LOL!...hmm..

by Administrator 288 replies
365
I'm on morphine right now so excuse me while I offend you..

Now I know why many people on this forum remind me of flies. Flies are attracted to sh*t. What's with all these completely useless threads on here that have nothing at all to do with money?

If breaking the rule about only talking about making money in this section carried the death penalty half of you would be dead.
#main internet marketing discussion forum #dude looks like a lady #johnny depp #lolhmm
  • Allen, while I have you, how do I make money on the inter-webs? I'd like to know.

    ~flyswatter
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    • Administrator

      Envelope stuffing...surest thing I know of!

      :-)
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    • "Send $5 to each name below. Then cross off the top name and..."
  • LOL.

    That explains why threads are approved slower every second... LOL JK

    Caleb
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  • Did you bring enough for the rest of the Forum?
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    • Administrator

      I got some extra Jack..plus some food, you definitely need to eat something first :-)
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  • Did your account got hacked? Or, right, you are high...
  • We should start a thread about morphine... I use to make money at that when I was younger.
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  • No fair bragging about having Jack and Morphine. My grandma always said that if you don't not have enough to share then keep it to yourself Make sure to hide the car keys from yourself after the second shot.
  • lol JK Caleb, dont get any ideas man. You are on the right track!
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  • [DELETED]
  • Administrator
    LOL! Come on man...that was some serious prose there...
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    • Seriously a live appearance from Allen is a lot like Willy Wonka coming out of the chocolate factory. Rock star status for sure. I'm just trying to figure out if he is Gene Wilder (much, much cooler imo) or the nerdy version played by Depp. With the morphine I would he would be more like Johnny Depp.
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    • Not bad especially with the Morphine and Jack helping you out. I hit the report button suggesting they be moved to the off topic forum so maybe if more of us do that we can clean up the main discussion forum so we can talk about making money!
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  • While you're juiced, why don't you let us start an "ask the admin anything about making money" thread?
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    • I am sure we would get some pretty interesting answers right now. I know it would keep me entertained for a while.
  • A few years back I broke my arm and the doctor set it wrong.

    In about 4 days the Dr. office called and informed me that I was going to have to come in and rebreak my arm and reset it.

    First they gave me morphine then they put my arm on the gurney and placed a wedge under it. With all his might the Dr. put his knee on my arm and crunched down as it "snapped."

    Are you OK he asked me.

    Putting my good arm on the wedge I said, "Now break this one please." True Story.

    George Wright
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    • I could of gone an entire lifetime without hearing that story. It literally sent shivers done my spine.
    • LOL. The whole time I was reading it I thought he would break the wrong arm, but your ending is way funnier
    • Love it!!!

      Now - back to the 'money making' posts...
  • Yeah I noticed it too. Sometimes I wonder if I really am on the 'main
    internet marketing discussion forum', since it's getting more and more
    like the off topic section.
  • <Busts out with some Don Julio and a Cuban.>

    RoD
  • I've read that Russell Brunson wants to jump on the late night infomercial bandwagon too...
  • Dealth penalty is very severe punishment, may I suggest banhammer?

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    • trying to following this all...could someone please
      explain the steps and recommended medication
      levels needed prior to stuffing the envelops :confused:

      is it acceptable to substitute vicodin and a good
      single malt???

      - - -
      wow! there is a name that takes me back...ol' Don was an
      early innovator though! sell you a cheap book that had
      'ideas' that he conveniently had monthly services ready to
      give you a 'deal' on! one of his programs was to have a
      1-800 sex talk line and of course he would sell you the phone
      line and had a service to provide girls to do the talking:p

      KEY (eric)
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  • Considering that Allen is juiced up I'm glad I decided not to PM him and ask for a favor.. lol

    No telling what kind of restrictions I would get if I had PM'ed him..
  • The best JD Movie I would have to say is:

    Drum Roll....

    Sweeny Todd

    Secret window is second

    While Alice In Wonderland is third.
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    • I liked him best in 21 Jumpstreet and in Nightmare On Elm Street where Freddy drags him to hell from underneath his bed. Was a cool way to go you have to admit.
  • No fair! All I have is codeine cough syrup...
  • Allen, I was thinking WTH when I seen the thread title LOL!...hmm.. that was until I
    realized that it was you that had posted it.

    After reading your post, I have to say I totally understand your message and hopefully
    others will to.

    Thanks,
    Have a Great Day!
    Michael
  • This was priceless. Love ya allen
  • Banned
    You mean like this thread?
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    • Banned
      [DELETED]
    • Administrator
      Exactly like this thread...
  • Thanks for starting this forum its the best $ getting knowledge on the net!
  • Better cut the dosage...I think it's making you suicidal.

    Damn it, I got sucked in.
  • I completely disagree with you, I really think that this forum is the place for honest reviews and advices about IM in different aspects.
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    • Administrator
      Hmm...as long as those honest reviews and advices are in the review section I have no problem with that. That's what that section was set up for. But that's not exactly what we're talking about here.
  • Dang, this might become a money making thread after all.... Allen is one covert marketer man!
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    • I was afraid it was going to be "You mean like this thread?" to the end of this thread. But you're right. It is becoming after all money making thread. Lol.

      Joe
  • Someone hurry up and derail this thread, it has useful information!

    -Brett
  • I know you guys are having some fun with this, but seriously, this great forum is changing a bit. Take one liners for example, "great info", "its a useful post", "thanks for the info" and... I mean, why dont we stop this kind of posts. Its so obvious these people are only trying to get the post count up. Nothing wrong with getting your post count up, so you can have live links and so on, after a lot of people use forums to build backlinks and trust. But, why not just hit the thanks button, if you are so dying to thank the person?...

    And lately, there are 2 different trends happening here. One is the "guru bashing" that sbucciarel mentioned. And the other is "newbie bashing". Its like some people are here to just make fun of a newbie who asks a question that might sound simple to old timers, and others are here to say making money online isn't possible because they did everything the guru told them to do (for a week or so), but they didn't make any money and nothing is working.


    I know moderators have to deal with a lot of threads and members, but I think we could all be better moderators and report spammers before they ruin it for the rest of us.

    Enjoy the heavens Allen, while you can, soon you will be back to earth!
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  • yharara,Just so you understand... The guy with whom you're disagreeing owns the place, and decides what its purpose is and is not.

    Are you really sure that an anonymous poster who signed up 4 days ago ought to be telling the owner how to run his forum?


    Paul
  • Hey Paul.... Johnny can sell now!

    He still cant use etc.'s properly, but he can sell.
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    • John,[splorf]

      Free reports, FTW!


      Paul
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  • Morphine? Isn't that the stuff they gave the guy in "Saving Private Ryan" right before he died?
  • Here is a thought, please take it as a discussion point and nothing more.... Don't you think one of the reasons the main forum is getting so 'off topic' as it were, is because every feasible make money online technique already has its own forum?

    CPA, SEO, Offline ... 90% of what people make money off of have their own forums, but everyone wants to be on the main forum so they talk about things that don't go in the other forums , but don't necessarily have anything to do with making money.

    I am guessing the more popular a topic gets the quicker it gets it's own Forum. I was guessing one of the next ones would be a Article Marketing Forum. I was wrong it was the offline forum.

    So I guess what I am asking is as someone who has spent a bit of time on the forum I am at times confused as to what should go on the main Forum Imagine how newbies must feel.

    So what is the solution, Maybe have more clear instructions what is expected on the main forum (again I am not being confrontational just wondering).

    Also I see a bunch of people lambasted for talking about something that has already been spoken about before, but this forum is getting so big very few things will be all new.

    What is the solution, any thoughts?
  • Cathy,There is no "solution." Only an attempt at balance.

    It's like a teeter-totter. You always end up slanting one way or the other, but the goal is to keep from going too far in one direction. You don't let the "big kid" (in this case, the one with the loudest mouth) settle things to where they can't be moved.

    The goal should be to get it right, while realizing that the best we can really do is to make it better.


    Paul
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    • I see I was bad mouthed on a blog because I agreed with you Paul, Oh well here I go again.

      I think you guys are doing a great job of balancing the 'teeter Totter'.

      And I believe that the balance will never be allowed to completely fall to one side or the other.

      The forum still offers huge value and because of it I think it is growing immensely .... Newbies for a while will dilute some value added until they start giving back.


    • Yes, and when we do such things, we are accused of "censorship", as if the loud mouth is the only one who deserves fair treatment... LOL


      p.s. When I said "we", I was referencing only the role of a moderator in general... I am not a mod at WF...
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  • CD, your fighting a losing battle here. Free will isn't a valid argument.

    You are smart enough to know that just because something is crystal clear to you that doesn't mean everyone else in the world will see things the same way you do.

    You see right through the sales pitches and thats great, but the vast majority of people do not understand sales processes and have no clue about bait and switch and do not understand the processes being used against them.

    Also, before you start ranting about the evils of someone else's sales pitches you migh want to look at your own. I've listened to you in the weekly chats and I've seen your sales pages. You are not exactly hype free yourself.
  • Caliban,

    Like I said... You use it as a tool for abuse. The fact that you're good at debating has nothing - nothing - to do with whether you're good at thinking clearly. Or even if you're right.

    Your response to my comment is a perfect example of that.


    Paul
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    • We were several messages into this discussion before it ever occurred to me that "I don't understand, please explain" could in any way be considered abusive.

      I didn't mean it as a challenge, a value judgment, or an insinuation.

      I just wanted the explanation.

      I didn't want to offend anyone, and I certainly wasn't trying to be insulting.

      And with that, I'll go back to my drinking.

    • Paul! Wow man...

      Do you think Caliban is kidding when he makes the jokes about him being hammered on his way to the board meeting or him drinking himself silly regularly?

      He is not kidding, not for a moment...

      How many people have you known in your life that can "think clearly" when they are sloshed?

      I have known some drunks in my life...

      The thing that amazes me most about Caliban is that his premises are frequently lucid, clear and sensible, even when he is toasted... LOL

      He is definitely not the same kind of "drunk" my mother is...

      I can actually (usually) stand to listen to hm for more than a couple minutes when he is lit...

      When my mom calls, I am usually like, "Well, I gotta go... (My dog just ran into the ceiling fan...)"

      I found myself agreeing with most of what Caliban was saying right up to:

      Since I started smoking in high school and took the free credit cards in college, I certainly did not get it by 9 or 19 either...

      But his over-arching point -- it seems to me -- is that we all know people will buy something, never use it or make the most of what they were given, and then blame us for scamming them...

      So, if one of "our own" feels this way too, perhaps that person will have the insight necessary to "tell us" how we can prevent our future customers from seeing us in the same light...

      If one of our own can use his insight to tell us when not to upsell, then we can prevent these things from becoming an issue for us in the future...

      Something is happening to people during this process...

      If they were "ripped off" in times past, and they use the same techniques in their business today, something has changed...

      Either that person has learned how to upsell his customers, preventing his customers from determining that he is ripping them off, OR he is not worried about it anymore for other reasons -- like maybe he just don't care anymore...

      I don't know what the answer is, but the questions posed, if you excuse Caliban's demeaning language, are questions that could be useful to marketers if understood and answered...

      When I first noticed the OP's statement that Don Lapre ripped him off, my original gut instinct was to ask him whether "Lapre ripped him off", or whether "he ripped himself off" by expecting that Lapre would offer him a business model that would come without problems and challenges...

      As business owners, we are constantly challenged to overcome problems and objections...

      Nothing worth doing comes without problems and challenges...

      And what worked for me, may not always work for others, because they will not implement it exactly as I have done...

      And Copy-and-Paste can never work in a market where everyone is attempting to copy-and-paste, because the market will soon be saturated with people who don't understand that they will find the most success standing apart from the crowd -- as I believe you mentioned, or someone else previously mentioned, in this thread...

      As a business owners, we should be addressing the challenges we meet, to overcome those challenges, by making slight alterations to the process, and trying again...

      If you are not willing to make changes to overcome those things that are causing you to fail, then you are doomed to fail...

      If someone is doomed to fail, because they are unwilling to adapt and change, then neither you, I nor Lapre should be blamed for that failure...

      Even if this was not what Caliban was trying to say, I will say it for him...
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  • Cathy,I have the same response to that which I've always had: Define your own life, on your own terms.

    What other people think or say is their business. Don't concern yourself with it. Children and idiots will always look for a way to make things fit their preconceptions. Adults know that their interpretations may not match reality.

    Your goals are the only things that should matter to you. Not what some random person thinks they should be. If you're happy, ignore the people who want to take that away from you. Those people are not your friends, they are not your family, and they are not important - to you.

    They have the right to be what and who they want to be, and to say what they want to say. That does not make them the guardians of your soul.

    Do what you believe, and pay no attention to anything else.


    Paul
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  • Caliban,Based on previous examples, I find that unlikely. You wanted him to present you with something else with which you could argue.

    You're waaaaay too concerned with being "right," and waaay too casual about grokking the other guy's position.

    It's possible you could both be right. Or wrong. Or both. Or somewhere in the middle...


    Paul
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    • Well, apparently, getting serious about it is "abusive."
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  • Hi Paul,

    I see we have a favorite book in common LOL!

    Regards,
    Colin
  • I'm only offended because you didn't share.
  • At the risk of looking like a Ki$$ A$$, but Morphine is not just given for headaches it is usually something serious. Is no one concerned ,Allen are you okay? Hope you feel better .

    If you don't get better or post another death penalty punishable offence on your forum, who gets the forum?

    Oh pick me
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    • Banned
      It would be porn and I would insist on being the star playing MY part

      Yes, I'm concerned ... but not overly. Hopefully whatever pain he's in isn't a major illness but I doubt this thread would exist if it were. Hope you feel better Allen.
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  • So Allen... how would we monetize this?
  • Morphine flies and excrement, that is bad mix
  • LOL I'm new to this forum and I have to say you guys are crazy here what a thread topic...But I was somehow wondering about a lot strange threads I saw over here that made me make think "People must have too much time on their hands, what has this to do with a forum like this where it's about profit"

    I hope nobody gets really killed, so back to work and ching ching :-)

    TK
  • Any morphine this morning Allen? lol

    RoD
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    • After 130+ posts I was wondering -

      Why is Allen on morphine?

      Will he ask for more morphine after reading this 3rd page page posts?


      If anyone wants a money making idea it is simplicity and big text/graphics/order buttons - especially if your target market is over 40.

      If you've ever held the newspaper or a product out at arms length trying to read it you know what I'm talking about.

      Making it easy to click/order if your customer is using an iPad.

      Pizza Hut. In store and online, the company has its act together. Have you actually tried your ordering process lately?
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  • Banned
    Maybe I would have been the first to die but I'm glad I'm still alive.

    Hey, I pledge not to break the rule anymore. So, help me God...
  • Yeah the guy makes a post and breaks his own rules while doing it! Go figure!

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    • No - after reading this page he'll demand more morphine!
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  • So Allen, ....uh. Just hope you didn't forget. I'm your "sounding board" remember? I know you're on morphine, but we had, uh...that date set right? Remember you asked for my help?

    The meeting where you we're going to tell me all the secrets you haven't revealed in the War Room yet? You remember you penciled it in right?

    Um.... It may seem foggy right now, but you also told me that you wanted to pretend we didn't know each other and act as if I was some "newbie" looking for mentoring and coaching and that you'd pretend that for a few weeks remember?

    Fine. We can start the coaching now. I'm ready to help you out like you asked me. Did you need me to go ahead and get more morphine?

    (That's the best I could do. But unfortunately I feel like Joe Pesci in Lethal Weapon 4. Just ignore me.)
  • Thanks and now I know what happend on me.
  • This thread made me laugh. It's true... most of the internet marketing information out there really is garbage. But if it weren't for all that garbage, the truly great stuff wouldn't be able to stand out from the crowd.

    (Continue on...)
  • Define "just about making money..."

    So close relations to the topic are off-limits?

    Yep, we're screwed.
  • you SURE that was his soul? I liked him better as Aragorn.
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    • And then there's the third side of the coin (?) where folks accept compliments gracefully and go right back to being the pleasing person they were before their ego was stroked.

      Naw, he means they're moroms.
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  • I don't see how any of the marketing related posts have anything to do with a perfectly good discussion regarding who played the better Willy Wonka. I mean geesh already.
  • Well, we were talking about Allen's plan to dominate the world through morphine, but I think I like this better. Have to try that vanilla bean idea..
  • Caliban, you watch me??? That was creepy till I read the whole post LOL. John, That means a lot thanks for your comments - and yours as well Caliban.

    I just got in from being out all day, but I really wanted to say that .
  • That's it ladies. The real (and coolest by far!) Willy Wonka is this one. Now tell me he isn't cool as well as hot! Plus he comes with his own squad of orange service staff. How can you go wrong with Gene.

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    • Banned
      Oh give me a break. What self respecting woman would have erotic fantasies over Gene Wilder? I mean .. really.
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  • Speaking of Johnny Depp, at what point in our cultural history, did women start becoming attracted to prepubescent looking hairless men?

    All of the male models are skinny little guys who have clean shaven chests and legs.

    It's creepy.

    Not all men with hair are Rednecks you know.

    Well, other than Paul
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    • I think Johnny looked much more human when he played the translator in Platoon. He did a great job with the role too imo. Seriously.
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    • Banned
      I think it was about the same time that all of the big ole hairy guys started having an interest in prepubescent anorexic model types.
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    • None of that skinny model stuff here!

      Try Gerard Butler...
  • Suzanne, touche'.

    So the being equal part of the Women's Movement includes the negative stuff too huh?
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    • Banned
      lol ... there's a few hairy guys I have a thing for. It's just ... and to get this thread back on topic of making money .... Depp is a niche that I have a passion for.
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  • Can I remind people on this thread...

    If you want to talk about Johnny Depp, that's fine... as long as you're talking about how to monetize him.

    Personally, I'd pimp him out to you ladies for a modest fee.

    There, that's my "make money" contribution
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    • Online or Off???

      ~~MM~~
      PS, Would you use Paypal?
  • Administrator
    I think all you people stole my morphine...
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    • Good thing you've already got a fat one rolled...:rolleyes:
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    • STOLE? you shared with us, remember?
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    • I got some. (120 MGs a day! & that's not the half of it.) Wait til they put you on Dilaudid... your posts will look like:

      Admin: "qekrgj gq;erjg qoerhg rugh qpeirugh eeirug r guhru qh qiru jhh"

      Lol.

      PS- Comes in oral AND rectal!! PubMed Health - Hydromorphone Oral and Rectal
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  • I've been avoiding this thread, but I thought I'd wander in here now to see if it is about making money or not.
  • Allen,

    This thread started with your morphine. Then it turned into Don Lepre, Johnny Depp, and bottles of wine. Then it seems like it's going back to your morphine again.

    Love this thread!

    Joe
  • All we need is a Tom Vu reference. Tom Vu quotes:

    "Don't listen to your friends. They're losers!"
    "Are you man enough to get off your lazy American ass and go to Vu’s seminars?"
    "Are you afraid to ask your Boss for the day off to come to my seminar? Well then you don't deserve to be rich"
    "Do you think these girls like me? NO, they like my money!"
    "Today I'm gonna show you how to drive a sports car. First, you need a lot of money!"
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  • Don't some call this morphine in a bottle?

    YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.
    Be Well!
    ECS Dave

    P.S. Making money? Indeed I suspect the Jack Daniel Distillery is making quite a bit...
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    • David Allen Coe once came up to me when I was playin at a bar called the "dont know lounge", just outside of Nashville, as I did twice per month back in 1996, and he said I sang his song better than anybody he'd seen. Then he invited me over to where he was sitting hence I was directly hit on by a table full of drunk women with really full bleach blond hair, spandex and lots of make up -UGH! Scary. While he sat back and said "See they like you...", and ordered the waitress to bring me a beer.

      I thought it was a pretty cool gesture of him.

      This is a true story.
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  • Making money?

    You could place a fairly confident bet that right now I'm staring in the mirror practicing my "I'm-cool-just-by-standing-here-looking-composed-yet-indifferent-hey-check-out-my-way-unfair-artistically-rugged-good-looks-like-Johnny-Depp" pose.

    How does he DO that? Way not fair to look that cool.

    When I do it I look like some kind of constipated robot.

    You could bet that I'm also wondering if all those PSA commercials are full of dookey and they're completely missing the boat with morphine.

    They've obviously never tried it mixed with Warrior Forum.
  • Allen is one of the very few people that I know who can 'Move the Herd.' Lion! Warrior Pride at its finest.

    Jeffery 100% :-)
  • Very useful thread. Thanks.

    JUST KIDDING

    This is an eclectic group.

    Funny... inspirational... there is a lot going on here.

    Thanks for the laughs. A+ on the Sprint commercial.

    And I'd never heard of Tom Vu before but now I'm digging his marketing.

    Allen should post more often. It changes the vibe. A lot.
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    • I second that!

      Some of us that have only been around for a few years missed out on the more active Allen that the early members got to enjoy and learn from.

      Tina
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  • haha.. you guys are hilarious
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  • Administrator
    We had a new member quit because he thought I called the members flies - LOL!

    I never was very good at humor so I think we might better close this one..
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  • 365

    LOL!...hmm..

    I'm on morphine right now so excuse me while I offend you.. Now I know why many people on this forum remind me of flies. Flies are attracted to sh*t. What's with all these completely useless threads on here that have nothing at all to do with money?