Doubts, Fears, and 99 Beers...

21 replies
Every now and then you give other people and their opinions a little too much credibility and allow their thoughts to weedle into your brain and somehow, they manage to undermine your confidence in your own abilities. It's enough to drive one to drink.

I just spent a gruelling five days writing a set of articles for a friend that I normally could have completed in two days. Why did I take so long to get these done?

Because I let other people influence me. I let things that were said here make me think my writing may not be up to par, which put a great big block in front of my ability to focus and write creatively.

How'd I manage to get the things done? I gave myself permission to believe in my own abilities, no matter what anyone else said.

Anyway, the articles are done, and like many I've written before, they're damn good. I can't wait to see these hit the 'Net.

What's the purpose of this post? To let the rest of you know you don't have to let what anyone else says affect what you know you CAN do.

Believe in yourself -- always. You Can Do it.
#beers #doubts #fears
  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    Great post, and it can apply to so much more than confidence. Any time our confidence, happiness, faith, and many other things, relies on any source outside of ourself, we are giving our power away.

    PS - I'll take one of those beers if you're not using all of them.
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    • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

      Any time our confidence, happiness, faith, and many other things, relies on any source outside of ourself, we are giving our power away.

      PS - I'll take one of those beers if you're not using all of them.
      Dennis, this is true, yes. Thanks for posting it. As for the beers (lol) you can have 'em all. I didn't drink a one...although there were moments when I thought it might be easier if I did. Haha!
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  • Profile picture of the author OzDesign
    One thing I normally say to myself in situations like your is: Am i sacrificing my own preferences to satisfy others' preferences?

    And yes, you do have to give yourself permission and believe in yourself to achieve whatever you need to achieve.

    So.....Be Yourself!!
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    lol - Ken, you thanked yourself for your post? :rolleyes:
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    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
      Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

      If I did, it was inadvertent. Then again, what's wrong with a little self-affirmation?

      I'm good enough....

      ...and, by golly, I deserve it.
      You do, if for no other reason than for giving me a chuckle!
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesMSpacey
    Great post. It's a problem that everyone runs into at some time. Best to learn the first time and not have to deal with it again.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
    Ken, you didn't...at least it didn't show up on my screen that you did. So...I thanked you. Twice. Because you're right. You ARE good enough, and you DO deserve it.

    Tina
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  • Profile picture of the author Slin
    This is great.

    Never let your fears stop you from succeeding.

    Eh I bet the others were just jealous of your writing ability anyway .
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    • Profile picture of the author Marketstriker
      This is the problem that all the people have. Everyday we are influenced by opinions everyday. So it's essential to filter them. As for me I was affected really much by opinions of my relatives and friends. I worked on it and used special method. I just throw any negative opinion away saying "It doesn't matter". It helps to compensate negative energy.
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  • Profile picture of the author Blondmoo
    Thanks for a positive post...we need a lot more of that around here lately I think! I believe in myself 99% of the time...but that 1% can be disheartening sometimes...
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  • Profile picture of the author Gary King
    If you're succeeding, never let the buggers get you down! Always consider input, but as you suggest, trust and believe in yourself!

    Thanks for the motivation Tinkerbell,

    Gary
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  • Profile picture of the author BIG Mike
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    • Profile picture of the author Paul Myers
      Tina,

      There's an expression I use often when people ask me about things with which I'm not familiar: "I don't know enough about that to have an opinion."

      We all tend to come to snap judgments and reflexive ideas. Those quick thoughts are based on our past experiences, preferences, and prejudices, and are a natural function of the human brain. I don't consider them to be opinions, though.

      When most people express what they call opinions, they're really just saying the first thing that pops into their heads. They might as well be talking in their sleep, for all the value those comments have. As long as you remember that, you can choose how you want to respond while they're talking and then safely ignore those comments when making your decisions.

      If someone actually has real experience in the subject, and takes the time to understand the context of the thing they're considering, they might have an opinion that's useful. That's what Mom meant when she said, "Consider the source."

      Even then, you have to see if it fits your situation and your goals, and makes sense to you. You treat it as information, rather than a suggestion. When that gets to be a habit of your thinking, the feeling of social pressure disappears.

      The fun thing about treating it all that way is that you don't feel any pressure to do anything with any one piece. You respond to people better when they speak. You know you're going to wait until you have enough useful information to make an informed decision.

      It's all just data until you choose to do something with it. Then it's yours. You own it.


      Paul
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    • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
      BigMike: Moving out of the herd? Moooohoo! ...ahem... I mean Wooooohooo! lol

      You're right, too. I do value the thoughts, ideas, and opinions of others. But when it comes down to the wire, if one can't trust themselves, who *can* they trust, right?
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  • Profile picture of the author Jared Alberghini
    OK, so where are the 99 beers...?

    I always find that to be a great confidence booster.

    All kidding aside, great post & excellent points Tink, and everyone else...

    You Too Can Do It!!! (and you can have the satisfaction of telling the silly folks "I told you I could do it!" :p)

    .jrd
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  • Profile picture of the author Greggg
    Originally Posted by Tinkerbell View Post

    What's the purpose of this post? To let the rest of you know you don't have to let what anyone else says affect what you know you CAN do.

    Believe in yourself -- always. You Can Do it.
    Amen. I tell this to my fitness clients a lot. One of the biggest problems many people have when they want to make positive changes in their life, is the people they surround themselves with, whether it's friends or co-workers.

    Sadly, many people are very negative about everything and it can be really tough to break out of an environment of negativity when trying to make positive changes in your own life.

    Many of my fitness clients have people in their lives that try and sabotage their efforts, either on purpose (out of jealously or envy o insecurity about being left behind). I tell them if you explain to them what you are doing and they can't be supportive you need to drop them. It sounds harsh, sure, but you can't be a success and enjoy a happy, wonderful, fulfilling life surrounded by negative people that want to bring you down.

    Good post!

    Gregg
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    Formerly Grroeb (member for a LONG time - since 2002 - for some reason have never been able to recover my password)

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  • Profile picture of the author Katie Rich
    Great post.

    I have been encouraged to write by people here, but I have absolutely no faith in myself as an article writer and so have never tried. In my opinion I am rubbish at it, I mean, who would want to read something I wrote??
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    • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
      Katie Rich: What would it take for you to have faith in yourself as a writer? Your post was readable, and made sense. That's good writing.

      I think I may understand a bit of where you're coming from, though. Me, I think this: I'm just a regular old person. Who would care about anything I have to say? lol. It's a big sticky thing in my head -- one of the reasons I don't post here a lot. I don't often feel I have anything valuable to add to the conversation, so I keep my fingers still (as opposed to keeping my mouth shut, lol).

      When I do post? <shaking head> Then I feel like I "talk too much." Haha. But lately I've been encouraging myself to get in here where I do feel like I have something to add. Otherwise, no one will know I'm here, right?

      I think you can write. Hey, you can talk, yes? Just put your conversation on paper. Then check for spelling and grammatical errors.
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      • Profile picture of the author Katie Rich
        Originally Posted by Tinkerbell View Post

        Katie Rich: What would it take for you to have faith in yourself as a writer? Your post was readable, and made sense. That's good writing.

        I think you can write. Hey, you can talk, yes? Just put your conversation on paper. Then check for spelling and grammatical errors.
        Confidence! I can talk, for sure, but have no confidence with writing for someone else, unless it's to help them, for free

        The whole thought of charging for something I am not confident with scares the hell out of me! I'm ok with things I know, I have plenty of confidence with those. Maybe I should offer to write a few free things for feedback or criticisms.

        You go for it, looks like your confidence took an upturn
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    • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
      Paul:

      Your post reminded me of that movie again, The Labrynth. Where the girl is facing down the big bad Goblin King, and she finally remembers her line: "You have no power over me." <nod>

      That is exactly what I finally decided in regards to my writing. Instead of listening to the doubts and fears (no beers in this case), I will simply continue to do my best -- and let those who are paying me decide if the quality of my writing is lacking or no.

      Believe me, pocket books DO speak loud and clear. If your writing sucks, no one buys it.

      Thanks for the insights.
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  • Excellent post.. I have learned, over 10 years in the marketing business, to go by my instincts and not let anyone influence my decisions.

    Good to see you got the articles done and I hope they rank well.

    -Aaron
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  • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
    Katie:

    Maybe you could use the angle you mentioned to write to sell? Just pretend you're writing to help others for free -- then sell your articles in a package? Might work.

    Countless thousands of folks will tell you to write what you know, and that's a good thing. The better I "know" something, the better my writing is on that subject.

    However, nobody said you couldn't "learn" a new thing. Then you'll know about that, too, hey?

    I love learning about new things -- as long as the new thing in question is something I'm interested in.

    A friend of mine asked me recently how in the world I had picked up so many skills. Well, I got those in learning how to do things I wanted done, but couldn't pay someone else to do for me. Had to do it myself.

    Here's an idea: why don't you ask if there's a few Warriors who might be willing to pay $2 a piece for a few articles on subjects you know "cold?" Then, if anyone takes you up on it, write the articles the same way you would if you were writing for free to help someone, deliver them to the Warriors, and ask for feedback.

    Believe me, they'll let you know what they think of your writing.

    From what I've read here in this post, I believe any comments you receive will be good ones.
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