Check my sales page, please.

26 replies
This is my first product and would appreciate comments on the sales Page.
(Soon to go on Clickbank)

See sig.

Thanks
#check #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Wesley Atkins
    Hi,

    Some little observations...

    Your asking for the order too early.. You need to grab peoples attention with a hard hitting headline, tell your story, agitate the problem in your copy, offer the solution, provide proof, provide a guarantee, load up on bonuses, then ask for the order.

    Split testing is the most important thing you can do to increase your response, use it!
    Important things to test first are your headline, price points and the opening copy.

    Go to the best sellers in the health market on Clickbank and take a look at their sale page formats.

    One of the best things I've learnt in recent years is to offer as much free helpful content to people in need of a solution as possible. Then build a relationship with them, then and only then will they be more responsive to your offers.

    Hope this helps,
    Wesley Atkins
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  • Profile picture of the author dave147
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    • Profile picture of the author bigcullie
      Originally Posted by dave147 View Post

      Not a bad sales page, the bonuses are a bit old though
      I agree. I could maybe help you out with the bonuses. I will PM you with some ideas.
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  • Profile picture of the author tigertale
    Wesley,
    Good advice.
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    Worried about Carpal Tunnel Syndrome? CarpalTunnelMaster.com

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  • Profile picture of the author butters
    Wow, I would leave that page straight away if you done a popup like that, that is really annoying. I was about to start reading then BAM, annoying popup, right in my face.
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    • Profile picture of the author Eric Johnson
      "Hand Numbness? Tingling? Wrist Pain? Dropping things?
      Hands Keep You Awake at Night?"


      I don't like it... can't put my finger on it but I don't like it. Too many question marks I guess
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      • Profile picture of the author jesila
        Hi,
        you have done a awesome job tigertale it's really nice to see such a good sale.

        trafficgeyserseo.com
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        Please read the sig file rules

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        • Profile picture of the author scrofford
          Originally Posted by jesila View Post

          Hi,
          you have done a awesome job tigertale it's really nice to see such a good sale.

          trafficgeyserseo.com
          And how many sales pages have you written or studied? Obviously not too many! Learn about writing copy before commenting on it.
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  • Profile picture of the author tun80
    Hi Hilma,

    I've gotta agree with Wesley on most points.

    You tell them the video course is only $47. But you haven't told them what's in the course yet. You haven't started selling them on the idea of why they should buy it, you've just thrown the price out there.

    The copy could do with some work.

    If you were a sufferer, tell your story. How long ago it was. How much pain you were in. What made you finally decide to find your own cure. How you tried and failed and tried again. What they should avoid.

    My wife suffered with Carpal Tunnel for a few years. She used to wake up in the middle of the night screaming, and ask me to rub her hands and wrists for her. And it happened regularly. She was in a LOT of pain. She'd have tried rubbing the feathers from a duck's butt on them, if she thought there was a chance of it working.

    Empathize with sufferers more.

    Your copy could do with a bit of work but, as Wesley pointed out, you need to work more on your offer.

    Bonuses are definitely a good thing, but these people are in pain and want to get rid of it quick. It's not quite the same thing as offering 23 bonuses on making more money, or picking up girls.

    If you can convince them that the main product is going to stop their pain, and stop it NOW... then you're already in front.

    Having said that, you should do a better job of selling the bonuses you've already got (even if they do seem dated). Just the titles aren't going to be very appealing. Plus, if you really wanted to push on your bonuses, you could make the 'Additional Information' videos you have underneath the 'Core Videos' a bonus package.

    If they're not the core of your product, package them as something EXTRA. Not just 'Additional Information'.


    OK, the sales page.

    Instead of your lead-in asking short questions like "Hand Numbness? Tingling? Wrist Pain? ..." Try something like "Do you suffer with Hand Numbness? Sore Wrists? Do you drop things without warning? Or wake up in the middle of the night crying from the pain?

    If you do, chances are you suffer from Carpal Tunnel Syndrome!"

    Main Head "Discover The Amazing Self-Help Techniques A Massage Therapist... And Former Carpal Tunnel Sufferer... Used To Free Herself from Pain, And Now Uses To Help Cure Others."

    Sub-head: Now you can use these same techniques to rid yourself of the agony, and give yourself the hands of a teenager again. And you can do it in less than 5 minutes a day!

    Quick ideas, but play around with your headings and sub-heads. You need to make them want to stay and read your page. If they don't read it, they don't buy. Simple. And be specific. Don't tell them 'Just a few minutes a day, when you have a spare moment'. Tell them they can do it in 3 minutes, while they're waiting for their toast to pop out. Whatever you can match it with, just be specific.

    You've got a lot of colours going on. You're trying to draw the readers attention in all different directions. You need to let them flow through the page. You definitely need to use subheads, bold, italics etc... but you've got different coloured reds, blues, some purple. It starts to look messy.

    Your guarantee is just part of the text, you need to make it stand out. 60 Day No Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee!

    The use of video is good, it gives personality. They can see who they're buying from.

    You need to do something with the price, guarantee and order button underneath.

    And (no offence here) you need to change your picture. You look like you're still in pain. People would rather see a smiling face than an unhappy one.

    Brilliant idea with the license number!!! You might want to make it stand out a bit more.

    Like I said earlier, work on the copy. You ask a lot of questions, but give no helpful ideas. You obviously don't want to give away the contents of your course on the sales page, but give them something so they can believe and trust you.

    I see you've got a few testimonials on the page, but you've also hidden a load on another page. Plus you've got extra videos tucked away.

    There's a couple of things you could do here. Firstly, if you don't want to fit testimonials in the main body of your copy, why not try them running down the right side of the page, and have a subtle buy button after every few. There's a few marketers doing this on their main pages. Selling themselves.

    With the videos, you could use these as an opt-in incentive. As butters pointed out, the pop-up that hits you as soon as you land on the page is a little annoying. So, why not change it for the pop up to hit you when you try to leave without buying (instead of having one that deeply discounts the product). If they're not sure about you, offer them a couple of free videos to test-drive what you're offering. (Sorry, didn't actually watch these to see what you've got in there.)

    And, as Tooschee said, you could always opt for a different kind of site. Here's one you should look at: Dating Advice For Men | How to Attract Women and Use Pick Up Lines Obviously a different subject, but the layout seems to work for him. And he should know.

    Plus, take a look at this page for ideas: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome | Exercises for Carpal Tunnel Treatment It's the competition (and it's converting), so you should get a couple of ideas.

    One last point. I totally agree with Wesley about testing. Test everything. If you can make 2 different landing pages, test them. But change things gradually. Don't just try something and then change the heading, the offer, the videos and most of your copy... or you won't know what change made them start buying more.

    Hope you read this far and it helped. Apologies for the length.

    All the best.
    Ryan
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    • Profile picture of the author tigertale
      Ryan, thank you so much. I'm in the process of digesting all this. I like having the additional information as bonus, and will be working on the copy.

      Hilma
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      Worried about Carpal Tunnel Syndrome? CarpalTunnelMaster.com

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    • Profile picture of the author innocent07
      Banned
      I think the banner at the top needs some improvement, dont know if anybody else agrees
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  • Profile picture of the author Jimian
    I wouldn't put the price right there at the top... the focus should be about the problem and cure to a point that by the time they get to the bottom, price is no problem.

    I actually have it (slight case) in my right hand.

    HEADLINE: Discover The Simple Self-Help Techniques That'll Transform Your Hands Back To Normal In 30 Days or Less.
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    OFFLINE Marketing Strategies For The OFFLINE Warrior
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  • Profile picture of the author tigertale
    I agree. I could maybe help you out with the bonuses. I will PM you with some ideas.
    Thanks, I'd appreciate it.

    I wouldn't put the price right there at the top... the focus should be about the problem and cure to a point that by the time they get to the bottom, price is no problem.
    I didn't at first, but I read conflicting info. But I agree with you.

    HEADLINE: Discover The Simple Self-Help Techniques That'll Transform Your Hands Back To Normal In 30 Days or Less.
    I like that.

    I'll be up late making a number of changes based on the suggestions of many of you.
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    Worried about Carpal Tunnel Syndrome? CarpalTunnelMaster.com

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  • Profile picture of the author scrofford
    Originally Posted by tigertale View Post

    This is my first product and would appreciate comments on the sales Page.
    (Soon to go on Clickbank)

    See sig.

    Thanks
    Well the first thing I see is that you give away the price of the product before the person can read the sales page and make an educated decision as to whether it is worth it to purchase your product or not. After I saw the price, I just clicked away.

    You want to save the price of the product until the end so that the prospective customer can understand what they will be giving away their hard earned $47.00 for.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mohammad Afaq
    Nice job there I am not a big copywriter but I liked the salesletter as a visitor and I found it convincing.
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  • Profile picture of the author Damz
    graphics need to be redone, hire a minisite designer and design your sales page to look more eye catching and professional.
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  • Profile picture of the author Christian York
    Hi,

    I think this is a pretty good start. But here is how you can improve it:

    1. Pay someone 50 bucks and get some decent graphics. This will improve conversions instantly.
    2. Change the headline.
    3. Take these sentences and put them down the page. So that the layout goes: header, sub header, video.

    "Just $47.00 for the on-line VIDEO COURSE. Compare that to hundreds or thousands of dollars you could spend on massage therapists, physical therapists, or medical doctors (assuming you can find someone that can really help you). You can avoid costly, needless, risky surgery.

    Just a few minutes a day, when you have a spare moment.
    Compare that to the time you spend traveling to appointments, waiting around in offices, rescheduling your day, repeat visits, etc.

    60 Day Unconditional Money-Back Guarantee.
    Hey, will your doctor of physical therapist do that?

    Psst: This course covers a lot more than just Carpal Tunnel Syndrome."

    4. There are too many colours throughout the sales page. Stick to 3 font colours max.

    5. Keep the font the same throughout and also keep it the same size.
    6. Add a box around your order form and change the order button. "add to cart" has been proven to work much better.

    After you have made the changes, make sure that you test. This si the only way you will know if the changes are positive.

    Best wishes
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  • Profile picture of the author jamlexar
    Banned
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author rhodie
      Looks good to me. The pop up is a bit soon before reading anything, so you may want to put a time delay on it.

      Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author dany1987r
    yes i would change the theme if i went to your page i would leave right away just my you need a better design just my opinion
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  • Profile picture of the author Edk
    I'm only going to take up one thing. I note the price is given before anything else. Normally the price is given last or nearly so!
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    • Profile picture of the author tigertale
      Thanks everyone, so much.

      I've made some changes, but still working on it.

      The original page is now at /index1.php
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      Worried about Carpal Tunnel Syndrome? CarpalTunnelMaster.com

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  • Profile picture of the author Nicholas Kemp
    Well done for getting this far.

    Sales page are always a work in progress. I think you are headed in the right direction, but there are problems;

    I think the page is difficult to read because of the spacing of the text. It looks cramped.

    All the boarders around the images have got to go

    Put your opt-in box below the video and have a stronger call to action.

    The bullet points should be on the page, not in a table. They are difficult to read.

    You need to use better quality graphics.

    I am going to stop here an PM you!
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  • Profile picture of the author tigertale
    Thanks Nicholas,

    Got your PM. Still making changes.
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    Worried about Carpal Tunnel Syndrome? CarpalTunnelMaster.com

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  • Profile picture of the author eQuus
    Hilma, you need a short video that excerpts some therapies from your course. It will give potential customers an idea of what to expect from the course.
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