Don't Let Other People Make Your Business Decision for You

34 replies
I have been getting a lot of emails lately like this:

"Hi Tiff - I don't know who to turn to and I need some advice. Here's my backstory so you'll be able to answer my question:

<insert 500 word life story and current dilemma of not making money online>

Can you tell me which (domain to choose, niche to go into, business model to follow)?"

I'm always shocked by this request!

You may have given me a quick rundown of your situation but I don't know enough to make those decisions for you - and what if I'm wrong, anyway? I'm wrong in my own business sometimes, too!

And sometimes, like when they give me 3-4 niches to compare, in order for me to TRULY give them a viable answer, I'd have to spend an hour or two doing research on search volume, competition, etc. And who knows what their personal interest and knowledge in those niche markets are?

My point is - only YOU can make decisions about your business. Learn the "how to" from others but never hand the reins over completely.

Now I have to figure out a kind reply to send people so that my refusal to do this work for them doesn't piss them off or hurt their feelings.

Tiff
#business #decision #make #people
  • Profile picture of the author TomVa
    So true!!!!
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  • Profile picture of the author Lisa Gergets
    Learn the "how to" from others but never hand the reins over completely.
    Yes, this. So incredibly important, and something that too many new marketers don't get. There are simply too many variables to give a one-size-fits-all response.

    Have you thought about IM consulting? Evidently there is something about you, personally, that puts people at ease and with your knowledge, it could turn out to be a great business model!
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  • Profile picture of the author Brian Alaway
    Just tell them what you said here, tweak as necessary and I doubt they will be offended. Even if you did all that for them, they still wouldn't have a business. And that could be worse for them.
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
      Lay out the truth as kindly and diplomatically as possible. If they still decide to be offended or hurt, that's their decision to make.

      Unless, of course, they answer back asking if they should be hurt or offended...
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      • Profile picture of the author AndrewCavanagh
        Most people in our society have been conditioned from an early age to work a job...where there are set tasks you need to complete and it's all been done before.

        So you can understand why people think the road to success in business must be the same...follow some set tasks and you go right to payday.

        But business simply doesn't work that way.

        You can do a whole pile of things that get you no results and then you get lucky and do something that does work.

        An expert MAY help you narrow down the things you need to do to increase your chances but thinking someone will be able to tell you exactly what you should do so you get positive results every time is ridiculous.

        If you want the rewards that come with a successful business you need to go through the trials and tribulations just like every other successful business owner has.

        The good think about most internet businesses is the risks are very low.

        If something doesn't work today you don't lose your shirt...you just invest some of your time in an important lesson on what doesn't work...and you can try something else tomorrow and the next day until you find something that does work for you.

        Kindest regards,
        Andrew Cavanagh
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        • Profile picture of the author moonguy
          btw dont giving up until found the correct answers..
          and advise for my self... you should know of what you doing..
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  • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
    Thanks Tiff - I'm glad it's not just me.

    I've lost track of the number of people I've turned down coaching to because all they wanted was me to tell them what their business should be and what all their actions should be.

    I do love sharing and helping people but I have a real problem with people looking to just copy me without their own plan.

    Only YOU know what your resources, strengths, preferences, likes/dislikes, goals etc. are.

    If you're just starting out and think making money online sounds good it's logical to want some guidance but there's a lot to turn and it doesn't all apply to everyone, so before you know whether some tool, information or strategy is right for you - you need to be able to compare it with whether it moves your plan forward or not.

    So many people start out by just wanting others to tell them what to do that they don't even realise that it's a house built on sand. If you don't have your own plan you're immediately limiting yourself and your success because you're squeezing other people's plans together to try and make yours. The results will only be great when your working YOUR plan and you know why you're taking every action and what to expect from doing it.

    This is also the reason for so many lame promises and lies in sales pages - if you don't know what you need there are plenty of people around ready to sell you the answer.

    Andy
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  • Profile picture of the author Dave Rodman
    Banned
    You can make all the posts like this in the world, but people are still pathetic. I hate to sound so mean, but you can tell when newbies are going to be successful and when they aren't. And asking questions like that is an example of someone who just doesn't get it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Rodney
    One think is to help someone and the other is babysitting. The best learning experience is to make your own mistakes and learn from them. But some just want to make money without learning anything.
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  • Profile picture of the author gvannorman
    Being relatively new at this, I never ask anyone to do the work for me. I have asked what steps I have to do, or which direction I should head in. I guess what I am trying to do here is learn from you mistakes, instead of making my own.

    But, this is great information and its very true.
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  • Profile picture of the author sarahberra
    Good points Tiffany! I am guilty of doing this also. Sometimes it's really hard to pick a domain name, but I do think that we should make our own choices. We are never going to learn, unless we make that step and do things on our own.
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  • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
    Originally Posted by TiffanyDow View Post

    Now I have to figure out a kind reply to send people so that my refusal to do this work for them doesn't piss them off or hurt their feelings.
    Please let me know when you figure this out. I always fail miserably at it... probably because I am just unable to resist the temptation to be funny, so I say things like "I would go into South American zinc" and nobody gets the joke.
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  • Profile picture of the author Buildingfutures
    Just answer the question, Tiffany! Should I purchase boydoilovesalami.com and make it into a diet website involving only corn, or not?

    I have a family to feed! We've already eaten all the pets! There's no food or water, utilities are off, and I'm sleeping with my neighbors wife!

    -Sean
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  • Profile picture of the author chrismarcans
    Yes I agree, decide for yourself and of course seek guidance from the expert.
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  • Profile picture of the author NateRivers
    When I read this I think of the different products I've bought from "gurus" that led to me straying from my original plan and starting something completely only to waste a few months before I come back to MY plan.

    Solid advice.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rob Howard
    Tiffany, It's really REALLY hard to come from years of social conditioning of someone else making decisions FOR you to making your own decisions.

    I mean, for most people who work at something called a JOB (i have no idea what the hell that even is...anyway), the biggest decision they have to make is what show they are going to watch that night.

    Yes, in their college life, they made one major decision - a major and life focus.

    But once that is done, the rest, is they say, history.

    So, since birth, they follow the orders of teachers. Then their parents encourage them to be an (Insert Field Here), because that is what they wanted to be. Then they decide and then professors tell them what to do.

    Then, they manage to get a job (or for some people, fall into a job), and begin listening to someone higher up give the orders.

    They do this for 20 years until the economy crashes, lose their job, decide to "make money online" then suddenly face DAILY important decisions that concern money and living.


    If you think about it - even decisions like "what to eat", "where to live", etc, are somewhat decided by "who you work for".

    Higher paying jobs allow for more expensive lifestyle - a choice not really made by them but instead living like that because "that's what they should do".

    Reminds me of Frank Kern, when he was miserable in his old Home Town (Arkansas?), and he was going to buy a mansion, because, well...That's What Rich People Do!

    And people who are living in slums, not wanting to move up the chain because everyone else says that by doing so, you are "betraying" your heritage.

    Rob
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    • Profile picture of the author Sandor Verebi
      Originally Posted by ccmusicman View Post

      Tiffany, It's really REALLY hard to come from years of social conditioning of someone else making decisions FOR you to making your own decisions.

      I mean, for most people who work at something called a JOB (i have no idea what the hell that even is...anyway), the biggest decision they have to make is what show they are going to watch that night.

      Yes, in their college life, they made one major decision - a major and life focus.

      But once that is done, the rest, is they say, history.

      So, since birth, they follow the orders of teachers. Then their parents encourage them to be an (Insert Field Here), because that is what they wanted to be. Then they decide and then professors tell them what to do.

      Then, they manage to get a job (or for some people, fall into a job), and begin listening to someone higher up give the orders.

      They do this for 20 years until the economy crashes, lose their job, decide to "make money online" then suddenly face DAILY important decisions that concern money and living...
      Very good analysis, Rob.

      It feels like about me, the only difference is that I worked in corporate world for 33 years. After the change of regime of Hungary in 1989 I became an offline entrepreneur. Friends and former colleagues found my decision strange, called me fool and doubted the success.

      To make it short, it took a while to have successes. I learned a lot and have experienced the pitfalls as well. I was independent. I made decisions. I beared the consequences if they were bad (haha, there were such cases). And I enjoyed the rewards of good decisions. Later they were dominated.

      Skeptics in the past asked me to help them to be successful similarly. I wasn't bumptious, so helped to many, for nothing. After a while I found myself in such a dilemma that Tiffany described. I realized if it continued this way, I can not effectively deal with my own business. It was time to stop it.

      I gave a detailed explanation of my decision that I don't make ongoing coaching (babysitting as someone says). They are adult humans. They know their circumstances. They are able to learn as I was. Instead of other people I don't work. I can give advices, depends on them how to apply if any. And I can't hold their hands constantly.

      Some was understanding, another was offended. There's someone who doesn't greets me since then. This is my smallest problem, anyway.

      All the best,

      Sandor
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      • Profile picture of the author sal64
        I find it best to be honest with them. People need to be accountable for their decisions... there's no way past this.

        Unfortunately, I suspect too many have been seduced by the easy money online spin, hence the confusion. So I lay it out straight for them.

        I prefer to send them a series of questions for them to decide and narrow things down. Like a checklist... which if they follow, they will arrive at an informed decision.

        On the other hand, the hard luck stories are a different kettle of fish. But once again, it's pretty much the same reply.

        Unfortunately, these people (in general) turn to the internet as a last ditch effort to save themselves financially (almost in a lottery mindset), so I tell them straight as well. Truth is that if they can't manage their $$ with a job, the internet isn't the magic solution they are looking for.
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      • Profile picture of the author moonguy
        i think this thread is gonna be a long thread...... does anybody have your own detail description of PLAN of what you will do next.. next... and next.... sketch it here.. soon some off experienced warrior will take a note which path you should go next... next and next after your describe your plan....

        well.. its time to write it down HERE !! ... no shy in business or you'll be left behind

        as a businessman you should know what you doing
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    • Profile picture of the author cashcow
      Originally Posted by ccmusicman View Post

      Tiffany, It's really REALLY hard to come from years of social conditioning of someone else making decisions FOR you to making your own decisions.

      I mean, for most people who work at something called a JOB (i have no idea what the hell that even is...anyway), the biggest decision they have to make is what show they are going to watch that night.

      Yes, in their college life, they made one major decision - a major and life focus.

      But once that is done, the rest, is they say, history.

      So, since birth, they follow the orders of teachers. Then their parents encourage them to be an (Insert Field Here), because that is what they wanted to be. Then they decide and then professors tell them what to do.

      Then, they manage to get a job (or for some people, fall into a job), and begin listening to someone higher up give the orders.

      They do this for 20 years until the economy crashes, lose their job, decide to "make money online" then suddenly face DAILY important decisions that concern money and living.


      If you think about it - even decisions like "what to eat", "where to live", etc, are somewhat decided by "who you work for".

      Higher paying jobs allow for more expensive lifestyle - a choice not really made by them but instead living like that because "that's what they should do".

      Reminds me of Frank Kern, when he was miserable in his old Home Town (Arkansas?), and he was going to buy a mansion, because, well...That's What Rich People Do!

      And people who are living in slums, not wanting to move up the chain because everyone else says that by doing so, you are "betraying" your heritage.

      Rob
      This is sooooo, true - I think I actually said something along those lines in a thread the other day.

      And, to add to it, there is the fear. The fear that if they do make a decision it will be the wrong one, it won't work. And possibly, everyone around them is telling them they can't make money online so failing would be double hard.

      It's a lot easier to fail at something that someone else told them to do then they can just say that Tiffany doesn't know what she is talking about and it's not their fault!

      Lee
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      Gone Fishing
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  • Profile picture of the author alcymart
    I get that typical e-mail on a regular basis. Every time, I tell them straight that if they can do the research or work on their own, then do it. Since I teach, I will give them the tools and tell them where to start if needed, but the bulk of the work must be done by them. Don't start doing work for them else you'll end up in a vicious cycle. Been there, done that.
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Shook
    Originally Posted by TiffanyDow View Post

    I have been getting a lot of emails lately like this:

    Now I have to figure out a kind reply to send people so that my refusal to do this work for them doesn't piss them off or hurt their feelings.

    Tiff
    No, you don't.

    You get to choose for yourself, you have that right. The title of the thread is about not letting other people make business decisions for you. If you think you really have to couch your answer in a way that someone else dictates, then they are in charge of your decision making, not you.

    You do not need to give your power away to someone else.

    You already have all the power you need to decide how to answer these people, in any way that suits you. But you do not have to worry about pissing them off. You don't really need to worry about hurting their feelings.

    It is your decision to make, not theirs.

    If helping them is something you want to do, then that is a really good thing in your life. If you choose to not do their projects for them then they will have to make other decisions, but what they do then is up to them. It is not up to you.

    You have a top notch reputation online and well deserved. Anytime I have read anything you have written, your kind and generous spirit always comes through. I am sure your Mom would agree.

    I am not surprised in any way that people ask you these questions often. Your life is your own, if you wan to help them and you can, that is cool. But it is 100 percent alright for you to make any decision you want without needing to worry about pissing someone off.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bekah Howard
    Originally Posted by TiffanyDow View Post

    You may have given me a quick rundown of your situation but I don't know enough to make those decisions for you - and what if I'm wrong, anyway? I'm wrong in my own business sometimes, too!

    And sometimes, like when they give me 3-4 niches to compare, in order for me to TRULY give them a viable answer, I'd have to spend an hour or two doing research on search volume, competition, etc. And who knows what their personal interest and knowledge in those niche markets are?

    My point is - only YOU can make decisions about your business. Learn the "how to" from others but never hand the reins over completely.

    Now I have to figure out a kind reply to send people so that my refusal to do this work for them doesn't piss them off or hurt their feelings.

    Tiff
    I completely agree. No one can know anyone else's mind. For example, if anyone else had picked my new niche for me I can tell you that they would have never picked what I picked... gardening. The main reason is that I give off the impression that I have no interest in it or even hate it. I never willingly do gardening work, and prefer to travel during the summer. However, I have always intellectually been interested in it.

    People are also in an entitlement mentality that since you're the "big successful marketer" you owe it to them the "little guy" to pass on your experience and research. This has always driven me crazy.

    As for responding to them nicely, try simply saying what you said here. For example: "I understand that it can be confusing and daunting at first, but it is important that you make the decisions for your business. I do not know you as well as you know yourself. If I made these decisions, you would not feel responsible for the outcome, preventing you from growing and learning." or something along these lines...
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  • Profile picture of the author Paul_Evans
    Tiffany, awesome and dead-on.

    Andy & Andrew - if folks could "get" what you're saying it would create massive breakthrough.

    People are constant searching for ways to remove themselves from the equation.
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  • Profile picture of the author clever7
    Why should you refuse to give your opinion as an expert? You only have to charge something for providing this service. You may become a very good business adviser and help many people online. At the same time, you can make a lot of money this way. Since you are already famous and many people trust your opinion, why shouldn’t you take advantage of this opportunity to easily make money, while providing a helpful service?

    You can have a disclaimer and state that you are going to give them your best advice but you are not in their shoes and you don’t know if they will really follow your guidance. If they will fail again you should not be blamed. You will simply give them your sincere opinion after studying their case. You will show them the solutions you would find if you were in their place.

    Therefore, tell them that you will gladly take the time to do a serious research and help them solve their problems, if they will pay you $... in advance for your services. Only if they will pay you in advance will you spend your time doing any research and studying their case. This is your condition. Don’t wait for payment after giving your solutions. State that you must be paid in advance through paypal for ex., otherwise you cannot waste your time caring about each case.

    You will send them your conclusions after receiving payment, and after studying very well everything before giving your answer.




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    • Profile picture of the author TiffanyLambert
      Originally Posted by clever7 View Post

      Why should you refuse to give your opinion as an expert? You only have to charge something for providing this service. You may become a very good business adviser and help many people online. At the same time, you can make a lot of money this way. Since you are already famous and many people trust your opinion, why shouldn't you take advantage of this opportunity to easily make money, while providing a helpful service?

      You can have a disclaimer and state that you are going to give them your best advice but you are not in their shoes and you don't know if they will really follow your guidance. If they will fail again you should not be blamed. You will simply give them your sincere opinion after studying their case. You will show them the solutions you would find if you were in their place.

      Therefore, tell them that you will gladly take the time to do a serious research and help them solve their problems, if they will pay you $... in advance for your services. Only if they will pay you in advance will you spend your time doing any research and studying their case. This is your condition. Don't wait for payment after giving your solutions. State that you must be paid in advance through paypal for ex., otherwise you cannot waste your time caring about each case.

      You will send them your conclusions after receiving payment, and after studying very well everything before giving your answer.



      Yeah I just don't have the right feeling about personally mentoring. Giving my $0.02 via email was fine until it got to be just too many emails to actually give a thoughtful long enough reply to that many people.

      I don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable personally mentoring people I don't know. A course is different - but taking one person and helping them decide all these major issues is daunting to me. I'd have to get to know them REAL good before I felt like I could offer a true business plan in full.
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      • Profile picture of the author Sandor Verebi
        Originally Posted by TiffanyDow View Post

        Yeah I just don't have the right feeling about personally mentoring. Giving my $0.02 via email was fine until it got to be just too many emails to actually give a thoughtful long enough reply to that many people.

        I don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable personally mentoring people I don't know. A course is different - but taking one person and helping them decide all these major issues is daunting to me. I'd have to get to know them REAL good before I felt like I could offer a true business plan in full.
        Hi Tiffany,

        For those who know you, your present situation is easily understandable with a small empathy. You are capable, it's a proven fact. You are very helpful. Therefore, people turn to you. This led to the dumping of request, which is already a bit difficult to treat.

        It is particularly laudable that you want to know that pople more closely whom you want to deal with. It won't work otherwise. But you may not decide instead of them. Everyone is responsible for deciding on their own. And they need to understand that.

        I haven't doubt that you know the solution yet.

        Take care,

        Sandor
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    • Profile picture of the author Rob Howard
      Originally Posted by clever7 View Post

      [FONT=Verdana]Why should you refuse to give your opinion as an expert?
      Obviously Tiffany can speak for herself. However, there are MANY reasons someone who is an expert may not want to give opinions and charge for it.

      1. It may not be their business model.

      2. They may not like working with people one on one.

      3. It may not be as profitable as just selling the information.

      4. It might cause emotional and actual physical headaches.

      5. They may not want to dedicate that time.

      And tons of other reasons.

      Rob
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  • Profile picture of the author Manuelcrc
    The problem here is that a lot of people are soi conditioned to taking orders from peole and they thereby find it difficult to make descisions on their own... But these same people also like to blame others for their shortcomings.
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  • Profile picture of the author Barry Unruh
    Originally Posted by TiffanyDow View Post

    Now I have to figure out a kind reply to send people so that my refusal to do this work for them doesn't piss them off or hurt their feelings.
    Tiff
    Have you considered a simple email explaining you are not able to make these business decisions for other people, but here are (you choose the number) of threads on the Warrior Forum to get you started?

    You could choose half a dozen high quality threads on choosing a niche, product selection, building a list, or simply send them to the "All-In-One" thread section.

    You will have provided advice you are not responsible for following up on and stated your reason why you cannot take care of their needs. It would hopefully leave them with a feeling of gratitude you took the time to give advice, but leave you off the hook.

    Just a thought...

    Barry
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    • Profile picture of the author alwaysready
      Definitely agree ! nobody can make the decision for you and everything about it makes it a real business !
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  • Profile picture of the author tryinhere
    Originally Posted by TiffanyDow View Post

    Now I have to figure out a kind reply to send people so that my refusal to do this work for them doesn't piss them off or hurt their feelings.

    Tiff
    if you do not do coaching, write a small report about the next steps to do / order to do them in, this will automate the replies.

    and in that report at the bottom is list some links to those people who offer coaching / related to the different areas of business.

    there are many here that offer good coaching and the report in many ways could be a combined report that is shared among those with the same issues.

    thank you for your kind email, in response i have prepared a short report that best helps you answer many general questions related to people who experience the same as you have indicated and have also included a list of respected coaches that cover a varied range of topics should you wish to learn more
    or something like that, plenty of smarter people than me here that could see a win win outcome for all ?

    just late night rambles. / no where is that email address
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  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    Hi Tiff,

    One thing that people have a tendency to do is look to others to solve their own problems.
    In ministry I encountered this an awful lot everything from should I divorce my wife to should I be praying for this or that etc. When you are in a position of authority or expert status people tend to think what you say will work.
    They forget that each person is an individual and what works for one is not always, in fact most probably not going to work for them.

    It is unfair of people to be emailing you for this info or that and expecting you to pop out the magic answer.
    I would reply thusly.

    Hi,
    I appreciate the fact you have turned to me with your question. However. If there is one thing I can advise it is this. You need to do your research,due diligence is half of a solid business platform. I do not feel confident in advising you I do feel confident that if you make decisions for yourself for what fits you and your business model you can and will be a success I wish you all the best
    your name

    Don't over think it just be truthful and honest, don't feel bad this is business.
    I wish you continued success
    -Will
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  • Profile picture of the author TiffanyLambert
    Thanks everyone! I've decided I am going to put together a small report as someone suggested and it will be like a letter to them - explaining this dilemma and why I can't make these decisions, along with some "next steps" for them.

    That way whenever someone emails me, I can just attach it and email them back - all free of course. lol
    tiff
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