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Is this a good headline?

by nicholasb
4 replies
My original post is in the copy writing forum

please read and reply here

http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-headline.html
#good #headline
  • Profile picture of the author Mike Montgomery
    I think it depends on who you're trying to target.

    If you're trying to target newbies then "advanced techniques" might
    scare them away.

    If you're trying to target people who are familiar with IM then
    "home business" might sound kind of basic and untargeted.

    I'd probably take one of them out depending on who I was
    targeting.

    Just my thoughts.

    mike

    Originally Posted by nicholasb View Post

    My original post is in the copy writing forum

    please read and reply here

    http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-headline.html
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  • Profile picture of the author nicholasb
    right I think I'll change it to "technology and the internet"

    or to "your computer and the internet"
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    • Profile picture of the author Peter Bestel
      Learn how to use technology and advanced internet marketing techniques to build a profitable home business that will send truckloads of residual income into your bank account helping others make money online with their hobbies.
      Let's start with the presupposition that the job of a headline is to attract attention and make the reader want more.

      To do this it has to scream benefit and tell the reader what's in it for them.

      Using the word, 'Learn' is a real turn-off. That sounds like I'll have to do work! By all means tell me later on down the page about the work involved, but not in the first word.

      'truckloads of residual income into your bank account' seems good, but how about some specifics to give some authenticity. It's also buried in amongst all this 'learning about techniques' stuff - sounds a bit boring to me. Words like 'profitable' and 'truckloads' are too non-specific.

      Helping others is great - but what about me? Talk to me and tell me what I'll get out of it.

      Just a few initial thoughts and obviously just my opinion.

      Peter
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  • Profile picture of the author ChrisByrns
    better do something like this, short and straight to the point:

    INTERNET_MARKETING_SUCCESS .PDF
    From rags to riches - a lazy man's blueprint on steroids!


    forgive me, i had a few beer.
    but your headline is waaay too long. =)
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