Men Warriors: Would You Mind Quitting IM Just to Save Your Marriage?

If it ever truly boiled down to making that choice, I choose her. And it wouldn't take a whole heartbeat, either.

I've lived happily married to this woman for longer than I lived before I met her, and longer than many of the people reading this have been alive. Choosing between her and a way of making money? Easier than choosing whether or not to breathe...

Why would any man want to be with a woman that gave such an ultimatum. If you have someone in your life that would so easily step on your dreams and ambitions you aren't really living or being a man.

Now if you are completely broke with no income I could understand her wanting you to get a job, but to give something up.

Waaaaapishhhhh Waaaapishhhh

(that's a whip cracking )

I'd say, "Have you got the underpass we're going to live under picked out yet?"

I thought that too and would have said so if the steam coming out of my ears on seeing the question hadn't prevented me from seeing the keyboard We do count though, as do unmarried men living over the brush and men who ride the other bus.

If your partner doesn't recognise a) how money magically appears in your pocket and b) how important it is to you that you earn in it in the way you do then you have probably got communication problems that go beyond what you do for a living. If you're just starting out and so haven't seen any results yet, but your partner is asking you to quit, then your partner could well be imagining ownership of you rather than a relationship with you. If you have been at it for a while and your efforts are doing nothing more than draining time and money from your relationship then this will already be being reflected by your bank balance and the dwindling amount of time you have to spend elsewhere.

In other words, it's not a question that should ever have to be asked, and if it comes to the point where it is then you have probably been ignoring issues that are a lot bigger and evading making a choice that you should have made much sooner.

Pah. People who give ultimatums should either accept the relationship or leave!



Frank

I say absolutely not. You start compromising in this manner your marriage is doomed anyways. I am not saying that you completely disregard your spouses request, you will need to make some changes that will allow IM and marriage.

My point is no matter what the question demanding someone give up something is not good for the relationship period. The only exception to that rule is if what you are doing is hurting someone or yourself. Like a coke addiction or if you rob banks.

I was involved with a woman who had no respect for my career, I was selling cars at the time. Even though I made more money in a month then she did in 3 months as a social worker. I loved my job and had been doing it for over 12 years before we met. When it was all said and done it got to the point where I truly resented her but cost me 2 years in a unhealthy relationship first.

Ultimatiums without reason in a relationship are selfish and harmful. You have the power of choice to choose your dreams and make them come to life. Or you can allow someone to create those dreams for you and become their puppet instead.

Eh? So she thinks the money you make just somehow APPEARS out of thin air, Lou? LOL!

My wife works with me. If I quit IM, we'd both be out of a job.

Nope. Never. Any woman who asked me to quit what I want to be doing should think twice about if she wants to be with me. She can always leave. I can always find a new wife. I learned the hard way that bowing down to a wife's whims when she doesn't really understand what's going on is the quickest way to financial ruin.

My wife nags about me spending more time on the internet than with her.
The answer is NO.

I'm going to look at this from another angle because quite frankly, questions
like these drive me batty. They're ridiculous UNLESS there is a valid reason
behind the question.

For example.

You're doing IM and making nothing. You don't have a regular job. You're
on the verge of being evicted from your apartment.

Your wife, seeing where this is all going, gives you an ultimatum. You
either give up this IM thing and get a job or I'm out of here.

I can perfectly understand this, regardless of whether she understood
your "business" or not.

But just to arbitrarily wake up one day and say...

"Hey honey, I don't understand what you're doing so I want you to quit
or I'm gone"

when you're bring in 6 figures a year or whatever and it's keeping a roof
over your head, is just ludicrous and makes no sense whatsoever.

Therefore, I'm not even going to dignify this question with a
response.

Most definite yes.

I would say that if you're marriage depends on such decision, your marriage is already toast no matter what choice you pick.

You're right here...that's what all the dating books teach guys. Never give in and become obedient to a woman if you want her to stay attracted to you.

Women 'test' you this way. If you do as she says she will continue doing it, simply because she likes the power she has over you and behind your back she will be 'seeing' (let's stay polite:p) some other guy, someone who is more dominant and in charge.

Things are doing well for you from the sounds of it in terms of IM. Any chance of reconciliation or at least seeing your kids on a regular basis?

LOL @ the guys who said they would quit for their wives.

I dont think mine would ever make me choose. I can't say what I would choose if she did, but I'd likely leave IM, especially if I had other options for making money (which most people do).

In reality I can see it if someone is working 100 hours a week and neglecting their wife and/or family. I try to keep a good balance but I don't always succeed. Is it really worth missing out on everything so you can sit in your office and work? If your family is feeling ignored and unhappy is it really worth the money?

My answer is no. swilliams09, you can make fun of me all you want, sometimes you have to ask yourself what's really important in life.

I am not married yet either but my girlfriend is actually the one who encouraged me to quit my full time job and part time job and pursue IM full time! so I know she is with me and behind me and would never ask me to give it up..she knows its my dream and that is the kind of woman you want to marry!!!!!

That is my point. Yes it would be hard to to do, but in the end family is more important than work. But you need work to support your family, so its unlikely most people would be forced to choose.

Ash, thanks for posting this. It made me look at the original question again, and another word jumped out at me...

"Men Warriors: Would You Mind Quitting IM Just to Save Your Marriage?"

Just to save my marriage? I'm guessing our buddy King Shiloh is a single guy. If he truly understood the commitment you make when you say "I do", the word "just" wouldn't have even occurred to him in this context.

That said, I have made adjustments to how I do things online for her.

After my late mother-in-law passed away (she was an invalid and lived with us for over eight years), I had to change my schedule. Previously, I spent a large portion of my days taking care of my mother-in-law while my wife worked. When she got home, it was my turn to "go to work", so a lot of the time all she saw was the back of my head.

After my m-i-l was gone, that wasn't necessary anymore, but it was a habit, and it was making both of us less than happy. Now, I work while she's gone. Unless I'm on a deadline or in the middle of something that must be finished, when she gets home, I go off the clock. It's meant different hours, sometimes stranger hours, but we spend our evenings together again.

Singles and bitter divorced guys, that's your cue to tell me how "whipped" I am...:rolleyes:

I am with everyone else on this, if my hubby had a legit reason to ask me to quit IM (he can be rational) then I would most assuredly quit. I am still a newbie so I haven't made any money, but I do have a job that I can take part of my pay from to try and make this work.

Let me pose another question, this one for the women.
If your husband felt threatened by the fact that you were making more money than him through IM, would you quit?

Personally I would ask him why it would matter, we would be making more money all around. Knowing my husband this would likely never be an issue .
JBird85