Your opinions on my new sales letter format please

by Josh Anderson 22 replies
I am preparing to release my latest product for the video publishing market.

I'd like to get some feedback on my sales page and video presentations.

Any suggestions on improvements and feedback would be greatly appreciated:

www.transparentplayer.com

This is a new style of sales letter for me.

The main question I am looking to get answered is whether I explain enough about the product with the limited copy and ample demonstrations?

I'd be interested in your opinion though on my simple layout and template as well. It is designed to eliminate distraction and focus on getting the visitor to read the copy, view the demos, and take action.
#main internet marketing discussion forum #format #letter #opinions #sales
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  • Profile picture of the author Elevoution
    Well first of all it looks like a truly excellent product. The one thing I find a little disconcerting about all sites that have video on them is that a lot of the time the video obscures the sales copy. Maybe this is just me, but it encourages me to click away fom the page - I don't know if there has been any split testing done on that sort of thing?

    However, the simple layout is excellent. Again, I personally think that anything that distracts the visitor away from what you are telling them is a negative. Currently a lot of sale pages are beoming more and more advanced in their graphics with fabulous headers and footers, and i'm sure that these can possibly distract the reader from the sales message. They do however offer some "social proof" that the vendor is not some kind of snake oil salesman by making the site look professional. However, your site looks so professional and is such an advanced product, that you have that social proof and don't need any fancy graphics that would disctract the reader.

    A split test would be the only way to make sure though!

    Matt
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    • Profile picture of the author Tirmizi
      Nice Work Josh,


      The copy was precise, clear and looked professional .....


      I enjoyed reading it.... Hope this does a great job for you ......


      Good Luck and Keep up the good work



      Tirmizi
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      • Profile picture of the author semmyw
        Hi Josh I like your web copy but I think your flying video presentation it's disturb me, I think it's better if you move little bit to the left side or right side
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        • Profile picture of the author mbrown
          Josh,

          The sales copy looks good and I like the multi colored lines on the bullets. I don't like the auto start audio and the scrolling video. That part really bothers me, I would probably just leave something like this if I came across it.

          However, the presentation is great. Your speaking about the product is dead on and doesn't go away from the topic at hand. So if i was truly interested in using this type of product I think your audio would help sell it.

          But maybe instead of the scrolling video have the video optional or just have your presenter images off to the side in the background of your screen that scrolls along with the sales page but not covering the sales copy.

          Everything else seems very good.
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          • Profile picture of the author Chuck Evans
            Josh,

            I am not too keen on the scrolling video either, I personally hate those things and would leave the site immediately! But that's just me. I know you'll test it before launching.

            The sales copy is good, lots of bullet points but here is one section that may need some reworking.

            So let me speak to you seriously for a moment... I do not really need to hype this technology up. It speaks for itself and... well... we are the only one's who offer it to the public.
            In this paragraph you say, "i," "me," and "us." What image are you trying to portray? An individual or a company?

            I would also think about changing "one's" to company, if you are the only company to offer this to the public and if you want to create that company image.

            JMO,

            chuck
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        • Profile picture of the author Peter Bestel
          Josh

          OK, for my opinions:

          I like the general format of the page and I, for one, am a great fan of using video in sales/opt-in pages. The colours I'm not so keen on - a bit bland for me. Also, I'm not too sure about block caps for the majority of the headline - I know you use them a lot. There's been loads of studies about using upper and lower case as it's MUCH easier to read. Title case is obviously good too. I didn't think the headline was a real 'grabber' - specific benefits might do better. (e.g. Response Boosting: by how much?)

          There's a ton of info that I know you want to get across, your product is obviously packed with features, I must admit that I felt a little overwhelmed and I'm not sure how much I took in. (Could just be me being dim!) So, for me, the problem wasn't that you didn't explain enough, rather that you told too much. You can't win can you Josh!

          On a technical note, after both videos at the top finished, the page auto scrolled, as I presume it was supposed to, and BOTH videos played at the same. (EDIT: That'll be because I pressed play on the upper video before to lower one appeared. Still a prob though) Also, lots more buffering time than with other pages I've seen of yours too.

          Hope this helps

          Peter
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  • Profile picture of the author Joel
    I also do not line the video in the middle of the top of the screen at the beginning. It annoys me & would be better to one side or the other. Also, since the controls are not self-evident, some people may just leave the page rather than figure out how to turn it off.
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    • Profile picture of the author kooma
      I really liked the page about from the scrolling video following me down the page. Made it a little difficult to read all the information. Apart from that it is a nice page.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    I immediately click away from audio or video that starts automatically. I want to read some of the offer before making a decision to see or hear more.
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    • Profile picture of the author KarlWarren
      Hi Josh...

      a few points.

      1) I MUCH prefer the way the video appears to the left of the headline here: Transparent Video - Transparent Video Effect - Alpha Channel Video

      2) The upward scrolling caused by the ending of the 1st video was unexpected - I was reading and scrolling down while it was playing.

      3) the floating square video (2nd automatic video) seemed out of place - I would have wanted it to be integrated into the page I think.

      4) the overall layout, being basic, is fairly nice - it does its job without being distracting. The bullets could probably do with being a little smaller though.

      Kindest regards,
      Karl.
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      • Profile picture of the author MikeLantz
        Josh,

        I agree with many others here in thinking that there are quite a few improvements that could be made.

        While I love the concept of the technology here, I don't think it is showcased as well as it could be.

        Now, here is where I differ from others: I don't think a product like this should be showcased using a traditional salesletter at all, but a more traditional website. I know many will disagree with this, but from what I have seen and experienced, salesletters in general limit the viral factor and adoption rates of new technologies.

        Now, perhaps you are targeting IMers who often write salesletters with this product, thus the reason you are showcasing it the way you are. It is a dilemma for sure, but I highly suggest changing the format. This is a new technology, and perhaps an entirely new format for showing it off would be a good idea.

        Hope my thoughts help.

        Mike
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        • Profile picture of the author ripsnorta2
          I didn't mind the layout. I thought the text flowed fairly well and conveyed the message.

          What I didn't like was the graphic that followed me down obscuring what I was trying to read. If this was a real landing page that I had come to, I would have closed it immediately. I honestly can't stand that sort of thing.

          If I were you, I'd fix it in place in the page if it was necessary to keep it.

          Hope this helps.
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          • Profile picture of the author sparrow
            I too did not like the scrolling video, I was trying to read while getting confirmation with the audio.

            when ever I get a audio or video I like to sync them to the copy.

            Ed
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            • Profile picture of the author Josh Anderson
              Thanks for the feedback. Lots of great suggestions. I am going to implement a few of them.

              The feedback on the scrolling was quite helpful. I thought of a few small modifications to make to the sales page. Just going to share them
              with you for fun:

              1. I am moving the first video to the right.

              2. I think I will anchor the second video in a page over a screen shot image of it during the first series play. I will set it to not scroll. Then I will set the same image to trigger the same video to open as a single video just in case they come back and want to replay that one.. otherwise the image in the page may seem weird.

              3. I am going to trigger a popup to trigger and scroll the visitor back up to the top of the page after the third video plays. This popup will contain only a transparent gif with handwriting and will be positioned to the right of the main body of the copy and will be anchored at the top of the page where the link menu is for triggering for the other demos. It will have an arrow pointing to the links and saying something like "click a link to see more demos. It will be set to not auto scroll.

              ===

              Something to remember when you are giving feedback is that this sales page is going to go to the video publising market.

              These are people who like and expect to see lots of video on this page.

              If I were creating copy for any other market the amount of video would be toned down quite a bit.

              Basically, the goal with this page is to demonstrate what is possible.

              But some of the suggestions and feedback is quite compelling... especially from those of you who prefer to read the copy so the ideas I put above should help quite a bit with that.

              I am wondering though... for those of you who felt the scrolling video interfered with the copy... why did you not click to stop it? Was it because you were not aware you could mouse over the video and click the stop button to close the layer completely?

              I think I may try and have a third player option added where the publisher can choose if they want to make it constantly visible as an option. That may be helpful for videos like the block one I trigger second.

              The series is meant to introduce you and then since it dissappears after play my intention is to have the visitor read the copy and interact with the page in the traditional way except when the trigger the other demos at their own leisure by clicking the links.

              Because of the feedback I think this could be an effective way of bringing back that focus:

              "3. I am going to trigger a popup to trigger and scroll the visitor back up to the top of the page after the third video plays. This popup will contain only a transparent gif with handwriting and will be positioned to the right of the main body of the copy and will be anchored at the top of the page where the link menu is for triggering for the other demos. It will have an arrow pointing to the links and saying something like "click a link to see more demos. It will be set to not auto scroll."

              This will allow the visitor to resume the natural reading of the sales copy after the initial video series stops. Of course they may click stop on any one of the videos in the series and it will stop and close the layer so it disappears from view.

              ===
              "Now, here is where I differ from others: I don't think a product like this should be showcased using a traditional salesletter at all, but a more traditional website. I know many will disagree with this, but from what I have seen and experienced, salesletters in general limit the viral factor and adoption rates of new technologies."
              Interesting. I have found the opposite to be true. Plus I have some very convincing conversion rates to back it up.

              Pages like this with unique effects, personality, and character actually get more buzz and "hey check this out" than the corporate style ones where they have nothing more than the link to the gallery.

              ===

              The sales copy is good, lots of bullet points but here is one section that may need some reworking.

              Quote:
              So let me speak to you seriously for a moment... I do not really need to hype this technology up. It speaks for itself and... well... we are the only one's who offer it to the public.
              In this paragraph you say, "i," "me," and "us." What image are you trying to portray? An individual or a company?

              I would also think about changing "one's" to company, if you are the only company to offer this to the public and if you want to create that company image.
              Thanks Chuck very helpful.

              I did one revision already trying to remove/smooth/revise stuff like that but more eyeballs certainly help.

              ====

              On a technical note, after both videos at the top finished, the page auto scrolled, as I presume it was supposed to, and BOTH videos played at the same. (EDIT: That'll be because I pressed play on the upper video before to lower one appeared. Still a prob though) Also, lots more buffering time than with other pages I've seen of yours too.

              Hope this helps

              Peter
              Ok so this is an interesting comment and one that I did predict.

              For readers of this thread I will point out what happened:

              > First video autoplayed a series.
              > Peter did not stop the first video series but scrolled down and played the embedded video lower in the page.
              > Peter's internet connection got bogged down because the two videos totaling 374 kbps were too much bandwidth for his internet connection. Peter is either on a slower broadband connection, or bottlenecked shared service like cable internet, or had a lot of data already flowing through his connection which caused the videos to buffer.

              I actually had predicted that once in a while this may happen if a user follows the steps peter followed.

              There is one strategy that I will test...

              One of the functions of the players have is the ability to close a layer or video that is already playing when a link is clicked to trigger a new one. The layer repositions itself to play the new video where the new video is set to play.

              This will be able to be used to close the already playing video and trigger the one the visitor selected.

              ===
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              • Profile picture of the author Josh Anderson
                Last night I finished my revision. I applied some of the suggestions received above by moving the first video to the side and the second video to the top of the screen.

                I also added a fourth trigger to auto scroll the page back up with a call to action image anchored to guide the visitor back up to the top after the third video fires so that they are brought back to read the copy/explore etc the rest of the site after the intro presentation finishes.
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                • Profile picture of the author marcanthony
                  I think it looks great. I realize that the purpose of the floating video is to demonstrate what can be done with your product-even though it temporarily blocks the sales copy.

                  I think that most of the criticism in this thread is valid. However, I think you are on to something that proves to be very innovative.

                  Besides, it's been a while since I've seen something as original as this.

                  I am definitely interested...

                  Please let me know when its available.

                  Peace...

                  p.s. good luck with your launch
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                  • Profile picture of the author Josh Anderson
                    I think it looks great. I realize that the purpose of the floating video is to demonstrate what can be done with your product-even though it temporarily blocks the sales copy.

                    I think that most of the criticism in this thread is valid. However, I think you are on to something that proves to be very innovative.

                    Yep, any other time I would not autoplay a video that floats in front of the sales copy... however the new positioning and the timing for the second video will allow the vistor who reads to be lower into the copy so nothing will be "blocked."

                    However, I know this market really well and know that showing the tech is more important than writing about it when it comes to conversion rates for this type of offer.

                    Normally, I would not use so much video on one sales page but in this case I am banking on my previous experience that these concepts can be so powerful that truly targeted visitors will not only watch the entire presentation but will also read the copy afterward and make a buying decision.

                    If I were using this in any other niche I would probably use no more than one talking head style video on autoplay... position it off the copy... and any other video presentations I would trigger with the link or image menu function.

                    That has been my previous approach anyway and it has been quite effective converting at 7%+ consistently on other product sales pages I have crafted.

                    This case is a little different because the goal is to showcase the tech right off... basically a video sales letter where the copy is secondary and meant to be reviewed for more details after the video series plays and tells them about the product.
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                    • Profile picture of the author Martin Luxton
                      Josh

                      Just quickly (have to go to work and only had a few minutes).

                      I have a fast adsl connection but your page loaded quite slowly. Have you thought about having two sales pages? I was thinking about the programs that detect your download speed and then send you to the appropriate link for your connection.

                      Your video on the sales page hugged the top of my screen - it made me feel uncomfortable because I wanted to drag it down a bit. I like to have a bit of space at the top.

                      The full length transparent effect at the beginning on the right hand side background. It looked like you knew you only had limited space so your hand movements were very restricted and didn't look natural. (BTW are you really so tall and slim or did my screen stretch you?).

                      When I clicked the back button on Firefox I got double transparent flashing Josh, one over the sales page and one in the original position over the right hand side background.

                      The first talking head video could be improved by "show and tell".

                      "That allows you to place the video OVER the web page in layers that can FLOAT. . ." (pause, show example)

                      . . . or SCROLLING so they can follow your visitor up and down the page . . ." (pause, show example).

                      From what you said about video people, they don't want the preamble they just want to see the product in action so you could have another link.

                      "If you just want to see this baby in action without all the sales pitch click here."

                      Martin
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                      • Profile picture of the author VegasVince
                        OK...on face value......the format is very good.

                        Crisp and clean and all the bullets etc. The appearance is very good.

                        I have to agree that the window covering your headline is distracting......but then again...your headline is the weakest part of what appears to be a very interesting and compelling product....so maybe you're not losing anything by covering it up.

                        Cuz that headline wouldn't grab a chick in the ass on Mardi Gras....sorry it just doesn't.


                        OK...I realize that what ever the hell it is you're selling is obviously way beyond my comprehension...and must be niched to some tight techno niche the likes of which I'll never be included in.

                        And I'm sure you know this market better then I do....cuz I don't know this market at all????

                        But as I read your headline...I'm reminded of the fact that you've excluded a lot of people like me who might buy if we knew what in the hell it is you're selling....and why we need to buy it.

                        Your copy is ALL FEATURES....NO BENEFITS IN TERMS OF THE BIG PICTURE.

                        Maybe that was your plan...and if so...it worked.

                        But some of these cool gimmicks can be sold to non-tech guys and girls like me...simply by tweaking the copy just a bit.

                        Seems to me....you're assuming your customer abosolutey positively knows what the hell this is....

                        A little ultimate benefit and sizzle IN THE HEADLINE wouldn't hurt this copy at all, bro. But that's just my spin.


                        xxx Vegas Vince
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim Franklin
    Ok here my 2 cents,

    I would start the first video, (green screen) on the left instead of the right.

    Then I would set a graphic, to (dim) the rest of the webpage, so that the focus is entirely on the video, (you can setup an opacity for the graphic, so that the webpage, is there but just dim,)

    Or, put a skin on the video, to separate it from the rest of the webpage.

    personally I would try both out to see which one is the most effective.

    Or even try both out at the same time, a skin and a dim graphic,

    (I may not have explained that the right way)

    but I think you know what I mean, since you are already using layers, to show the video, just add that option, to the code.
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    • Profile picture of the author Sarah Harvey
      Overall, I loved the layout and how the videos present itself.

      At first I was a bit skeptical about the beige/yellow background. But then again its about experimenting. It could work and it might not work. The best thing to do is split test it with a separate page that has different background colors.
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    • Profile picture of the author raj7
      I liked the layout. Great work.
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