Please Help With Headline - $10 for best suggestion

by Clare Moser 30 replies
Hi Warriors,

I coming to you for help with my sales page headline. I seem to have writers block at the moment so I'm offering $10 paypal to the person with the best headline suggestion. In other words... I want to buy you a beer for helping out!

Here's the scoop...

My site is in the dating for women niche and I think my headline needs more punch to grab attention. My ebook product is based on how to get a man and keep him.

You can use this tool http://www.aminstitute.com/headline/ to analyze your headline before you submit it here.

My current headline below is scoring at 40%. Let see how high we can get the score while still sounding good.

Here's what I got so far...

Want To Find True Love?

Discover The Secrets Every Woman
Should Know To Attract Mr. Right
and Keep Him Interested!

Thanks!
#main internet marketing discussion forum #$10 #headline #suggestion
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  • Profile picture of the author getsmartt
    True love leaving you behind?
    True secrets every woman
    needs to know about men.

    64.29
    about the best I can do

    BTW thanks for the link to the tool
    Signature

    Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich stärker

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  • Profile picture of the author Scott Ames
    How good is that headline analysis? From the 100 Greatest headlines of all time:


    "They laughed when I sat down at the piano, but when I started to play!" 18.75%

    "DO YOU MAKE THESE MISTAKES IN ENGLISH" 42.86%

    HOW I MADE A FORTUNE WITH A "FOOL IDEA" 33.33%

    THE SECRET OF MAKING PEOPLE LIKE YOU 42.86%

    A LITTLE MISTAKE THAT COST A FARMER $3,000 A YEAR 20.00%

    Based on that, your 40% is darn good.
    Signature

    Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

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  • Profile picture of the author Dave777
    Hi Clare,

    Don't really know how reliable that tool is or if I'd use it to make that final decision...

    But here's a few Quickies for you...

    Guiding You To Meeting Hot Beautiful Women
    71.43%

    Or vis versa Men!

    Guiding You To Meeting Hot Beautiful Women Today 75.00%

    Meet Hot Beautiful Women Today 80.00%

    Dave
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  • Profile picture of the author rhondaklewis
    you want to be loved?
    80.00
    Do you want to be loved?
    83.33
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    • Profile picture of the author Clare Moser
      Hmm maybe that headline analyzer isn't very accurate. Those results seem high for such few words.

      Here's the deal...

      I like my current headline but I'm not in love with it (no pun intended). I'm just trying to see if someone can think of something better than what I already have. With or without the headline analyzer...

      Thanks,
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  • Profile picture of the author Randy-works-from-home
    Banned
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author Concept
      Hi Clare see what you think of this

      ARE YOU LOOKING FOR YOUR ULTIMATE SOULMATE AND TRUE LOVE?
      Now you can discover the hidden secrets every woman needs to find Mr right and hold on to him forever
      Keith
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  • Profile picture of the author rhondaklewis
    any one win?
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  • Profile picture of the author Pete223
    Hi Clare,

    Looking For Mr. Right ?
    Learn The secrets To Date Him Next!

    Not Dating Mr. Right Yet ?
    Learn The Secrets That Will Change That!

    Is Mr. Right Your Next Date ?
    Learn The Secrets Every Women Should Know
    Before Their Next Date!

    Regards, Pete
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    • Profile picture of the author Chri5123
      Hi Clare,

      This is what I could think of:

      "Do Not Fear Being Alone Any Longer!
      Discover The Secret Steps You Can Take Today To Meet YOUR Mr Right And Have Him Begging YOU For Commitment"

      45% on that headline tool!

      Hope this helps!

      Let me know what you think.

      Good Luck

      All the best

      Chris
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  • Profile picture of the author ChrisByrns
    MEN ARE SIMPLE!
    Find out how to short-circuit a male brain in order to attract the man of your dreams.


    =)
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    I Love You... Now Love ME!
    The Essential Guide To Finding, Meeting
    And Keeping Your Perfect Love Partner!

    *Please apply $10 to victims of Hurricane Ike - Red Cross if you use this...
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  • Profile picture of the author CaptainLou
    "Imagine, Hordes of Hot, Eligible and SANE Guys, Eagerly Getting In Line For A Chance To Meet You, Know You, Love You...
    Discover The 7 Secrets Happy, Contented, Satisfied Women Don't Want YOU To Know About Attracting The Man Of Your Dreams!"

    Lou
    Signature
    Warriors, Vacation With Mike Filsaime and
    The World's Top Marketers...Networking and Schmoozing, While Caribbean Cruising!
    Check Out The VIP Guest List To See Who's Coming.
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Lee
    How To Captivate The Man Of Your Dreams And Keep Him Forever In Love With You!
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  • Profile picture of the author Jeffrey Louis
    Want to find true love?

    Mr. Right will come running for you.
    His eyes will twinkle whenever he sees you.
    The secrets to keep his undieing love forever.
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  • Profile picture of the author halille
    Do you feel embarrassed to say that you are still single?
    Do you feel uncomfortable to say that you are single?
    Do you feel uncomfortable going out with couples?
    Do you feel uncomfortable having dinner with married people?

    connect with the bad emotion and feeling a single woman have when hanging around people in love

    best of luck
    Halille
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  • Profile picture of the author talfighel
    "Meet the man of your dreams and Keep him too."

    How is that for a headline?

    Tal
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  • Profile picture of the author Jakehyten
    Why Do Men Love Bitches?
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    • Profile picture of the author richdirtygirl
      Originally Posted by Jakehyten View Post

      Why Do Men Love Bitches?
      LOL because we are so much fun!!

      Clare... your headline:

      Want To Find True Love?

      Discover The Secrets Every Woman
      Should Know To Attract Mr. Right
      and Keep Him Interested!

      It is not natural: women don't find... show off and choose...

      The best i can get without reading the book:

      Want to Attract The ONE?

      Discover the Tricks to Make Him Come...
      and Stay.

      you can keep the change if you like it...
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      • Profile picture of the author Travis72802
        I REALLY don't think 'true love' rings in the minds of women. Like saying find 'true security' to the IM Crowd.

        I would start with the FRUSTRATION...women feel....

        I would also make it sound EDITORIAL.

        Don't make it sound like an AD.

        Quick example...

        "Why women always fall for J-E-R-K-S and what we can do about it!"
        by Clare Moser

        Then lead into a riveting...relevant story and advice that will ring a chord with
        your visitors.

        With a headline like that...

        1. You have disarmed them that this will be JUST a BIG sales pitch. They think...
        and you should deliver...that they are going to get INSIGHTFUL information by
        continuing to read your....article.
        2. Most women feel they always fall for jerks...and want to know why?
        3. You have UNITED yourself as one of them and are now 'working together'.
        4. You imply it is an US versus THEM (them being jerks)

        What more could ya ask for?

        Travis

        PS Remember the PRIMARY purpose of a headline...is to
        get them to read the next line!!
        Signature

        Be A Bum Marketer! Free eCourse
        http://www.BumMarketingMethod.com

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  • Profile picture of the author rhondaklewis
    "Meet the man of your dreams and Keep him too."
    I like this one too.
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  • Profile picture of the author rhondaklewis
    Why Do Men Love Bitches?

    Because they can keep them on a leash.
    Take one out for a inexpensive walk for about an hour a day.
    They don't talk back and let you know how stupid you really are.
    Dinner is cheap!
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    • Profile picture of the author Jakehyten
      Originally Posted by rhondaklewis View Post

      Why Do Men Love Bitches?

      Because they can keep them on a leash.
      Take one out for a inexpensive walk for about an hour a day.
      They don't talk back and let you know how stupid you really are.
      Dinner is cheap!
      That isnt a question. It was a headline. I think women would keep reading with a headline like that.

      And trust me. I KNOW why men love bitches. Same reason women love D!@&S
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  • Profile picture of the author Elmer Hurlstone
    Here's another possibility Clare:

    You Deserve True Love!


    Here's How Successful Women
    Attract and Keep Mr. Right!

    I did not run it through the headline score app.

    Elmer
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  • Profile picture of the author warner444
    Men Can Be Such LOSERS, Now You Can Discover How To Find A Good Man And Keep Him Forever
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    • Profile picture of the author Clare Moser
      Travis, you made the best suggestion that contributed to my new headline. For that I'm sending you the prize money! (I'm sending you a PM)

      Even though I didn't use your headline, you still helped me figure out one with more punch.

      What does everyone think of my new headline?

      Tired Of Dating Jerks and Just Want
      To Attract The Guy You Deserve?

      Now You Can Finally Get Answers To Your
      Tough Relationship Problems And Discover
      The Secrets To Attracting Mr. Right And
      Keeping Him Interested!
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      • Profile picture of the author Concept
        Yeah that looks a lot better now Clare. Hope that sells a ton of your books, and I'm sure it will. Just goes to show how a little brainstorming gets everyones thinking into high gear and comes up with results.Well done!
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        • Profile picture of the author Clare Moser
          Thanks Concept, I appreciate the feedback. And thanks to everyone else who contributed...

          Clare
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