Critique My Sales Page AND Get $50!! Via PayPal!

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nick1123

15 years ago

Your signup box that pops up is way too far to the left on my big screen. Try centering it and maybe use a lightbox to increase signups.

As I scroll down I see the box moves too which is a good idea.

Consider giving away the first half for free or something like that.

Use a graphic that conveys the message "iron-clad 30 day money back guarantee." Not everyone reads every word before deciding whether to buy.

Can you get photos for your testimonials?

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15 years ago

Originally Posted by nick1123

Your signup box that pops up is way too far to the left on my big screen. Try centering it and maybe use a lightbox to increase signups.

As I scroll down I see the box moves too which is a good idea.

Consider giving away the first half for free or something like that.

Use a graphic that conveys the message "iron-clad 30 day money back guarantee." Not everyone reads every word before deciding whether to buy.

Can you get photos for your testimonials?

Lightbox? What is that, I think I know what that is but I'm drawing a blank. Also, I wanted the signup box out of the way so people can read the copy without closing it.

TomG.

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Michael Dominic

15 years ago

I would put a regular looking headline above "Today Is YOUR Lucky Day!" and something next to the e-book cover. Maybe even a video explaining the product.

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15 years ago

Originally Posted by Michael Dominic

I would put a regular looking headline above "Today Is YOUR Lucky Day!" and something next to the e-book cover. Maybe even a video explaining the product.

Details, details! What headline? Example? Something next to the ebook cover? Like what? The video is something I am already filming, props. to you for that suggestion!

TomG.

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Michael Dominic

15 years ago

Originally Posted by tommygadget

Details, details! What headline? Example? Something next to the ebook cover? Like what? The video is something I am already filming, props. to you for that suggestion!

TomG.

Something like:

Discover How I Make Thousands Of Dollars Just By Flipping Some Small Niche Blogs

"Step-By-Step Instructions Included"

or

Blogs Made Me $3678 Last Month!
Who's The Blog Flipping Fool Now?

or

"The Blog Flipping Fool Does It Over And Over Again Raking In Thousands Of Dollars A Month"

"Steal His Secrets - Become A Blog Flipping Fool!"

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Michael Dominic

15 years ago

Originally Posted by tommygadget

Details, details! What headline? Example? Something next to the ebook cover? Like what? The video is something I am already filming, props. to you for that suggestion!

TomG.

About something being next to the e-book cover... there is too much white space in my opinion. You could try the upcoming video there. Maybe you could put an opt-in box... some kind of proof perhaps?

The sales letter looks like it can be extended A LOT. Just think... features... benefits.... proof... a couple more headlines... a better explanation of what "Blog Flipping Fool" can do for the buyer...

Please note I do not currently see the current top headlines as appealing. They're ugly in my opinion. I don't want to look at them! Get rid of those...

Replace them with headlines like I have.

Definitely make a better a big custom buy button... put the major credit card logos in it... create some kind of urgency to buy...

Definitely add a big guarantee box... with an 100% unconditional money back guarantee.

Perhaps you can add a bonus or couple of bonuses to sweeten up the deal. Maybe a free critique or something and a small report.

Make your bullets a little bigger. SALES LETTER A LITTLE LONGER.

I am reiterating... 1. Replace EVERYTHING above the fold AND 2. Explain your product BETTER, a lot BETTER AND 3. Add graphical buy button and guarantee box

Hope that helps

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Daniel Molano

15 years ago

Hey TomG,

Just as a side note to the sales letter critique.

As I once got told in the Copywriter's board (when it was still open), the WSO section is probably the hungriest market you will ever find for low ticket items in the IM niche.

My WSO (the first one) had a conversion of over 15% and then I moved it to open market. While it does convert to 2%-5%, it is nowhere near what my WSO pulled off and they also said the copy was fine.

So if your open market sales letter does not convert as well as the WSO, there is nothing weird with that.

- Dan

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15 years ago

Originally Posted by Daniel Molano

Hey TomG,

Just as a side note to the sales letter critique.

As I once got told in the Copywriter's board (when it was still open), the WSO section is probably the hungriest market you will ever find for low ticket items in the IM niche.

My WSO (the first one) had a conversion of over 15% and then I moved it to open market. While it does convert to 2%-5%, it is nowhere near what my WSO pulled off and they also said the copy was fine.

So if your open market sales letter does not convert as well as the WSO, there is nothing weird with that.

- Dan

Yes Dan, thanks, I figured the WSO would most surely convert better than an open market simply because of reputation, etc.

TomG.

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15 years ago

Yep the text way too small and the biggest thing is there's way too much white spaces you should make that big table much smaller, right now it makes
things look so weird so much white space.

--David

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15 years ago

Originally Posted by David_Thompson

Yep the text way too small and the biggest thing is there's way too much white spaces you should make that big table much smaller, right now it makes
things look so weird so much white space.

--David

David, could you please be more specific? Are you talking about the bullet points? Is that where the white space is too much? If so, how do you think I should fix it? TIA.

TomG.

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15 years ago

Originally Posted by tommygadget

David, could you please be more specific? Are you talking about the bullet points? Is that where the white space is too much? If so, how do you think I should fix it? TIA.

TomG.

Here is a picture of what I mean:

it seems your header is really broad as is the table.

--David

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15 years ago

Originally Posted by David_Thompson

Here is a picture of what I mean:

it seems your header is really broad as is the table.

--David

I see... so many sales pages have this margin and more, even the big guys. I'll have to think about this one. Thanks.

TomG.

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15 years ago

Originally Posted by tommygadget

I see... so many sales pages have this margin and more, even the big guys. I'll have to think about this one. Thanks.

TomG.

Tom, you need to look at the whole site to really see what I mean
not just my images to me it looks like some little kid put a page but
the images is awesome I like them but the text and so much white
space to me looks poor...

You do need better formatting done for you bro.

--David

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15 years ago

Originally Posted by David_Thompson

Tom, you need to look at the whole site to really see what I mean
not just my images to me it looks like some little kid put a page but
the images is awesome I like them but the text and so much white
space to me looks poor...

You do need better formatting done for you bro.

--David

OK, so you like the fool graphics, but the formatting is lacking. How would you fix it? Can you give me an example of a well formatted page that looks more professional? The style sheet formats were making me crazy, it really is not my strong suit. Thanks for the input!

TomG.

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Check out all of my products right here.

15 years ago

Originally Posted by tommygadget

OK, so you like the fool graphics, but the formatting is lacking. How would you fix it? Can you give me an example of a well formatted page that looks more professional? The style sheet formats were making me crazy, it really is not my strong suit. Thanks for the input!

TomG.

Tom, check out my site here and this isn't the best but you can see how the text and the page looks and feel like on the margin's the tables are all well in place the text size is good for everyone eyes...

My Site Text And Format

--David

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Rachel Rofe

15 years ago

Tommy,

Even though you give me Brian slack all the time...

The top of the page is precious real estate. The "Today is your lucky day" and negative ("Tired of, tired of, tired of") headline aren't doing as much as you could do with a more compelling headline.

"Lucky day" just screams hype to me... and hype is good, but that might be a little over the top.

If you're really into the tired thing, I'd do something like:

Subheadline (small, italic, top left): If you're tired of ebooks that don't deliver, and methods that don't give you any results...

Headline: "Discover How To Have An Extra $300 In Your Bank Account In Less Than 24 Hours... Even If You Have No Skills, No Resources, And No Experience!"

Or you could do something like your story...

"Discover How A 25 Year Old College Dropout Accidentally Stumbled Upon A Hidden Secret To Making An Instant $300 On Demand... As Often As You Want!"

I don't know what your details are (age, quirky thing), but fill them in. Those headlines are off the top of my head but I think either'd be an improvement.

Then I'd ditch the Blog Flipping Fool picture which does nothing to talk about what's in it for the customer, and put in screenshots of proof.

Speaking of graphics, yours aren't doing too much for me... they don't really tell me what the product's about, or have a story that goes with them... I can see the stuff on the left of your header, but the happy dude doesn't make too much sense, and I might suggest taking him out.

Not a huge fan of the font... I test a lot and find Tahoma headline and subheadlines and Verdana font through text to GENERALLY be the best in IM, though I'd use mysplittestaccelerator.com to see for yourself.

When you open after Dear Friend, I'd go with an "If-then" statement. You can trim the fat a lot in that first paragraph.

"If you've tried countless methods to make money online and nothing's worked, then I think you're going to be wide eyed and excited by the time you're done reading this letter."

Then go into introducing yourself, tell about the challenge you made for yourself, and the results you got. The reason your conversion's so high for WSO is because people identified you with the thread, I don't think it'd do so well for cold traffic.

Testimonials - I like to do testimonials with a really good comment as a headline, like in here:

YAY Food

Results work the best at the top for those things, like, "I made $4343 in 3 hours using your method!"

That reminds me - use quotes and an exclamation in your headline. Quotes make it look more like someone's saying something, and always work better in tests.

Call to action should be a lot more detailed. Order here, here's exactly what you're going to get when you get inside. You can order at any time, whether it's 3pm or 3 am. What are you waiting for - you can be $300 richer in 24 hours.

Highlight the guarantee more, make it a section. You could also have a killer guarantee here - "If you don't make $X by X amount of time, double your money back." It might make you scared, but if you believe in your methods and people prove they've done the work (make that a disclaimer), it will catapult your conversions. I've done this in many niches and only ever had one person take me up on it, and I didn't go double check their work the way I should've.

Not sure why your signature is centered, but I'd left justify it.

I'd also sign off and do P.S.'s reminding them of the guarantee and make another "Click Here To Order Now", linkable to your PayPal button.

Cheers,
Rach

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- Rachel

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Kunle Olomofe 15 years ago

Tommy,

First off, loved your original post for this product here in the forum.

It got me started site flipping and no one gets me started on things that easy.

Now, I just need to say this, keep your $50 and instead use it to buy some instant traffic for that money and send it to your site... first to a lead capture page and then later to this sales page after they've downloaded and enjoyed your free bloggingfool PDF.

That way you spend a couple hundred bucks on a test that will conclusively (or as close to it as possible) tell you what and what you're missing, also, you can ask those who don't buy why they didn't buy, it's a better way to get your $50 worth of critics.

I'm sure all the advice is spot on, I read a few and they indeed were, but field test this baby and stop wasting precious time stalling... I know you must be anxious... but you will never know till you let it go..

Best of luck with it,

Kunle Olomofe
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15 years ago

Originally Posted by Rachel Rofe

I'd ditch the Blog Flipping Fool picture which does nothing to talk about what's in it for the customer, and put in screenshots of proof.

Speaking of graphics, yours aren't doing too much for me... they don't really tell me what the product's about, or have a story that goes with them... I can see the stuff on the left of your header, but the happy dude doesn't make too much sense, and I might suggest taking him out.

Whew, that was a lot of info! Thanks Rachel. OK, I'm going to work on the headlines and fonts and testimonials. I hear what many are saying about the graphics. What do you suggest? Wipe out the fool entirely? Or maybe integrate it better into the copy like: "so easy a fool can make money with this..." After all, it is the Blog Flipping Fool website

TomG.

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Collette 15 years ago
The combination of cartoons and "Lucky Day" screams hype to me. Both make me want to run immediately. The cartoons do nothing to build your credibility in a cold market.

Plus, "This is Your Lucky Day" seems more appropriate to a lottery site or similar.

You're wasting a lot of selling space with your header, and the headlines don't connect conceptually with the graphics. If you separated them, there'd be no way to tell that one was related to the other. Graphics that aren't congruent with your copy will depress your response.

I don't know that I'd go with the whole "tired, mad and frustrated" angle. It's been done umpteen times, and if you're going to go in that direction, you really need to build up YOUR street creds as to why YOU have the answer.

If you do go with the "tired, mad, frustrated" line, then tell us your story of being tired, mad and frustrated, and how the solution you're about to offer fixed your pain (which is exactly like the pain your reader is experiencing). Which leads me to my next point:

You haven't really established that you and I (the reader) are on the same wavelength or that we have anything in common. Instead, you're jumping straight to the "proof" before you've really explained the product or that you understand my need or desire for it.

If you're assuming your market is people who already believe that blogs can be profitable, you're skipping right over that part. If you're assuming your market is people who don't know that blogs can be profitable, you're skipping right over that part.

Either way, you're zipping to the "let me prove this works" BEFORE you've even explained why and how your product is a solution for my problem.

And give me some reasons to trust you. Let me get to "know" you a little. I'd add a photo of yourself and some personal details (29 year old, college dropout, etc). You want to seem transparent and credible to this cold market so they will trust you with their money. Help the reader identify with you.

Your "discount" isn't a discount if you haven't built the value of your offer. Plus, you fail to explain why, if this information is so killer, you're offering it a 50% off right off the bat. Credibility killer.

Your guarantee is way too vague. Spell it out for me. And you've got nothing much to lose by amping up your promise. "If you follow the steps in this book and you don't make $XXX in 30 days, I'll buy the book back from you.", or "Use the methods here for a whole year. If you haven't made any money in that time, I'll refund every penny you paid." That sort of thing. You'd be surprised at how low your refund rate will be with a stronger - not weaker - guarantee.

My quickie suggestions for improving the body copy would be to go:
- Got Pain? Me Too
- Here's what I did that fixed my pain.
- You can too.
- How it works.
- Why it works.
- Proof it works.
- Offer (with reason why)
- Guarantee. (pump it up)
- "Buy Now" Close.
- Add a P.S. to remind them of the value they just discovered and why they should act now.
Graphics-wise:
- Dump the cartoons. They're doing nothing to further the sale.
- Add a Guarantee seal. Highlight your guarantee and break it out. If you're confident in the value of your product, why bury the guarantee?
- Change your testimonial background to light yellow. You want to create excitement about the results; blue is not an "excitement" color.
- Add pictures or URLs to your testimonials (or both!). Who ARE these people? Why should your reader listen to them? Remember, this is a cold market, not the Warrior Forum.
- Add a Buy Now button and skip the PayPal logo button. Plus your whole "Buy" area is so small, it's basically camouflaged in the text. Don't make me work so hard to buy from you. Give me a nice, obvious button that makes me want to click.
- Add another Buy Now above your footer. Why make 'em scroll all the way back up to find buy. Meet the buyer where they're at.
- Serif font on a Web page is a reader-killer. They're not exactly sure why, but the theory is that the little hooks on serif slow down the eye and make it seem harder to read on a web page. Go with Verdana (first choice) or Arial. Serif doesn't seem to affect headlines as much, but Tahoma seems to have better response rates.
- For your opt-in, give me a couple of chapters as the incentive, or some kind of free report - with a graphic of the book/report. Also, on a copy note, this should be "how I made" not "we".
Hope this helps.
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Jesus Perez

15 years ago

The combination of cartoons and real money in the web design immediately kills the 'trust factor' of the site for me. Why would I trust a fool with $49? Especially a cartoon one?
^Same goes with the popup optin^ Plus, optin needs a stronger call to action and an eBook image of the free report.
No proof. Show me some 'real life' examples of sites that were flipped and the profits. In fact, replace the ebook "fool" with real life proof to keep the 'teaser' going.
No transparency. Who are you? Why should I trust you? Oh wait...I just saw your name but it's hidden in the intro text. Bump up your credibility with a photo.
Give me photos with the testimonials also. Gives authenticity to the testimonials since most non-WF'ers won't know them.
Use a light yellow background with a dashed border for the testimonials. For some unknown reason, this combo works.
Upgrade the order button. Those tiny things don't make me want to click. I know...you want to track conversion with DLGuard. You can still do this by putting the DLGuard button at the very bottom and using a better one up top.
Add a Guarantee seal. Once again...trust.
Highlight the bullet part: "Here's some of what's in the ebook:"

Basically, here's what I expect from top to bottom.

Strong Headline to read next section
Proof of income
What's in the book with eCover
Extras you're throwing in
Guarantee
Order button
Still not sure? Get a free ebook with 2 sample chapters (optin).
At the very bottom, DLGuard buy button to track stats.

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15 years ago

Wow, nice one BlueSquares. Let's go over these points:

1) So you say cartoon fool out? How about girl with fool hat? No fool hat? Good looking girl with money in her hands?

2) How would I show the real-life proof? Scaled down clickable image? I definitely have this proof so that is not a problem.

3) So my photo to give authenticity, OK.

4) Photos with the testimonials? I think I can do that.

5) I can fix the testimonial formatting easily. Interesting about the dashed border and the yellow, I originally had yellow as the background.

6) Karl made me a big order button! I can replace the image.

7) Are you saying I should highlight the entire text after the bullets?

Thanks!

TomG.

Originally Posted by BlueSquares

The combination of cartoons and real money in the web design immediately kills the 'trust factor' of the site for me. Why would I trust a fool with $49? Especially a cartoon one?
^Same goes with the popup optin^ Plus, optin needs a stronger call to action and an eBook image of the free report.
No proof. Show me some 'real life' examples of sites that were flipped and the profits. In fact, replace the ebook "fool" with real life proof to keep the 'teaser' going.
No transparency. Who are you? Why should I trust you? Oh wait...I just saw your name but it's hidden in the intro text. Bump up your credibility with a photo.
Give me photos with the testimonials also. Gives authenticity to the testimonials since most non-WF'ers won't know them.
Use a light yellow background with a dashed border for the testimonials. For some unknown reason, this combo works.
Upgrade the order button. Those tiny things don't make me want to click. I know...you want to track conversion with DLGuard. You can still do this by putting the DLGuard button at the very bottom and using a better one up top.
Add a Guarantee seal. Once again...trust.
Highlight the bullet part: "Here's some of what's in the ebook:"

Basically, here's what I expect from top to bottom.

Strong Headline to read next section
Proof of income
What's in the book with eCover
Extras you're throwing in
Guarantee
Order button
Still not sure? Get a free ebook with 2 sample chapters (optin).
At the very bottom, DLGuard buy button to track stats.

Thanks
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Jesus Perez

15 years ago

Responses in Bold.

Originally Posted by tommygadget

Wow, nice one BlueSquares. Let's go over these points:

1) So you say cartoon fool out? How about girl with fool hat? No fool hat? Good looking girl with money in her hands? Girls will always increase sales. I know its sexist and cruel but it's the truth. Other options may include simply making graphics that are simply less cartoony and more serious.

2) How would I show the real-life proof? Scaled down clickable image? I definitely have this proof so that is not a problem. I would use a scaled down thumbnail pointing to it's earnings on a Paypal screenshot.

3) So my photo to give authenticity, OK.

4) Photos with the testimonials? I think I can do that.

5) I can fix the testimonial formatting easily. Interesting about the dashed border and the yellow, I originally had yellow as the background.

6) Karl made me a big order button! I can replace the image.

7) Are you saying I should highlight the entire text after the bullets? No. Breakdown that 'section' or highlight it so people know what it's about. Right now it's lost among the other text.

Thanks!

The fact you're taking such honest criticism so well speaks volumes about your character. You will be successful with this attitude.

TomG.

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Bryan Zimmerman 15 years ago

Please do not take that personaly because I KNOW you know 100 times more about how to make money on the net than I do. This is just what I would think If I came across this page. I'm still a newbie so take it for what it's worth. I wrote this as if this were my friends page and could tell them however I wanted with out them getting pissed at me.

I would click off of this page in about 5 seconds. The cartoon character to me just would not make me trust this site at all. I'm trying to find out how to make money and there is a cartoon character on the cover of the program and header.I would like to see something that is serious because I'm about to spend money. With the pop up in the corner as the first thing I see I already do not trust it.

Your headings of my lucky day just feels like every other make money site that I have visited has to say. Then followed up with tired of reading ebooks that don't work etc and then "we have the answer" followed by a image of a binder with the cartoon on it again. I just would not be able to take it serious.

If I did not know what blog flipping was I would be clicking off at this point.

There is really no information as to what blog flipping is. You talk about a thread on a forum that got over 16 thousand views but there is no link to the thread or even what it is really about. As someone who would be spending money I would want to see that thread to see if your lying about the thread itself.

I would go into some detail about what you are going to be teaching. Not enough to give it away but enough to get me interested.

With the testimonials I would like some more information on the people that gave them. I would be assuming that you just made them up at this point just because of the overall feel of the site. Especially after you spoke of a thread with 16 thousand views and I don't get to see it. If maybe you had email addresses for the people who gave the testimonials I would feel more comfortabel. Hell create the email addresses yourself and respond to them if needed.

Finally toward the bottom you have a part that says "Not Ready? Then read more details below". You really haven't given me any details as to what exactly I'm going to be doing to begin with so your lucky that I am still reading.

Finally you ask "are you still reading?" and then tell me to buy. Well I'm still reading because I still do not have any real information except for the small part after the "Not Ready" part above. How about something along the lines that you are only offering 100 copies or something like that. Something that makes me feel like that if I leave the page I might not have a chance to get it again. Truth be known as a newbie this always made me think about it real hard before I clicked off. Thats only if the parts before it got my attention.

What I would do:
Loose the cartoon,
add some screen shots of an account with some money
Tell me what blog flipping is
make the sales copy more attention grabbing,
only say your offering X amount of copies
Either take some of the copy of that thread with 16,000 post and make a blog out of it with a link to it or take it out of the copy all together
make it more serious. I came to your page to learn how to make money I'd like it to look like it's a serious business.
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rhondaklewis

15 years ago

From a newbies standpoint, I would like to know what blogflipping is. Your site says you have a way to make a lot of cash but not enough details for me to click the buy button.

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15 years ago

Collette, wow, nice one! I guess I really missed the mark! Your post together with BlueSquares and Rachel really cinch the deal. And Rhonda points out what I missed because I am too close to it: what is blog flipping?

TomG.

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15 years ago

BlueSquares, thanks for the compliment. Michael, you guys are fast, I was typing a response and didn't even see your responses. Thanks! Well, so far it seems like the input is so good, I will have to give out the $50 and several copies of my ebook. Thanks!

TomG.

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Collette 15 years ago

Tommy - Something that just popped into my head -

How about going with a version of "They lauged when I sat down at the piano, but when I started to play...", as in:

"My friends didn't believe I could make money by blogging, but when they saw my bank statements..."

"My friends thought I was a fool to try making money by blogging, but when ..." etc

or some such. Those aren't great, but you get the idea. It would be an easy segue from there into "here's my story and how you can use it" AND you could incorporate the "fool" concept into your copy WITHOUT losing your credibillity.

And pictures of good-looking women never hurt. Especially when they're holding fistfuls of cash...
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Asher

15 years ago

Hi TomG,

Here's my critique of your site but I'll be taking into consideration of what
you already have instead of scrapping the whole idea of the cartoon
character because I believe that the graphic can actually be to YOUR
advantage.

Anyway, here goes (I'll try to keep it short).

Headline
******
Headlines are the number one reason why people want to buy from you
and the main attention grabber in your page. To have a headline that
works well with your image, you can use something like:

"Can you really make $XXX.XX in XX days by flipping blogs...
Even if you have absolutely no idea how to do it?"

Collette made some very good points on headers that you can
use as well. But back to the header...

That's just an example, what you want to do is to impress upon the
visitor and capture his/her attention with that headline... I believe
it was Michael Cheney who said something like 'A good headline is
like having spent $0.80 out of your dollar'

For reference, you can check John Carlton's MarketingRebel.com
and also, any of the people that he has in testimonials, check out
their salespages to get an idea of how the top copywriters do it.

Body
****
The general idea is to weave your story and your sales speech into
one nice chunk. You can talk about why you did it, what caused you
to do it, what were the results that you received, etc.

This is where you can explain why you call yourself or the product
"The Blog Flipping Fool". But don't bore the reader with all the gory
details, just give them the reason and get on with your copy.

About the testimonials use: John Carlton has his testimonials all to the
side so it doesn't distract from the copy. I believe Brian McElroy, AKA
CopyDaddy.com, also stated it's good.

You could use it if you want or use your testimonials to prove your
point in your sales copy. Right now, other than the first or second
testimonials... I'm not interested in any of the other testimonials
because there's no given reason to read them.

The good thing that you did is to use bulleted lists. You can make it
better by using some of the tips that Clayton Makepeace shares on his
site. I can't find the PDF newsletter that he gave out but here's an entry
that might be useful:
Write Stronger Bullets | The Total Package

Closing
*****
This part is where you state your price and why they should be buying
from you. As mentioned by many others, you can allay their fears by
having a money-back guarantee.

Also, people don't always read salesletters, there's a common tendency
to read the headline, scroll all the way to the bottom to check out the
price... and if it's within range, they'll go back to reading the salesletter.

So, for people who do that, you will want to use the PostScript... PS.

Your PS is like the bullet point summary of your whole sales page and
you can also use it to include some urgency factor.

You can also use a limited time offer to encourage visitors to act quickly.

That's it for now, it's a lot to digest but I hope that this helps a bit.

Asher
(Man... didn't realise it was so long... and I said I'd make it short)

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Asher Aw

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Asher

15 years ago

Something to add as it just popped into my head...

If you need a very basic outline of how to do a good copy, here's
something that John Carlton taught Frank Kern with and Frank
uses it regularly in his copy...

Here's what I got
Here's what it'll do for you
Here's what I want you to do next

It's simple and it's the outline he uses.

Always think of your buyer when you are writing the copy.

All the best!

Asher

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Asher Aw

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15 years ago

Wow, my head is buzzing with all the ideas. Funny thing about these suggestions, I did some of it, ie story, purpose, etc. in the thread that started it all and did not put any into the sales copy

Yep, basic mistakes. I appreciate the honesty that went into all the responses. Thanks all, I will start editing and you guys can pick it apart again

TomG.

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15 years ago

OK PEEPS, I was working on this all night. My eyes are really burning. Here's the temporary address of the new page so you can compare old and new: Blog Flipping Fool OK, let the criticism roll

Link to old page is at the top in the original post.

TomG.

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Jesus Perez

15 years ago

Tom, got the PM. So much better!! Way to go. Love the proof of income and the tease about "how to keep making money off the client". That little part got me ready to "click". The beginning was a *bit* long (texty), but it picked up momentum from the proof-of-sales until the end.

I can't recommend anything else. You'll need to jump on the guru copywriter's from here on out.

Great work!

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15 years ago

Originally Posted by BlueSquares

Tom, got the PM. So much better!! Way to go. Love the proof of income and the tease about "how to keep making money off the client". That little part got me ready to "click". The beginning was a *bit* long (texty), but it picked up momentum from the proof-of-sales until the end.

I can't recommend anything else. You'll need to jump on the guru copywriter's from here on out.

Great work!

Thank YOU and all the others for truly great feedback! After all the feedback is in, I will be giving out cash and ebooks. At the very least, a copy is reserved for you

PM me your email addy!

TomG.

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Asher

15 years ago

Hi TomG,

It looks waaaay better than the first and much
more engaging, great job!

There's definitely more that you can improve on
but I think it's good to go. Something I learnt
is that you don't have to be perfect, just good
enough.

And right now, I think it's good enough!

If there's anything to work on, maybe you can
tune down a little bit about your story of how
you got this site started.

Have the story STILL but you can cut down a
little bit so you can bring the reader to the
meat of what you're offering.

Something you might want to look at is that you
went from "my program/ebook" to "our program/
ebook" in the Guarantee part and the testimonial
part.

Just change those words.

Other than that little itty-bitty part, you're
pretty much good to go!

Asher

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Asher Aw

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15 years ago

Originally Posted by Asher

Hi TomG,

It looks waaaay better than the first and much
more engaging, great job!
THANKS!

If there's anything to work on, maybe you can
tune down a little bit about your story of how
you got this site started.
SHORTENED

Something you might want to look at is that you
went from "my program/ebook" to "our program/
ebook" in the Guarantee part and the testimonial
part.
FIXED

Asher

Thanks a bunch Asher!

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15 years ago

Thanks again for all the feedback. Anyone else?

TomG.

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rhondaklewis

15 years ago

Wow! You have been working hard. I kept going back to your original sales page yesterday and today and nothing was changed so I thought maybe you decided to not change it. This is much better, and I understand what you are selling and how it would relate to me. I also like how you got rid of all those questions and made them into a story about being outsourced and needing to make money. That I definitely could relate to.
I would buy your product in a red hot minute.
Rhonda

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15 years ago

Originally Posted by rhondaklewis

Wow! You have been working hard. I kept going back to your original sales page yesterday and today and nothing was changed so I thought maybe you decided to not change it. This is much better, and I understand what you are selling and how it would relate to me. I also like how you got rid of all those questions and made them into a story about being outsourced and needing to make money. That I definitely could relate to.
I would buy your product in a red hot minute.
Rhonda

Thank you very much! The story was easy because that is exactly what happened to me. After 9/11, my team was partly responsible for getting our customers and servers back online. Once we got everything going and we moved back into our downtown HQ, they threw 25% of us right out the door. Yep, sad but true.

TomG.

PS - If you do decide to get the ebook, please don't pay full price, the wso is in my sig.

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rhondaklewis

15 years ago

Just wanted to add that I hope you don't change the story at the beginning. I think a lot of people have been in that position and will see where you are coming from.
Rhonda

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AnarchyAds

Banned 15 years ago

[DELETED]

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15 years ago

I looked for something like what you are saying. Here's what I think you are saying I should do: (this is not my page, no affiliation whatsoever) (Abunza) Home based Business | Abunza Review | best (home based business)
Is that what you mean?

TomG.

Originally Posted by AnarchyAds

How many long sales pages have you read? ( Not seen ...read? )

You give away nothing ... but I know you could.
You could do a video that play upon landing
It would include:
"Explain the basic principles of the blog flip ...
... you find something people are searching for
... you make a blog
... you make sure it has certain elements that are FREE but generate income
... you make sure it gets the traffic. All easy. I'll show you how.
The first thing is knowing how to evaluate a market...
"This is how to use google insights for search to evaluate demand"
5 min.

See...they don't know enough to know they need to do that.
Explain it.

Or, they can pick something they are passionate about and people will come I guess if its good.

Show 'em that there are FREE PPC ads they can place there and how the get paid ... Show 'em there are affiliate links they can put there.
But dont tell 'em where to do it! That is what you are selling.

=======================
My top five favorite niches exposed.
How to drive tons of hungry buyers to your blog.
How and where to sell your blog for top dollar. to people with websites on the subject who will want the traffic to their products.
How to make tons of cash AFTER the sale!

========== That's all you need.

You are overselling this.

Video.
The few points above.
A STATIONARY Opt-in to which the visitor will be directed to go and download their first lesson which will come in email.

Then you can tell them that AdSense and ClickBank and Amazon stuff and how it will monetize the blog....point to folks like Joel Comm, etc who make bazillions off AdSense...

At that point they will be wanting to get your product.

I think these days people want to be entertained more then educated.
Video does that well. Making them read does not.

Video killed the copywrite star

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