Need Comments of My Sales Page...

9 replies
Hi Warriors,
I wonder if you guys could give your honest opinion of what you think about my new sales page (selling an Online SEO Training Course)
The Professional's Training Course to SEO
I have spent thousands of hours on this training with my team on developing the material for the training as I want my students to really learn it well...

What is your first impression, reaction and overall feedback on it? If you were a customer, what is your reaction of why you would not buy it (or buy it). You can comment on pretty much anything that comes to your mind after looking at the sales page...

I appreciate your feedback and have a great weekend...

Thanks a bunch,
#comments #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Igor Kheifets
    The first thing that screams at me are Grammar mistakes.

    English isn't my first language, but even I can see that
    you need some proof reading done.

    Also, it's really hard to read. There's no flow to it.

    Each paragraph has to connect with the one that follows
    in some way. It seems as if you just threw up a bunch
    of benefits in the air and started describing them in paragraphs

    Also, the product you're offering seems to be very big and needs
    lots of "studying", try not to present this in such a way, because
    you will probably scare of most of your customers.

    And one more thing, I think this particular piece lacks emotion...

    You gotta dig deeper to see what really motivates your prospects

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  • Profile picture of the author Marketing Ignite
    Thanks Igor...I will look into that..Anyone else have the same comments or other ones that stands out to you?


    Digital Marketing Consultant since 1998. Contact me for a free consultation.

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  • Profile picture of the author Marketing Ignite
    Anyone else how can give me feedback on the sales page?

    Digital Marketing Consultant since 1998. Contact me for a free consultation.

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  • Profile picture of the author Ryan Even
    The biggest problem for me is that it's an SEO course, yet it has no pagerank and doesn't seem to be that optimized itself. I know pagerank doesn't mean what it used to, however, it might still be a barrier trying to sell an SEO course without pagerank.

    I notice your homepage is PR3. Maybe you could move the sales page to main page?
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  • Profile picture of the author jkblogger2012
    I read more than half of your page, and it needs some really good tweaking. What you are offering is fine, but not well stated. It seems to lack a good flow of English and needs a more persuasive appeal.

    Joyce Ellen Kuras
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  • Profile picture of the author Mirus
    It looks bland, too corporate and overall too compressed. The text needs room to breathe.

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  • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
    Okay, I'll go through the whole thing in detail for you, bear with me, a complete critique is on it's way.
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    • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
      Your headline could be stronger. At the moment it doesn't really inspire me to keep on reading to find out more. It's actually a bit of a mouthful. Especially to my subconscious mind.

      Sure, some longer headlines work very well but for you... I'd just keep it short and to the point and provide a major benefit by means of a question, which involves the reader from the start...
      Do You Want to Be
      a Top SEO Expert?


      Would You Like to Be
      a Top SEO Expert?

      This instantly gets your target audience in a Yes! frame of mind.

      Now, your first sentence...

      It's far too long.

      Keep your first sentence to no more than 6-8 words. The first sentence has just one purpose. To get your readers to read the next sentence down.

      In effect, you want to create a greasy slide down your sales copy.

      Every word you write is going to play on your readers emotions. Now, if you jar on those emotions, it'll be like going down a hill on a sled and hitting a rock just below the snows surface. Bang, crash, wallop! OW! And you fall off. Or in your case, your readers will leave the page immediately.

      You need to keep the transition of the readers emotions as smooth as possible. First, creating a buyers environment where you warm up your readers. Getting them subconsciously to agree with your words. Positioning yourself in the deck (intro) as the perfect solution to solve their pain or frustration with your upcoming solution below.

      Your first sentence is currently 50 words. Way, way too long. The impression given instantly is that this will involve a very lengthy and tortuous learning curve process. Shorten it dramatically. As I said above, no more than 6-8 words is fine.

      Your readers are going to make their minds up whether or not to continue to stay on this page and read the material in the first few seconds only!

      This is your window of opportunity.

      You need to overcome this barrier to extend the attention span of your readers. The longer you can keep them interested in what you have to say, the better. And you will automatically increase the chances of getting a sale at the end.

      In your second paragraph down, I'm not quite able to fathom out what this sentence implies or means?...

      "Just look at the below small case study for one of our clients and you can see that SEO still works in real life."

      ' real life'? Pardon? Come again?

      This is a filter. You can edit it out. Anything which doesn't aid you to sell your product... you can edit out altogether. Good copywriting often involves ruthless editing.

      I understand you being emotionally attached to your work but if your chosen words do not play on the right emotions... you'll lose visitors interest quickly. Anything which doesn't need to be in there, can be deleted.

      First sentence under yor image... what is theoretical 'jargons'? Is this some new fangled expression I've never heard of? Doesn't make sense. Reword it.

      Second paragraph down again, this time the second sentence down, the () bracket comment is a major disconnect.

      Fith paragraph below the image... again, a bit of a mouthful. This can be stated in far less words and a lot more powerfully. You mention 'White Hat', here you're assuming that your target audience, your target market will understand what 'White Hat' means. Not necessarily so. Again, can be deleted.

      First subheading is weak.

      You've used the word, 'Learn' at the start of it. This implies hard work when people are after easy solutions only. This is yet another filter. If they didn't click out above, they certainly will now in droves. Actually this entire subheading needs to be reworded. It sends out a very negative message.

      First sentence down after the first subheading is also far too long. Again, you need to keep this very short. You want your readers to not be overwhelmed with too much information under the main headline or sub headlines.

      The second sentence of this paragraph tells me you're not sure who to really target with this product. Trying to make it appeal to absolutely everyone is a major fail.

      Second and third paragraphs below your first sub headline, again much too wordy. Switch the emphasis off yourselves and switch it onto the people who might be interested in this product. Include a lot more cases of 'you' and 'your'. Remember your target audience, your readers are constantly asking themselves in their own mind...

      "What's in this for me?"

      You need to focus on their pain, on their frustration and position your product, your service as their ideal solution. Never forget that.

      Second sub headline is also weak. And the bullet points below it, not much better.

      Overall impression so far...

      Much too wordy. Your language used is too convoluted. You need to write in English as if you were writing to a 14 year old kid. In other words, simplify everything.

      It's good that you've used an odd number of bullet points over an even number, (9 bullet points always seems to work well for some reason) but you need these to focus on key benefit only. Your skimmers, speed readers will be paying attention to these bullet points.

      Your bullet points need to contain benefits, not features.

      Your Module One box contains several points which ideally could be up in your deck / introduction. These aren't too bad. Pretty good in fact. The positioning is wrong though.

      I'm jumping down a little bit but there is a major disconnect between all of your Module boxes and the technical jargon within each of them and your sentence which above stated, that this was going to be an 'easy' method of learning.

      The two couldn't be further removed from each other. Anyone who doesn't understand SEO, reading these module boxes is going to be really confused. Far too technical. KEEP IT SIMPLE!

      For example...

      This is one of your bullet points in your Module Boxes...

      "Learn how to standardize your URLs for optimal search engine performance and an easy to understand step-by-step instruction on how to resolve your duplicate content issues (canonicalization, .htaccess, canonical link elements)"

      What the dickens is 'canonicalization'? I'm a wordsmith with a HUGE reportoire of written language under my belt but even I've not got the faintest idea, what this is supposed to mean.

      What do you think your readers will make of such a word, to name but one?

      Do you think they might click out at this point thinking... 'This is much too much for my poor noggin to take in right now, I may as well leave', or do you think they might be impressed with your intellectual use of such long words?

      In short, will they feel attracted to stay on your page for more information like this or will they feel repulsed, driven away by such long unusual words?

      Remember, no-one has yet got down to your first order button which is where your words are supposed to be herding them towards.

      Think of your sales page like a magnet. A north and south pole will attract, but put north and north or south and south close to one another and each will repel the other. So, what are your words doing here? Attracting or repelling your target audience?

      Module 9...






      Ad infinitum. Get rid of that word, 'Learn'. It's sends out a negative message. Same in Module 12.

      The red text has come as a bit of a surprise. It's best to keep things uniform in a sales letter. Are you trying to draw specific attention to this part of your sales message?

      If so it's not working. 83 further training modules? What is this? Information overload on steroids?

      Under your videos...

      First sub headline. 3 Years Membership? Wow! Sounds like a huge amount of work to me with a very steep learning curve. Another negative filter.

      Fourth bullet point, I see there is an exam. Everyone by and large hates exams. They bring up very bad memories. Needs to be deleted.

      Coupon Box - Important Information...

      The red text on this background color is very hard to read. And the message in there too isn't exactly positive. It conjures up the thought that I've got 3 years of learning in front of me, on the back of an exam somewhere in the process, from what I read just above. Delete it.

      Your guarantee says 'hazzle free'. What is 'hazzle' free? Typo. Correct it.

      You also state...

      "We do not want your money..." Who are you trying to fool? Of course you want my money. That's business. Don't be ashamed of asking for the order and stating clearly how much it is going to be, to get your hands on all of this material.

      In summary...

      Overall, the sales letter is quite weak. You're trying to cover too much information. You're trying to be all things to all people. Language used is too wordy, too long and too technical in places.

      Requires a hell of a lot of ruthless editing to bring it up to scratch. Or... it might just be simpler to start over again with something a lot more emotionally engaging and powerful. The layout also requires quite a bit of adjustment.

      You'll be better off especially at this price point employing a professional copywriter. This will pay for itself in no time at all. And your return on investment will be considerable.

      I hope this helps and if I can assist you further, by all means do feel welcome to get in contact.

      Best of luck!

      Sally McPherson

      --->----->----->----->-----> MarkAndrews IMCopywriting <-----<-----<-----<-----<---
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  • Profile picture of the author KevinFranz
    First of all, I agree with the others that the writing is truly in need of a quality edit. I did not make it past the first sentence without invalidating your message because of the poor word usage and sentence structure. Especially on a site titled "Professional's Training Course."

    In addition, the "stock photo" corporate folks in your photos completely turned me off as an entrepreneur. Those are the people I want to avoid, not emulate. Display a picture of yourself so that we can get to know you.

    Kevin Franz

    If you are looking to write FASTER and create MORE COMPELLING sales materials, you must check out the best $10 deal EVER!
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