24 replies
Just so you know, this is not a rant. This is a pep talk to those of you
trying to build lists and feeling a bit frustrated by the process.

If that's not you, then you can just close this thread up...there's nothing
for you to see here. Okay?

Cool.

All right, what am I talking about here?

I'm talking about mindset...the wrong one will kill you in this business.

When I first started building my list, I really concentrated on providing the
best content I could for my subscribers. Those of you on any of my lists
know that to be true.

Well, when somebody would unsubscribe, I'd get all upset. What did I do
wrong? How could they not be happy with my content? I'd almost take
it personally.

But...you have to realize something.

People unsubscribe for many reasons besides the fact that they didn't like
your content, such as they just don't have the time to read it, or, they
decided that they don't need the info anymore for whatever reason.

So today, when people unsubscribe, I tell myself, not them, myself, it's
their loss, not mine. I've done all I could do to service my list the best I
know how. If they don't find my info useful, it's no reflection on me.

Now, I know this sounds damn egotistical, and it is.

But guess what?

You better have an ego in this business or it is going to eat you alive.

Why?

Because you're going to get people write to you and tell you that you suck,
that you're a crook, that your content stinks, that your prices are too
high, that they're too low, that you email too much, that you don't
email enough...and on and on.

If you let every complaint, bitch and moan fest get to you, you're going
to lose your mind...quickly.

I have 2 goals and 2 goals only as far as my business.

1. To provide quality content, goods and services to my prospects and
customers.

2. To make money.

If I let my feelings get in the way when people try to knock me or bring
me down then I am hurting nobody but ME.

I hope that last sentence has sunk in because it may have been the most
important thing I've ever realized in my life.

The people who knock you, the people who attack you, the people who
ridicule you, they don't care about you. They don't care if you fell off
the planet tomorrow. So don't give them the power to hurt you.

I have been more guilty (in the past) of letting people do that to me more
than anybody else, especially here at this forum.

But no more. I no longer am giving them the power to bring me down,
thus affecting my business.

AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU!

I strongly believe this, which is why I started this thread, which I have
NO doubt is going to bring out those who usually have nothing nice to
say about me.

Know what?

I welcome it. Because I'm not even going to give them the satisfaction
of responding to them.

Don't let people who don't give 2 rats tails about you ruin your life.

Your list? If they unsubscribe, let them and move on.

After all, it's their lose...not yours.
#lossnot #mine
  • Profile picture of the author Headhunting55
    Beautifully stated, as always, Steven!
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  • Profile picture of the author Martin Luxton
    . . . I have NO doubt is going to bring out those who usually have nothing nice to say about me.
    Their loss, not yours, Steven

    Martin
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  • Profile picture of the author chrisgarrett
    This is a lesson I have had to learn over a couple of times. A couple of people unsubscribed last week because of a spelling mistake I made in a recent article. I tweeted about it (without specifics or naming names) and the overwhelming response was "their loss".

    I also had a similar experience as this recently with a "JV partner" who wanted access to my audience but wanted me to do all the work, build their lists from mine, but wanted to offer me nothing at all. That's right, I would get "publicity" but they had no traffic, product or lists to offer. I was already giving the guy a lot of free books, but he felt he "deserved" a lot more because I was doing well and he wasn't a success yet.

    Artists, writers and marketers have to grow a thick skin, this carapace of ego protection is essential because there is always someone out there who looks to the negative, wants a free ride, enjoys criticizing rather than creating and ready to try to pull you down rather than work to lift up their self
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  • Profile picture of the author Nick Brighton
    Great post Steven, seems like you and I are in the same headspace tonight:

    http://www.warriorforum.com/main-int...-marketer.html
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  • Profile picture of the author Kim Standerline
    Steven

    Have you thought they may be on multiple lists of yours. If you are offering irresistable stuff, they may be signing up several times then receiving the same email from yourself several times

    Its a problem I have mainly because my list is spread over 3 autoresponders. Very often when I look at the reason for unsubscribing, its because of multiple emails sent

    Cheers
    Kim
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    • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
      Originally Posted by Kim Standerline View Post

      Steven

      Have you thought they may be on multiple lists of yours. If you are offering irresistable stuff, they may be signing up several times then receiving the same email from yourself several times

      Its a problem I have mainly because my list is spread over 3 autoresponders. Very often when I look at the reason for unsubscribing, its because of multiple emails sent

      Cheers
      Kim
      Yeah, that's another good reason. Never thought of that.

      Thanks for pointing that out. Like I said, there are tons of reasons and
      they don't necessarily mean your content sucks.
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  • Profile picture of the author DougBarger
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author tomw
      Originally Posted by DougBarger View Post

      It's pretty much like, "Bless their heart, I hope they come to their senses. I guess they didn't really want to succeed. Give them time, they'll be back."
      But this is making quite a huge assumption that what you have to offer them will indeed help them succeed. I can think of countless reasons why this may not be the case. And it is regardless of who you or anyone else providing the content is or at what level you are in this or any other business.

      Never make sweeping judgments about your prospects or customers. Just accept and learn from the things that they tell you through their actions.

      [edit: remember, any lost prospect or customer is a loss of potential revenue. ]

      Thomas
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      • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
        Originally Posted by tomw View Post

        But this is making quite a huge assumption that what you have to offer them will indeed help them succeed. I can think of countless reasons why this may not be the case. And it is regardless of who you or anyone else providing the content is or at what level you are in this or any other business.

        Never make sweeping judgments about your prospects or customers. Just accept and learn from the things that they tell you through their actions.

        [edit: remember, any lost prospect or customer is a potential loss of revenue. ]

        Thomas
        I want to qualify what Thomas has just said (thanks Thomas). You don't
        throw common sense out the window. If you have a 90% opt out rate
        then you are doing something wrong, no question about it. So by all means
        keep an eye on your opt outs and always look to see how you can improve
        what you're doing.

        Just don't take any of it personally and let it upset you. That was my
        main point. I always look to see how I can improve my lists. One list I
        completely gutted the content and redid it because it wasn't converting
        at all.

        So yes, use some business sense.
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  • Profile picture of the author thatgirlJ
    I'm one who gets upset when stuff like that happens. My skin is getting thicker You're right though, their loss.
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  • Profile picture of the author tommygadget
    Many subscribe for a free download and that's all. Yes it is their loss and yes, I move on without a second thought.

    TomG.
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  • Profile picture of the author DougBarger
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author tomw
      Originally Posted by DougBarger View Post

      Hey Tom, I appreciate the sentiment, but actually there is no assumption being made. We can agree to disagree and leave it at that or you are free to contact me via pm should you need the proof.
      Proof of what?

      By suggesting,

      "I guess they didn't really want to succeed. Give them time, they'll be back."

      you are indeed making the assumption that what you have to offer will be valuable to them, when this may not be the case. For example, do you know the capability, level of expertise and success of every person on your list, personally?

      It wasn't a statement of opinion (or attack!) on your personal efforts or level of success in this or any other business, if that is what seems to have got you all fired up.

      I was simply making a pretty basic point of customer insight in relation to your statement.

      :rolleyes:

      Thomas
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      STOP THE TRAFFIK is a growing global movement of individuals, communities and organisations fighting to PREVENT the sale of people,
      PROTECT the trafficked and PROSECUTE the traffickers.
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      • Profile picture of the author DougBarger
        Originally Posted by tomw View Post

        Proof of what?

        By suggesting,

        "I guess they didn't really want to succeed. Give them time, they'll be back."

        you are indeed making the assumption that what you have to offer will be valuable to them, when this may not be the case. Do you know the capability, level of expertise and success of every person on your list, personally?

        It wasn't a statement of opinion (or attack!) on your personal efforts or level of success in this or any other business, if that is what seems to have got you all fired up.

        I was simply making a pretty basic point about customer insight in relation to your statement.

        :rolleyes:

        Thomas
        Thanks for the question Tom. I made no assumption. There's no return in assumptions. We can agree to disagree if you'd like.

        My position stands. Thank you for your suggestions, insights and in particularly the clever eye rolling icon. I for one, have been enriched.

        Happy holidays.

        There's nothing further to discuss from me. Thank you for your insights.
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  • Profile picture of the author DougBarger
    If anyone builds their businesses on mere assumptions, they need to rethink their plan. I've sent a pm if you want to discuss my position further.
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  • Profile picture of the author trafficwave
    This is a very good point, Steven!

    The key question for me is always:

    "Am I providing valuable content that can enhance their situation and is relevant to what they subscribed to in the beginning?"

    If I can say "yes" to all of that, then I don't worry about it.

    That's another reason I love autoresponders. I don't have to take any rejection personally. They just unsubscribe and everybody rolls on with their lives.

    As long as my list is:

    1) Growing
    2) Producing Profits

    I'm happy!

    Reminds me of something someone shared with me years ago:

    Some Will
    Some Won't
    So What
    Next!
    Signature

    -----------------------------
    Brian Rooney, CEO
    TrafficWave.net Email Marketing AutoResponders
    Email Marketing Blog

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  • Profile picture of the author sevenish
    Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

    People unsubscribe for many reasons besides the fact that they didn't like
    your content, such as they just don't have the time to read it, or, they
    decided that they don't need the info anymore for whatever reason.
    This, I think, is an important point. In fact, it should be obvious if you know anything about your target audience/market.
    So today, when people unsubscribe, I tell myself, not them, myself, it's
    their loss, not mine. I've done all I could do to service my list the best I
    know how. If they don't find my info useful, it's no reflection on me.

    Now, I know this sounds damn egotistical, and it is.
    Not egotistical at all. If your information or business model is something that is of interest to someone, your information is apropos to their goals and they have time in their schedule to read it, that's great.

    But it's important to recognize that, no matter the degree of your efforts or depth of experience in what you are doing, your information may not be of use to many who have different business models or goals.

    It's no reflection on you, it's just important to anyone who needs to manage his/her time to triage incoming information and eliminate that which may not be useful.
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  • Profile picture of the author Anna Johnson
    Great post Steven and great thread. I used to let unsubscribes get to me. I would even go back through the emails and try to second-guess why they left one of my lists! Over time I've realised that just as I unsubscribe from lists for ALL sorts of reasons so do those who sign up to my lists.
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  • Profile picture of the author TheNightOwl
    Interesting post Steve and I just commented on Nick's post, too!

    I'd like to pick up on the "thick skin" point. Tom has already broached it, but his point may have gotten lost in the exchange within the thread.

    I know you (Steve) are not saying this, but I want to add that not only do you have to develop a thick skin, but that thick skin has to be developed on the back of being being good.

    You can't be pants and thick-skinned or it's all just false bravado. You're not necessarily helping your list, and you're definitely not doing yourself any favours because if you're shite but you think you're the bee's knees, then how are you ever gonna make things better or address any legitimate problems or shortcomings in what you do?

    You mention not losing your head, for example, and give the 90% opt-out rate to illustrate.

    I guess what I'm driving at here is that there's a fine line between having a thick skin and doing something you believe in and which helps people in the face of some moaning (or worse!) detractors...

    ...and just being an arrogant jackass.


    That is all.


    TheNightOwl
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  • Profile picture of the author Quilst
    I know where you're coming from Steven - sort of speak. I have been doing video marketing and I had about 50 comments on one of my video and all of them were quite offensive.

    Somebody here on the forum said to me you have to have a hard skin for this business.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jowee
    I too used to have the problem. Taking business personally. I might have to admit it still creeps up, but usually whenever one leaves 2-3 come around lol so sometimes I can't wait for someone to leave!
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    • Profile picture of the author Jeff Henshaw
      The people who knock you, the people who attack you, the people who ridicule you, they don't care about you. They don't care if you fell off
      the planet tomorrow. So don't give them the power to hurt you.
      That's a very important and powerful statement. Especially for those who are new to the "business" environment.

      When and if you feel that your self esteem and your confidence are being undermined or eroded, then your business will almost certainly suffer.

      If you are new to Internet Marketing and learn nothing from this thread, then at least remember Steven's statement above, write it down, remember it and retain it.

      Regards,
      Jeff Henshaw.
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  • Profile picture of the author IMChick
    That's right, it is their loss. And a direct benefit to you because it keeps your total list ratio more responsive and it makes room for the next guy.

    Now that the autoresponder rates at AW are set by how many subscribers are on a list rather than a flat fee, not that it makes a huge difference, but freeing up some space by unsubscribes (who are totally missing the boat, by the way), can be a good thing, no?
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  • Hey! I think this thread sucks and you're a horrible man and I'm unsubscribing to it!

    Oh, wait, I never subscribed in the first place...

    In that case I guess I just have to thank you for a great thread. I too curled into the fetal position and rocked uncontrollably while sucking on my thumb humming "Don't Worry, Be Happy" when I got my first unsubscribe.

    It's why I use the pen name "Crazy Internet Dude" to this day - I don't want them following me and tormenting me anymore...

    And having followed some of your stuff since joining the WF (I haven't bought anything yet, shame on me...) I don't even consider your "their loss" comment egotistical at all. Pretty much right on point (please send my testimonial check right away!).

    Now I pretty much look forward to unsubscribes.

    After all - it keeps my list manageable and filled with happy little subscribers salivating for my next email or offer (OK, so a little self-delusion never hurt...). I look at it as letting unwelcomed guests leave the party a little early...

    And who knows- they may come back when their in a better mood.

    CID

    P.S. And I don't think you're a horrible man...
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    • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
      Originally Posted by crazyinternetdude View Post

      And having followed some of your stuff since joining the WF (I haven't bought anything yet, shame on me...).

      CID
      Darn right shame on you! Now go sit in the corner and say to yourself
      100 times, "Ozzie Osborne wears pink pajamas."

      J/K.

      Hey, if you can figure this stuff out without having to dig into your wallet
      then I say "power to you."
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