Check out my Sales Page and give me some Feedback

Hey Adam,

For the best replies you really want to post it here:

The Copywriting Forum

Im going to be very harsh here. Being nasty to be nice.

Im sick of seeing the same old looking sales pages, same ol pitches, blah blah blah. Where is your USP? Where is your passion? Where is your energy?

I want to see pictures of you with your lawn business, i want to see you smiling next to Anne and John standing in theyre lucious looking front garden that YOU created. I want to see you riding a ride on mower!

There is no personality coming through in this sales page. It screams "I WANT MONEY NOW! AND I DONT CARE ABOUT HELPING YOU!". I've made this mistake in the past and its not a good one.

Think about this: Why do people want to start a lawn care business?

Money, Freedom, Be Their Own Boss, Have Financial Control Of Their Lives, Spend, More Time With Their Kids, Get Out Into The Sun, Get Some Fresh Air, Become Healthier... Essentially to 'change their lives'. And this sales page is not life changing material for me. Sorry.

The start of the sales page completely lost me. It did not target any of my emotions. There are 4 things that drive buyers. They are:

Drive To Acquire

Drive To Bond

Drive To Comprehend

Drive To Defend

These are the reasons people buy anything. The more of them you pack into that little sales page, the more sales you make.

*TIP FOR YOU*

Use all four.

Drive To Acquire; "How Would You Like To Earn XXXX Amount Per Week Doing Exactly What I Do, Step By Step?"

Drive To Bond; I suggest a video and or pictures of yourself. "Like You, I Was Constantly Wanting A Better Healthier Future For My Family And Myself, I Used To Work XX Hour Days X Days A WeekIn An Office And Never Spent Time With My Wife And Kids. Now I Make XXXX Per Week And I Work When I Want, Meaning Im Now Spending Quality Time With My Family Again. Just The Other Day I Took My Son With Me To Work And Taught Him How To Use A Lawn Mower".

Drive To Comprehend; You say you're a successful lawn care business operator at the top of the pitch page. But i want to see proof. I want to see why you are the grand master of your field and how i too can learn your secrets!! "I've Spent XXXX Amount On Books, Tools, Seminars, Coaching and Development Products Over XX Years. Its Taken Me XX Amount Of Time To Learn All The Secrets Of Running And Operating A Highly Successful Lawn Care Business That Makes XXXX Amount A Week *Click Here For Proof*. Once You Learn All The Information I Possess I Have No Doubt You'll Be Part Of Our Club Too".

Drive To Defend; "With What I Can Share With YOU, The Insider Secrets, You Will Have The Power To Grow Your Business With A Much Less Inherent Risk Of Loss. Trust Me This Is One Business You Dont Want To Fail In, However Small The Investment May Be, When You Dont Have Another Source Of Income And Your Business Begins To Tumble You Could End Up Struggling And Losing Parts Of Your Business To The Bank. Doing It On Your Own Means A Much Higher Risk. Why Take That Risk When I Can Show You The Pit Falls To Avoid. The Pit Falls That Crush XXXX Amount Of New Small Business's Each Year!"

Well there ya go. I learnt about the 4 drives from a book by Peter Sheahan and he got it from PR Lawrence.

p.s. Is it Adam or Brandon?

Cheers Andrei

I would work on the design part of the website, for now it does not say "hey, check me out, I'm a proffessional", it looks a bit outdated considering the graphics nowadays pages have