My Hamsters Are Starving. Who Will Save Them?

88 replies
I'm so sorry to air my tale of woe here, but I just can't bear to see the innocent hamsters pining away without any sustenance. It's a story we probably have all heard before of a hamster and a credit card.

I have this one hamster called Fat Freddy who is addicted to online poker. Over the Christmas holidays he went wild with the credit card and put the whole Labs into serious debt. There is no more money for hamster pellets or even a handful of hay.

Thankfully, the Whiskey cabinet was fully stocked so I shall survive. I only ask your help for the hamsters sake. Those poor little furry faces with their big glistening eyes, woefully looking to you for just a handful of sunflower seeds or some Happy Hamster munchies.

You may press the PayPal button as many times as your warm heart desires.

#hamsters #save #starving #tongue in cheek
  • Profile picture of the author Simon Ashari
    LOL... love it.
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  • Profile picture of the author DougBarger
    Oh good heavens Kevin,

    I think you've been scammed! I tried to press the paypal button to send millions of dollars for sunflower seeds but it wouldn't clickthrough!

    How cold has this world become?
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  • Profile picture of the author Nightengale
    ROFL!

    Thanks for the laugh! (I really needed it right now.)

    Michelle
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark McClure
    That's because you're feeding him all that Osaka okonomiyaki stodge - come to Kanto, baby!
    Are you an 81x scammer too?
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    • Profile picture of the author Kevin Riley
      Originally Posted by justfiverules View Post

      That's because you're feeding him all that Osaka okonomiyaki stodge - come to Kanto, baby!
      Are you an 81x scammer too?
      It's Kansai or nothing. You've only got Monjayaki. Poor blighters.
      Signature
      Kevin Riley, Kevin Riley Publishing, Osaka, Japan


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      • Profile picture of the author ExRat
        Hi,

        No-one should give a rat's ass about these hamsters. They're nothing but gun-slinging mercenaries. They should be put to the wheel permanently to drive our power stations.

        Signature


        Roger Davis

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        • Originally Posted by ExRat View Post

          Hi,

          No-one should give a rat's ass about these hamsters. They're nothing but gun-slinging mercenaries. They should be put to the wheel permanently to drive our power stations.

          No doubt, a hamster was holding a gun to Kevin's head to make him post this pathetic plea. Here's the proof: Sue & Dan White: Hamster Terror
          Signature
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          • Profile picture of the author Success_Gal
            Originally Posted by Vince Runza Online View Post

            No doubt, a hamster was holding a gun to Kevin's head to make him post this pathetic plea. Here's the proof: Sue & Dan White: Hamster Terror
            Kevin's Hamster has backup... watch out



            Happy New Year everyone
            Tina G
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            • Profile picture of the author pearsonbrown
              I tried to set up a firesale.

              Unfortunately, one hamster got a bit too close to the fire.

              Pearson
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            • Profile picture of the author Charles E. White
              Kevin, my friend, as I have told you before, they are going to come after you and lock you up some day.

              On the other hand..that was funny LMAO
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            • Profile picture of the author BuddyT
              Banned
              [DELETED]
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              • Profile picture of the author R Hagel
                Originally Posted by BuddyT View Post

                Hamsters- Red wine or white wine...discuss.
                Buddy, you're showing your ignorance about hamsters here. The answer is: Beer.
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                • Profile picture of the author ShayB
                  Originally Posted by R Hagel View Post

                  Buddy, you're showing your ignorance about hamsters here. The answer is: Beer.
                  It depends. If they are sauteed in a delicate garlic sauce, then beer would not be my first choice.
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                  • Profile picture of the author R Hagel
                    Originally Posted by ShayRockhold View Post

                    It depends. If they are sauteed in a delicate garlic sauce, then beer would not be my first choice.
                    Good point. That works if you're talking about the average hamster. But since we're talking about Kevin's hamsters, they're likely marinated in whiskey. So, if you drink a beer chaser you're more or less having a boilermaker.
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            • Profile picture of the author traceye
              The cupboards were bare and hamsters want food
              Ol' Riley was in the worst possible mood
              What was the cause of the air in the house?
              Why Fat Freddy had gambled all the pellets - the louse!
              What's the solution, how to lift morale?
              It's simple just give all your cash to PayPal.


              Happy New Year
              Tracey
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              • Profile picture of the author Michelle Brouse
                Hahahah!

                Dang Kevin, if I only knew. I wouldn't have billed ya for the last covers. :p

                Them poor hamsters... look how dang hungry they are!


                Something HAS to be done, before them little mutants eat Riley!

                Thanks!
                Michelle
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        • Profile picture of the author zerofill
          Originally Posted by ExRat View Post

          Hi,

          No-one should give a rat's ass about these hamsters. They're nothing but gun-slinging mercenaries. They should be put to the wheel permanently to drive our power stations.

          Haha if they are as fast as these suckers we would have free energy forever...

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          • Profile picture of the author David_Thompson
            Hey Kevin,

            them hamsters you've been feeding them way too much that local rum
            what's the name....Sake (Saki)...lol

            You've got to get them back on the wheel man...

            --David
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  • Profile picture of the author Bev Clement
    Kevin, you need to sort those hamsters out. I heard they nicked some Lindt chocolate and mincemeat over Christmas again. And yesterday we went flat hunting and the bus could hardly get up the hill, because the hamsters stopped working hard. Give them a good kick in the backside.
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  • Profile picture of the author Monetize
    I have just PP'd you a gazillion dollars for hamster pellets.

    Merry Christmas (and please don't ask for more as that
    was my last gazillion)
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  • Profile picture of the author Arine Mark
    I pressed the button at least three times. My reflex kicks in. LOL
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  • Profile picture of the author JayXtreme
    Classic..

    Thanks Kevin

    Peace

    Jay
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    Bare Murkage.........

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  • Profile picture of the author Nigel Greaves
    Kevin,

    Just sent you a couple of extra bottles of Whiskey to be on the safe side and to help you get over this traumatic event.

    By the way can you tell Fat Freddy there's another game on round my place Friday?

    Nigel
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  • Profile picture of the author Dave777
    But can your Hamster do this?
    Talking about Hamsters! Checkout the following stats...
    Views: 4,456,008 Video Responses: 43 Text Comments: 9,261 etc...

    All those itty bitty niche's to Dig out and Monetize...

    THE LEGEND of Hamster piano and pop corn - Criceto e popcorn! 4 MILLION VIEWS!

    =

    Dave
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  • Profile picture of the author bobcath
    Kevin

    If the worst outcome should prevail (god forbid!), you could brighten the place up and add to the pantry supplies.

    Did you know that hamsters make great jam. This jam has magical properties, especially with tulip seeds.

    In the twinkling of an eye you can have 'Tulips from HamsterJam'.

    Bobby
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  • Profile picture of the author milan
    Can we have this thread sticky??

    Not believable though. We've heard this many times before. You need to tell us the credit card company name, scan all the documents (and hamsters) and we'll check the story (Bev can do that ). If everything turns out right we'll start an endless thread: "Let's save the hamsters"...
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  • Profile picture of the author kennethtang
    Kevin,

    My Siamese cats are on the way.

    Kenneth
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    • Profile picture of the author Anthony Robinson
      Kevin,

      Fear not, I've reported your hamsters to the proper authorities:

      **** You, Penguin

      DO NOT click that link if you're easily offended!
      Signature

      .

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  • Profile picture of the author BizBooks
    Let the hamster free!!!!!!

    (or buy it a fur coat!)
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  • Profile picture of the author Ken Leatherman
    Kevin,

    Big Mike has started a Greece Marathon of sleeping in the Gutter to raise more PayPal buttons, which don't work, to save your dorky hamsters. As he is sleeping he asked me to forward all proceeds to your first PayPal Button (that doesn't work).

    Furthermore, he has decreed the next time you fly over to bow before him while he sits on the throne, to leave the hamsters in Japan. It's way too difficult to stop them from drowning when he flushes.

    Ken
    The Old Geezer
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    • Profile picture of the author John Rogers
      I'm having visions of Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal.

      I suspect hamsters are quite tasty when marinated in whiskey.

      It may even catch on. Set up a stand at the public market and give it a go, Kevin.

      Think franchise!

      John
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  • Profile picture of the author Bev Clement
    John they eat fried rat in China, I would imagine they do fried hamster as well, do you want to go and check it out. And no, I haven't eaten fried rat, and they serve it with rape.
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  • Profile picture of the author ExRat
    Hi Bev,

    John they eat fried rat in China
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    Roger Davis

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  • Profile picture of the author bobcath
    Bev

    Have you tried Ham Stirfry?

    (the jokes get worse!)

    Bobby
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
      Kevin, I have a question for that little SOB Fat Freddie - What did he do with all the loot he won from me? :confused:

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      • Profile picture of the author BIG Mike
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        • Profile picture of the author Nightengale
          Roger,

          I love your animated icons! Where do you get them? I especially love the little guy in the shower who realizes he's being watched and tries to cover himself. Hilarious! Can you send me the code for that one? Pretty please???

          Michelle

          P.S. On a more serious note, I espcially love the quote in your sig file: "No more prizes for predicting rain. Prizes only for building arks." It's been going 'round and 'round in my head this morning -- a reminder to get off my bum and do some work!
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  • Profile picture of the author R Hagel
    Kevin,

    No.

    I will not send you money. I believe this is a huge scam. How do I know you won't just drink my donation away?

    Send me your snail mail address instead, and I'll send you hamster pellets. I may even send them a book on winning poker so you guys don't fall into this sorry mess again.

    Sincerely,

    Becky
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  • Profile picture of the author John Taylor
    Did someone mention Whisky?

    John
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    • Profile picture of the author R Hagel
      Originally Posted by John Taylor View Post

      Did someone mention Whisky?

      John
      Nope, read the thread again. I didn't see Kevin mention anything about whisky.

      I believe whiskey was mentioned, though.

      cheers,
      Becky
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      • Profile picture of the author John Taylor
        Originally Posted by R Hagel View Post

        Nope, read the thread again. I didn't see Kevin mention anything about whisky.

        I believe whiskey was mentioned, though.

        cheers,
        Becky
        Oh, that's OK then.. I'd hate to feel I was
        missing out on a nice malt, especially on
        Hogmanay!

        John
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  • Profile picture of the author Ken Leatherman
    John,

    I loved it. I'm still laughing as I dip into the honey to glaze my hamsters.

    Ken
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  • Profile picture of the author John Rogers
    Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

    Thankfully, the Whiskey cabinet was fully stocked so I shall survive. I only ask your help for the hamsters sake.
    You're hoarding the whiskey and forcing the poor hamsters to drink sake?

    Cruel *******!

    John
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  • Profile picture of the author bobcath
    Bev

    Best be careful on this topic, it may backfire, you never know what shamsters are listening in.

    (there, told you they get worse! )

    Bobby
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  • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
    Here....I got you some hamster food.



    Now go feed 'em for crying out loud.

    Sheesh.
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  • Profile picture of the author George Wright
    Hi Kevin,

    Sorry I can't help today. I sent all my bank account information to a gentleman who needed it to make a large deposit to my account. Seems his cousin Dr. (name withheld so no one will get this away from me) needed to transfer some funds to the U.S.

    Anyway something strange happened. A bank error or something. "They" say I have no money. As soon as I get the bank straight and as soon as Dr. x puts the 20 billion in my account I'll buy you all the hamster food you want. Hang in there my friend.

    George Wright
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    • Profile picture of the author zerofill
      Originally Posted by George Wright View Post

      Hi Kevin,

      Sorry I can't help today. I sent all my bank account information to a gentleman who needed it to make a large deposit to my account. Seems his cousin Dr. (name withheld so no one will get this away from me) needed to transfer some funds to the U.S.

      Anyway something strange happened. A bank error or something. "They" say I have no money. As soon as I get the bank straight and as soon as Dr. x puts the 20 billion in my account I'll buy you all the hamster food you want. Hang in there my friend.

      George Wright
      George don't worry I am sure Raymon...errrrr someone will fix that all up for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author tommygadget
    You know, this thread lacks credibility. Kevin, please provide screenshots of the charges you "attribute" to said hamster. Also, I want to see surveillance video of him doing the crime or you won't see a single seed from me. So until you provide the suitable proof, stop scamming the forum. Oh, and stop posting as McHam, we're onto you, we see your IP.

    TomG.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dave OSullivan
    Kevin,

    Thanks for the laugh!

    Happy New Year! and I hope you and your hamsters have a prosperous one.

    Cheers,
    Dave.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Riddle
    Until 1930, it was assumed that the golden hamster was extinct as a species.

    Then, in 1930, near the ancient town of Aleppo in Syria, a Jewish archaeologist by the name of Aaron Abrahams, came across a nest containing a small rodent with twelve babies that he could not identify.

    He carefully placed the family into a container and had them taken to the Hebrew University in Jerusalem.

    There they were identified as golden hamsters and, under laboratory conditions, encouraged to breed.

    As a result, all the golden hamsters kept as pets in the world today are descended from the mother and babies found by accident in Syria back in 1930.

    It has never again been found in the wild.

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    • Profile picture of the author ShayB
      Dearest Honorable Kevin the Hamster King,

      Greetings to you from the South of Carolina! I pray that this post finds you and your beloved hamsters in good health.

      My beloved husband, the Earl of France, recently passed away and left me a vast fortune worth 18 bazillion American dollars.

      I would truly love to share this fortune with you for the sake of your hamsters, but militant rebels have seized my assets and will not allow me access to my dear departed husband's fortune.

      If you will be so kind as to send me your bank account information, blood type, length of your index finger and name of your first born child, I would be happy to share this incredible fortune with you, in return for your generous nature.

      I offer this so that your hamsters do not suffer so.

      I anxiously await your reply.

      The Duchess of Switzerland
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      "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
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  • Profile picture of the author traces2757
    As much as the plight of your hamsters moves me to tears, there is something that keeps going through my mind:

    "Give a hamster a few sunflower seeds and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to play Texas Hold'em with the big boys and you feed him for a lifetime."
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      Hamster Sushi...

      mmmm... tastes like SPAM!
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      • Profile picture of the author Collette
        You know, there's good-paying work for hamsters that want to work...

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  • Profile picture of the author John Rowe
    Some really funny responses in this thread. Thanks for the laughs.
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  • Profile picture of the author Norma Holt
    Hahahaha. This is just the kind of nonsense I did not need today as I try to get back into some serious work.

    Thanks everyone for the hilarity. Love the videos. Boy what people do for a moment in the sun and some fame. With all due respects to NKC that 'hamsters roasting on an open fire' should be archived.

    You made my day.

    Norma
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  • Profile picture of the author Amber_Writes
    That was a very good laugh. I never saw it coming. LOL!
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  • Profile picture of the author Jared Alberghini
    WARNING... don't get fooled everyone, this is NOT Kevin Riley who posted this...

    It's actually his hamsters that now obviously have him under mind control... just look at what he said to me a while ago:

    Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

    Those "poor defenseless" hamsters? the evil little geniuses have taken over the Labs. They have me strapped to this chair, flogging me to work harder while they recline on pillows and are fed sunflower seeds.

    http://www.warriorforum.com/main-int...tml#post321090

    We all need to help Kev out... I think he is in serious trouble... now the hamsters are posing as Kevin himself, ruining his reputation, just to launch their sunflower seed scams.

    Kevin, if you are still out there and alive, please let us know what to do to help you escape!!!


    - Jared
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    • Profile picture of the author Kevin Riley
      Originally Posted by Jared Alberghini View Post

      [SIZE=5]
      Kevin, if you are still out there and alive, please let us know what to do to help you escape!!![/B]

      - Jared
      Mpfh grgl mmmhhg mrph
      Signature
      Kevin Riley, Kevin Riley Publishing, Osaka, Japan


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      • Profile picture of the author ShayB
        Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

        Mpfh grgl mmmhhg mrph
        Huh? What was that? "Everything is fine - don't worry?" Oh good!
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        • Profile picture of the author Jared Alberghini
          Originally Posted by ShayRockhold View Post

          Huh? What was that? "Everything is fine - don't worry?" Oh good!
          Shay... oh dear lord, have those evil hamsters gotten to you to??? I'm genuinely scared... just who is next...
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          • Profile picture of the author ShayB
            Originally Posted by Jared Alberghini View Post

            Shay... oh dear lord, have those evil hamsters gotten to you to??? I'm genuinely scared... just who is next...
            *smiling in a stilted, unnatural fashion*

            "Why, Jared, I don't know what you are talking about...."
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            • Profile picture of the author Jared Alberghini
              Originally Posted by ShayRockhold View Post

              *smiling in a stilted, unnatural fashion*

              "Why, Jared, I don't know what you are talking about...."
              Oh boy... I'm in trouble... ahem... I mean, yea, listen to anything the hamsters tell you...

              What just happened to my brain???
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              • Profile picture of the author ShayB
                Originally Posted by Jared Alberghini View Post

                Oh boy... I'm in trouble... ahem... I mean, yea, listen to anything the hamsters tell you...

                What just happened to my brain???
                Hehehehehehehehhehehe...

                Nothing at all....you are going to be fine....
                Signature
                "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
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                • Profile picture of the author Jared Alberghini
                  Originally Posted by ShayRockhold View Post

                  Hehehehehehehehhehehe...

                  Nothing at all....you are going to be fine....
                  You are so right Shay. Hamsters are our friends and I will do anything they want me to do... I think you are right... if I do everything they tell me, I should be fine... Just ask the mubling Kevin Riley...

                  Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

                  Mpfh grgl mmmhhg mrph
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                  • Profile picture of the author ShayB
                    Originally Posted by Jared Alberghini View Post

                    You are so right Shay. Hamsters are our friends and I will do anything they want me to do... I think you are right... if I do everything they tell me, I should be fine... Just ask the mubling Kevin Riley...
                    That's right....

                    *grabs the duct tape and rope....*
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                    • Profile picture of the author Jared Alberghini
                      Originally Posted by ShayRockhold View Post

                      That's right....

                      *grabs the duct tape and rope....*
                      I didn't think the evil forces would corrupt you that easily Shay...

                      HELP! The hamster virus is spreading... get out while you can!!!
                      Mmmph... MMMM~!!! (duct tape sucks!@!)

                      Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

                      Mpfh grgl mmmhhg mrph
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                      • Profile picture of the author ShayB
                        Originally Posted by Jared Alberghini View Post

                        HELP! The hamster virus is spreading... get out while you can!!!

                        I didn't think they would get to you that easily Shay...

                        Mmmph... MMMM~!!! (duct tape sucks!@!)
                        Hehehehehehehehe....it doesn't suck. It's sticky.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jared Alberghini
        Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

        Mpfh grgl mmmhhg mrph
        Shite people... don't you see that someone needs our help here... Kevin is in serious trouble...

        Is there anyone that has any anti-hamster-venom here? Quick, time is of the essence...
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        • Profile picture of the author ShayB
          Originally Posted by Jared Alberghini View Post

          Shite people... don't you see that someone needs our help here... Kevin is in serious trouble...

          Is there anyone that has an anti-hamster-venom here? Quick, time is of the essence...
          Phasers set on stun would subdue those little suckers pretty quickly. :rolleyes:
          Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author Suthan M
    hamsters for PETA !!!
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  • Profile picture of the author robocallaghan
    Fat Freddie is well known on the circuit and a big it with the ladies?

    Signature

    .

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  • Profile picture of the author Rachel Goodchild
    If the worst happens and they do die...
    can you post them to me? my cat loves hampsters
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  • Profile picture of the author lraustin
    What a wild thread, Kevin.
    If there is one thing I learned here... That is to find a way to make
    a post sticky, so people will read your story. Is there a hidden meaning
    here with hamsters that I'm not getting? I feel that I'm missing something. You'll have to do a little better than share a starving
    hamster story before I go clicking on a paypal button.

    Larry
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    • Profile picture of the author Sylvia Meier
      Originally Posted by lraustin View Post

      What a wild thread, Kevin.
      If there is one thing I learned here... That is to find a way to make
      a post sticky, so people will read your story. Is there a hidden meaning
      here with hamsters that I'm not getting? I feel that I'm missing something. You'll have to do a little better than share a starving
      hamster story before I go clicking on a paypal button.

      Larry
      Now the hamsters have done it, people are joining in the future and posting. Its still december here yet lraustin joined the WF in January 2009!
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      • Profile picture of the author ShayB
        Originally Posted by Sylvia Rolfe View Post

        Now the hamsters have done it, people are joining in the future and posting. Its still december here yet lraustin joined the WF in January 2009!
        I see Dec. 2008 for him. :confused:
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        "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
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  • Profile picture of the author Jason Moffatt
    Man,

    I'm trying to donate money but can't figure out how! I'm always in support of Hamsters playing online poker.

    Signature
    FREE 7-Day Video Training On How To Get People To Know, Like, Trust & Buy From You - http://www.nichefamous.com/
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  • Profile picture of the author Sylvia Meier
    Mine shows 2009 may be I havent changed the default time setting lol
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    • Profile picture of the author ShayB
      Originally Posted by Sylvia Rolfe View Post

      Mine shows 2009 may be I havent changed the default time setting lol
      Ack! It's a tme warp!
      Signature
      "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
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  • Profile picture of the author TimS
    The button isn't working. Where can I mail my check?
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    • Profile picture of the author Kevin Riley
      Originally Posted by TimS View Post

      The button isn't working. Where can I mail my check?
      It's very difficult to cash cheques in Japan, but we do accept bundles of cash. Just post it to:

      Tall Bearded Gaijin
      Osaka, Japan

      They'll find me.
      Signature
      Kevin Riley, Kevin Riley Publishing, Osaka, Japan


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  • Profile picture of the author Tsnyder
    I've caught the little poker playing miscreant in the act...

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    If you knew what I know you'd be doing what I do...
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  • Profile picture of the author angela99
    Originally Posted by Kevin Riley View Post

    I'm so sorry to air my tale of woe here, but I just can't bear to see the innocent hamsters pining away without any sustenance. It's a story we probably have all heard before of a hamster and a credit card.

    I have this one hamster called Fat Freddy who is addicted to online poker. Over the Christmas holidays he went wild with the credit card and put the whole Labs into serious debt. There is no more money for hamster pellets or even a handful of hay.

    Thankfully, the Whiskey cabinet was fully stocked so I shall survive. I only ask your help for the hamsters sake. Those poor little furry faces with their big glistening eyes, woefully looking to you for just a handful of sunflower seeds or some Happy Hamster munchies.

    You may press the PayPal button as many times as your warm heart desires.

    Giggle. :-)

    I can see you turning this into a product, a la the Amazon.com: Who Moved My Cheese?: An Amazing Way...Amazon.com: Who Moved My Cheese?: An Amazing Way... (not an aff link) model.

    A parable for our times. I love Fat Freddy. :-)

    Cheers

    Angela
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