Anyone care to review my site for me?

by 52 replies
59
Hi,

Ok those of you who know me know i have a head strong attitude and try to do things myself.

However.

After changing copy 3 times now i am not getting much results. it is different for me then writing about a new product i created or whatever as it is a membersite - be nice or don't reply link is in my sig

people had promised to join with me in JV to help get it going but they seem to have dropped off the face of the earth so i am on my own hundreds of hits so far but no conversions so obviously i am not doing something right.

As much as i hate to say it what can i do to improve this situation

-WD
#main internet marketing discussion forum #care #review #site
  • Hey WD,

    Perhaps you could try a different "Buy Now" button?

    This gentleman's "Add to Cart" button has been proven to significantly increase conversions...

    The Green Associate Exam Walkthrough for LEED v3 | Green Exam Academy - Tips and Tricks to Pass the LEED AP Exam

    In fact, that page alone made him over $200,000+ last year....In one of his blog posts, he talked about he did a ton of research and THAT "Add to Cart" button seemed to be recommended in the IM community more than others....
    • [1] reply
    • Hi,

      thanks for the suggestion. i am not sure that is the right button for a membersite though. i would use that/i do use that when selling products i.e. software etc but i don't think it would fit in the subscribe option but i will keep it in mind

      thanks for taking the time anyhow

      -WD
  • Hi WD,

    Just took a look at your salespage, and I'll give you my feedback from doing a quick look through. First, your headline needs to grab your visitors by the eyeballs...and it's not doing that. Instead of 'their' success...try 'your' success...and work on stronger wordings for what you are trying to state. Keep testing headline variations. Hammer home the biggest benefit your site offers right in the headline. Also, your headline needs to be bigger, and it would probably help to have a pre-head that leads into it, and then a subhead underneath, as the deck area of your page isn't developed. I've seen some effective salesletters that have some handwritten text and then some hand drawn arrows that 'force' the readers down into the copy...you're not giving people enough of a compelling reason to keep on reading.

    Also, try putting a picture of yourself right up at the top of the letter - this has been shown to help conversions.

    Next, get some graphical bullets - some red checkmarks or something. You need to give alot more detail on what it is you're offering people in your bullets. For each one - emphasize the benefits they are going to receive...what makes these tools stand out from the others out there?

    What you might want to consider is a trial offer. Trial offers are known to convert better...and at least you'll get some folks through the front door. Especially for a membership site. You're asking people to lock in for a year at $27.00 per month, correct? Personally, I would click away from this page after reading that stipulation because I don't know enough about exactly how this membership is going to build my business, or what level of support I could expect to receive. It could be fantastic, but if people don't know you and you're asking for that level of commitment without an incredibly strong salespage - that commitment probably ain't gonna happen too easy.

    I think the only way you would be able to get a commitment like that from your site members would be to offer this to them once they've experienced the value of your site. Engage them for a couple of months, then perhaps you could lay out an offer (a discount off the monthly price, for example) for a longer financial commitment.

    Hope these suggestions are helpful,

    Elise
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
    • [3] replies
    • Hi Elise,

      Thanks for your time.

      I shall take your suggestions.but i disagree with a few of them as i have already done the video ,picture thing and i am not that handsome so probably scared em more then compelled them but i will do it again and see if that works
      thanks for taking time out of your day

      -WD
      • [1] reply
    • Looking at your page - I have no idea what it's about. Memberprods???

      Training in what? What's a prod and why would I want to train in it?

      The payment buttons aren't "buttons" and I almost missed them as just graphics.

      You have two levels of membership but no explanation of what the difference is - not that I spotted, anyway.

      And to cap it all, you try to bully me into joining
      I'm not a copywriter - but I think if you invested in the services of one it would make a vast difference. Perhaps you should ask here for some recommendations?
    • I think that you have hit the nail right on the head Elise. In your position WD I would try a $1 trial to get people through the door. Then provide so much value that they will want to stay.

      Make your guarantee so strong, stating that you will even refund their $1 if they are not happy. Just say that the $1 initial payment is just to make sure that they are a real person that wants to commit to taking an action in order to create success.

      That's my two cents...

      Best of luck!

      Jay
  • You should seriously consider free trial because it is not well-known site. If trial members think your site is useful, they will help get the word out, and perhaps start the paid membership.
    • [2] replies
    • Actually, WD, I read the entire page and I'm still not sure what you are actually offering. You mention new content every month but you don't say what that content is for - will it be for my education? for me to resell? PLR?

      The only thing I get is that you say you are going to teach me something but you are very vague on exactly what I could expect to learn.

      Tina
      • [1] reply

    • I considered doing a trial but... it is my experience some people have 2 habits one is to request refunds after they got the content and 2 is i don't wish for people to waste my time or theirs making a financial commitment no matter how small shows seriousness. my wife and i discussed it and that is the result no trial. especially a free one.
      there are many sites that offer it they can go there besides the fact there is no other site out there like this period.

      the main reason for giving a free membership is to get them on the list that is not my purpose with this site, the purpose is to teach people how to create products brand themselves drive traffic etc as well as offer content each month for download and when i put them up e courses and webinars i record with the elite members. as well as give them programs to use to help them people pay money to use a banner program online people pay to use all sorts of things when they get in there they are very limited without upgrading so rather then do that i chose to do it this way.

      it is geared for new people who either have been ripped off or don't know where to begin i don't have to do things like everyone else because i am not like everyone else and one thing i learned was do something different make yourself stand out so i did no other site is like mine simple.

      i have considered an awful lot of avenues but it is my site and i will run it the way i choose i make cash online just haven't been with this site as of yet so i am not unlearned in this i just choose to do it this way. i have made some changes i thank everyone for their input but i am not open to anymore suggestions i will figure the rest out if needed on my own i am jst getting too frustrated with it now. oh but in essence i did offer a trial because i offer a 30 day money back gurantee so i guess that can be considered a trial.

      thanks for your time
      -WD
  • There is nothing in the headline that tells me what this site is about. What are you teaching? The prices at the top scare me when I don't even know what the site is to begin with.

    "Have you wasted your time and hard earned money on the latest and greatest products only to find they do nothing of what they say?" - What if I just bought a cleaning product yesterday to find out that it doesn't work? Is the site going to sell me cleaning products that work?

    "My aim with this site is to help people not only make money but teach them how to: Create Products Fast, Brand Themselves, Network with others, How to get themselves known and last but not least How to get their site in front of thousands of people monthly." - Half way down, I finally find out that this site is about teaching people how to make money.

    "Introducing Memberprods The First site of It's Kind Running various Desktop programs and tools directly online. " - The uppercase and lowercase spellings hurt my eyes.

    Your product offers: A Sales Letter Creator - I sure as hell won't go to you for sales letter creation based on your own sales letter that you have on the site.

    "You are going to love this site and when you discover exactly what we offer you will not want to leave." - Shouldn't I know exactly what you offer before I spend money?

    I'm sorry, but you have a lot to work on when it comes to internet marketing before you can teach people about internet marketing.
    • [1] reply
    • Thanks for your opinion
  • My first sentence is a fact. You can ask a million people on this forum, and you will still get the same question as to what your site is about.
  • I'm guessing it is the WSO you recently bought.

    Have you Trademarked the term MemberProds?

    If it is the WSO, then why is your site any different from the thousands of membership sites full of PLR, MRR & RR? Is there anything unique in it?

    You said it is the first of its kind, is this true because there are a lot of well known membership sites which do this.

    The tools you talk about have been around for a long time, so what makes your site different.

    These are some of the issues within your sales letter you need to address.
    • [1] reply
    • No thanks for that though. i am designing that site which will be the biggest on the net but next year is when it will come out.
      Yes memberprods is trademarked according to the law. no there is no other site out there like this but thanks though
      -WD
  • Okay, having built a few converting sites over the years....

    1) Center your headline
    2) Get rid of the background (white or grey pulls well)
    3) Fix your picture because it appears squished. You really have to make your site look POLISHED and professional. 100% spot on, if you know what I mean.
    4) Get rid of the price up front. Build value through your copy first - then reveal price.
    5) Work on a different headline and sub-head. What's in it for me? What is the #1 benefit I'll get by staying on your page? Why is it even worth my time?
    6) Get rid of the "date written" - everyone knows it is not true and you undermine your credibility right off the bat.

    And, without meaning to sound too harsh, I read the copy and STILL really don't know what you are trying to offer. Training? Pretend your reader is an idiot. SPELL IT OUT for me. And before you do that - create a relationship with me. Let me know who care enough to care - that you know what I've been going through (because you've been there) and... now that you've figured out a solution... tell me what that solution is. Specifically. Give me examples of the results I can expect.

    HUGE standing ovation for your efforts! Keep tweaking it...
    • [1] reply
    • Thank you but the date written is true i just did it.lol
      ty
      -WD
      • [1] reply
  • Try looking at these successful sites to see their home pages

    Resell Rights, Master Resell, and Private Label Rights

    Resell Rights | Private Label Rights | Internet Marketing (no affiliate links)
    • [1] reply
    • Thank you everyone.

      $freedom i have implemented some of your suggestions thank you.

      I think that if i was to offer a free membership i would use this kind of copy but i am not and will not i am not using this to build a list i have a list and i build that in different ways not through a business model like this. that is the purpose of doing that and i for one think it is sneaky and deceptive..

      i may offer the 1$ trial i know that lots of people do that also though. i am trying not to do anything everyone else is doing do you understand what i am saying? it is my turn now they have had their fun make way i am on the run and nothing will stand in my way ever again.

      doing copy the way others do it is what got me here to begin with but ya know what it was a freikin lie i got sucked in i am just the most beligerant ******* that walks so i made it my mission to devastate the gurus and you know what I WILL so i choose not to write things that will hypnotize people which is what 'drawing them in" is all about.

      i have done business to business sales ran a successful computer tech business and i will succeed in this as well i have no choice but to . however i do most everything myself.do you? i have autism and work hard very hard.do you? i don't run to someone and say fix this i do it myself. I help lots of people on here so many of you know.

      The first time i ask for help and you feel it gives you a license to push your freikin crap on me well wrong i don't want to be like you or anyone i am going to surpass you it is my turn now wait and see that's all i can say.
      -WD

      thanks for the advice
      • [2] replies
  • You sound like you are angry. The subject of this thread is, "Anyone care to review my site for me?"

    I guess you were looking for answers such as, "Great site, keep it up!"

    Not going to feed you crap, but your sales page needs a lot of work. If you are going to teach people how to make sales pages, then your own sales page should be flawless.
  • Hi- WD-

    Steps you can Improve your product-

    1) You need a catching Headline- that will convert- its like going to the library looking at the book shelfs at the covers- which book Caught your eye you grabed it off the shelf.

    2) Instead of saying what you are offering-

    Sales Letter Creator
    A Banner Creator
    A Webpage Creator
    A Site Submitter
    Multiple Tools
    An E-cover Creator
    An Article submitter
    A Teleprompter


    You have to state what your product is going to do for PEOPLE buying your product- "Solving there problem.

    Example: You will get article submitter-

    * You can say Get Instant Traffic by using our Article Submitter that will Skyrocket your sales.

    * Need more better graphics

    you are in the correct route but need to fix it up more doing research and setting up things.

    Best of Luck

    Vic Shake
    • [1] reply
    • Hey thanks Vic see that's what i mean i don't know how to word things properly but that is great advice i will go back to the drawing board again that is some great advice.

      thanks a lot
      -WD
  • I kept looking but could not see the final price. Is it $27, or $47 or more? It should be in BIG BOLD letters right near your [BUY] button so people can click. Also a pic of your prod is a plus. If you sell a service. Then a picture of people using your service.
    • [1] reply
    • Just my first observation - your copy that sits directly under your red headline is nudged too far to the left.



      On the quote above - I understand you're wanting to offer the best help you can, but it is going to be hard to really reach as many people as you want to without considering some of those "hypnotizing" sales pages.

      They are not all about trying to just sucker people if your true intention is to really help people. But you need to get them in the door first - and these techniques are what will get them in. Once you got them you can help them until the cows come home - but I would hate to see you screw yourself by not using tactics that have been proven to work and are a bit of an art to use effectively.

      There is no shame or guilt to using things that work when your ultimate intentions are pure.

      Best luck to you which ever route you plan to go, but it will be easier to build your ladder with solid pieces of wood than with toothpicks.
      • [1] reply
  • Hi,,
    Sometimes when we are in involved in a process it is Best to get out of the process and evaluate how well it is going.

    The only way to objectively assess any situation is to step back and look from the outside in. Just like in a relationship,we never can see how a relationship is affecting us because we are to close to it and so emotionally involved. Step back step back and see it for what it is worth.
    On the other hand, a business venture even a small one needs the objective point of view from someone who can give that point of view.
    The reality is that you have to be tough skinned to accept that objective feedback.
    Avon Brown
    A BROWN CLUSTER GROUP
    • [2] replies
    • I don't really understand what your point is. but thanks for posting
      -WD
    • This is the single most glaring example of "branding gone wrong" I have ever seen.
      • [1] reply
  • Just one thought here. Sell the Sizzle, not the Steak. Your headline reads "Inside you will gain access to many products, as well as receive training on how to build a membership site how to find the best fit for you and how to get that site in front of people."...

    What does that get them though. We know that's probably a good thing. But can I buy dinner with that? A wrist watch? A Ferarri? How well has the system worked for you? Show them that - show them the money.


  • Hey WD

    I won't repeat the suggestions others offered, but I do have three suggestions I didn't see anyone else offer (sorry if someone did and I missed it, I started skimming the replies after a while).

    A good many people will judge your product by the professionalism of your sales letter. You have some writing habits that stick out like a sore thumb that do not equate to professionalism. Here they are:

    You use the word I a lot, but you don't capitalize it. Even in your posts here you say i rather than I - that's a bad habit that will always hold you back some until you stop doing it.

    You also don't have a space after your commas, like that. You do it,like this,in a lot of places. A professional sales letter should be proofed for grammar, spelling and punctuation errors. Even just having a friend read it and pointing out what needs fixed can help a lot. The friend will see things we miss.

    Lastly, all the text on the page is in bold type. When everything is emphasized, nothing is emphasized. We are not conditioned to read pages full of bold type, so it feels uncomfortable and awkward. We are conditioned, from when we first learn to read, to read normal text with a few words emphasized here and there. That's how emphasis has meaning and impact.

    Hope that helps.

    PS - The header graphic is really nice.
    • [1] reply

    • Hey Dennis!

      Before my response i want to tell you that you really helped me when i started doing web design I used to go to boogeyjack a lot. love it your a good guy .

      Thanks a great deal for the pointers. though I am very smart my school ed is only a grade 10 level. My wife usually helps me write but because I asked for review I was in changing things willy nilly and she did not get the chance. I am however doing a brand new one and i will ask for her expertise she ran an office for quite sometime full of nurses-yikes-

      Anyhow I will try very hard to speak properly I have learned, something

      There are not many people that have helped me in my early time I spent a lot on my own as I do most everything I really don't play too well with others but I do try . but I just wanted to say your site helped me and I thank you for it.

      Thanks a lot for taking the time to help me Dennis I appreciate it.

      -WD

      p.s. thanks for the compliment on the graphic I made it.
      • [1] reply
  • ...on further consideration I do have two more suggestions and a secret weapon for you.

    You need to scrap the headline and start over. First off, telling people it's brand new site is a strike against it for anyone that needs social proof before buying.

    Secondly, it has no emotional appeal. I plugged your headline into an Emotional Marketing Value Headline Analyzer, and it registered an 8.33%, which is extremely low. According to the site...
    And for comparison, most professional copywriters' headlines will have 30%-40% EMV Words in their headlines, while the most gifted copywriters will have 50%-75% EMV words in headlines.
    I've had headlines register 100%, but that's rare. Most of my main headlines fall in the 50% to 80% range. I wouldn't use any that were under 30%.

    Here's that secret weapon: EMV Headline Analyzer.

    That definitely WILL help you.
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
    • [1] reply
    • Thanks to the op for posting this thread, i am sure it helps many, Dennis, that toy is brilliant, i have gone from a 20% emv to a 50% emv in a few seconds.
      • [1] reply
  • Ok friends let me have it i redid it what do you think did i learn in a 24 hr period or not?
    -WD
    • [1] reply
    • I think you are getting "warmer" but I think there is room for even more improvement on that page.

      Don't just settle for "this will get me a couple of sales."

      I am still confused at the top when I read this second line:

      "Introducing Memberprods The First Site Of It's Kind Running Various Desktop Programs And Tools Directly Online"

      It's that "various desktop programs" thing that is very wishy washy to use so early on in the letter.

      JMO

      Not sure about the use of the red lettering, your fonts seem to change with the wind - BUT

      I do think it is getting warmer as far as your text in the bullets.

      I don't think you are done.
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
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