You gotta be ON TARGET. Read this and weep.

by The Copy Nazi Banned
14 replies
I've a bunch of websites. Some of them I built 5 years ago when I didn't have much of a clue. Lately I've revisited some of them and I've rewritten Page Titles/METAs/keywords/headings - all that SEO stuff that helps your targeting. But several of these sites were embarrassingly bad. And terminal. They couldn't be saved so I gave them the last rites and buried them.

Which reminded me of this old yarn -

A bagpiper was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As the piper was unfamiliar with the backwoods, he got lost and, being a typical man, didn't stop for directions.

He finally arrived an hour late and saw the pastor had apparently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. The bagpiper felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. He went to the edge of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. He didn't know what else to do, so he started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. He played his heart and soul out for this man with no family and friends.

In fact, he played like he'd never played before for this homeless man, and as he played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, the bagpiper wept, they all wept together. When the piper finished he packed up his bagpipes and started for his car. Though his head hung low, his heart was full. As he opened the door to his car, he heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Yeah...you gotta be on target or you're just playing to the wrong crowd.
#gotta #read #target #weep
  • Profile picture of the author Gene Pimentel
    Hahaha! Totally unexpected ending. Thanks for the laugh!
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  • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
    Banned
    Love it. Got this in email and was lol ... glad to see it's posted for everyone to get a chuckle.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    And then we have the cremation where the widow requested the Queen track "Who wants to live forever" with the haunting lyrics -

    Theres no chance for us
    It's all decided for us
    This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us
    Who wants to live forever? Who wants to live forever?
    Oooooo-oooooh


    ...but there was a cockup and as the coffin rolled through the curtain there came the sound of the 80s Queen anthem "Another One Bites the Dust" -

    Another one bites the dust
    Another one bites the dust

    And another one gone, and another one gone

    Another one bites the dust

    Hey, I'm gonna get you too

    Another one bites the dust!


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  • Profile picture of the author konradbraun
    Lol... it made my day... thanks for sharing!
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    • Profile picture of the author Rockmanfl
      That's very intereting for sure, but I just wonder - were you making any money at all with those sites???, even if they weren't up to their full potential.
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      • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Rockmanfl View Post

        That's very intereting for sure, but I just wonder - were you making any money at all with those sites???, even if they weren't up to their full potential.
        Oh mate...it's called "poetic license"...to set the gag up.

        As for "being on target", legendary direct mail copywriter, Gary Halbert, said -

        "being on target is much more important than being facile with words"
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  • Profile picture of the author Cotton
    Funny story. Thanks for sharing.
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    • Profile picture of the author Crew Chief
      Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

      Which reminded me of this old yarn -

      A bagpiper was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As the piper was unfamiliar with the backwoods, he got lost and, being a typical man, didn't stop for directions.

      He finally arrived an hour late and saw the pastor had apparently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. The bagpiper felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. He went to the edge of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. He didn't know what else to do, so he started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. He played his heart and soul out for this man with no family and friends.

      In fact, he played like he'd never played before for this homeless man, and as he played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, the bagpiper wept, they all wept together. When the piper finished he packed up his bagpipes and started for his car. Though his head hung low, his heart was full. As he opened the door to his car, he heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

      Yeah...you gotta be on target or you're just playing to the wrong crowd.
      You can believe I'm going to tell that one!

      Not only was it hilarious as all get out with a capital "H" it drove the point home with laser like precision.

      Thanks Mal!

      Giles, the Crew Chief
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  • Profile picture of the author V12
    Read this and WEEP?!

    You've gotta be kidding. Or maybe you meant tears of laughter?
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Opportunex View Post

      Read this and WEEP?!

      You've gotta be kidding. Or maybe you meant tears of laughter?
      Of course.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mohammad Afaq
    OMG I can't stop laughing

    I had to read this twice before I actually got it

    EDIT: Ok I feel a little better now so I'll comment about this post.

    Being on target is very important and a person needs to decide his target before starting out or else he will be lost and end up in a wrong place and get a wrong result (just like the bagpiper )
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Mohammad Afaq View Post

      OMG I can't stop laughing

      I had to read this twice before I actually got it

      EDIT: Ok I feel a little better now so I'll comment about this post.

      Being on target is very important and a person needs to decide his target before starting out or else he will be lost and end up in a wrong place and get a wrong result (just like the bagpiper )
      See...being a copywriter I like to think it's my words that motivate people to buy. But, sadly, it's not. No amount of persuasive copy will motivate someone to buy something they're really not interested in. So where are you gonna put that hamburger stand? Outside the football ground or tucked away in a side-street and hope that people will "beat a path to your door"?

      Remember the line from "Field of Dreams" - that Kevin Costner movie about the farmer building a baseball field in a cornfield - "Build it and they will come"? They won't.

      * the actual line is "Build it and he will come".
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  • Profile picture of the author Dean Jackson
    LMFAO!

    Don't know how I stumbled onto this oldie but thanks for the laugh Mal. Good sh*t.



    - Dean
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  • Profile picture of the author CrhisD
    Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

    I've a bunch of websites. Some of them I built 5 years ago when I didn't have much of a clue. Lately I've revisited some of them and I've rewritten Page Titles/METAs/keywords/headings - all that SEO stuff that helps your targeting. But several of these sites were embarrassingly bad. And terminal. They couldn't be saved so I gave them the last rites and buried them.

    Which reminded me of this old yarn -

    A bagpiper was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As the piper was unfamiliar with the backwoods, he got lost and, being a typical man, didn't stop for directions.

    He finally arrived an hour late and saw the pastor had apparently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. The bagpiper felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. He went to the edge of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. He didn't know what else to do, so he started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. He played his heart and soul out for this man with no family and friends.

    In fact, he played like he'd never played before for this homeless man, and as he played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, the bagpiper wept, they all wept together. When the piper finished he packed up his bagpipes and started for his car. Though his head hung low, his heart was full. As he opened the door to his car, he heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

    Yeah...you gotta be on target or you're just playing to the wrong crowd.
    True.. as C S Lewis said, "if your target is south and you're going north, walking faster actually gets you further from your target. The best thing you can do if you're going the wrong way is to stop walking."
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