Do you have anything POSITIVE to report?

Sharlene...

My heart goes out to you. I know it must seem like the world is caving in around you.

Take a nice deep cleansing breath and repeat these words:
"This too shall pass". That was my mothers favorite quote and one that has helped me though some rough times. Try not to pile all the negative things you've been going through in one lump. Separate them, so it's not so overwhelming. Work on the ones you have control over, and let go of the ones you don't.

My ten year old daughter made me a Christmas card in Girl Scouts. This is what it said:

Dear Mommy,
I hope you have a great Christmas because you deserve it a lot. You help us when we're sad and you're fun. You make everyday like Christmas.
Love, Jacqueline

My 13 year old daughter wrote me a note today. Here's what it said:

Hey Mom,
Thanks for helping me today with you know what. I made you a cup of tea, it's on top of this note. I went out with Dad to get a Christmas gift for someone that I can't say who. Because I won't be home when you wake up I won't be able to give you a kiss good morning but I will give you one when I come home (even if it's not the morning anymore).
Love, Shawna

These notes are like a million dollars to me. My husband & I adopted these two girls (and their brother) five years ago from foster care and I can't imagine my life without them.

Life Is Good.

Dear Sharlene,
Its good that you came forward to share your pain with us. I remember a saying that, happiness increases with sharing, sorrow decreases when you share. I believe, while in a great pain like you, we should remember that all the negative things are part of the same life where happiness, joy and victory relies. You should remember your own happiest moments alone. I am sure you must have had some great Christmases with your nice kids before. You can think of those. You may also think of some family tours that gave you enormous pleasure. And then put the recent sadness beside them in the same canvas. I believe it will give you some relieve.

Yes, it does. It's hard because everyone else is celebrating and you're grieving.

Every time I hear about losing loved ones near a holiday, I think about my cousin. My mother's cousin lost her son 30 years ago after he got hit by a car on Easter Sunday. For years afterwards, she couldn't celebrate Easter. One year, about 10 years ago, she and her husband were traveling on Easter Sunday to visit their daughter. Her husband had a heart attack in the car and passed away. I can't even imagine what she must have felt. Needless to say, Easter is not a good time for her.

I'm sorry, that was meant as a positive message. The main point I was trying to make is that material shouldn't be our main concern, but the people we keep close to us and what we have now.

When I have kids, they will get presents, but I will also teach them what I think happiness means and hopefully they will interpret it in a positive way.

Thanks Sharlene!

I'm Sean by the way.

I'm sorry you have to let your kids down, but I'm sure they understand, and they're sure mommy will make it up on their birthdays

It's ALL Perspective...

I really hope you can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sorry you don't have presents for your kids this year, but you love them enough for that to bother you so I'd say they're in pretty good hands.

Anything Positive to report?

Well I'd say every person in this forum either at least has enough prosperity to have their own computer and Internet connection, or has the ingenuity to leverage someone else's computer and Internet connection.

I don't want to belittle. I know about tough times and I know it's all relative.

I've had my share of ruts and so forth, to the extent of being homeless and penniless at one point in my life. But you seriously have to switch perspective and use relativity to your advantage if you want to be happy and stay sane.

Look at all the things that are going right in your life. And again I KNOW there are a few things on the bright side for everyone in this place.

The people who are really in bad shape in this world don't have a roof or electricity, much less a connection to the Web and the luxury of complaining to people in a business forum.

AGAIN: I am not being flippant here. There are some tough times right now for sure.

But the very worst thing AND I DO MEAN THE VERY WORST THING POSSIBLE anyone can do right now is fuel the fire of this whole recession pitch.

We may very well see more upheaval but it will only get as bad as we make it by complaining and screaming "the sky is falling". It's important for us to keep our heads, stay positive, and turn the damn news off because most of what they have to say is CRAP anyway.

No way are you letting your kids down. You love them, you're there for them, you'll give them a fun day. You'll only let them down if you are miserable. Be happy and they will too.

If this awful time teaches the world anything, I hope it is that there is more to life than "things". Yes we all want them and we all have them. In my family expensive presents were never given or expected and they still aren't.

To think that we can only have a good time at Christmas if we give expensive presents or eat expensive food is sad. Go out and buy some apples, butter and sugar. Make toffee apples, tie some tinsel on them and hang them from the tree for the kids to find.

My story for this year? A long story - so very briefly. I was living in a tied cottage and working part time for an estate. I have ME. I had a relapse 18 months ago. They didn't like it and in Feb this year told me to leave. I like the village and wanted to stay. Totally out of the blue a mutual friend put me in touch with some people I'd never met who had a converted barn that was coming empty. The rest is history and I've been here since May. This gave me the kick I needed to start looking seriously into IM. I still have a lot to learn and need to learn to focus. I've made lots of friends in the village and run the village website.

The sting in the tail?? I went down with flu two days ago. I'm laid up in bed instead of travelling to my family. Yesterday was my birthday. The good side - I've had loads of visitors over the last few days that I would have missed if I'd gone away as planned. The bad side - could be beans on toast for Xmas lunch, but I feel too horrid to care! Roll on next year.

After putting a lot of money into development on my new software company, maintaining my current operations, and paying my ridiculous bills (I found out a shiny new car isn't good for you the hard way), I was at the point where I couldn't afford to see my family for christmas.

So I figured it was time to dust off the old contacts and do a bit of freelancing to raise some extra cash. Before I could even start talking to them I got not one, but three jobs dumped right on my lap I raised way more than I was aiming for and am now typing this message from my mother's house in Florida. So that worked out well, I'm even thinking of doing a very limited WSO for warriors at a crazy 50% off my current rates to thank this great community (and get a bit of extra capital of course!)

The most positive thing I can say about a recession is that it weeds out the people who aren't in it for the long haul, and I always welcome less competition. If you need cash fast I would recommend using your expertise to land some direct business / clients.

That's great. I'm glad you've received a lift.

And I just want to emphasize that my post was intended to help you feel better... it's not always easy to get a message across in a forum where others can't see your face and hand movements, etc. but I hope you didn't perceive my comments as negative or condescending because that's not what I intended.

ALSO... another poster said something about cats. Wow I missed this the first time and let me just say as a feline parent myself I am deeply sorry to anyone who has lost one of their kitties.

I too would be crushed in that event. Every time I lose an animal friend it's a very serious matter for me and it truly takes another animal lover to understand that.

I know you'll pull through what you're going through right now. I didn't recognize you at first but now I remember in 2007 you guys helped a partner and I with a product launch, sold some good numbers for us even during a time when there were some health issues at home.

If there's anything I can do to help you at this time please drop me a note.I'll gladly do what I can, and again I know you'll find a way because that's what real entrepreneurs do, and you clearly have earned that title.

Hi Sharlene,

The majority of kids in our countries will get many presents this year. And due to human nature being as it is, they really won't appreciate them that much. They will be 'just more' presents.

But your kids will never forget that they had one (or some) Christmasses that were different. Naturally, to you, this is a bad thing.

But I'm sure that they are aware of the reasons why. If you hadn't made the effort to visit family, help out and pay your respects, but the kids had presents instead, would that be a better situation? I think you know the answer.

They have learnt about priorities and sacrifice.

This Christmas may be a difficult lesson for them. But the way that life works is that from that difficult lesson will spring much future happiness. Your kids will not go through their lives failing to appreciate the little, but important things.

They may encounter friends who's parents (for a variety of reasons) ALWAYS made sure that their kids got a present. But did little else - the world is full of these situations. And they will then compare it to a few difficult Christmasses where they had no presents, but had the love of a family.

...............

True example - from the age of 6, my father lived 15 minutes walk away from my house. I saw him a little for four years but at age 10 things changed and I saw him only twice a year for 5 minutes as he 'did his duty' and dropped off a meaningless present for Christmas or my birthday. He had nothing meaningful to say to me and he didn't want to be there. But he always paid my mother the maintenance money for me and my sister.

He had four step children and my sister also went to stay with him on occasion, but once my half brother was born (when I was 10), it was decided that I should be ejected from that side of the family and a suitable reason was invented and presented to me - I was accused of being a thief and banned from his house by his wife. I become the 'black sheep.'

This went on for 20 years. I desperately needed a father figure in my life when I was young. It would have made the world of difference if he had appeared to have liked me or been proud of me and done nothing else different.

But as time has passed, I have become aware of the fact that what I foolishly considered to be the worst situation that could happen to anyone, is far from it. There are so many things I am grateful for and the world is brimming with tragedy and people who would swap their lives for mine and their difficulties for mine in a heartbeat. I only really became a man when I realised this and vowed to remember it every day.

After 20 years, things changed for my father (due to a bereavement) and I had become a man. I was presented with a choice. I could unleash 20 years of anger on him that I had allowed to make a mess of my life. Instead, I made a decision to try and understand the reasons and to forgive him. By then I had made a mess of my own family and had a son who I didn't live with anymore. There was nothing I could do to avoid it. I learnt from this. That negative created a positive.

I now get on with and respect my father, understand and accept the situation, and we don't let the past ruin the present. I have the most amazing son in the world and we are as like as two peas, and have a strong bond. I'll be spending Christmas alone, but that holds absolutely no fear or problem for me whatsoever. The future looks good, and I will have my son to stay on the 27th.

...........

Many people will do their children a dis-service by spoiling them this year. You will be doing the opposite. It may not feel that way, but that's the way life is.

Fast forward to the future and try to envisage your own children providing a memorable Christmas for their own children. None of it will be meaningless to them. The right things will be important to them. They will benefit in the future (and so will their children) because of this hardship now.

There really are many positives inside the negatives. This is how the lessons in life unfold. You just have to learn to see them - and I don't mean to condescend - I'm sure you know this already, but I'm just providing a friendly nudge. You are feeling bad because you DO care about them so much.

Get over it quick and remember that what will stick in their minds forever is the example that you set during difficult times. These are the things that make them proud in the future when they look back at where there roots are and see where their own strengths come from.

I can do this too. I am proud of my roots - regardless of the difficult situations that were bestowed upon my family, and how that made me feel while I was young.

I chose to feel sorry for myself when I was young because I had a selfish, loser's attitude. The difficulties that I endured tempered me like metal, to become the strong person I am today - likewise for anyone else experiencing difficulties. Don't focus on the current difficulty, focus on what your response to that difficulty can do for you in the future, and for the people who are observing you dealing with it. It's an exponential thing.

Hi Sharlene,

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