36 replies
I had someone tell me "I want to do what you do and work online. Can you show me how?"

So I forwarded a link to a free ebook that she can opt in and download with a note:

"Read this through twice, take notes and then we'll talk about the direction to help you take." (It was longer than that, of course, but that was the main part.)

I got a very curt email back saying "if you didn't want to help, just say so."

*sighs*

To me, what I did was the best course to take.
  1. There are 112 pages of info in the book. Free. And I can't say it any better than the author does.
  2. I'm asking for her to put forth a little effort before I invest my time to help her.
  3. She is a complete newbie. She doesn't know enough to even get started at this point.
  4. I want her to have an idea of where she wants to go before I sit down with her.

So.....was my approach wrong? Insensitive?

How have you handled situations like this?
  • Profile picture of the author Rose Anderson
    I think your response was perfect. You gave her a chance to prove she was serious and willing to put in some effort to create an online business.

    She proved she wasn't willing to even read one book. In other words, she didn't really want "help". She wanted you to start an online business for her and do the work.

    You saved yourself a lot of headaches.
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    • Profile picture of the author Evan-M
      Originally Posted by Rose Anderson View Post

      I think your response was perfect. You gave her a chance to prove she was serious and willing to put in some effort to create an online business.

      She proved she wasn't willing to even read one book. In other words, she didn't really want "help". She wanted you to start an online business for her and do the work.

      You saved yourself a lot of headaches.
      Exactly ... She wanted you to do it for her...she may watch over your shoulder barley paying attention, but at the end of the day want you to do the leg work and her to reap the benefits.

      If she wants to be lazy, let her tell it to her employer, and stop wasting your valuable time.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mike Hlatky
    Personally, I would just forget about it.
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  • Profile picture of the author polrbearz
    You say this person is a complete newbie. Coming from that place, they may actually not realize that a little overview actually helps you to help them. You could actually use some of what you said when opening the thread to give them a fuller explanation.

    Your approach was NOT unreasonable. It was actually quite logical. This person may have just had completely unrealistic expectations or perhaps a lack of maturity.

    I'm sure a bit of explanation of the "why" of your approach will fix things up. If not--you shouldn't worry about it---the problem would not be with you !
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    • Profile picture of the author TrekkieGrrrl
      Originally Posted by polrbearz View Post

      You say this person is a complete newbie. Coming from that place, they may actually not realize that a little overview actually helps you to help them. You could actually use some of what you said when opening the thread to give them a fuller explanation.

      Your approach was NOT unreasonable. It was actually quite logical. This person may have just had completely unrealistic expectations or perhaps a lack of maturity.

      I'm sure a bit of explanation of the "why" of your approach will fix things up. If not--you shouldn't worry about it---the problem would not be with you !
      I did explain that somewhat in my email, but I think a more elaborate explanation will help her understand.

      Thank you.
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  • Profile picture of the author cma01
    No, it wasn't.

    If they can't be bothered to help themselves, there is nothing you will be able to do to help them.

    People like that don't want to "work," they just want something for nothing. In the past, I've spent a lot of time explaining things to people and then they didn't do anything with it.

    I run into A LOT of people who want to find a way to make money from home. At this point, I don't even say anything unless they ask directly . . . and most of the time they don't as they think what I do is a B2B service business. Which it is . . . part of it. I just don't normally talk about my niche web sites on the side.

    If I see someone is starting to take initiative on their own, I give some tips. Enough for them to take the next step. If they don't do anything with it, I don't waste any more of my time.
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Oksa
    Sounds to me like their response PROVES you did the right thing.



    Just sayin'

    All the best,
    Michael
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  • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
    Sadly a lot of people want to be shown how to make money without actually having to do the hardwork themselves.

    I've helped people here like this and told them to do a free course, some have found this annoying because they can't earn money by the morning. I explain it's a business and you need to understand it before you can run a business in it.

    I've really tried to help some of these people (well only 2 have done this). In the end, despite feeling guilty I've just stopped advising them.

    Then they get annoyed I'm not helping them anymore, even though they didn't like the help I was offering them in the first place. :rolleyes:
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
      Banned
      Originally Posted by TrekkieGrrrl View Post

      So.....was my approach wrong? Insensitive?
      Not a bit of it: it seems to me that you did the right thing, and for the right reasons.

      Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

      I've helped people here like this and told them to do a free course, some have found this annoying because they can't earn money by the morning.
      This is exactly the point, and the problem.

      In the same way, I understand that the WSO's that sell very well are the ones promising (or nearly promising) fast high incomes.

      I seem destined to spend ages making largely unpopular comments about "building a business" in article marketing threads. People don't actually want to "build a business". They want to have the income that comes from "having built" a business, but they don't want to build it. Or maybe I'm just a skepchick, of course.
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  • Profile picture of the author genietoast
    With newbies who are brand spanking new, you have to preface with

    "Be prepared to put in some work because it's not as easy as everyone makes it out to be, but its entirely doable if you're willing to put in the work. If you want to learn this, my recommendation is to first read this information at this link from the beginning all the way to the end. This gives you a general idea of what you're getting into. After you've read it and have any questions, then let me know".

    But just telling her, "Go here," without any explanation gives the impression you don't want to help her.

    If the person had read it, came to ask you questions and showed she was serious about doing more, then you can also let her know you'd be willing to help, but if she quits half way through, then you're done with her. Her loss.

    But in the very, very beginning people seriously do not know have a clue, at all, about how to make money online, and they are startled when people tell them "Go look it up!" To them it feels as if you're hoarding the information and don't want to share.
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  • Profile picture of the author yourreviewer
    I am sure she would have lapped up the hyped up WSO offers in store. It is a sad fact that people in the MMO niche gravitate towards hype than substance. What they are often looking for is a trick, a loophole, a short cut, a quick way to earn a few bucks.

    Is it little wonder we have frequent need to make $$$$ by the end of the week/month threads?

    That's their state of mind. Personally I wouldn't worry about it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    Unless this person is a close personal friend, I'd simply not respond. You don't need to spend your valuable time placating that kind of attitude. They asked for help and didn't like the help they received. That's a classic entitlement issue. You have better things to do.

    If it is a friend, maybe a little detail into why you sent them the link is in order. Email is great for sender/receiver errors -- maybe they misunderstood the intent. If they still don't want to put the time in, tell them that you value their friendship too much to put the pressure of mentoring into the equation.
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  • Profile picture of the author Doran Peck
    Say to her "I have every intention of helping you"

    Then list those 4 items again to her
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  • Profile picture of the author Rose Anderson
    You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves. ~ Abraham Lincoln
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    • Profile picture of the author Karen Blundell
      it wasn't mean at all, imho...
      you handled it perfectly.

      Listen, in this business you meet all types, and believe me I've fired clients over stuff like this, even when I needed their money. To me it's more important that I have a good relationship with my clients, than taking their money and then suffering because they are jerks.

      Remember, you are in control of your own circumstance and don't let anyone ever steal your power.

      good luck in all your future endeavors.
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  • Profile picture of the author cma01
    TG,

    Don't bang your head against the wall or waste a lot of time trying to explain it. My guess is that she's just not ready/willing/capable (take your pick) of understanding it yet.

    I think I would just say, "Making money online is a journey and the book I sent you will help you decide if it is even a journey you want to take."

    I just read this blog post, and it is very apt for this topic (I think he is on the WF, I'm not sure of his screen name though)

    Making a passive income takes setting aside time to write and research.

    It takes being hungry or frustrated (or both) enough so you stick to it long enough to see results.

    It takes finding quality products that will keep selling all year long.

    And it takes giving a rip enough about your readers that you don’t try to game them into buying some landfill fodder that they’ll just return a few days later – all because you were told there’s a high commission in the landfill fodder.

    Quality at every level of this game pays.

    You’re competing against me and thousands more who are a hundred times better than me.

    Quit looking for shortcuts and do the so-called ‘work’ already: it pays!

    [I'll tell you a dirty secret you can bank on: 80% of your "competition" still thinks there's a magic bullet autoblog system that will think, write and rank for them. In the meantime, you just write your heart out on stuff that people are already buying.]

    Hard work and research pays.
    Send her to that post and then tell her if she's willing to do the hard work, you will be there to advise and encourage her.
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  • Profile picture of the author garyv
    I don't even bother w/ these type of requests from friends or family anymore. I've never had one pan out. There was a time when I would go as far as laying it out step by step. Had they just followed the steps they'd have easily been making money. But I've never had anyone follow through. Even after witnessing my success they just don't do the work. Which to me is beyond comprehension. But I've come to realize that those that actually want to do the work, most likely will never ask you to help them.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jeremiah Walsh
    It may be mean... but at least it filters out the weeds...

    If that person was really motivated to learn, she would have read the ebook and say "what's next".
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  • Profile picture of the author expertname
    Your approach was perfect. I'm sure they way you phrased the email was above and beyond the call of duty. This was an excellent approach to take.

    Let's say she responded the opposite of how she did and came back with a dog eared and highlighted copy of the ebook and a bunch of REALLY good questions? Think of how excited you would have been to help her...

    Really old saying: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink."
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    • Profile picture of the author TrekkieGrrrl
      Originally Posted by expertname View Post

      Your approach was perfect. I'm sure they way you phrased the email was above and beyond the call of duty. This was an excellent approach to take.

      Let's say she responded the opposite of how she did and came back with a dog eared and highlighted copy of the ebook and a bunch of REALLY good questions? Think of how excited you would have been to help her...

      Really old saying: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink."
      I would have been BEYOND thrilled. Not only because it would have shown some motivation, but it would have given us a really good starting point!
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Shook
    I don't think it was mean.

    Unless you told her she had a smooth forehead, of course. Then all bets are off.

    I think sometimes people don't quite understand what working online really means. I believe it is simple, simpler than most any other kind of business I have ever heard of.

    But if you have been an employee for most of your working life, it takes some mindset changes to be successful. I personally believe that anyone can do this, that the internet is one of the big equalizers in life.

    I do not believe that everyone will do it (start an online business).

    And you are well within your rights as a human being/Klingon to arrange your life the way you want.

    As far as helping other people to get started, it is way easier to help someone if they can ask you a question that makes sense rather than having to start with - "I don't know anything"
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    • Profile picture of the author TrekkieGrrrl
      Originally Posted by JMichaelZ View Post

      I don't think it was mean.

      Unless you told her she had a smooth forehead, of course. Then all bets are off.

      I think sometimes people don't quite understand what working online really means. I believe it is simple, simpler than most any other kind of business I have ever heard of.

      But if you have been an employee for most of your working life, it takes some mindset changes to be successful. I personally believe that anyone can do this, that the internet is one of the big equalizers in life.

      I do not believe that everyone will do it (start an online business).

      And you are well within your rights as a human being/Klingon to arrange your life the way you want.

      As far as helping other people to get started, it is way easier to help someone if they can ask you a question that makes sense rather than having to start with - "I don't know anything"
      She doesn't speak Klingon. That should have been a clue!

      That is what I was thinking by sending her the link. I'm no expert, by any means. Heck, I'm pretty much a newbie. But I could point her in the right direction - if I knew what direction to point her in.

      Which was the reason for sending the book - to help her get the basics down, and help find out where we need to steer her.
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  • Profile picture of the author sylviad
    If she is SO new, maybe she doesn't understand the concept of free opt-ins. Maybe she thought you were just trying to sell her something. She might have thought you saw her as just another way to make money.

    Who knows?

    Just a thought.

    Sylvia
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    • Profile picture of the author TrekkieGrrrl
      Originally Posted by sylviad View Post

      If she is SO new, maybe she doesn't understand the concept of free opt-ins. Maybe she thought you were just trying to sell her something. She might have thought you saw her as just another way to make money.

      Who knows?

      Just a thought.

      Sylvia
      I don't think that was the case, but when I reply to her, I'll make sure I explain that. I never thought of that. Thank you.
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
      Originally Posted by sylviad View Post

      If she is SO new, maybe she doesn't understand the concept of free opt-ins. Maybe she thought you were just trying to sell her something. She might have thought you saw her as just another way to make money.

      Who knows?

      Just a thought.

      Sylvia
      Hi Sylvia,

      The fact the person said...

      "if you didn't want to help, just say so."
      Sounds more to me someone that wants Trekkiegrrl to take time out of her day to just show them an easy way to riches and when they have to actually read a book, lo and behold twice, it all got a bit much for them to take.
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      • Profile picture of the author sylviad
        Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

        Hi Sylvia,

        The fact the person said...



        Sounds more to me someone that wants Trekkiegrrl to take time out of her day to just show them an easy way to riches and when they have to actually read a book, lo and behold twice, it all got a bit much for them to take.
        Richard,

        You could be right. Any answer could be right. It was just another point of view. We don't know how old this person is. Maybe she is not as literate as many of us. Maybe she's a scanner who doesn't read everything thoroughly. Maybe she didn't get beyond the "go download this book" before she "assumed" she had to buy it - or that she was being "passed off".

        There could be any number of reasons for her response. Although, I have to admit that if those were her exact words, she certainly does sound confrontational.

        Sylvia
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        • Profile picture of the author TrekkieGrrrl
          @Richard, @Sylvia and others -

          It could be any number of reasons, which is the main reason why I'm posting here - to get different ideas as to how to respond to her. I've gotten reasons I didn't think of before.

          @Sylvia -

          She is a bit touchy and confrontational.
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          • Profile picture of the author tpw
            Originally Posted by TrekkieGrrrl View Post

            She is a bit touchy and confrontational.

            If she is a problem now, she will be a bigger problem later.

            Cut the rope now, or pay for your generosity later, because people like that will always make you pay in heartache and aggravation.
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        • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
          Originally Posted by sylviad View Post

          Richard,

          You could be right. Any answer could be right. It was just another point of view. We don't know how old this person is. Maybe she is not as literate as many of us. Maybe she's a scanner who doesn't read everything thoroughly. Maybe she didn't get beyond the "go download this book" before she "assumed" she had to buy it - or that she was being "passed off".

          There could be any number of reasons for her response. Although, I have to admit that if those were her exact words, she certainly does sound confrontational.

          Sylvia
          Oh Sylvia, I wasn't saying you were wrong, apologies if it came across that way.

          I just mean't that was how I saw it, you're right though, the person may have been stung before and has the paranoia alert on or they may just be a "gimme life on a plate" person. There maybe all sorts of reasons.

          Perhaps it would be best to go back to her and just simply ask why she responded in the way she did? Which part of "read this book twice" has caused the reaction it has?

          That way Trekkiegrrl will get to the bottom of it.
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          • Profile picture of the author TrishMullen
            I think it's just typical of how a lot of people think, they see a lot of hype promising overnight riches and when they find out a bit of work may be involved then shock, horror!!!

            I've come across lots of people who say they want to work online but they don't seem to be doing much. I mean in the offline world you wouldn't just go into work and stand around reading notice boards all day and think you're working.

            I see lots of that online so you definitely got a lucky escape, this person would have drained all your energy away!
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          • Profile picture of the author sylviad
            No problem, Richard. I can get a bit defensive sometimes when there's no need.

            I don't know that asking her why she rejected the idea will provide much insight. It could make her even more confrontational.

            I think I'd just explain that the book will provide her with all the basic groundwork that Trekkiegirl cannot. That Trekkiegirl wasn't just trying to wave her off, and that before she can help, the woman/girl needs to understand the basics. There's little point explaining more advanced steps if she doesn't have the basics.

            Having not seen the book or know what it's about, I can only guess that I would also tell her to consider it a "textbook" that they can use to guide her along. I'd also explain that it's difficult to help someone unless you can establish what level they are at first.

            Maybe Trekkiegirl or someone else already offered some of this - can't remember - but those are just some ways I'd respond. If the woman becomes defensive or reluctant, that's when I'd cut the rope. At least making one more attempt to communicate with her could help overcome any miss-communications.

            Sylvia
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  • Profile picture of the author tpw
    You did fine.

    The other person did not want your help. They wanted you to hold their hand and do for them what they are unwilling to do for themselves.
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  • Profile picture of the author CyberSorcerer
    TrekkieGrrrl, that was much nicer than what I normally do to people that ask me that on the street, store, etc.

    I tell them to go to Google and search on "making money from home" and "Internet Marketing" spend a month researching about everything you find and come back and tell me what you learned?

    There answer will tell me how much effort they put into it. But truthfully not to many come back at all, which is good because I don't end up wasting my time. Which is valuable to me.
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