I Told You How To Make Money But You Wouldn't Listen...

by 46 replies
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So, I'm not sure If I handled a situation right or not...Hoping that I can get some thoughts and feedback.

I had a person that I've been working with now for a little over a month probably. They actually purchased 2 of my products. I've spoken with them on the phone and extensively through email.

Today, I get an email from them saying that there will no longer going to be following one of my plans as they have found a different direction to go in.

I was a little upset I guess, not really "upset", but maybe confused is a better word? Not sure, but in their email they made mention that they might decide to do it again in the future. I sent an email back telling them pretty much not to bother. If they havn't taken action yet, then there really wouldn't be much use of doing business again in the future.

Here's the thing, this person is highly intelligent, and has a sincere NEED to make money online. The only problem that I see is, they just won't take action. There is always a reason, whether it be that they don't understand it all the way or they are doing something else. Regardless of the reason they just are not walking on the path that has been carved out for them.

Then I get an email back basically telling me that they felt attacked and were hurt by my email. So, at this point, I'm not really sure whether I should have just left it alone and never sent an email or If I owe this person an apology or what?

It just doesn't make sense to me because there are so many people that have done as I've told them to do and are making money and this one person continues to express a desire to do it, but just refuses to actually take the steps necessary.

What would you have done?
#main internet marketing discussion forum #listen #make #money #told
  • Wished them the best of luck, and that you will (regretfully) not be able to help them in the future.

    But that's just how I would have handled it. I think you handled it okay, too.

    All the best,
    Michael
  • i can vouch for jeremy, nothing but quality and i see him as someone i will follow to make money online

    jeremy coming from me who u have always helped i really dont think u could have done any more and i really cant see u as being someone who would be rude or offensive, so dont worry bout it champ
  • Jeremy, from your posts, I think you and I are a lot alike.

    I probably would have told the person not to bother as well if they have just wasted both yours and their own time.

    This is probably not the best thing to do, but I do not necessarily see anything wrong with it if you were sincere about it and didn't call them names and such.

    If you just told the truth (that they aren't willing to take action and it is going to be a waste of time for BOTH people) and they couldn't handle that, then too bad for them.
    • [1] reply
    • Sometimes people need 'hard love'.

      There are too many people who see IM as a form of intellectual pursuit, studying all the theory behind making money but not actually making any money.

      Pearson
  • I'll let him do what he want and will not replied back again.
  • Well if they can't take action they won't get anywhere. But you probably shouldn't have told them that bluntly. You could have still maintained that relationship, until he is ready to take action in the direction you've suggested in the future. People are different, some people take action immediately, others takes months or years. It doesn't hurt to keep that relationship.
    • [1] reply
    • I agree with Li. I would have wished him well and kept my mouth shut.

      Different people are on a very different timelines. He may very well never take action as you expect. On the other hand, he might -- later, just as he said. Sometimes it's a money issue. Sometimes it's a personal reason. Sometimes, we might need more time to be able to afford a certain piece of software or other necessary piece of equipment. Sometimes it's a matter of just feeling comfortable with it -- whatever.

      I think we're all sensitive to other people's opinions, especially when starting out. We're usually constantly second-guessing ourselves, worrying, thinking it won't work, etc. And when we're new to making money online, we all do that to some degree. It's human nature to put things off and worry.

      I saw a quote in a book on credit cards and why people get into massive and debilitating credit card debt: "Tread softly, for you tread on other people's dreams." -- or something like that. I don't remember who said it.

      At the very least, it was highly unprofessional. Sometimes, the wisest course of action -- and the most professional -- is not to say anything at all.

      Michelle
      • [1] reply
  • The time part doesn't even really bother me that much. The fact that the person still hasn't really done anything is what got to me.

    ahhh well, I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience
    • [2] replies
    • Jeremy, take this for what it's worth to you.

      When I first REALLY got a handle on this "Internet marketing thing" and
      began to move from selling ebooks of others to making my own, and sold
      my first product, I had people tell me the same thing.

      I got all bent out of shape like, "I've been helping you with all this stuff and
      now you're telling me you're doing something else?" and I'd really let them
      have it.

      Bad move.

      Today, I simply write back, "I understand your decision. Please let me know
      if I can be of help to you in the future" and let it go at that.

      You're never going to change a person's mind once it's made up and
      ultimately, they have to do what's right for them.

      In the grand scheme of things, we are really just a tool for them. They'll
      use us when they think we can help but when they feel we can't, they
      put us on the shelf...never to be used again.

      It's not personal...it's just life.
      • [1] reply
    • Perhaps it's something that could translate into an information product, ie a "case study" with a difference?

      Brian
  • Hi Jeremy,

    Get your amygdala in check (I feel like a monk today) . This is the part of the brain that works on memory and emotional responses to it.

    You need to figure out why this frustrates you and then eradicate that feeling because there is no need for this to frustrate you at all. Chances are this is a need to defend yourself and what you're doing on a subconscious level. Which is why you sent the reply email even though it sounds like it wasn't necessary.

    Just remember that what this person does and says has no effect and no bearing on any aspect of your life. This guy/girl is trying to bend the world so that the choices they make fit into the way they think it should be so don't lower yourself to that level.

    PS. My product on shaolin monks will be available for purchase next week
    • [1] reply
  • Hi Jeremy,

    I know what mean. Your method works and I have used your methods which are making me more money. :p

    And I feel, as what Steven has said, it is life.

    They did not give up on our teachings. They simply give up on themselves and finding excuses to deny the real reason of moving in other directions (which is a better way of saying I give up.)

    I have also received my fair share of such emails and normally I will just wish them all the best and I will be here if they need any help in future.

    Cheers,
    John
    • [1] reply
    • Hi Jeremy,

      I have to agree with Steve.

      Even though you have time and effort involved, by being gracious you will stand out. In doing so, you may not ever do anything else with this person, but you may get someone that comes along that the person referred.

      For years of being in business, some of my best referrals and customers cam from people I graciously let go.

      Weird, but people can be that way at times.

      Thanks,

      John
      • [2] replies
  • Well there ain't no pleasing everyone. You were trying your best shot to help and they aren't responding or not even taking any action at all can be really quite frustrating. I'd say don't let it get to you, apologize for not being able to help them. It's their loss anyway for not even trying..
    • [1] reply
    • Well, that is the part that kind of got to me the most.

      The person I was dealing with was highly intelligent, more importantly they NEEDED to make money. It wasn't a situation where they just wanted to make a couple hundred bucks. They actually needed to make a substantial amount and I'm thinking to myself...Damn, if you just would have done what I said, you would have done it.

      But, one thing I'm realizing after thinking about it a little bit tonight is, not everyone is going to make it by traveling the same road and not every method works for everyone.

      I did send an email back again and let them know that I meant my email as more of a "kick in the ass" and that I hoped that they made it regardless of how they went about it.

      I really do have the best hopes for them and would love to get an email from them in a month telling me that they have something going or to even read their success story here on this forum.

      Jeremy
      • [1] reply
  • When you help people for free, it's easy for them to bail because they have nothing invested but their free time.

    You migh consider emailing them back, I wouldnt though, and apologize that they took it the wrong way an furthr explain that if they keep changing plans that they will not get very far. That the key to success is take make a plan and then take full action.

    Garrie


  • Seems that guy is more interested in "playing" business rather than being in business. All the money and things you can get with the dough are all good but when someone has to really sit down and do some work it really isn't as sexy as they thought.

    Personally I use stories like that to motivate my other members. I don't mention any names but I do mention the story and how things went, much like you did here. It really helps motivate everyone else.

    Mike Hill
  • From my experience,

    You can't do too much for this type of people.

    I had someone pay me for my coaching program recently.

    I told him that he needed to focus and actually DO what I would tell him... He replied me on the second day that in fact, he had 2 coaches... And that he was trying to join the two!

    Never heard about him after that. He paid $497 (to me) and ($1000 or something for the other coach) and did nothing.

    Another of my students bought more than $3000 of IM ebooks, softwares, videos and was still at $0~

    I remember that at the beginning, I was upset when people didn't do what I told them. Not now.

    All you need to do is to tell them. Show them what they have to do, but you can't force them to take action.

    Bottom line, don't worry, because many people can't change. All they do is to desire.

    Franck.
    • [1] reply
    • Thanks everyone, you have really put this into perspective for me.

      I think Don is right in the fact that I in a way made it to "personal" in wanting to see this person do well. That is kind of my nature though, so definitely something that I will have to work on.
  • Oh man, I wish I had someone to carve my path when i first started out. Would have saved me years of chasing my tail and getting know where.

    Your a good man for doing it for free and lets hope you get some good karma back in another way.

    Obviously this person doesnt realise the importants of time so he wastes yours and his own without even knowing.

    If he didnt take action with your help, there is no way he is going to on his own either. He will fail and regret it, you have learned and will prosper.

    If you didnt personally attack him i wouldnt bother with an apology. He is just trying to make you feel bad.
  • hey as u give advices 2 people can u help me out as iam a newbie in IM n want 2 earn good and got a blog for a try plzz PM me...i wud b thankful 2 u...
    • [1] reply
    • Oh dear

      Each to his own I suppose! Speaking as someone who has been helped by Jeremy I personally can't thank him enough.

      I've gone from despair and making virtually nothing, to hope and the beginnings of a regular income IF...IF... I continue doing what he's TOLD me to do!

      And that's it, if you have someone who's cutting it and you've tried various ways to do this yourself without success, then you follow the person who's cutting it! Don't you? Well I do!

      But as I said, each to their own!
      • [1] reply
  • Jeremy,
    I have a friend who's a web designer, and she says she's on the phone with people for an hour or more before she realizes they don't want HER to build the site; they want her to tell them for free HOW to build it. So, there's that one kind of individual.
    The guy you spent your time with seems like a perfectionist who is going to go from mentor to mentor till everything is perfect and then MAYBE he'll do something.
    And really, that's why there' not more competition for us who take action, right?
    The only other suggestion I have--from experience--is to sit on your email for twelve hours or so, just to make sure you've pulled negative emotions out of it. I always try to remember that once I hit SEND it's gone forever.
    You gave that guy something precious--your time. Let it go now.

    Ben Curtis bens-marketing-magic
  • [quote=Jeremy Kelsall;255380]

    I can vouch for this first hand. This guy is responsible for me making over $200 this weekend. I know $200 is not a lot of money compared to what a lot of people make here, but for me who works 12 hours a day in construction job where days just blend together and time with my family lacks because of it, this is a huge light at the end of the tunnel. Granted I took the action to do what he said to, but it was his generosity with his time that allowed me to get it right. I have asked him a bunch of questions and not only does he answer them he has gone so far as to get on the phone with me to make sure that I understood it. The fact he was willing to do that actually shocked me. I've even asked him why he was charging so little and showing so much. His response? Because I genuinely like helping people. I truly believe he does.

    I can understand the frustration when you freely give your time to help someone who seems to have an unlimited amount of potential and seems to have the urgency to use it. The frustration that comes from spending your time attempting to help and then it is just kind of pushed to the side for something else sucks. I think in some situation or another we have all experianced that. But from me and I'm sure everyone else you have helped, thank you! Your effort to help us and your genuine concern that we fully understand what you teach is very appreciated. If there is EVER anything I can do to help you do not hesitate to ask.

    Bryan
    • [1] reply
    • Hey Jeremy,

      Not to make excuses for this person but FEAR is often a huge
      contributing factor as to why some people don't progress out of the
      starting blocks....

      The fear of failure or whatever is sometimes such an overwhelming
      emotion that leaves even highly intelligent people stalled in
      their tracks.

      These folks often verbally acknowledge everything that you're
      saying but they're not acknowledging it internally.....

      So, don't right the person off, just give them space and time
      and maybe they come back when they're ready...next time charge
      for your services....

      Regards

      Greg
  • Jeremy,

    I understand being upset after spending a lot of time for free.

    I used to believe that people feel anything that is/was FREE is worth what they paid for it. Since belonging to this forum for a long time I can see that even when people BUY something they still rarely use it.

    As Allen says, they buy the dream. As soon as another dream comes along, they buy that one too.

    One of the reasons I opted out of Multi-Level Marketing years ago was because it required a lot of babysitting of new downline people. I don't do babysitting well but give me someone that absorbs my every word and I will have a new apprentice.

    Shake the dust from your sandals and move on. Just don't give up on us. Some of us learn slowly.

    Tom
  • What was the "different direction" they are going in?

    Instantly, I assumed the person was non-committal however, if they are taking action with their business through adopting a similar or contrasting approach to yours then there is value in knowing what that different direction is for you and how to convey that approach with people cut from the same cloth.... or he was just a wanker.
  • If you were willing to lose a potential future "customer" of your business by writing what you wrote, then I would imagine you were probably sincere in not prolonging their inactivity by doing something that would give them just a little more hope to last a week or so, and fizzle out, and continue onward for who knows how long. Sometimes we need to hear something harsh to make us look into ourselves and see where we are going, or the lack thereof. The person may feel hurt now, but who knows, perhaps in the future they will thank you for being so blunt because it may have caused them to get serious about what they claim to truly want, or to do something else and move on with their lives. There is nothing worse than the feeling of being stuck.

    Personally, I would not apologize and would just leave the "damage" as is. If you truly meant what you said, then apologizing for it would be hypocritical. But that's just me talking.
  • I think your initial response was correct if you didn't want to have contact with the person again. It firmly yet respectfully let him know that there was no need to seek assistance from you in the future.

    However, if you do want to maintain a casual relationship then telling him might not have been the words to use.

    I do see that you sent a second email smoothing things over. I think that was wise. As time passes, this won't bother you nearly as much and it'll be good not to have any guilty feelings over how you responded.
    • [1] reply
    • I think Steven Wagenheim put it very elegantly.

      My feeling is that life is short. You try and give your best. If they don't choose to accept what you offer them or decide another direction is best then don't let it become personal. Accept their wishes and just move on.
  • I know someone who is exactly like that. Two reasons for this typically. One - they're always looking for something easier, faster, and better than what they're doing now. It sounds like your friend thinks he's found it. Two - they're afraid of success, and subconsciously sabotage themselves. Sounds like your friend is doing that, too.

    Tell him you're sorry, you hope everything works out, and to "help him", send him links to articles online about finding one direction and sticking to it as a subtle hint.

    Might work, probably won't. You can't fix everyone. Just because he needs to make money online doesn't mean he can, will, or even wants to. He's just chasing a dream at this point.

    - Cherilyn
    • [1] reply
    • Well, It's been days now and I have not heard anything back from the person...so, I'm going to assume that I struck a chord with them.

      It is my hope that the email I sent was a kick in the ass enough to at least make them want to say "I'll show that rotten SOB" and I'll get an email from them in a month telling me how much loot they have made

      I did respond emotionally the first time and I realize in business that you should not do that. However, there are times when I handle my business emotionally and that is something that I have to work on.
  • I would have wished him well for his new found plan and told him that the doors are open if he changes his mind. In the event that this person came back, I would simply state, "I am sorry, I have so much work that I can't take on more."
    • [1] reply
    • Thinking back on it, I wish I would have replied with a single sentence....

      "I wish you well in whatever you decide to do, good luck!"

      But, like I said, I replied with emotion and not with a business like tone. Sometimes, the relationships that are built in this arena take a little bit more of a personal turn and those are the ones that are hard to manage

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