Worst-spun article. Ever.

by 82 replies
99
Lookie what I came across...

Three Things To Do Before You Submit Your Article

To all writers and non-writers out there, now is the moment to start dig up those generative writing skills rear.
With late connectedness subject comes the popularity of information-based marketing, which is one of the oldest and most good techniques in effort targeted prospects to sites and converting them into buyers. This is why article composition, submissions and publications are also deed common.
There are already umteen tools that grouping can use to play the enation of distributing their articles statesman easily. Tho' this is valuable in exploit the listing statesman exposure, which is exclusive half of the prevarication.
Let us use a wait no. at the unrefined mistakes that any group micturate before submitting their contents to article directories:
1. Confusing the faculty to support the articles with the think to compose them.
In article work, there are trine key benefits why you are promoting them; branding, move procreation and encouragement, which are all part of your optimization efforts.
But there is only one ground why you create an article, and that is to inform your chance. If the article is not convergent on this direct and most key utility, it present break to attain the triplet packaging benefits because no one present be interested in measure them.
You pauperism to personage out firstly how to get group to scan what is in your article, then play them plosive on your ingenuity box. You can reach this by producing outmatch list.
2. Failing to exploit the promotional opportunities of article marketing.
You may **** already that your articles can service you create additional links punt to your position. But do you hump that you can get solon visitors and better see engine results from that aforesaid articles?
Refer keywords at strategic places. Upright be careful not to overdo them. Some are change using fix texts which is also an good method. But it is big to **** that age of the directories are not competent to hold this.
Think that is not exclusive most the course backmost to your place. Air of doing fountainhead in your article marketing is getting picked up by publishers with a titanic circumscribe of audiences and gaining the cognition of leveraging different brands because of the lineament of your occupation. Advisable activity engine results also are uppercase benefits.
But these things do not put untold money in your sac. There are separate factors that can channelise your article marketing efforts into an possibility that can increment your earnings. Not honorable gain the number of visitors to your situation.
Sign out with a contrive and see to it that your article testament assist the answer that you witting it to soul.
3. Publishing accumulation that does not provide your readers.
Maybe in the writ of work articles, you are thought that all that is you sought is course backward to your position. And any visitors it can create are small.
Work what? Not all article banks and directories are effort to tolerate your assemblage automatically. Oftentimes, they acquire whatsoever guidelines and specifications on the articles that they are accepting.
You can individual the confine of sites you can submit to by penning articles that the directories necessity to share with opposite people. All it takes is one house with a centred grand readers to process your possibleness interview overnight.
Indite the articles that publishers want in their publications if you require your article marketing to play the most efficacious way for you. This also agency you hit to obey the accepted guidelines, language checks, researching on a sound matter and even hiring a author to produce a righteous content on your behalf.
In the end, it is all rattling a concern of prize on your share. You can start effort a lowercase danger from hyperbolic links backwards but on a very radical tier. Or enjoy large danger from a young thespian reading making lineament contents.
It gift be your prime. You may not be alert of the fact that an article submitted on directories is not meant to feature the selfsame dismantle of danger as highly-targeted assemblage ones geared on a marginal foregather of group.
Inform the difference between these two and it leave sure better you bed what kinds of articles to write and to submit.

roflmao

Really, this is what I've been saying ALL ALONG. Inform your chance, people, please?

Sage advice that all of us would do well to follow.

My sac? ??? :confused:

The eagle flies at midnight...
#main internet marketing discussion forum #article #worstspun
  • Wow that is bad. That is why I only use hand written articles.
  • too funny....LMAO
  • Unfortunately, I've seen handwritten articles that were this bad.
  • Which article database allowed that crap ?
  • rofl.. Ya I've seen some blog posts that were equally bad as this one.
  • It came in a PLR article pack I bought, LOL.
    • [3] replies
    • I'd demand a refund.
      • [1] reply
    • But at least it came with instructions on how best to use it!

      /facepalm

      Some days I'm embarrassed to be a human. Gerbils don't write this poorly.
      • [1] reply
    • Lisa, I believe you misunderstood the meaning of "PLR" when you purchased this. Rather than meaning Private Label Rights it probably meant:

      Pure Load of Rubbish
      Pretty Lousy Resourse
      Plutonian Language Recital
      Positive Literary Reject
      Potentially Lethal Reading

      Next time read the fine print more carfeully...or was this the fine print?



      Bill
  • That's hilarious, can't believe that anyone would think that was in any way usable. Be funny if it ended up on ezinearticles, hehehe.

    "But these things do not put untold money in your sac", classic line.
    • [1] reply
    • I have seen such garbage on reputable press release sites...having TOP google rankings for a certain keyword. Needless to say i complained and they removed it

      Especially liked the "my sac" part...
  • This is mine!

    Only joking. That is really the pits. I doubt any reader would carry on after the first few sentences to be honest with you. Totally unusable in my eyes.

    Steve
    • [1] reply
    • I worked really hard on that article! How dare you all criticize me! I can tell you don't inform your chance! Well, don't look for any money in your sac!

      Mitch
  • Where did you find that? Nobody would read that....lol
    • [1] reply
  • I just scanned it...lol It drives me insane to read articles like that.
    • [1] reply
    • My brain is bleeding!
      • [1] reply
  • I have seen worse. Typically from people who live in countries that consider 50 cents an hour a princely sum. Where computer programmers with college degrees make $3,000/year. Yeah, they all dream of coming to america, working in a 7-11, and making the US minimum wage.
  • Banned
    [DELETED]
    • [ 4 ] Thanks
  • I don't understand.

    Seems like a well-written, great article.

    I especially like the:
    "Confusing the faculty to support the articles with the think to compose them."

    They really take that one to heart and run with it.
    • [1] reply
    • You're all just jealous. True cutting-edge artists are almost never appreciated during their lifetimes.
      • [ 2 ] Thanks
      • [2] replies
  • I can't stop laughing...my word. What a terrible article!
  • I've read this before.

    Actually, it's a rare historical document of a collaborative effort
    involving Nietzsche, Dylan, Karl Marx, and Harpo Marx during a
    three day acid binge.

    Sold for millions at a Christie's auction in NYC.

    Nice find, Lisa!
    • [1] reply
    • All the more historically significant because that group's meeting and LSD acquisition required the first and only use of Harpo's secret invention: the time/space travel capsule. (Few people knew Harpo's secret: that he was a scientific genius and prolific inventor in addition to being famous for never having learned to speak, although oddly, he also wrote sizzling salescopy, and was Dan Kennedy's main inspiration).

      The LSD was a gift from Dr. Tim Leary, who was delighted to meet the time travelers during a pit stop that was made so Karl could "empty the bucket" at Harvard University in the year 1966. They were on the way to a party at the Vatican of the mid 21st century, which by that time had been converted into a combination of the world's largest disco skating rink, sci-fi lending library, and cathedral, all under the banner of the Scientatholic Church.

      A special wing at the Church is devoted to the teachings of Saint L. Ron Hubbard, containing only one book: "Dianetics", but over a million copies of it. The future Bible is merged with Dianetics, which also incorporates long random passages from several Stephen King romance novels (he turned away from horror in his "golden years", to pioneer the 1000+ page "dime store romance"). The latest edition of the "good book", is 10,638 pages long. Of course nobody actually checks it out-physical books and libraries are purely ceremonial artifacts.

      Interestingly the literacy rate has dropped to about 15th century levels, and only Priests are allowed to own Kindles, or actually read Dianetics-anyone else caught reading it is put into a stockade in the center of the holy ice rink for two weeks, and revelers are encouraged to gesture obscenely and throw rotten fruit at them. If you want to know what's in the book, you must attend Mass (which is mandatory anyway).

      The holy disco of that period consists of High Mass with people porking out on wine and wafers, doing poppers, and snorting blow, with all substances blessed by the new Pope, who's ditched the robes and kamelaukion* for an Elvis jumpsuit, a tiny holy spoon hanging from a gold chain, and a wicked foot-high pompadour.

      Once they've had their fill of food and drugs, partiers move into the rink, undulating on turbo-skates at speeds of up to 85 KPH, to the pulsating electronic rhythms of medleys our ears would find odd indeed. In the particular time when the travelers arrived, it is illegal to dance to any music that doesn't combine all of the following artists into each 2 minute song: J.S. Bach, Tina Turner, Carla Bley, James Marshall Hendrix, Sly and the Family Stone, Miles Davis, the Bee Gees, Ravi Shankar, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, the Runaways, Backstreet Boyz, Igor Stravinski, and Donna Summer.

      Our heros' minds were indeed brought to the brink of aphrodisiomania* when they found themselves in this orectical* playground. Unfortunately their capsule was rather fragile, and was left parked on the ice.

      As the third night of the party progressed, things got crazier and wilder. At one point, Bob Dylan, Dylan Thomas (yes, both were present) and Harpo had joined hands and were ecstatically spinning around as fast as possible with little attention to their surroundings. As the three careened around the rink with their turbos set to "stun", they smashed into the machine, killing all three of them instantly, and destroying the machine itself.

      Members of Harpo's secret team of savants that had helped build it, had to then build another one, frantically dashing through time to reconstruct history, covering up the entire incident, even going so far as to replace Bob Dylan with a "born again" android, who still performs to this day

      Side note: To retrieve the remnants of the capsule the savants had to agree to apply advanced mind control techniques to a few celebrities, notably John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Chick Corea, and Tom Cruise, to prepare people for accepting the coming sainthood of L. Ron Hubbard, and smooth the way for the impending church merger, thus reducing the bloodshed that would otherwise have occurred in an alternate version of the "Science Wars of 2012" (widely misinterpreted by prophets as the "end of the world"-btw, science lost, but at least got it's name incorporated in the church name).

      Anyway, once they were done rewriting history and hypnotizing celebs, for the good of humanity, the team destroyed the second machine, taking the disco incident as an indication that humans aren't equipped to handle time travel, let alone LSD turbo skating to a "Bach n' roll" soundtrack.

      Sadly, with them died the secret of the location of the "one house with a centred grand readers to process your possibleness", an obscure reference believed to mean the laboratory where the testing of the capsule was conducted before it's ill fated maiden voyage.

      There is much we won't understand about that cryptic document, until all is revealed when time catches us up to those wild nights at the holy disco. Until then I am sure scholars will be poring over it, spouting theories, and inventing dance steps based on it's imagined meaning.

      *Glossary of pretentious, silly and weird words:
      kamelaukion: tall cylindrical hat worn by Orthodox priests
      aphrodisiomania:abnormal sexual interest
      orectic: of, like or pertaining to appetite or desires (I added the "al")
      • [2] replies
  • If you read it real fast, it almost sounds poetic.

    One thing I am confused about. Don't all online marketers have a sac they put their untold money in? With the banks being so risky anymore, I would think a very large sac would be the way to go.

    Thanks,

    John

    PS Great find Lisa. Very funny.
    • [1] reply
    • Man, I just DREAM about having a sac that big...

      Anyone know whereabouts I might be able to obtain a really big, honkin' sac like that? I'll pay; I will!
      • [1] reply
  • Well several people thought it was worth using: "play the enation of distributing their articles - Yahoo! Search Results

    There it is out there earning its keep across the intarwebs.
  • Wow. That is bad. I couldn't even read the entire thing.

    While I realize that not all PLR is created equal, this type of thing one of the reasons why I prefer to write my own articles. I could not attach my name to anything resembling that and feel ok about it.
    • [1] reply
    • I didn't have a headache 5 minutes ago!

      But lookee at all the new words you just learned reading that New , Amazing and Fascinating piece of 5 second work. Even I would click the adsense to escape that article.

      SPECIAL WARRIORS ONLY

      Can't think of any brilliant ideas? Are you Stuck?

      Get the Groundbreaking new Software...

      Announcing the "Super Ingenuity Box"!!! Only $77 Only 5 left. Order Now

      Bonus: 4" by 4" Plastic box to hit yourself in the head for even more ideas
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • If you insist on move procreation without putting money in my sac, damn straight I got a rattling concern of prime on my share. I'm not sure what micturating is but if you could help me locate an Awesome Canadian Pharmacy I think they could cure it.

    Chris

    PS Thanks for sharing this bizarre monstrosity, Lisa.
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
    • [1] reply
    • That had me spluttering into my tea. I'm still wiping the tears from my eyes.

      I needed a good laugh - I just paid my income tax bill today.
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • I don't know what's funnier - the article or some of the resulting posts! You guys are hysterical!
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • Lisa, another possibility is that the article was swiped off a foreign language web site and translated using software. I get email in foreign languages every so often. I only speak English (other than a few "pardon my French" style words ) so if I am curious and have time, I'll go to Alta Vista and translate them into English. Those translations look a lot like that article. Here's an example of one that was originally in German:
    Rear sweet, Now finally also my homepage is finished. If you want arrive times by and schau her you. My first homepage constructional criticism is always welcome. I am already strained on your reaction;
    Greeting Julia
    Here's another that was originally in French if I recall correctly:
    I am been intensions to getting new documents pressed. If you configure to help all is inspected with a wandering eye but yet now maybe. May to come in time that is not here, and we and have many considered things. I fondly wished for antidotes.
    What do you think?
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • Sadly, I have seen worse.
  • <Sarcasm>

    I spent literally MINUTES on my masterpiece of an article, and these are the thanks I get? Apparently you guys don't understand true quality. That article is easily worth $30 if you sell it to the right person!

    </Sarcasm>

  • Okay the above 3 sound like something you could base some adult websites around and make some serious bank!

    Actually, I give this author credit. I think Ayn Rand would actually approve of this statement.

    Absolutely! I know for a fact this article would pass with flying colors at the most stringent of quality standards. This would be accepted into ezinearticles within minutes, if you have a premium account.

    Move aside eastern philosophers. I think this is probably one of the most profound statements ever! Those of you mocking this article, shame on you! This statement alone is like pearls to swine!

    Dang straight, this was righteous content. It was beyond righteous, I'd go so far as to call it rad! I would hire this author for $20+ articles in a heartbeat!
  • You're always so critical, Gergets. Maybe the author was dropped on his head as a baby and this is the best he can do. He might have struggled for hours on that and it's the best he's ever done and he's really proud of it. Ever think of that? No, because you're so mean-spirited!
    • [1] reply
    • Zeus, just because mama dumped you on your head purposely to see if it'd uncross those damn eyes...

      Come on people, why do you think he wears those sunglasses? Jeez...
      • [1] reply
  • AHEM... using my superior language and translation abilities, along with
    some help from google translation...

    What we have here, is a failure to communicate. No, I didn't steal that
    line from that movie. Geez...

    An interesting experiment. I took the following paragraph from the
    original masterpiece. Para # 1, as follows:

    "Confusing the faculty to support the articles with the think to compose them.
    In article work, there are trine key benefits why you are promoting them; branding, move procreation and encouragement, which are all part of your optimization efforts.
    But there is only one ground why you create an article, and that is to inform your chance. If the article is not convergent on this direct and most key utility, it present break to attain the triplet packaging benefits because no one present be interested in measure them.
    You pauperism to personage out firstly how to get group to scan what is in your article, then play them plosive on your ingenuity box. You can reach this by producing outmatch list."

    With my superior skills I painstakingly translated from:

    English >> German >> French >> Persian >> English

    Think that was easy? Think again. And the result??

    Feast thine eyes... lol.

    To confuse their ability to move the desired form. Working paper, significant benefits why you trigon advertising, there are faster, creating movement and will be encouraged to do any part of the efforts to optimize.

    But only one of the reasons you create an element exists, and this is an opportunity for you to update information. If direct and leading Join Date not provide three benefits package to break, to address the progress is measured interested.

    Your individual group as the first analysis, in which your article, you play in your mind pauperism box plosive. You can do more to list any.

    It's almost like poetry. I cried...

    Trigon advertising. I actually am thinking the original article contains a
    code. It could be a relative of the da Vinci code. Maybe an inbred cousin?

    You see? "... efforts to optimize." They were really talking about seo thousands
    of years ago.

    Mind pauperism box.

    Hmmm...

    What secrets could the rest possibly contain?

    Guitar player? You game?
    • [1] reply
    • This sales letter has been around the world 17 times and has brought the blessings of three-part text fixes for sacs to over 30,000 people. If you translate it to at least 10 more languages you will win happy good luck all year! If you fail to pass it on within 30 minutes you will have enation of packaging assemblage! Do not make that happen! Warren Buffet promises a free iPad to everyone who forwards this letter to at least 3,000 people by the next full moon!

      You can't fool me, that's a direct quote from the Microsoft Web Database Programming Kit, v3.07 for .Net and Windows 7.
  • Spun articles are crap - full stop! It's like telling a machine to cook for us on autopilot. Imagine the lack of vitamins, flavor, taste and structure the meal would have.

    A spun article lacks the same components. I don't know when people start to get that paying for content - quality content - will bring far better results long term than trying their luck at spun stuff. If it was that easy most of them would be raking in the cash by now but this isn't so.

    With Google slowly weeding out crap content from their listings it is only a matter of time until the artificial rubbish disappears for good.

    In the meantime, for all you spinners out there, suit yourself - keep spinning crap content and see your competition (those with structured, flavored and tasteful articles) rake in all the cash you want on the fly.

    Good luck!
    Monika
  • I don't know half of the words. Sounds like someone ran some boring text through google translator to translate it to some foreign language, then re-ran it to translate that to English.
    LMAO!
    • [3] replies
    • I don't get them this bad, but have had many nearly as bad.

      I think this will sell many products. Not.
    • You pauperism to personage out firstly how to get group to scan what is in your article, then play them plosive on your ingenuity box. You can reach this by producing outmatch list

      WTF?:confused:
    • Gosh, I am just thankful that I grew up speaking English !! I feel sorry for those who are trying to learn it as adults. It is a hard language to tackle.
  • I think it is only fair that someone should pass along some advice to the original author - whoever it may be. Here is something for them to keep in mind...
    All the best,
    Michael
    • [2] replies
    • I can picture this as a 30 second TV spot during political convention week. The stirring patriotic music swells, we pan from the amber waves of grain, to Main Street's little shops, to neighbors on the porches, to kids playing in New York City... to our best candidate for the job...
      vote for Greg Guitar.
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
    • "... advanced smoke wearing helmut whilst charging
      into the valley of death with the mighty 600. "

      Michael, you plagiarized that from Alfred Lord Tennyson's
      Charge of The Light Brigade.

      You have no shame, do you?
      • [1] reply
  • Oh Michael, you have such a way with words. I wish I could write like that! It's almost like Shakespeare or BonVinashon, or even Grunhilda Burblebottom.
  • This thread never gets tired, I'm still crying. It's a veritable word salad for lack of a better description.

    What I would love to see is movie dialogue written like that.
    • [1] reply
    • Word salad...I like that. I'm going to steal it from you and never give it back. In fact, I like it so much I'm going to give you my first every triple emoticon post! :p
  • My daughter asked me if I could explain what that said. I told her I'm not sure if the good lord could translate what that said.
  • You won't believe it.

    Someone actually posted that article at the 6th of January to DocStoc

    Article Marketing Tips 255

    Must be "the death and blind marketer"


    G
  • Why...it's almost poetic.

    (I can hardly breathe I'm laughing so hard!)
  • LOL...I couldn't even get through the whole thing. My brain started to hurt!

    ...but for those who hate spun articles, if you HAND spin them, they come out just fine because you put the options for each word/sentence/paragraph in yourself rather than just having spun versions auto-generated. They're quite useful.
  • Lisa...
    I have picked up a few PLR packs , over the past few months, (real cheap), that had mostly really good articles and a few subjects that were obviously written by that author......
  • Lol you guys are too funny..
  • "You may **** already that your articles can service you"

    ...So that's why people go into the adult niche.

    "This also agency you hit to obey the accepted guidelines"

    Violence is encouraged in the IM world, kiddies.

    Hmm, there are so many more quotes I would like to mock, but my time to do so runs short.
  • I think it's a brill article.

    You're all just jealous cos you didn't write it.:p
  • The sad thing....This article is listed on the internet at least 60 times. Some of them are article directories.

    I think the fun thing to do would be to put it in an article spinner, spin it a few more times, and see if it finally makes sense.
  • Would love to know if you milked the entire package by rewriting this one? LOL

    My wicked sense of humour wants to post a job on rentacoder for a rewrite . . .
  • What is wrong it you people??!?!

    Take a hit of acid and read it backwards like you're s'posed to and it makes PERFECT sense...can you not see that?

    man...
    • [1] reply
    • What's really sad is that somebody (or 60 bodies judging from how many times it shows in search results) has paid good money for a marketing course that teaches exactly this kind of thing. Re-write some already dire article and submit it to 100's directories.
  • OMFG! It's been written by a Vogon!

    "Oh freddled gruntbuggly! Thy nacturations are to me..."
  • Hahaha...thanks for sharing. You gave me a giggle and I appreciate it!
  • Oh wow. Hahaha
  • LOL, it might suck really bad. But guess what? I've seen dozens of niches dominated at the top of the SERPS by sites with crap like that.

    you don't have to have an article that looks like it was written by Mark Twain to rank well
  • I actually interviewed a woman who brought me a resume that read almost as bad as this. I saved it for years to show because I didn't think anyone would believe that writing like that actually existed.
    Guess I haven't been around enough.
    This was a really fun post. Lisa I'm glad you shared this. And ozduc, I'm glad you resurrected it.
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