Why Do My Friends Want My Business To Collapse?

by derekwong28 77 replies
My business had been tanking lately, not because of the economic situation but because of technical issues. But obviously, this has come at a very bad time. Even if the problems are sorted out, it would take me at least 6-9 months and tens of thousands of dollars to recover. This is obviously going to be a pretty threatening time as I come to my 3rd year working full-time.

When I told this to a few of my friends. I can sense that their immediately reaction is one of glee. I can sense they are really happy that my business is in trouble and are salivating to hear of more bad news. Just as they looked really unhappy when my business was doing well. Nevermind that I have a family to support and the main reason that I became a full-timer in the first place was to target time and resources towards my autistic daughter.

Just what have I done to them? Perhaps because they just can't stand that I left a regular well paying full-time job. Perhaps that they felt they because I have 4 degrees and qualifications, that I should be stuck for life in that job and profession.

Well, I am telling them I am NOT going to be fazed by this. I am not going back to do part-time work because it would interfere with my concentration. But the more I think about this, the more annoyed and fired up I am. I will not dump my friends because I don't have many since I went full-time. But I am going to avoid talking about my business altogether.

I wonder whether anybody have had this sort of reaction from their firends and family? I wonder how would you deal with it?

-Derek
#main internet marketing discussion forum #business #fail #friends
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  • Profile picture of the author mmurtha
    Hi Derek,

    I've found that friends and family don't understand what we do online. They don't understand how we spend time on the Internet instead of being with them.

    It's more about them feeling like they lost connections with us, or they no longer have the same things in common. It's really about insecurity too because they go from knowing exactly who we are, and where we fit in with their lives. When elements in a relationship change, they don't know how to shift with us.

    At least that's what I found with my friends and family. It's an awkward time, their out of balance.

    What I've done is offer them a chance to see what I do, to allow them to get involved if they want. offer them a chance to come into my world. This has helped tremendously.

    But I think a lot of it came because I showed them I care tremendously for them, and I'm willing to make a couple of sacrifices in order to keep our relationship healthy.

    Now we are basically back to supporting each other, challenging each other, and growing together. Believe it or not, family and friends celebrate my good fortune, and I celebrate theirs.

    Can't beat that.

    On the flip side, there are always going to be some people in our lives that will never understand, and probably fall to the wasteside eventually.



    Mary
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    • Profile picture of the author steveweber
      I think the answer is pretty simple as to why some people respond that way.
      It is not that they are happy for your problems. Instead, they are happy for the feelings of relief they feel. They now feel OK with not taking any chances in their own lives. They may have envied you in the past but were too scared to follow your example. Thus, they felt conflict within themselves. Now, with your problems, their fear seems validated and they feel relieved.
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      • Profile picture of the author Paul Myers
        Derek,

        Lots of possible reasons, the most likely already mentioned.

        Another point, very closely related to what's been suggested, is that they may think you're going to be a part of the circle again.

        Really, though, the most likely is that they felt threatened by your success. They have pictures of where people should fit, and it can be very disconcerting for folks to see that it really is a choice, and not a destiny. That's a big responsibility they didn't think they'd have to carry.


        Paul
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        • Profile picture of the author Kevin Riley
          The simple-minded sheep who go to their daily job and never aspire to anything greater than punching a clock, will always try to pull you back down into their herd.

          We are the lone wolves. We are above such herd mentality. We either ignore the sheep or devour them.
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          Kevin Riley, Kevin Riley Publishing, Osaka, Japan


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          • Profile picture of the author Ben Clemons
            Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

            The simple-minded sheep who go to their daily job and never aspire to anything greater than punching a clock, will always try to pull you back down into their herd.

            We are the lone wolves. We are above such herd mentality. We either ignore the sheep or devour them.
            well said Kevin! soo VERY true!
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            • Profile picture of the author JayXtreme
              Cut those people out of your life... right now..

              I did it... I got rid of all those that I clocked in with, I ignored those that said it ain't possible, I even cut off my toxic family members..

              My fiancee, my baby and me... and we do damn well if I do say so myself... We never look to anyone for anything...

              We spend hours down the beach each week, even in the rain. I take most days off recently... We do what we want, when we want, and how we want with not a care for any outside factors...

              And all because I didn't listen to the toxic people saying it couldn't work... and most were family members that I was working with in my fathers company...

              That was some of the most beneficial ignorance I have ever participated in, ignorance is only bad when you are being ignorant to good things....

              I was ignorant to things that were destructive... you should be too..

              Warriors got your back

              Peace

              Jay
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          • Profile picture of the author Sandor Verebi
            Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

            The simple-minded sheep who go to their daily job and never aspire to anything greater than punching a clock, will always try to pull you back down into their herd.

            We are the lone wolves. We are above such herd mentality. We either ignore the sheep or devour them.
            I experienced this behaviour of peoples during my whole life until now.

            I started before with 18 years into independent offline undertaking, I meet similar 'friends' since then who would like me going back onto their level. But I don't want to do that. That is true, everything does not go smoothly always, but what I attain, I reach it because I do not listen to them.

            I am not popular because of this between them but I don't desire the such popularity.
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          • Profile picture of the author write-stuff
            Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

            We are the lone wolves. We are above such herd mentality. We either ignore the sheep or devour them.
            Hehe... Well said, Kevin.
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            • Profile picture of the author derekwong28
              Thanks everybody for your replies. It seems that I am no longer allowed to use the Thanks button.

              This is mainly a rant against people who want to put the boot in when you are down. I just want to clarify that my business has not collapsed yet, although it is under severe threat. Afterall, it has been making records up till July. Even if I do not do anything now, there will be good passive income for many months to come. It is just that I intend to ratchet up my spending and this will affect my actual take-home income considerably.

              I do have workable backup plans if it fails. For a start, I could re-open our e-commerce shop. Afterall, it had achieved 0.5M revenue with 5 full-time staff in the past and I cannot see why I cannot do it again. The main reason why it was closed was because we were fed up of problems with employees and that our present business model is much easier. I am aware of the dangers involved but was too lazy to take any action.

              Chris, I truely appreciate your post and I will keep a copy of that. I am sure that we will hear arguments above "affiliate marketeers" vs "real business" from time to time. But having run a e-commerce shop, I am very adverse to offering customer service and mailing lists right now, but that will change if it needs be.


              -Derek
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          • Profile picture of the author Paul Myers
            Kevin,
            The simple-minded sheep who go to their daily job and never aspire to anything greater than punching a clock, will always try to pull you back down into their herd.

            We are the lone wolves. We are above such herd mentality. We either ignore the sheep or devour them.
            If I ever start thinking about other people like that, I hope someone slaps me around and wakes me up.

            Yes, there are people who qualify as simple-minded sheep. They are NOT the majority. Having a regular job and doing regular things doesn't have anything to do with it.


            Paul
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            • Profile picture of the author Kevin Riley
              Originally Posted by Paul Myers View Post

              Kevin,If I ever start thinking about other people like that, I hope someone slaps me around and wakes me up.

              Yes, there are people who qualify as simple-minded sheep. They are NOT the majority. Having a regular job and doing regular things doesn't have anything to do with it.


              Paul
              Might be cynical on my part, but I do tire of those who never try anything themselves, yet pull down those who do try something. And yes, those who are willing to moan every day about their lot in life, yet never do anything about it are sheep.
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              Kevin Riley, Kevin Riley Publishing, Osaka, Japan


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              • Profile picture of the author Kay King
                The main reason why it was closed was because we were fed up of problems with employees and that our present business model is much easier. I am aware of the dangers involved but was too lazy to take any action.
                Derek -

                If you re-open your ecommerce business, consider making your employees part of the business rather than just "hiring help". Pay them well, offer incentives and bonuses for your best workers - amazing how motivating it can be for employees when THEY feel they have a stake in your business. A friend of mine almost doubled his business when he announced that 50% of any increased profits for the business each quarter would be distributed to employees as a bonus. He added no new product, no new advertising - basically did nothing except provide a way (better work habits) for his employees to increase their own salaries. He encouraged them to bring him suggestions for improvement and was surprised to find some had great ideas for improving HIS business.

                Identify your main customer service problems and try to streamline those areas with FAQ pages or whatever is needed to avoid the problems.

                Don't do your own customer service.

                ....and follow the advice Chris gave you diligently!

                kay
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              • Profile picture of the author Paul Myers
                Kevin,
                And yes, those who are willing to moan every day about their lot in life, yet never do anything about it are sheep.
                I prefer to call them whiners. Limits the insult to what's demonstrably accurate.

                Sometimes I ask them what they can do about it. If they say there's nothing they can do, I tell them there is. If they don't drop it after that, I say something like, "I don't know if these are the right choices, but here are some I see." Then I list a few, trying not to push one trend over another.

                Either way, I don't push the issue. If they don't want to talk about it, that's fine. They quit whining at me. If they want to talk about it and aren't arguing nastily, they might be looking for something effective to do, which means they're no longer whining at me.

                Very few people whine at me for long. On the flip side, you might be surprised at how many friends I've made because I assume they're capable of handling their issues and treated them as competent adults.

                Sometimes whining is just whining. Sometimes it's the only way they know of looking for solutions.


                Paul
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          • Profile picture of the author AskJesusLeon
            Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

            The simple-minded sheep who go to their daily job and never aspire to anything greater than punching a clock, will always try to pull you back down into their herd.

            We are the lone wolves. We are above such herd mentality. We either ignore the sheep or devour them.

            Amen Kevin!!!
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          • Profile picture of the author IM_Geek
            Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

            The simple-minded sheep who go to their daily job and never aspire to anything greater than punching a clock, will always try to pull you back down into their herd.

            We are the lone wolves. We are above such herd mentality. We either ignore the sheep or devour them.
            I do a full time job and aspire IM, as a beginner. I've got little experience, I'll tell you that much.

            But, would that make me a wolf in sheep's clothing?

            Anyway, I punch the clock everyday, but I put my fullest potential on my job everyday, I learn everyday, even moreso, my collegues and my superiors are teaching me things that I could translate into IM. I get to make a difference and I have a certainty of receiving a paycheck at the end of the month.

            Does that make me less than you? I'm just saying that I find your response lacking a little respect and containing a lot of bias. You don't have to believe me, but there's plenty of people innovating and working really hard to create amazing things, that also punch a clock.
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            • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
              Originally Posted by IM_Geek View Post

              I do a full time job and aspire IM, as a beginner. I've got little experience, I'll tell you that much.

              But, would that make me a wolf in sheep's clothing?

              Anyway, I punch the clock everyday, but I put my fullest potential on my job everyday, I learn everyday, even moreso, my collegues and my superiors are teaching me things that I could translate into IM. I get to make a difference and I have a certainty of receiving a paycheck at the end of the month.

              Does that make me less than you? I'm just saying that I find your response lacking a little respect and containing a lot of bias. You don't have to believe me, but there's plenty of people innovating and working really hard to create amazing things, that also punch a clock.
              IM_Geek, read the whole sentence again, please...

              The simple-minded sheep who go to their daily job and never aspire to anything greater than punching a clock, will always try to pull you back down into their herd.

              The people who accept employment as a means to create amazing, innovative things aren't part of that herd. You, for example, obviously aspire to more than simply putting in your hours and doing only enough to avoid getting fired.

              Several years ago, I was sitting in a repair shop waiting for the mechanics to finish working on my car. As I paid the bill, I was chatting with the woman in the office. I mentioned that I was glad they were finishing my car early enough for me to head to the lake and launch my boat.

              She confided that she wished she could have a boat, too. I told her that if she had a few extra hours a week, I could teach her how to build a side business that would let her buy the boat she wanted.

              There was no way she could do what I explained I did. Putting time into that would cut down on her time at her favorite bar, cut into her softball league, her bowling league and her darts tournaments...but it sure would be nice to be able to buy that boat...

              That woman was squarely in the herd Kevin was talking about. All she wanted to do was put in her time so she could play or go home to watch TV (another thing she would have to cut back on if she started a side business...).

              You may be young, but you are already years ahead of her...
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            • Profile picture of the author Kevin Riley
              Originally Posted by IM_Geek View Post

              I do a full time job and aspire IM, as a beginner. I've got little experience, I'll tell you that much.

              But, would that make me a wolf in sheep's clothing?

              Anyway, I punch the clock everyday, but I put my fullest potential on my job everyday, I learn everyday, even moreso, my collegues and my superiors are teaching me things that I could translate into IM. I get to make a difference and I have a certainty of receiving a paycheck at the end of the month.

              Does that make me less than you? I'm just saying that I find your response lacking a little respect and containing a lot of bias. You don't have to believe me, but there's plenty of people innovating and working really hard to create amazing things, that also punch a clock.
              Maybe you misread my comment.

              I myself have punched the clock, and I don't disrespect those who work at a job. I disrespect those spineless souls who complain every day about how hard life is, how unfair their boss is, blah, blah, blah .... and never do a thing about it.

              I worked a job where my colleague was constantly whining about wanting to make money working for himself. This was years ago. While he was whining, I was using that job to further educate myself, and using the breaks to build my business. He was sleeping during the breaks.

              Years later, he's still at that job. Still whining about it. I disrespect people like that. Why should I have any respect for them?
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              • Profile picture of the author IM_Geek
                Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe View Post

                IM_Geek, read the whole sentence again, please...

                The simple-minded sheep who go to their daily job and never aspire to anything greater than punching a clock, will always try to pull you back down into their herd.

                The people who accept employment as a means to create amazing, innovative things aren't part of that herd. You, for example, obviously aspire to more than simply putting in your hours and doing only enough to avoid getting fired.

                Several years ago, I was sitting in a repair shop waiting for the mechanics to finish working on my car. As I paid the bill, I was chatting with the woman in the office. I mentioned that I was glad they were finishing my car early enough for me to head to the lake and launch my boat.

                She confided that she wished she could have a boat, too. I told her that if she had a few extra hours a week, I could teach her how to build a side business that would let her buy the boat she wanted.

                There was no way she could do what I explained I did. Putting time into that would cut down on her time at her favorite bar, cut into her softball league, her bowling league and her darts tournaments...but it sure would be nice to be able to buy that boat...

                That woman was squarely in the herd Kevin was talking about. All she wanted to do was put in her time so she could play or go home to watch TV (another thing she would have to cut back on if she started a side business...).

                You may be young, but you are already years ahead of her...
                Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

                Maybe you misread my comment.

                I myself have punched the clock, and I don't disrespect those who work at a job. I disrespect those spineless souls who complain every day about how hard life is, how unfair their boss is, blah, blah, blah .... and never do a thing about it.

                I worked a job where my colleague was constantly whining about wanting to make money working for himself. This was years ago. While he was whining, I was using that job to further educate myself, and using the breaks to build my business. He was sleeping during the breaks.

                Years later, he's still at that job. Still whining about it. I disrespect people like that. Why should I have any respect for them?
                Gomen, I suppose I jumped to conclusions!
                Looks like I have the same type of colleagues.
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        • Profile picture of the author John Rowe
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          • Profile picture of the author Alan Petersen
            When I quit my day job to do this full time in March 2007 my friends and wives family were and are a bit dismayed with me. I left a "good and well paying" job--to do what---from home? To this day when I meet them for happy hour they say things like "so are you gainfully employed now" or "are you still retired"...crap like that. It gets old.

            Luckily my brother, sister, and mom are all entrepreneurs so they were like way to go, finally! Same thing with one my friends since grade school. He's a real estate broker and has worked for himself for years. He has always supported my efforts to be self employed even when things were bleak. So as Kevin said, forget the sheep and surround yourself with like minded people. Last thing you need now during the tough times is naysayers.
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          • Profile picture of the author Seattle Mike
            I have had the same reactions from friends and family. But remember they have never had a business or even taken huge risks in life. They are happy letting others do all the thinking and just collecting a paycheck. They don't believe it is even possible to have a successful business.

            If only they realized 3 clickbank sales a day will earn more than most of them make at a full time job.

            Only one person was supportive or encouraging when I started spending all my free time working my business. Even my parents keep telling me you HAVE TO HAVE A JOB.

            They love it when I tell them sales are slow. They take that as proof they are right.

            Ignore what they say and only listen to others who are doing what you want to do. Mentors who have proven it CAN BE DONE
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        • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
          Originally Posted by Paul Myers View Post

          Derek,

          Lots of possible reasons, the most likely already mentioned.

          Another point, very closely related to what's been suggested, is that they may think you're going to be a part of the circle again.

          Really, though, the most likely is that they felt threatened by your success. They have pictures of where people should fit, and it can be very disconcerting for folks to see that it really is a choice, and not a destiny. That's a big responsibility they didn't think they'd have to carry.


          Paul
          Paul, this reminded me of a quote from comedian Chris Titus...

          "Be normal, and the herd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader."

          Derek, I think your friends are hoping to accept you back into the herd. They aren't celebrating you troubles and bemoaning your success, they're reacting to what they see as an open spot in their herd...

          Best of luck in your business recovery.
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      • Profile picture of the author SirHandsome
        Originally Posted by steveweber View Post

        I think the answer is pretty simple as to why some people respond that way.
        It is not that they are happy for your problems. Instead, they are happy for the feelings of relief they feel. They now feel OK with not taking any chances in their own lives. They may have envied you in the past but were too scared to follow your example. Thus, they felt conflict within themselves. Now, with your problems, their fear seems validated and they feel relieved.
        wow, good insight. While all the replies in this thread are probably true in some way, i think this is really the root of it.

        At least it makes perfect sense when applied to every experience or situation I'VE ever dealt with.
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  • Profile picture of the author Duff
    Hey Derek,

    Sorry to hear this news, you must have had some major misfortune for it to take 6-9 months to be able to recover from this.

    If i were you i would be asking myself if these so called "friends" really are "friends" because a true friend should support you in good times and bad and not try to bring you down just because you are successful. If its family you're talking about well thats a different story altogether, i'd act as if everything is running smoothly and not let know too much about you business life.

    Remember one thing though, these "friends" obviously want to see you fail so don't give up. Keep pushing on and get back to where you were previously because if there's one thing that will piss them right off it will be picking yourself up off the ground, dusting yourself off and doing things bigger, better and profitable than you did before!

    Good Luck
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  • Profile picture of the author Charles Harper
    Hello Derek:

    I really hope that you dont have to wait 6-9 months to get your business back.

    Although you are more advanced than me, I prayed for you today.

    May God richly bless you and what you are trying to do for your family, Bro.

    Charles
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  • Profile picture of the author Chris Lockwood
    Those people aren't your friends.

    You need to grow your business so you can hire those people at high salaries, wait for them to go nuts buying stuff, then lay them off and laugh at them.

    Seriously, how would they react if they lost their jobs and you reacted with glee?

    What technical issues are you having?
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  • Profile picture of the author SolomonHuey
    I just tell everyone I'm a bum so I don't have to deal with the crap.

    I do tell a few seldom people what I do online, but that information is only reserved for the few people that I know are genuinely supportive of whatever decision I make and believe in what I can accomplish.

    I honestly don't know why people react that way sometimes (seemingly happy when they see others in agony). I just try to distance myself from these people. They are still my friends, but I can't allow them to poison my life. It took me awhile, but I'm slowly beginning to find and surround myself with other like-minded people, and I feel like life is getting better every day.

    Don't let them get to you. You have too important a reason (your family) to let their opinions bother you.

    Solomon Huey
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    • Profile picture of the author Andy Money
      Originally Posted by SolomonHuey View Post

      I just tell everyone I'm a bum so I don't have to deal with the crap.

      I do tell a few seldom people what I do online, but that information is only reserved for the few people that I know are genuinely supportive of whatever decision I make and believe in what I can accomplish.
      Same. I learned my lesson a long time ago about this type of stuff. A lot of people DO want to see you fail, it validates THEIR position and role in their life, so they love seeing others fail doing things they aren't doing.
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      • Profile picture of the author Brad Gile
        Hey Derek,

        Honestly, it just sounds like your friends are jealous and they want you to be as miserable as them.

        After reading everyones responses, it amazes me how everyone kind of receives the same reaction from their own friends and family.

        It's funny that people look at us kind of weird because were making money online, but if we probably told our friends and family that were opening a store they probably wouldn't think anything of it.

        I'm lucky enough to have friends and family that support me in this. But the only downside is no matter how many times I explain exactly how affiliate marketing works to them they still don't get it.

        My wife and I had one friend that called us to see how our business was going. When we started explaining what we're doing, our friend said they were happy for us but still cannot understand what exactly it is that we do, but their glad it's working for us.

        I swear it would just be easier to tell them I sell drugs. I have even told people that have asked what it is that I do for living that I basically design websites. That they understand. Go figure.:rolleyes:


        -Brad
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        • Profile picture of the author AgileHosting
          Originally Posted by Brad Gile View Post

          I swear it would just be easier to tell them I sell drugs. I have even told people that have asked what it is that I do for living that I basically design websites. That they understand.
          Brad! I have said these exact words to my Mom (my dearest confidante) for many years... the 'it would just be easier to tell them I sell drugs' and ' I have even told people... I basically design websites' -- exactly!! Dang man, get out of my head!! LOL



          I am glad for this thread, it validates years of struggle I've had as well. People just don't get it... I have often thought the root of it is because the internet isn't perceived as "real." It's an intangible, untouchable, abstract thing that we have to imagine in order to understand. Well we all remember from childhood: imaginary = not real. Imaginary is pretend. :rolleyes: This does not help our case any!! *giggle*

          I've always had the most success explaining it in 'physical terms,' giving real-world examples for what I do.
          ... When you call customer service, I'm the person you talk to.
          ... When you send an email to a company, I'm the person who answers it.
          ... You know the <fill in the blank> website, well I'm the person who runs the computer that the website lives on. I make sure that website stays online 'round the clock.

          Very extremely overly simplistic terms :rolleyes: but they are real-life situations they can relate to, therefore that makes my work "real."

          Hey -- whatever works. Perceived legitimacy breeds money, so I'll keep drawing word pictures 'til the cows come home, if that's what it takes. :p

          Bailey
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          • Profile picture of the author Brad Gile
            Originally Posted by AgileHosting View Post

            Brad! I have said these exact words to my Mom (my dearest confidante) for many years... the 'it would just be easier to tell them I sell drugs' and ' I have even told people... I basically design websites' -- exactly!! Dang man, get out of my head!! LOL
            Hey Bailey,

            I have had that exact conversation with my own mother too. She tells me all the time that the people at work asks her what is that her son does for a living. She always just tells them that I build websites. She said it's just easier that way because if she tells them the truth their eyes will probably just glaze over and they won't get it.

            -Brad
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  • Profile picture of the author tommygadget
    You need new friends, simple as that. Find people who reinforce your image and raise you up, not tear you down.

    TomG.
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    • Profile picture of the author Dixiebelle
      Never let anyone rain on your parade. If you continue to listen to those who question your motives and what you do, after a while you will start to ask yourself the same questions.

      It's best to hang out with like thinkers, and let the nay sayers fall by the wayside.

      Good luck.

      Dixie
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    • Profile picture of the author jan roos
      It's jealousy for sure, I wouldn't be too worried about it though.Just know that they are jealous as they have to work for a boss 8 or 9 hours a day, they have to ask to have time off to watch their son play football,they have to ask for a raise, they have to deal with employers that over work and under pay them. You on the other hand hacve freedom, you make a living from home and spend tons of time with your daughter.

      I don't even tell people what I do because of the same reaction. When me and my wife met we went travelling to africa and europe for 9 months and all of her childhood friends was mad at her for doing that. They had excuses saying that she is throwing her life away and she is forgetting them etc. It's all just jealousy and once you realize that then you will feel so much better.

      Cheers
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  • Profile picture of the author tush
    Most friends are like that. Just stay foccussed and avoid sharing what you are doing with them. One thing though, it is not worth it to be angry with them. You waste your precious energy which energy you sgould channel into different ways of bringing your business back to glory
    Tush
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  • Profile picture of the author Tsnyder
    Derek...

    Pay no attention... sheep don't like it when one of them
    escapes from the pasture... it makes them feel inadequate.

    Tsnyder
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    If you knew what I know you'd be doing what I do...
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    • Profile picture of the author Peter Bestel
      Only share your dreams with those who will support you.

      This is a mantra that I've followed for the past 10 years or so. The first struggle I had was to find out who those people were. You've now found out who not to share with.

      It's as others have said. Your circle of friends have, by definition, a limit to their comfort zones and are not willing to expand. You have been breaking out and they didn't like it - it upsets their level of comfort to know where you are in the social standings.

      You have a choice. Stay where you are, or break out and beat your own drum. You already know that there's plenty of folk drumming to a similar beat on this forum. You can feel comfortable sharing your dreams here.

      Peter
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      • Profile picture of the author Hesaidblissfully
        Get some new friends. Real friends want to see you happy. These people probably think you think you're better than them.
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        • Profile picture of the author Monetize
          I can relate to your concerns and your frustrations but please
          take my advice and focus on your business and your family.
          You can drive yourself crazy worrying about what other people
          think about you and want for your life. Your true friends will be
          supportive of you regardless of what you do and all the rest of
          them should be inconsequential.

          Life is too short to live it for others.
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      • Profile picture of the author vorales
        Originally Posted by Peter Bestel View Post

        Only share your dreams with those who will support you.

        This is a mantra that I've followed for the past 10 years or so. The first struggle I had was to find out who those people were. You've now found out who not to share with.

        It's as others have said. Your circle of friends have, by definition, a limit to their comfort zones and are not willing to expand. You have been breaking out and they didn't like it - it upsets their level of comfort to know where you are in the social standings.

        You have a choice. Stay where you are, or break out and beat your own drum. You already know that there's plenty of folk drumming to a similar beat on this forum. You can feel comfortable sharing your dreams here.

        Peter
        I agree with you Peter. We don't have to share with friends what we have achieved unless they are very supportive from begining. I think it is quite difficult to trust person that we called friend. We do not know what is inside their mind. They might be good from outside, but inside...God knows.

        As for family members, those close one like parents, may be we can share, but also need to see how is our parent attitude. Are they the type that like to go and talk to others to show off. If that type, I think better don't.
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  • Profile picture of the author DougBarger
    Those who are assigned to your purpose will celebrate your success and be happy when you fulfill your purpose.

    Those who are enemies of your purpose need to either be removed from your life if possible or at least kept separate from your trust.

    There are times and seasons when people enter our lives for reasons unknown to us.

    Some will be allies. Some will be adversaries.

    Trusting in the truth that whom you've received your desires, talents and vision of your purpose from will also be faithful to complete it helps to take the loss of friends along the way as less personal and to cherish more dearly those who celebrate your victories.

    Remembering a true friend loves at all times even in times of adversity.

    Under tremendous pressure is the coal subjected until the diamond is formed complete in its character and every aspect.

    The friendships that fail when you don't do exactly whatever pleases them all the time

    was not a friendship founded on any solid foundation anyway and you're better off for pruning them out of your life.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      But the more I think about this, the more annoyed and fired up I am. I will dump my friends because I don't have many since I went full-time. But I am going to avoid talking about my business altogether.
      Playing Devil's Advocate here:

      Could you be misreading your friends? Could it be you want them to commiserate with you - and if they don't you think they don't care about you?

      Reading the quote above - could it be you need someone or something to blame and your friends have become a target? Could it be that when things were going well, you talked about what you were doing and how much better it was than the jobs your friends do?

      I doubt your friends are happy to see you having real problems. What is it you want your friends to do? They probably don't understand the business you do and can't help you fix things. Even best friends may pull away if all you talk about is your problems and your business.

      Only you know the value of these friendships. Friends are not easy to find and if they don't always give you the reactions you want - perhaps you are expecting too much of them. When your friends have had problems, were you the kind of friend you now want them to be?

      The simple-minded sheep who go to their daily job and never aspire to anything greater than punching a clock, will always try to pull you back down into their herd.
      That's true - and a good reason not to try to explain IM to everyone you know. Friends are different.

      What is "greater" to us may not be seen as admirable or desirable by everyone we know. If we set ourselves and our online work up as being superior to what our friends do - what kind of friend does that make us?
      I prefer to have friends of all kinds and from all walks of life - and the least discussed topic is the work any of us does. Friendship involves who we are - not what we do.

      kay
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  • Profile picture of the author Platinum Matt
    Derek, are you English?

    If so, there's your reason. Your friends are too.

    There is an anti-success culture prevalent throughout much of the UK, best thing ignore them, do your own thing and don't share your successes or your failure with those who are negative towards you.
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  • Profile picture of the author derekwong28
    Thanks for all your opinions. Kay, I meant that I will NOT dump my friends because I don't have many people to talk to since going full-time. What I intend to do is not to speak about my business to any friends or family for the moment. It would extremely foolish for anybody working full-time to blame friends and family who are not involved in it.

    The big problem is that people always ask me how my business is going and I never give out any figures. In any case, they wouldn't believe it even if the figures were good. I don't boost about how much I enjoy my present work unless provoked. And it is usually by naive comments like "when are you going to go back to your a old job", "why are you going a start a real business" or "why don't you open a private clinic or laboratory and make millions from wealthy Chinese patients"

    I don't think jealousy is an issue here. Put it this way, nobody is jealous of parents with autistic childen. It is much more an issue of "I told you so". Also stranglely there are many people who feel because I was so highly qualified, I owed to the community to continue in that profession, whearas my personal or family needs does not matter. Perhaps they feel that I should just abandon my autistic daughter and leave her to rot. The latter is what really hurts me rather than insults to IM.

    I am left in no doubt with their tone and body language that they are happy to see my business in some sort of trouble, although perhaps not in dire straits. One of them is about to retire and help his brother out in a Chinese toy factory. The business to that factory has collapsed as well and perhaps he wanted someone to be in the same boat as he is. But what really hurted me most was another friend whom I introduced to adsense and PPC programs. Like me, he also quit the same workplace to do into the private sector and he is doing quite well at the moment.

    Scores of my sites have been banned in the past 3 months. I have a fair idea of what it is due to, but I cannot really discuss it except to say that I am not involved in blackhat or other unethical stuff. Something similar happened to me last year although that was on a smaller scale. That time, it took me 2 months to recover. This time, it will take much longer and that is working on the assumption that my business model is still viable. However, I do have a lot of experience and have been able to achieve a full-time income on two other different streams of income in the past. Therefore I am not paniking at the moment.

    Matt, I am a British citizen but live in Hong Kong. I don't really think it is anti-success culture here. It is more like that they think I would be more successful had I stayed in my old job and they want to tell me that "I told you so". But Kay does have a point in that it may be best to avoid talking about your work to your friends.

    -Derek
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    • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
      They're jealous, envious that you can work in your PJs and (you don't want
      to hear this) they're not your friends.

      I've cut all those "friends" out of my life and I don't miss them at all.
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      • Profile picture of the author chris_surfrider
        Derek,

        I need to chime in here and say that first of all - I can relate.

        Your decision is sound. You will enjoy your new freedom by being VAGUE about what you do when others ask.

        I used to be excited to tell people about IM, etc.

        Soon you realize that nobody really cares, people largely just want to be "right", and if they DO care, it's because they desperately need/want money, which is actually a bad mindset for starting out in business...

        ...many of whom will end up becoming monkeys on your back - emailing, calling and pressuring you to share tips, under the guise of friendship but with a vivid air of desperation.

        Your REAL friends show their true colors by remaining consistent throughout it all; they aren't fair-weather and they don't "rejoice" at your failure. That's a typical response of justification, where they "knew it" all along, or so they think.

        I've had similar reactions from members of my family and people I thought were friends as well when things were rough. They were appropriately de-prioritized several notches in the personal trust/time department.

        Things may be different these days, but even still the comments and little "remarks" just keep on coming. My advice is to just grow thick skin and enjoy your life, doing things that "friends" can only dream about.

        And when you get to that point (when, not if) - it feels damn good. Even if your pride and sense of accomplishment is "lightly sprinkled" with some good old fashioned "in your face" sentiments...

        These sheep can gloat all they want. They have no future prospect, short of some estranged inheritance or winning the lottery. Your future, on the other hand, is actually under your control and command.

        Now - speaking of that...

        Technical Glitches that Aren't Just Technical

        You'd said that you had some technical problems that will tentatively cost you almost of year of progress.

        Here is my outlook on your situation, along with some advice that you might want to consider...

        One of the most popular topics on this forum and others is traffic. In particular, getting "free" Search Engine traffic.

        People obsess over the latest web 2.0 link-building strategy, getting their squidoo/ezinearticles.com "borrowed space" content as well-ranked as possible, and so on.

        For a lot of people starting out, their first goal is "I just want to make some money - see at least some kind of results"

        And that's fine, but most of them never end up scaling things up and building an actual business. Instead, they're THRILLED to be earning commissions, adsense revenue and maybe some CPA stuff from scraper-style mini sites, submitted articles, free blogs and stuff where there's NO framework or plan for actually creating something.

        Essentially, writing articles, using "free" blogs on sites like blogger, squidoo and so on and even building small sites where you don't give a damn about user experience - only commissions - is the equivalent of PPC.

        Now hear me on this, PPC is GREAT. All that stuff I mentioned WORKS. It will drive traffic, and sales, fairly consistently.

        But is it a business model?

        NO.

        It's a way to make money. That's it.

        You're just turning over traffic from sites that have no actual following or authority. As soon as they're "de-indexed" - good bye income.

        It's the same thing as waiting tables, or maybe contracting for a company. You CAN make good money. Hell - you can make GREAT money.

        But as soon as that ONE variable dries up, you're toast. You've got jack. So when Google decides that it doesn't like thin affiliate sites, or sites that build their links from too similar a source type, or if they simply just dance their results around as they always do - it effects your actual livelihood.

        You are being held hostage by things that you don't and can't possibly control.

        That is not how a business is built.

        Start scaling things so that you're actually building a real business by serving a group of people - AND - by including others in your business.

        A simple example of this is developing an offer that converts, selling it, recruiting affiliates, and building a client list that you can contact via email anytime you wish.

        Not only will the majority of your traffic come from a variety of sources (affiliates), but you'll also be building an actual ASSET (your client base), which can be leverage time and time again.

        I know this is marketing 101, folks, but this is ESSENTIAL.

        As for building that list and gaining initial momentum - well, this is where all that other stuff comes into play.

        You can choose a niche effectively by testing several offers/niches at the same time with mini-sites. The markets/offers that draw down huge results are obviously a direction to consider modeling as a core business area.

        Then, you focus on driving traffic for the purpose of:

        a) Building your list & brand/name exposure, and recruiting affiliates

        b) Optimizing conversions

        And then just keep on driving traffic to *that* funnel. Soon enough - especially if you've got a hot-converting offer for your affiliates - you'll be getting tons of traffic that would only dry up if you physically disabled your own sites or order links.

        Not to mention, an ever-growing list from which you can draw a continually increasing amount of traffic from each time you "use" it.

        As you get the ball rolling with this kind of model, and especially once you sort out some effective backend promos and email marketing itineraries, your business will truly start to grow continually.

        From this point, you simply keep on scaling. If you've got a basic site at this point, turn it into an authority site. Release more, related and complimentary products. Create recurring programs. Do cool events and viral stuff with your list. Outsource content creation and traffic-gen to freelancers, etc.

        Even automatic, perpetual growth is possible after a while, and if you're utilizing existing properties/assets correctly.

        Wanna know the best part of all

        When you bring yourself to actually do it this way - you'll actually see first hand how much easier it really is, in every way possible.

        It's even easier to START this way.

        Or, in your case, re-start.

        So my advice is that you simply use Google as a tool for getting the ball to start rolling. Don't make it your breadwinner.

        All the best,

        -Chris
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        • Profile picture of the author Ralf Skirr
          Hi Derek,

          this is something many 'self-employed' people experience who have friends that remain in employment. Those friends often hate their jobs and their schedule and they (wrongly) feel they are forced to live their life that way. I'm sure you've heard it: 'I have to pay my rent. I have to get food on the table.'

          When they see us -working when and where we like- they get angry (sometimes on a subsconcious lelvel) because they think we have an undeserved advantage.

          In my own experience I found that most people don't really care what I do. But I had a few friends that showed some weird reactions.

          Some clearly feel uncomfortable when I talk about my business and they change the topic fast. Others keep making jokes about my working hours or about me sitting in caf├ęs during the day. Typically they aren't even aware of what bothers them, they just feel uncomfortable and it shows in some of the things they say.

          Those who are more aware say things like: 'I wish I had the courage to quit my job an start my own business ... " [here it comes again] "...but I have to pay my rent."

          Hopefully I'm not getting flamed for this generalization: I found those who have the most problems are the blue collar workers and people in low paid jobs and little respected jobs. They are more likely to feel trapped in what they do and thus less likely to be happy for someone who goes his own way and succeeds with it.

          With some of those who were uncomfortable with me I stopped contact, with others I found the friendship was worth ignoring the issue.

          Ralf
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        • Profile picture of the author kevin campbelle
          Chris,

          That is one of the best posts I've read this year. As a matter of fact you have made some very high quality posts this year.

          Kevin.
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          • Profile picture of the author artwebster
            Hi, Derek,
            This has been quite a read but I wonder, do you ask your friends how their jobs are going? Do you ask them if they are having trouble getting promoted or getting a pay rise?

            Probably not - because, like most people, you would think it was none of your damned business.

            Just as you appear not to sit in judgement on your friends' work day lives, why do you allow them to sit in judgement on yours?

            I have a simple rule when socialising - I am not at work so it does not enter into any conversations.
            Signature

            You might not like what I say - but I believe it.
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            Some old school smarts would help - and here's to Rob Toth for his help. Bloody good stuff, even the freebies!

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            • Profile picture of the author sylviad
              I have to agree with what's already been written. Consider too, though, that people tend to become jealous quite easily. While you have broken from the fold (the rat race) and established yourself as a highly successful netrepreneur, they are stuck in their own worlds of mediocrity. They're tied to a steady pay cheque with little freedom. You, on the other hand, have the freedom to work when you want and increase your income whenever you want.

              You are independent - with ultimate freedom to do as you please when the urge strikes.

              They are dependent - on their jobs. Their bosses tell them when they can eat and when they can go home. Who wouldn't be jealous?

              On the other side of the coin, consider what types of friends they truly are if they don't support you. Good friends offer helpful criticism and encouragement, not negativity and wishes for your failure.

              You can't always get a new family, but you can get new friends. Find some that DO support your independent lifestyle who you can talk with about your business. Restrict your conversations with the negative people to other issues unrelated to your business.

              Where your business is concerned especially, surround yourself with positive people and you'll soon enjoy a huge burst of energy and enthusiasm for what you do.

              Stay strong!

              Sylvia

              PS: Sooo cute baby!
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              • Profile picture of the author chris_surfrider
                Chris, I truely appreciate your post and I will keep a copy of that. I am sure that we will hear arguments above "affiliate marketeers" vs "real business" from time to time. But having run a e-commerce shop, I am very adverse to offering customer service and mailing lists right now, but that will change if it needs be.
                That's very likely because you were doing it all yourself.

                Customer service is something you should never do alone.

                And managing a list is NOT difficult. They're called autoresponders for a reason :-)

                We all use aweber.com or similar solutions because it relieves the stress of manually handling unsubs, you get better delivery, and unlike running your own software or script, you can send broadcasts to any size of database in seconds, instead of hours.

                You can outsource customer support for as little as $1 per email/ticket.

                Now if you've got a business where you're getting like 20 or 30 tickets a day, then you're not making chump change, unless you're selling stickers or something.

                And that $900 support bill (which is a tax deduction anyway) will go a LONG way.

                This isn't about "affiliate marketing vs real business". Affiliate marketing can and should be PART of building a real business, online.

                No, this is about building something that you can rely on for life. For your family's well-being.

                (Actual authority sites don't get de-indexed over technical stuff).

                Let me ask you something...

                How much can you sell a de-indexed mini-site for these days?

                Not much.

                But - how much can you sell a "mini-business" with a responsive opt-in list of 10,000 subscribers averaging about $10k a month in sales revenue?

                Quite a lot. More than you might think, because the risk factor is far smaller.

                And it doesn't take long to build a list like that.

                Especially with the help of affiliates.

                I'd like to put something into perspective for you, and for all of us really.

                We see a lot of "affiliate screenshots" and all that stuff all the time. Where people are driving maybe a few thousand visitors a day and making $300 - $1000 a day in affiliate commissions. Not bad at all.

                But rest assured they know what they're doing with either PPC, SEO or some kind of volume traffic strategy that they're always maintaining and building.

                NOW - compare that to THIS screenshot (scroll down):

                Affiliate Info - TruthAboutAbs.com

                That's one of the top CB products in the health niche.

                All this guy has is a simple info-product business with an offer that CONVERTS. And therefore, his affiliates send him traffic.

                In fact, 3 of his top affiliates EACH send him more than 100,000 unique visitors a week. And according to a recent interview he was in, he's selling over 10,000 copies of his product every month on ClickBank.

                So he's getting literally millions of visitors each month, at no up-front cost.

                He's building a CUSTOMER list of 10,000+ each month, where his backend profits will continue to simply get larger and larger.

                On top of that, he's also got a "free" list that's God-knows how huge.

                From ONE site.

                ONE offer.

                Think about how many sites and how much SEO you'd have to do to obtain that much traffic. Even if you're really good at it and can average getting 1000 visitors a day from each site, you'd still have to build a THOUSAND sites each with that level of traffic.

                And those wouldn't be 20-page sites.

                There's just NO comparison.

                The answer is to do both, and to build high-leverage business structures so that you can maximize the power that the internet really holds.

                Just something to think about...

                -Chris
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  • Profile picture of the author Bev Clement
    Derek, sorry to hear that, if you want to meet up again, let us know. It will be nice meeting with you and Wendy again.
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  • Profile picture of the author ileneg
    Why do some so-called friends want you to fail? Losing weight, quitting smoking, building your own business, etc...

    These people are not your friends, they are "dream stealers". The beauty of WF and others is that we want you to succeed!

    ilene
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  • Profile picture of the author Elevoution
    There are some fantastic responses to this thread! All of the above is something I myself have experienced when I made significant progression in my career, and it is something that I expect to experience again as I progress on the internet and in business.

    I have discovered that if

    a) You make a concerted effort to do something better than the ordinairy
    b) You are in the process of battling and defeating a problem that has been holding you back

    then DON'T expect people around you to either offer support or encouragement. You will encounter resistance from anyone who is in the sheep herd.

    I'm sorry to say that doing anything special is going to be, at least to some extent a lonely game, with the exception of course that you have the WF and, judging by the responses, everyone here is like minded.

    Also, remember that you don't actually WANT to be one of the sheep, and that you HAVE aspirations and ambitions, and it damn well is your God given right to reach out in the world and get what you want. Most people walk through life in a trance. A walking daze. But not you. And, as for the problem that you currently have - these sometimes come with the territory. When you do something that is bigger than what a person would normally do, problems can and do occur and it is your job to sort them out. You will do this as long as you approach it dilligently and systematically. In the short term you will lose money, but long term you will have learned to deal with the problem and solved the problem which will probably increase your creativity still further!
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  • Profile picture of the author write-stuff
    Originally Posted by derekwong28 View Post

    When I told this to a few of my friends. I can sense that their immediately reaction is one of glee. I can sense they are really happy that my business is in trouble and are salivating to hear of more bad news. Just as they looked really unhappy when my business was doing well.
    -Derek
    Welcome to the world, Derek. You've had a lot of responses to this one so my answer will get buried.

    This type of behavior by longtime friends to entrepreneurs is VERY common. I'm no psychologist, but my unenlightened guess would be that it results from a very strong emotion - jealousy.

    I've been an entrepreneur virtually all of my life and I can't tell you how many times I've seen this. Friendship runs deep, but apparently envy runs deeper. Everyone wants to succeed, but only certain types of people are willing to work really hard to do it. The rest of the population resents them for their success and trys to drag them back down. You see, it's easier to pull someone down than to work hard and bring yourself up.

    Chin up! Remember that you're the exception. The people who hope for your failure are the losers in society.

    - Russ
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  • Profile picture of the author Fabian Tan
    Derek, what I have learnt is that these loud mouths act like they own the room, but they're up to their noses in debts.

    Fabian
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  • Profile picture of the author tommygadget
    You know, about the sheep thing, they are quite tasty on the rotisserie.

    TomG.
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  • Profile picture of the author talfighel
    Derek,

    Friends and family always like the idea of everyone around them to get a job.

    When you succeed online, they tend to wish that you will fail and get a real job. They really don't get what we are doing online but they do get to "Get" a job and be there for the rest of their lives.

    Don't listen to them and just don't give up. Even though times are not easy, this is YOUR time to SHINE and take things by the hand and show people and yourslef that you CAN recover and continue to be successful.

    Tal
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
      This thread brought back to mind a training session for one of the network marketing companies I was involved with...

      The best thing about sharing (pitching) your new business to friends and family is that they already know you. Hopefully, the like and trust are already there, so they already accept that you won't deliberately steer them wrong.

      The worst thing about pitching to friends and family is that they already know you. They've watched you do dumb things before. "You been drivin' pizzas since high school. Now you're tellin' me how we're gonna get rich peddlin' [insert product]? Fuhgeddaboutit!"

      When you succeed anyway, they are wrong. And nobody likes having their nose rubbed in being wrong. When you do experience problems, their original stance is validated. See, they were right all along...

      Hang in there, Derek. This too shall pass...
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    • Profile picture of the author naruq
      Hey Derek first of all congratulations on going full-time in your internet marketing business. I started an offline business when I was in high school. Since that time I have been involved in several offline businesses. My first business was a paper route when I was 6 years old. I had some kids in the neighbor delivering papers for me. I always had the entrepreneurial bug. Most of my family and friends did not understand why I wanted to be an entrepreneur. There mindset was go to school and get a good job and retire. To be fair, this was not the case with all of my family and friends. I had uncles who were entrepreneurs and who owned real estate. I tried to explain to my family and friends the reason why I chose the entrepreneurial route. Most of them understood, however I still have some family and friends to this day who constantly berate me because I work for myself. Do not let it stress you. Discuss your business around other entrepreneurs who will encourage and support you. When you are around family and friends talk about something else.
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  • Profile picture of the author AskJesusLeon
    Hey Derek,

    Sorry to hear about the way your business is going right now.

    Short answer, get new friends. You need people surrounding you that will support you and help you out in your time of need, not people that are happy that you are hurting right now. I personally wouldn't associate with those "friends" anymore.
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  • Profile picture of the author Eric Engel
    Is it possible that you're over-reacting or being hyper sensitive?

    I mean, sometimes other people don't understand entrepreneurs, and so they take pokes at it. But usually, they really do have their friend's best interests at heart. They just might be wrong.

    That's no reason to end a friendship, burn down bridges, or anything.

    You should also consider whether or not they have any valid points. Like if there's anything you're putting others through as you strive to make things work.

    One other thing you should consider--they seemed upset when you talked about success. You might look deep into yourself and really try to see if you were bragging. It could kind of explain everything.
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  • Profile picture of the author PaulGee
    Derek
    I once owned a business outside (and before) IM for 17 years. When times were hard and business was slow, some so-called friends used to sneer and say things like "maybe you should think about working for a company"! When times were good and business was booming these same 'friends' would say to people behind my back "it's just luck he's doing so well"!

    You get to know the friends who are real friends and they are priceless. Ditch the other losers, for that's all they are.

    An old and rich entrepreneur once said to me "Don't tell anyone what you are doing or how well you're doing it until you can afford to buy a Rolls Royce. Then they have to believe you."

    I still don't have the RR though.

    Wishing you much success.
    Paul
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  • What has happened technical wise that would take 6-9 months to recover from?

    Now may be a good time to look at new streams of income rather than resurrecting one that may have been lackluster from the start.
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    Money isn't real, George. It doesn't matter. It only seems like it does.

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  • Profile picture of the author onlinemarketer
    well i think they want you to be with them, as you have been spending most of your time working, i think in time they will understand what your doing and will like you for it, for know its best to focus on what you are doing
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  • Profile picture of the author drr
    I hope your business recovers fully and quickly. As online business entrepreneurs we constantly face challenges from many sources - hackers, authority sites slapping us all over the place and so on.

    All we can do is get back up, wipe off the blood and get back in the ring.

    Remember, being online is no more risky than having a JOB - the credit crunch sadly is going to claim a lot of jobs, and most of these people will struggle a lot to find new jobs and pay bills. It's always better to be able to do something for yourself and by yourself.

    One last piece of advice, get some new friends.
    __________________________________________________ _________________________
    Your Own Multimedia Video & Content Internet Marketing Blog - Fully Developed With Your Own Affiliate & Adsense Links... For Under Fifty Bucks
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesW
    As others have said get some new friends. With friends like that who needs enemies?

    I've dumped so-called friends at various points in my life usually because I'd simply got bored of them, but if they took pleasure in seeing me fail then I would definitely not want anything to do with them.
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  • Profile picture of the author Eric Engel
    One of my friends joined a band a few years ago. Ever since that time, all he ever talks about is that band. I mean, EVERY conversation ends up being an opening for him to tell us what his band is doing.

    I'm glad he's excited about something. I'm glad he found something he likes. I was glad he was doing well. But I was SICK of hearing about it. Hell, we never talked about the stuff we used to talk about. Things just changed.

    So when his band had a harder time getting booked...yeah, I guess I could say I was kind of glad. I really wanted my friend back. I wanted to talk about catfishing instead of sound equipment. I wanted to look at the pictures he took of his kids instead of the pictures he took of the guitar he wanted.

    Should he have dumped me as a friend? Should I have dumped him?

    Friendships survive these things. If you would dump someone as a friend just because they aren't interested in your IM life, maybe you should put the IM stuff down for a while.

    I'm not speaking to anyone specifically...but I see that advice keep coming up throughout this thread, and I thought I'd offer a different perspective.
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  • Profile picture of the author IMChick
    Jealousy. Understand it for what it is and work around it.

    Yes, I work in 'onlline web design and tech support", too. Every so often, someone wants to see samples of my work so they can get a website, but I tell them I work under corporate contracts...

    Good luck with your business and family challenges.
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  • Profile picture of the author valerieSONORA
    What kind of "friends" want to see you fail? Doesn't sound like any type of friend to me at all. Real friends would be happy for your success. Sounds like you need to find new ones.
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    siggy taking a break...

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    • Originally Posted by annoyedgirl View Post

      What kind of "friends" want to see you fail? Doesn't sound like any type of friend to me at all. Real friends would be happy for your success. Sounds like you need to find new ones.
      Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I understand that friends might want more of your time, but for them to be gleeful when your business is failing? What is that?
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      • Profile picture of the author Peter Bestel
        This is not a new phenomenon. Most people go through life pretty much on an even keel, never really straying too far from their roots (social that is) and their friends all travel the same path, at roughly the same speed and often in the same direction.

        We can handle this - it's the norm.

        But when one of our circle of friends breaks out and does something that's not familiar to us and threatens the stability of the friendship, there's quite often resentment and sometimes a desire to limit the success of the would-be escape artist. It's a mix of fear, jealousy and love. They're afraid that their world is changing, they might be jealous because they've wanted to do something similar and they might genuinely think it's the wrong thing to do.

        If things are allowed to continue and the friend breaks out of the circle, then the friendships are not likely to survive.

        Some friends, the more rare ones, will allow the bird to fly and will encourage it. They're the rare friends and the ones to keep hold of.

        Peter
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  • Profile picture of the author OnlineMasterMind
    Sounds like you need new friends buddy. These people are negatively affecting your business and it's important for you to recognize that.

    Remember, the only change in our lives results from the people we surround ourselves with and the books we read. It really is that simple.

    Spend time around the right people...CAN DO people..."YES, YES" people... and you just might be shocked at how quick your business rebounds.

    Good Luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author JoeStec
    It goes well beyond just your business and "internet marketing." This is an unfortunate but very common attribute of the human condition. People are pattern seeking animals. They tend to look for familiarity and comfort and are drawn to activities and areas of least resistance.

    The fact that you earn your living seemingly out of thin air is foreign and really contrasts with most people's ideas of what life is all about in the first place. We go to school, we graduate, we work for some company, we retire...

    Internet marketing requires none of above. It is something completely foreign and alien to the rest of the species... and let's not forget... people are pretty damn weak. If you have to get a job, I wouldn't tell any of the naysayers. In fact, I would just front like everything is good and all is well with the world. People want you to fail, as many of the posters before me have said, simply because they want validation that THEY made the right choices in settling for an easier path through life. Your "lifestyle" rubs them the wrong way.
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  • Profile picture of the author spicegator
    True friends rise to the top in an hour of need or disaster...which also gives you an insight into the true motives of those who sink to the bottom.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sheryl Polomka
    I think non IM'ers think that what we do isn't a 'real job' or a real way to make money. I am often uncomfortable discussing what I do with my friends and family as they just laugh or make little remarks.

    My Mum, for example, comes to my house and the first thing she always says is 'don't tell me your on that computer again, why am I not surprised' or she may ask me to go out during the day when she knows that is my working hours.

    If I did have a 'real' 9 to 5 job she would understand why I couldn't go out for coffee during those hours, but because its at home and online, they don't think its real.

    Or perhaps they are just jealous that they can't do it

    Anyway, I just try not to let it bother me.

    I hope you get your business up and running again quickly

    Take care
    Sheryl
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    • Profile picture of the author tush
      Cut those people out of your life... right now..

      I did it... I got rid of all those that I clocked in with, I ignored those that said it ain't possible, I even cut off my toxic family members..

      My fiancee, my baby and me... and we do damn well if I do say so myself... We never look to anyone for anything...
      Very interesting. Just wondering what happens if the toxic members are your immediate family.
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  • Profile picture of the author Eric Engel
    Can't choose your fam, man. IMO blood is thicker than water. I think it's sad that people are so willing to 'cut off' their friends and family because of a disagreement like this.
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    • Profile picture of the author marcanthony
      Here's the perfect answer:

      They don't understand. The average person doesn't have a clue about what it takes to be self employed.

      So it's very difficult for them to think outside of their conditioned way of thinking. Most people see making money as; going to school... get educated... graduate... look for an employer... go to work for someone else.

      It's easy for many people to follow orders. Working for someone makes them feel safe.

      Don't waste your time trying to figure out why they want your business to fail.

      They just don't get it.
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