Have you got time to give me a few tips on my sales page please?

Here are some i can suggest:

1) Change the headline to Font Tahoma, Colour= Red

2) Include a sub heading (as you seem to have some)

3) Remove them links at the top (going to other pages)

4) Make the colour of your body font black

5) You can make the page format like a normal sales page, rather than your book effect. It might be distracting to some.

6) Make the Background colour of the page Navy blue, or black



That's it for now, I'll try to give more later

I would take a look at the The Copywriting Forum

They will rip it apart for you

Looks like a blog, not a sales page, so I wouldn't expect too many sales from it. Perhaps that was your desire. Perhaps you feel that a "full blown" sales page is too pushy or that a blog might make your visitors feel more comfortable, but basically a visitor would be confused by what they see. Choose one or the other as a format and run with it. If a blog, don't try to make a sale right away, try to get their subscription and then promote your product.

As has been stated, your body font needs to be black and serif fonts are generally more difficult to read in the body. Use serif fonts in the headline if you like, but NOT in the body. And ABSOLUTELY LOSE the ITALICS!!! That is just making a bad thing worse.

The pics that are used are not professional. Perhaps that's your goal - ie a more "homey" feel to the page, but then again, don't confuse this for a sales page. If you want to use graphics in a sales page, get rid of the "red eye" etc.

Overall, the entire page is not very professional, with the error in the title etc. If you don't care enough to proof read your own page, why would a customer believe that you can help them?

Even if you want to make this a blog that leads into a sales page later, I would lose the book design or at the very least find a header that relates to your information. What a barbed wire fence and a field has to do with a sales page is beyond me and had me confused before I read one word of the body.

Just my 2cents, I hope this helps.
PhilG

Thanks guys, you have been awesome and confirmed my suspicions - I need to be more salesy and less homey - thanks for the support - this will give me plenty of specifics to implement over the holidays and I really appreciate the time you took to look and reply

Have a great day
Lisa

The biggest improvement you can make is to create a headline outlining the offer (I don't see one and won't skim for it.) Your headline needs work as well.

Hi Lisa.

I hate to be a burden on you, but in my opinion, the copy needs to be scrapped and entirely rewritten.

It has zero focus on the target market.

It has more focus on how people can fake earnings screen shots and you and your family.

Now, I'm not saying those aren't interesting things, but any customer on any sales page is going to first be asking, what's in it for me?

Answer that question first and provide logical, supporting details to back it up later.

Hey Lisa,

I'll give you two options to shape this up:

1) Hire a professional graphic designer from the Warriors for Hire section do a mini-site design for you. It will look amazing and shouldn't run you more than say $147 (including a squeeze page). Then re-format your sales letter according to what people have said above.

2) Buy Optimize Press and set up your sales page using that. This gives you the ability to build a gorgeous, readable sales site with a terrific, clean look on a Wordpress platform. That way you get the clean look of a polished sales site and all the benefits of the Wordpress SEO.

I would start with one of those two changes. Go to Clickbank and look at the other products in the Internet Marketing niche and copy their look - that's what's converting right now. If you want it to be "homey" and personable, do a video of yourself talking to the camera in your own home and place it right under the headline and sub-headline.

Keep the "homey" vibe to your PERSONALITY in the video...the rest of your page should be slick, slick, slick!

R

yes the product is completely mine, not rewritten and high quality stuff in my opinion (and from the warriors who have bought it through the WSO) so your point about a copywriter might be a good idea - thank you.