online course where members could follow along as I created a new product so they could learn step-by-step exactly what I do. I used that headline analyzer all over the sales page. I limited the class to 30 people because I didn't know how many questions I'd get. I sold all 30 mentorships in about 2 hours @ $77 each. Love that analyzer!
  
  Your 43.75 is much, much better - way to go!
  
  Good luck with this site.
  
  Thanks
  
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Dennis Gaskill

15 years ago

...on further consideration I do have two more suggestions and a secret weapon for you.

You need to scrap the headline and start over. First off, telling people it's brand new site is a strike against it for anyone that needs social proof before buying.

Secondly, it has no emotional appeal. I plugged your headline into an Emotional Marketing Value Headline Analyzer, and it registered an 8.33%, which is extremely low. According to the site...

And for comparison, most professional copywriters' headlines will have 30%-40% EMV Words in their headlines, while the most gifted copywriters will have 50%-75% EMV words in headlines.

I've had headlines register 100%, but that's rare. Most of my main headlines fall in the 50% to 80% range. I wouldn't use any that were under 30%.

Here's that secret weapon: EMV Headline Analyzer.

That definitely WILL help you.

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tryinhere

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill

...on further consideration I do have two more suggestions and a secret
Here's that secret weapon: EMV Headline Analyzer.

That definitely WILL help you.

Thanks to the op for posting this thread, i am sure it helps many, Dennis, that toy is brilliant, i have gone from a 20% emv to a 50% emv in a few seconds.

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Dennis Gaskill 15 years ago

Originally Posted by tryinhere

Thanks to the op for posting this thread, i am sure it helps many, Dennis, that toy is brilliant, i have gone from a 20% emv to a 50% emv in a few seconds.

It's a great tool, but do remember it is just a tool. There are a lot of other factors to get right as well. Glad you like it.

@ CDarklock - I love your sense of humor. We should party sometime. You buy.
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WD Mino

15 years ago

Ok friends let me have it i redid it what do you think did i learn in a 24 hr period or not?
-WD

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Jill Carpenter 15 years ago

Originally Posted by WD Products

Ok friends let me have it i redid it what do you think did i learn in a 24 hr period or not?
-WD

I think you are getting "warmer" but I think there is room for even more improvement on that page.

Don't just settle for "this will get me a couple of sales."

I am still confused at the top when I read this second line:

"Introducing Memberprods The First Site Of It's Kind Running Various Desktop Programs And Tools Directly Online"

It's that "various desktop programs" thing that is very wishy washy to use so early on in the letter.

JMO

Not sure about the use of the red lettering, your fonts seem to change with the wind - BUT

I do think it is getting warmer as far as your text in the bullets.

I don't think you are done.
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