I can't write intelligent humor because I'm far too immature.

Although, "intelligent" is a relative term.

But I did Google "intelligent jokes" and here's the first joke I found.....

Question: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
Answer: An offer you can't understand.

Yeah, I think I'm just going to stick to childish humor after reading that one!

Don't add me to the list. I hear I am an asshat.

These two isotropic magnetohydrodynamic leptons walk into a Higgs field...!

I'll put my hand in simply because, as of the past few months, I've been writing sassy and tastefully irreverent articles for Tyra Banks' new website (as contracted through Demand Media Studios). The intelligence comes from my research; the sassy humor comes right from me (and at times it's evidently spread on a little too thick....)

Well I would vote myself but my jokes are 90% of the time either lame or misunderstood so nah, forget it.

Thanks everyone!

Bill, you are NOT an asshat... I know better than that! Now, a butthead, that's a possibility!

Sylvia, I thought of Thad but he is such a huge "gooroo" that I'm not sure he would do it. I will ask him tough.

See, I've heard a rumor that Paul and Thad are the same person! Just look at the similarities...

1. Thad lives in Stumpwoody Holler and Paul is an honorary resident!

2. Thad is a hillbilly and Paul is a redneck!

3. They are both members of the WF!

4. Paul is a huge Dr. Who fan and Thad likes listening to The Who!

5. Thads favorite band is ZZ Top and Paul... well, never mind about that one!

6. Paul is a friend of Allen Says and Thad has heard of Allen Says!

7. They both know Kevin Riley!

8. They both know that shine is NOT what you do to shoes!

9. If you mention "Wild Turkey", hunting is NOT the first thing that comes to their minds!

... and last but not least

10. Both Paul and Thad have 4 letters in their name.

Well, there you have it! The writing is on the wall! Paul and Thad are the same person!

BTW, I can give you most of the clues about Beatle Paul being dead too!

I cannot say that I have found much humor in this forum myself, but there are some good writers here, that is for sure. I consider myself to be a good writer and I, personally, want to grow up to be just like me one day. That is, if I ever decide to grow up. BTW thanks for the airplane flashback that took me back to building models and getting a glue high.

Benjamin Ehinger

I'm sorry Mr. Myers... I don't think I made myself clear. When I said that Thaddaeus T. Hogg and Paul Myers were one and the same, I meant that "Paul Myers" was the nom de plume! Thaddaeus is the real one!

I can only write funny stuff when using my pen name: Charles Farqua Seabiscuit DonkeyBlanket the 3rd.

Micheal, you've gone off your meds again, haven't you?

Surely there are more people who can write funny stuff, aren't there? (I know, I know, I called you Shirley... another Airplane reference).

Okay, how about this... who would be someone who could write as a character?

Why can't we all just laugh before something funny is ever said and be done with it?

Well, by golly, this is great! Not only am I getting suggestions for writers but a few of them have come in here to audition for me!!!

Sylvia, ACTING like another character is schizophrenic... WRITING like another character is useful!

Being funny is lonely work! I want some company!

I can only show humor in my "reasons for edit" comments. It's a flaw. I'm sure there's some kind of therapy for it. Maybe a support group. Somewhere.

My jokes are funny but most folks are afraid to be caught laughing at them. So they have resigned themselves to being closet guffawers. That's right...they only laugh at my humor after the sun has long set and most of the younger generation are safely snug in their beds, mercifully oblivious to my bunker-busting quick-witted retorts.

You know who you are. It's all you can do to keep from spitting coke all over your screen the moment my text starts appearing in some obscure post here at the WF. Why I'd be willing to bet that even your onions are laughing at me to the point of tears as I write this and spreading the word to potatoes, carrots and God only knows what other imported head of lettuce or surly passion fruit - you know how vegetables love to gossip about you behind your back! Listen -when I say "dinner's calling" - I'm talking about hearing real voices *wipes forehead*!

Now I'm not normally this hilarious but I'm having a special this week. Humor is all about attitude. You have to keep yourself motivated, in high spirits and - ok, maybe you have to be on at least one form of prescription drug - but my point is you all want to laugh, you have to laugh and try as you might the day is coming when everyone will laugh!

I gotta go, warden's coming down the hall!

MENTAL NOTE: never place the Vicks Vapo-Rub next to the jalapeno dip.

OK, I finally had a chance to read the OP...lol

What is the sites Comedy Rating? G - PG - PG13 - PG17 - R - X - XX - XXX

I mean I don't want to start a Sweet Molly Brown skit if the site is rated G
and I don't want to do a Charley Chan skit if the rating is PG and I don't
want to do a Here's to the Crack skit if the the rating is PG13 and I don't
want to do a I've been to skit if the rating is PG17...so If the site is R, X,
XX or XXX then I'm Game!

I've got nothing!

Have a Great Day!
Michael

You want funny? I have one word for you ... Dan C. Rinnert.

Okay, that was more than one word, but I didn't start counting until after the "C."

Chris Sutton is pretty funny too, you might look him up. I'm only naming people that haven't been named. No sense flogging those who have already been flogged.

You know, a lot of folks are funny here with the right set up. Grunhilda Fuzzbottom had me laughing yesterday, but her post got deleted.

Listen! This post is nothin' but a load of codswallop. Back in my day we were happy with what we had. We didn't have no fancy "com-puting machines" to entertain us.

Nope.

When we got the gumption to have some fun we got a bag of onions and a stick. And we would beat that bag of onions with the stick until we would smell like onions for days.

I'll tell you, we used to love smeeling like onions! Why? Because then everybody knew you had a good time. And they'd be jealous and run home to their ma and pa and ask for a bag of onions of their own, but they wouldn't get one because they were little babies.

Just like the little babies who are in here asking for somebody to be funny. Well, I can tell you president Hoover would never ask for something like that! People had other things to worry about. What with getting their kids onion-beating sticks and all. Yes. We had it tough, but it made us who we are, and we didn't need somebody coming around asking for favors.

You hippies are nothing but trouble! "Oh, we want this and we want that!" Well you can't have it. And if you have it, you don't deserve it. And if you deserve it, you don't appreciate it. Burlap was always the best material for an onion bag.

Dan, Look under the bed.... Your talking to Dennis!!!

~MM~

Humorous stuff? It's easy to write. All you need to do is put, "bah bam" at the end of each sentence.

If there is one thing I can't do, it's write humor on demand. I can make a witty post when it fits and the opportunity presents itself, but if I try to force it in, it's corny, at best.

Intelligent posts come naturally to me, unfortunately. I say this, because Intellectuals make for boring reads. Sometimes I wish I was an idiot, then I could be humorous on demand. But I'm not. I guess it's a cross I'll just have to bear.

Seriously though, I would LOVE to contribute to a opinion blog with smart and witty writers. The Internet could use more content like that.

The Hamster King is pretty funny, though I haven't seen him around here lately. I'm def not funny. I'm more of an assclown. lol

Sutton only THINKs he's funny.......

RoD

Just had to pop in and give my two cents....

I'm a writer but, not with the style you are looking for......although, I am really freakin' funny....just a tad on the sarcastic side which isn't everyone's cup of tea.

Anyway....I read this ad in the 'warriors for hire' section and thought it was brilliant. I don't know the writer at all but he sounds like he might be just what you are looking for. I hope it's okay to post the link to his ad....

http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...dQfNDy5JH2Ee2p

If not, sorry mods.....just trying to help out a fellow warrior!

Even if you're not looking for a writer....read this guys ad.....a great example of good copy in my opinion.

And....I too am a proud Canadian who does not have an accent!

[DELETED]

Looks like there is a ton of talent in the writing niche right here in this thread... I think I'll come back everyday from now on just to get a bigger smile on my face than I usually have!!

Yep, ole Thad shore nuff is a great big gooroo! Now, I don't like to be braggin but I make an upper level, two figger income each an ever month! It's all discretion airy income cause I gots all I be needin... I raise my own vittles or find em on the side of the road. I have a brand spankin new outdoors crapper. I make my own shine... ummm, tea. I has a mity fine pig. What more could folks ask for?

I mite be persuasioned to scribe for some folks. That thar price would be steepern the hill out at Ole Foamy though! Tain't many folk could afford it. I would be requiren 4 packs of Hillbilly Heaven chaw, 2 gallons of Granny Fanny's Mity Fine Shine, 2 tickets to the next ZZ Top concert next time they come to the annual Holler Waller, 4 sticks a dynamite for the next time I go fishin (or a hand crank phone in workin condition), an annual subscription to Playpiggy Magazine and an exact replica of Mr. Paul Myer's hat!

I shore hope the modulators don't get rid a this post for me offerin my services but most folk couldn't afford it anyways!

I think that he writers of The big Bang Theory show combines
humor and intelligence. You may want to model off of them
or maybe that is not the kind of intelligence you are looking
for.

British humor is better as combining those two elements than
American humor.

-Ray Edwards

A three legged dog walks into a saloon and tells the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!!"

ok...you all probably didn't deserve that, but I couldn't resist.

God I HATE shameless self promotion! It makes me sick! I just threw up a little in my mouth just THINKING about selflessly promoting oneself just to get some extra work! GEEZ!

Here's a little thread I put up a while ago that landed me 9 or 10 jobs based around the humor thang:

http://www.warriorforum.com/adsense-...imization.html

;-)

Mac the Knife

There are lots here. I can even write for you. You can also hire somebody in freelancer sites. There are of writers there also.