What do you do with friends who seem to slow you down?

BJ,

From my experience I have found it's best to make a schedule for yourself. Put away time that you need to do your work whether it is 20 hrs, 40 hrs, or even 60 hrs a week. It is really important to put aside time that you know you will be working.

On the other hand, when you are not working, it is really important to have fun and always stay close with your friends. Money only goes so far and friends will always be there. If your friends do not respect you for what you are doing online then they are not worth your time. If they are true friends they will understand.

Schedule time for work. Schedule time for friends. That way your friends understand that you are not trying to get rid of them - you are just working during the work hours you have scheduled. They will get used to it.

If they speak negatively about your work and you don't want to try to explain things to them, then simply change the subject to something you both enjoy talking about.

Give them a while to adjust to the changes. They need to adjust to both your new work hours and your new plans for your future. If they are truly a good friend then they will eventually adjust. They still might not agree with your choices, but they will understand what you are trying to do.

Who knows - you might even bring them over from the dark side into the light!

But either way, you need to give them a chance and some time to do their adjusting before you write them off as hindrances.

In the mean time, it doesn't hurt to form new friendships with folks who support and encourage you to success. A person can never have too many friends. It's not like you have some limit on the number of friends. Simply expand your friendship circle to include more of the type of people you want to add to your life.

Kathryn

Run.

To me is is amazing how much people waste, time, money, food,
nothing is too valuable to throw in the garbage.

I have a neighbor who especially likes to just completely waste
time. I've mentioned to her how short of time I am, and am really
comfortable now cutting phone calls short (after 2 minutes) but
without being nasty. Just saying something like "Well I've gotta
go now and get something useful done." (Hint included.)

She does have good reasons to call as I do the maintenance on
her apartment, but I am now really comfortable with ending calls
quickly and without animosity or insult. The important thing is to
keep in mind your basic respect for the person as a human being.
I also remind myself occasionally that there is still plenty to be
learned from anyone, regardless of how screwed up one part of
their lives might be.

Like any other skill, social skills get better with practice, and if
you pay attention to it you will get better and better at ending a
waste of time in a nice way. An appreciation for the value of time
is a big help.

Ahh.. I feel your pain.

The funny thing is that we wouldn't bother someone when *they* are at "work" , but when you work from home, all rules change. Suddenly you're always available to do anything and everything.

Rules, boundaries and schedules will definitely help. Just remind people that you're not always available and that just because you work from home, it doesn't mean your work is any less valuable.

Ronnie

I still have friends that go all the way back to before I started
elementary school and we were all virtually inseparable.

But, once I realized I was a lot more ambitious then them,
I gradually reduced the amount of time I spent with them.

Plus, I moved to the other side of Long Island about an hour away
which ended up being a blessing in disguise.

I still love them like brothers and talk to them regularly, I just
don't spend all that much time with them.

So, you don't have to go as drastic as to cut them off.

Just drop them down the priorities list and put first things first.

Jason

It's been tough dealing with these people, don't cut them off because that triggers your self consciousness and makes you feel bad about yourself. Rather just keep them a healthy distance away from you, travel, get out to a local coffee shop to work, go to a library with wi-fi, anywhere that you can basically to avoid contact as much as possible.

And limit your contact to just cordial talking. That's my best advice and it has worked well for me. Set limits for others if you have to, they often won't set them for themselves, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Basically, you want to keep yourself so busy that you can't really be affected by them no matter what happens.

I totally agree

Yeah if it were me, i would treat IM as your JOB, where offline you might have a job where you work 9-5, you wouldnt be able to see your friends between 9-5 because you are working, same thing applies.

And sometimes at work you stay back to work over-time, this applies to IM aswell.

Just make sure your friends understand that. And make plans with your friends in advance aswell that can help.

Cut out anything and anyone that hinders your success..

At this point, my freind is my wife who shares my goal even if she doesn't do all of the work with me directly. Who needs people to drag you down. And anyway, this stuff takes up so much time in the beginning to get things going, it would be best for me to make friends with my family. So my friends are my wife and daughters at this point. Everyone else is there, but on the shelf for a little while. It is easier that way and saves me the trouble of hearing them say something that will make me mad.

I think this is the thing with working from home as an Internet marketer. People just don't understand that even though you're at home, it's still your JOB and you're still working.

Your friends might come over thinking that since you're home, you must be free. I guess you just have to explain to them how working from home works. OR you might want to try making sure that you work from 9 to 5 - the time frame when all your friends with normal jobs are working.

Last year I broke up with several of my friends. I made a conscious decision to get rid of all the negative nellies and needy nancys and the drunks and drama queens.

Many of them are still "acquaintances" and I'll see them around but I don't actively seek them out or call them ever.

I've gotten more productive, more focused and I've made some new friends that are also entrepreneurs who I have more in common with.

So, it's not very PC and I'll probably get flamed but I say ditch 'em. You'll be better off in the long run.

Yes your friends will change over the years. Some will just stop coming around, others you will not feel inclined to hang out with. And as you grow, that happens more often. It's just the way things are. You have new goals you are focusing on and some of your friends can't understand that.

I've heard you are the sum total of the five closest circle of friends. And one of those can be a group (like a networking group, or even a positive thinking forum).

You don't need to be nasty with your friends. Just make them understand that you have work times that you need to stand by and then it's up to them if they still want to remain your friend.

Good luck.

Shirley

He never stated that his friends were negative, just that they wanted to spend time with him.

When we put getting ahead in business as the MOST important thing in our lives, over our friends and over our family what does that leave us with? A very empty life.

When your friends call or come over just start talking about what you're doing online.
When you start talking Click through rates, conversion rates, SEO, backlinks, link cloaking, joint ventures, affiliate marketing, etc.
they'll soon be running for the door wondering what in the he*l happened to BJ?

Hi BJ,

I know how you feel.. Online friends are different then offline friends.
With online friends you can simply span the distance of communication in order to develop the amount of time you have available to communicate.

Offline is a bit more difficult when people are knocking on your door all day long looking to just hang out.

But this isn't about your friends. This is about you.

Temptation is a bitc_ but it's you that must develop the mind set to overcome an action.

If they are good friends then you've developed a bond for a reason.

Unless all of a sudden overnight your whole outlook on life and your mentality is all together changed. New friends then are in the picture.
But that doesn't mean your previous friends are now your enemy's.

Weed the process. If you are hanging out 5 times a week, make it 4, then 3 then 2 etc... to whatever solution best fits your needs.

If you cut them out all together, you might find one day when you feel like getting away and want to just hang out and you'll have nobody to hang out with.

In my book a friend is for life. I may not agree in the direction in which they take nor they me, I may not visit them on a daily basis but even when the span has been over a period of time to me they are still my friend and its no different then if it was just yesterday. I accept them for who they are and they me.

However, there are some friends that can hinder your new found direction.
In this case you should see the gap in between communications at a larger scale. Especially if they continue to hinder your abilities or direction.
There's nothing wrong with friends coming and going.

The ones you become closer to are the ones that help you grow in the direction you've laid out for yourself in life.

Any friend you have at any given time current or future that doesn't want to help you grow you have to ask yourself are they really your friend.

Friends are a dime a dozen. Good friends are hard to find.
Good friends last forever even when paths go in opposite directions but I've not met one person that has not at one point in time wanted to get off the path they where on if not but for a little while.

You just have to get the jobs done and then go out when you have some free time.

Yes, you want to network with like-minded people but I don't think that you should ever get rid of your friends. Just don't talk too much about your biz when you go out with them.

Tal

I've had this problem before. It's hard to tell your friends that you don't have time to "hang out". I've found that most people don't understand what IM is all about. You have to prioritize your life and work towards your goals. It's pretty simple. Your friends will understand that in the long run.