OK guys, I'm ready for the thrashing

JohnMcCabe 13 years ago

Got past the header, saw the first post, thought "Oh, good, another mlm promo" and closed the window.

Just so it's not all negative, here's an idea for you.

Post the same request in the Copywriting subsection, and make it very clear that you're looking for a critique and suggestions for improvement.

So many people have tried to boost their traffic by asking people to look at their biz-opp site in the main forum that a lot of members get cynical. BTW, that's not me. I think you likely have the best of intentions, judging from the detailed list you asked people to fill out.

My reaction was more because I'm not looking for a biz-opp, so I'm not in your target market and my opinions would be colored by that fact.
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Barry Unruh

13 years ago

Originally Posted by SDenham

The site is: Helping Dreams Come True For You.

Once you visit, would you please quote these questions and answer them for me?

1. What was your first impression?

The images should be replaced or gone. Your text formatting goes all over the place. Without a line break between paragraphs, hard to read.

2. Did you click through to any of the links, if so, which one(s)?

No

3. About how long did you spend on the site?

Minutes

4. Did you spend the majority of that time reading, listening, or watching videos?

I never saw "listening or watching" they must be hidden in the text somewhere.

5. Did you sign up for the autoresponder?

Wow, I had to go back and look since you asked this question. Completely missed your box.

6. What kind of emails do you expect as a result?

See previous answer.

7. Did you see the phone number to call for more info?

No, did not stay that long or look that deep.

8. Would you be interested in signing up as a customer? If not, why not?

No, because I lost interest too quickly to find out to be a "customer" for what.

9. Would you be interested in signing up as an affiliate? If so, see next question. If not, skip to question 12.

See 8

10. How do you intend to promote this opportunity? (IM, Word Of Mouth, etc)

See 8

11. Do you have all the information you need? is the sign up process clear?

See 8

12. What would be the main objection to building this business? (hate MLM, Think it's a scam, don't know anybody, etc are all viable answers but please be thoughtful and give me as much info as possible.)

See 8

I know I couldn't ask anybody else for a critique and expect to get honest, thoughtful answers, but I'm so glad I found the Warrior forum, this info will help me tremendously.

Thanks again, and I'm working on some kind of goodie to give away in a drawing of the people who complete all the questions. I'll keep you posted on the goody.
Susan Denham

Susan,

You need to go back and look at your own site very carefully. I'm not trying to be harsh.

Work on the page formatting, especially the text to make it readable. I'd highly recommend getting rid of the graphics at the top, they distract from the message.

One page-one purpose. Having a sign-up to your list on your front page is a good idea, but you need a squeeze page devoted to the purpose. It needs to be the emphasis of its own page, not a sidebar widget.

Going back to your page, I did scroll down now and see the YouTube videos. Consider having one YouTube video blog entry embedded with a story related to it, then mixing at least one standard blog post between the next video blog post.

You have setup some good groundwork, and your content appears to be fine, it is just hard to read due to formatting, and I left for that reason. A majority of your readers will.

The good news, all of those things are easy to fix, and I'm sure you will have it looking great soon.

Best Wishes,

Barry

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amazingRay

13 years ago

have two thing to say:
1. change image
2. the domain name is waaayyy to long

No offence though
Good luck

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Karan Goel

13 years ago

1. The header image is all pixelated.
2. How did you come up with the domain? It's way too long.
3. Get beyond the default theme: Something related to the niche.
4. Show only excerpts on homepage.
5. Add an image next to the opt-in form.

If I was a general site visitor, I would close my browser in 2 seconds, flat!

Karan

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theemperor

13 years ago

Yeah the images threw me a bit. Thought I was reading a blog about cooking or food. I was thinking perhaps my dream of freshly rolled pasta secrets or a decent Thai green curry recipe was coming true. At last!!!!

But then there is something there to do with business and something about food stamps. So I assumed this was an auto-blog and closed the tab. (But it is surreal to have an auto-blog with no Adsense units...)

I suggest looking at other successful biz-op sites and working out what the essential styling elements are. What sort of pictures do they use? How big? Etc. What do they say. How do they draw you in to sign up?

Study and understand the competition, then do some story-boards on pen and paper, then come back to the site, is my advice.

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seobro

13 years ago

1. What was your first impression?
I saw some eggs. OK so I thought - is this an ad for a grocery.

2. Did you click through to any of the links, if so, which one(s)?
I click on an "opportunity is knocking" link, and it is a little toooo super.

3. About how long did you spend on the site?
Hey, approx seven secs.

4. Did you spend the majority of that time reading, listening, or watching videos?
Reading your copy.

5. Did you sign up for the autoresponder?
no

6. What kind of emails do you expect as a result?
none

7. Did you see the phone number to call for more info?
Where is it now?

8. Would you be interested in signing up as a customer? If not, why not?
Well, in a word - no.

9. Would you be interested in signing up as an affiliate? If so, see next question. If not, skip to question 12.

10. How do you intend to promote this opportunity? (IM, Word Of Mouth, etc)

11. Do you have all the information you need? is the sign up process clear?

12. What would be the main objection to building this business? (hate MLM, Think it's a scam, don't know anybody, etc are all viable answers but please be thoughtful and give me as much info as possible.)
It is as boring as going to a grocery. At least there are no flies or rotting cabbage to lend an aroma.

Thanks

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MilesT

13 years ago

1. WAY too busy and looked kinda like you made it on the cheap.

2. Didn't click on any links. Page was too busy and lost my interest from paragraph 1.

3. spent about 30 seconds, which was generous.

4. Didn't read much (too much to read) and didn't view any vids.

5. There was an autoresponder?

6 etc ...

Here are my ideas ...

Create a more effective, larger, more benefit driven headline.
Your opening text should be benefit driven and should talk about INCOME (how much can I make, what's the value in it for me besides cheap food?).
Drop all the boring facts and get to the good stuff right away.
This is a "landing page," right? Reduce the content by about 90%
Also, get rid of the sidebar. It gives people the opportunity to go somewhere else and not read your main content.

I'd start there and then test.

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JohnMcCabe

13 years ago

Looking back, my original answer wasn't as helpful as it might have been, although I still think it's good advice.

Here's what I would add (based on five years spent with an assortment of mlm companies)...

Operating an mlm distributorship, you really have two distinct markets when prospecting.

> You have prospects for the service, in this case, groceries.
> You have prospects for the business opportunity.

Yes, there is likely some overlap, but trying to appeal to both on the same site or page is confusing even if you do straighten out the mechanical things.

If you were to ask my advice (and I realize you didn't), I would say you needed at least two distinct sites.

The first would be to acquire product users, with the aim of creating sales volume and possibly turning them into distributors at some later time.

The second would target opportunity seekers with the sole purpose of getting them excited about the opportunity. For these folks, the product is secondary to the dream of making big bucks. Especially as the magic words "residual income" sink in.

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SDenham

13 years ago

Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe

Looking back, my original answer wasn't as helpful as it might have been, although I still think it's good advice.

Here's what I would add (based on five years spent with an assortment of mlm companies)...

Operating an mlm distributorship, you really have two distinct markets when prospecting.

> You have prospects for the service, in this case, groceries.
> You have prospects for the business opportunity.

Yes, there is likely some overlap, but trying to appeal to both on the same site or page is confusing even if you do straighten out the mechanical things.

If you were to ask my advice (and I realize you didn't), I would say you needed at least two distinct sites.

The first would be to acquire product users, with the aim of creating sales volume and possibly turning them into distributors at some later time.

The second would target opportunity seekers with the sole purpose of getting them excited about the opportunity. For these folks, the product is secondary to the dream of making big bucks. Especially as the magic words "residual income" sink in.

Your answers have been MORE than generous, and exactly the kind of feedback I was hoping for. I'm taking action on several of your suggestions now, and will have some more adjustments made in coming days.

I can't thank you enough for your advice, and I DID ask for it.
Very much appreciated.
Susan

Thanks

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cashcow

13 years ago

Is it about food? The first few seconds of looking at it makes me think so. I like food but what does that have to do with making all my dreams come true? Unless you have figured out a way I can eat as much as I want and not gain weight.

So, while I don't have an answer for all your questions, I can say it is likely a causal visitor will think your site is about food and click away if he is not interested in food. If he is interested in food, and your site is not actually about that, then he will probably go away disappointed.

Lee

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SDenham

13 years ago

Ok, I changed the theme altogether, and wanted to mark where in the thread I changed it. here is the marker. Keep the thrashing going, guys, this is great stuff. You guys are awesome.

Forgive my tactlessness in posting this in the main forum, stupid mistake on my part. Thanks for looking regardless.

Thanks

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Marc Rodill

13 years ago

Originally Posted by SDenham

Well, thanks for trying. Anybody not so visually compromised?

To do list: A. Get a new header.

Ixnay on the eaderhay. They decrease onversioncay.

For the rest:

Step 1: install and subsquently use and analyze an eye-tracking heat map tool.

Step 2: measure results

Step 3: asking people what they want is frequently the worst way to get feedback

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Marty S

13 years ago

Both website examples have been so incongruous I am starting to think this thread is a set-up.

If it isn't, you probably need some one-on-one time with an experienced IMer, or at least get some quality time with this book:

Amazon.com: Don't Make Me Think: A Common Sense...

It's an easy read and will quickly point out some glaring errors you are making here.

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SDenham

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Marty S

Both website examples have been so incongruous I am starting to think this thread is a set-up.

If it isn't, you probably need some one-on-one time with an experienced IMer, or at least get some quality time with this book:

Amazon.com: Don't Make Me Think: A Common Sense Approach to Web Usability, 2nd Edition (9780321344755): Steve Krug: Books

It's an easy read and will quickly point out some glaring errors you are making here.

WTF?

Thanks for the book link, but your comment is confusing. Set up for what? Incongruous?

The site is all ****ed up now, because I'm trying to fix some of the glaring errors. While I appreciate the feedback, the smartass, better-than-you-because-I've-been-doing-this-longer attitude, I can live without.

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Marty S

13 years ago

Sorry no, I thought it could really be a joke based on what I have seen - that does happen in forums. I thought you said you ready for the thrashing?

Ok if you are serious then, I guess my point is this website is a complete Do-OVER, but not before you read a book or get some on-on-one time with a more experienced IMer or designer.

From where you are right now, I truly think some more research is going to save you a lot of time in the long run. Saving that, go pay someone else to do it, and describe to them, in a single sentence what you want the visitor to do when they get to your website.

Hope that helps. All better now.

EDIT: I think your other major problem (starting point) here is the incongruous relationship between the name of your domain and the content of your website. If you gave me your domain name and I had to guess what it was about, I don't think I would come up with FOOD STAMPS in a thousand guesses.

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SDenham 13 years ago

I was ready, but I didn't say I'd like it.

Sorry for being pithy, one of the earlier posters got my ire up, with a useless post. I'm still working on a goody for those giving me useful feedback. You certainly qualify.
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SDenham

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Marty S

Sorry no, I thought it could really be a joke based on what I have seen - that does happen in forums. I thought you said you ready for the thrashing?

Ok if you are serious then, I guess my point is this website is a complete Do-OVER, but not before you read a book or get some on-on-one time with a more experienced IMer or designer.

From where you are right now, I truly think some more research is going to save you a lot of time in the long run. Saving that, go pay someone else to do it, and describe to them, in a single sentence what you want the visitor to do when they get to your website.

Hope that helps. All better now.

EDIT: I think your other major problem (starting point) here is the incongruous relationship between the name of your domain and the content of your website. If you gave me your domain name and I had to guess what it was about, I don't think I would come up with FOOD STAMPS in a thousand guesses.

re: your edit comment, that's a point James and I have been going over for a while, looking for a solution. Thanks for bringing it up, puts it back on the top of the list. The other options we currently have aren't much better, but we're shopping around for a decent domain name.

Thanks

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SDenham 13 years ago

gone back to old theme, new header image. is there a plugin that will give me more font options?
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- JohnMcCabe 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by SDenham
  
  gone back to old theme, new header image. is there a plugin that will give me more font options?
  
  Susan, there probably is a plug-in, but a little time spent learning to tweak the style sheet is more efficient.
  
  If you go into your control panel and click on the theme, you should find a file called 'stylesheet.css' or similar - it will always end with the '.css' extension.
  
  Make a backup copy of this file (easiest way is to copy/paste to a plain text file). That way, if you really mess things up, you can just paste the original back in and start over.
  
  Web designers love to show off, so there are a ton of good tutorials on tweaking style sheets - just google 'css+font+tutorial' and you should find something very quickly. Then just play with the various settings and see what you get. When you find a combination you like, make a backup of that as well.
  
  As long as you have a good backup around, you can't really "break" anything. If things get too messed up, just go back to the last version you were happy with.
  
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Jill Carpenter

13 years ago

1. What was your first impression?

Top banner makes no sense.

2. Did you click through to any of the links, if so, which one(s)?

No

3. About how long did you spend on the site?

I got near the end of that first article - and really wanted to know something that was not being discussed so I left.

4. Did you spend the majority of that time reading, listening, or watching videos?

Reading the main page

5. Did you sign up for the autoresponder?

No, but may go back later

6. What kind of emails do you expect as a result?

Tips on how to get the most from shopping online, recommended recipes, etc

7. Did you see the phone number to call for more info? yes

8. Would you be interested in signing up as a customer? If not, why not?

Maybe. I live on an island, and some groceries can be hard to get on occasion

9. Would you be interested in signing up as an affiliate? If so, see next question. If not, skip to question 12.
Maybe - I need more info on things that would satisfy me as a customer before I'd promote

10. How do you intend to promote this opportunity? (IM, Word Of Mouth, etc)

On a local blog

11. Do you have all the information you need? is the sign up process clear?

No. I want to know if I can use coupons, what types of things I can order, how fast it's delivered, etc.

12. What would be the main objection to building this business? (hate MLM, Think it's a scam, don't know anybody, etc are all viable answers but please be thoughtful and give me as much info as possible.)

If this is MLM I'm likely out

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fantasyzer

13 years ago

I like your header now, but I don't get what grocery shopping has to do with "dreams coming true"

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mcmahanusa 13 years ago

I like your domain name, but it doesn't really build a mental connection with the focus of your website. Speaking of the focus, it really doesn't appear clear to me. It almost seems as though you are going in two different directions. Perhaps a change in the page format would help with that.

Regarding your domain name: as you have indicated yourself, and as others have said as well, it does seem as though you could use a different one for this website, such as www.profitwithfoodstamps.com (it's available) or www.groceryshoppingprofits.com (also available).

Just a couple of thoughts on my part.

Good luck.
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- Bill Farnham 13 years ago
  
  Granted, shipping charges are usually around 40% of the total grocery bill, but if that seems like too much to pay, you can utilize the marketing plan of the company.
  
  I own a website that sells grocery products. Actually they are things you put in your pantry. Looking at your site leaves me a tad confused. That line above leaves me really confused.
  
  Regarding your header image...I would try to find an image of a woman or a couple standing at their front door receiving the groceries from the delivery guy. But that's just me...
  
  I would also suggest you define the purpose of the website a little tighter, imo. It seems to present several messeges that don't hit any triggers for me. And I make money selling food goods.
  
  ~Bill
  
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  SDenham 13 years ago
  
  Bill, would you be willing to let me take a look at your site that sells grocery products?
  
  I haven't really targeted the site to selling individual products, I was actually trying to get traffic to my company replicated site, you can't SEO a company replicated site (sux)
  
  It looks like I'll be separating the content into two different sites, one for business prospects, and one for customer prospects.
  
  I think I'll be hiring out the graphics, though, I don't know if these stripes on my back will heal in time for me to tackle another Photoshop Project, LOL.
  
  The guys have been tough, but fair, and I've learned a ton.
  
  Thanks
  
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  JoshuaG 13 years ago
  
  1. What was your first impression?
  
  Awful.
  
  2. Did you click through to any of the links, if so, which one(s)?
  
  no.
  
  3. About how long did you spend on the site?
  
  About 30 seconds
  
  4. Did you spend the majority of that time reading, listening, or watching videos?
  
  Read the header, article titles,coaching text...
  
  5. Did you sign up for the autoresponder?
  
  no, it didn't even have anything written in it. I had no idea what it was for.
  
  6. What kind of emails do you expect as a result?
  
  Spammy ones.
  
  7. Did you see the phone number to call for more info?
  
  No.
  
  8. Would you be interested in signing up as a customer? If not, why not?
  
  No. Your page doesn't make any sense. I'm not sure what you do.
  
  9. Would you be interested in signing up as an affiliate? If so, see next question. If not, skip to question 12.
  
  Lol.
  
  10. How do you intend to promote this opportunity? (IM, Word Of Mouth, etc)
  
  11. Do you have all the information you need? is the sign up process clear?
  
  12. What would be the main objection to building this business? (hate MLM, Think it's a scam, don't know anybody, etc are all viable answers but please be thoughtful and give me as much info as possible.)
  
  This is an MLM?
  
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maggie2

13 years ago

I did go and look at your site but I'm only going to give you a few comments. I agree with almost everything that has already been said so I don't see much sense in repeating it. I too was confused, that I will repeat from what others have said.

The only thing I will add that I haven't seen in any of the posts above is that I found the first post way too looooonnnnnnggggg. It just seemed to go on and on.

I hope your lashes are healing up nicely so you can get back to work!

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SDenham

13 years ago

Originally Posted by maggie2

I did go and look at your site but I'm only going to give you a few comments. I agree with almost everything that has already been said so I don't see much sense in repeating it. I too was confused, that I will repeat from what others have said.

The only thing I will add that I haven't seen in any of the posts above is that I found the first post way too looooonnnnnnggggg. It just seemed to go on and on.

I hope your lashes are healing up nicely so you can get back to work!

Yeah, and my to do list is now a MILE long. But the warriors didn't let me down. I just wish i could get a 'Running Critique" to let me know if I'm on the right track before i put all that freaking work into a site just to find out I screwed it up, and it's a complete do-over.

I'm still working on it, separating the content, got some new domain names (thanks for the suggestions) Eventually, I'll go to a static front page, like they suggested.

IT's going well, thanks to the right kind of direction. Worth every bleeding moment.

Thanks

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4morereferrals

13 years ago

How about a domain name about your "products - offer" ?

who searches for "making your dreams come true" ? Hookers and johns?

Not sure thats the target market.

getfreegroceries.com

www.howtogetfreefoodnow.com

www.zfreefood.com

www.zfreegroceries.com

Then - the layout and theme needs to be "easier on the eyes"

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SDenham

13 years ago

Originally Posted by 4morereferrals

How about a domain name about your "products - offer" ?

who searches for "making your dreams come true" ? Hookers and johns?

Not sure thats the target market.

getfreegroceries.com

www.howtogetfreefoodnow.com

www.zfreefood.com

www.zfreegroceries.com

Then - the layout and theme needs to be "easier on the eyes"

HA! Hilarious!

Actually, someone suggested earlier that I get better domain names, and I got several really good ones,

MyGroceryProfits.com

FoodStampProfits.com

So, I'm pleased with what I found, just in the process of making adjustments to both sites to focus the intention on each, rather than having a bunch of irrelevant stuff on one blog.

One site for prospects, another for customers. That's what I'm working on now.

Thanks for your time.

Thanks

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pauljyron

13 years ago

The posts are not well organized.. There's no side bar for easier navigation. What I really don't like about your site is you have to scroll all the way down to see all the posts.

Thanks

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OK guys, I'm ready for the thrashing

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