Greatest Sales Letter Of all time?

by trafficpayouts 6 replies
This email is intended to be a bit of a laugh,but it was used in a clever viral email marketing campaign a few years ago and is very cleverly crafted and makes you want to read the story.

I am trying to re write a modern version for a product that I want to promote and would love some warrior opinions on the key elements.

Dear sir or madame or some sort of she-male women in suit;
Is your site crap? If you answer yes, Olga will help. If you answer no, you lie. Olga has seen your site. Is crap. Several problems with site. First of all, is written in one language. This is crap! Olga knows that best way to reach more clients is to write in many languages. For example, if site was also available in Chechnoslovenian language, 16 more people would be able to read and purchase items from site (was 17 more people, until Stinky Ivan drank too much vodka and tried to mate his bull with wild boar. God rest his soul). Imagine business from 16 more people! Is good, yes?
No. Is crap. Is crap because no one wants to buy product from your crappy site. This is your other big problem. Olga will fix. Site should sell many things, so people will not need to travel on "Superhighway" to other sites to find things they need. Olga has never seen superhighway, but traffic sounds worse than Ugstavich Street when Pachinka, one legged whore offered Yaking Day Special! Your site must offer all that Pachinka did and more. For example, what if customer think, "Ah, I wish to purchase refreshing beverage, warm sweater, and find romantic love all at one place! But where?" Olga has answer. Your site could be solution to customers problems. What to do? Sell mule online! Mule produce milk (refreshing beverage!), has thick coat (warm sweater!) and is mule (romantic love!). is answer to all problems.
olga has checked. your site only provides computer interface software to improve broadband operations (or handmade chocolates in shape of favorite civil war heros or some other crap). who the hell wants to cuddle with that?
Olga also did research. found domain name ? is still available. if you do not jump on this offer like the late Stinky Ivan jumped on Pachinka, one-legged whore, you are ignorant filth and i spit on your ancestors' graves. If you think that Olga's advice is good, then you pay Olga $67 krinkstoys (krinkstoy is currency of Chechnoslovenia. 1 krinkstoy = 4 liters of kerosene and one turnip). Please consider offer.
#main internet marketing discussion forum #greatest #letter #sales #time
Avatar of Unregistered
  • Profile picture of the author Miguel Oliveira
    I would certainly click to check that "available" domain name (and I did).

    The key element is humour. It seems to me like this was made with:

    1. The use of simple words with extremely primitive (and wrong) grammar, almost as if Olga didn't know how to speak English (it seems like she is one of those vendors in underdeveloped worlds)
    2. The exageration of the products benefits -it will solve any problem you may have
    3. The characterization of Olga as completely ignorant and living away from all technology and still claiming to solve all your internet problems (contrast)
    4. Jokes (such as that of the traffic on the Highway)
    5. The funny names and invented places and currencies
    Hope that helps.

    PS: I can't post urls yet, but if you google "write humour" the first result is a great overview on how to do it
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[380329].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Solidsnake
    Banned
    This is hilarious and intriguing but I think anyone who reads this message will certainly get interested.. LOL
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[380361].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author shakingspear
    It definitely stands out from the rest. I'd be interested to see how well this email worked.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[381333].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author doylesoft
    Signature

    Brandon Doyle
    http://doylesoft.com Simple, effective, and affordable software. Knowledge Base software.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[381369].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Talltom1
    Well, maybe I'm also tired....

    After reading that, (humorous, yes) why would I want Olga doing my web work? I can think of a lot of reasons why I wouldn't. Maybe change the slant of the letter so that your reader will rather do business with you, instead of Olga.

    One infallible rule of sales, is NEVER, NEVER, EVER insult your potential client or your competitors. Maybe you did this in good humor, but your 'good humor' also requires that your potential reader/customer has a sense of humor. Why take that risk? Insults always alienates you from your prospect, and you will never recover. Don't cross that path...just saying...

    Talltom
    Signature

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[381404].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Jim Hallmark
      Originally Posted by Talltom1 View Post

      Well, maybe I'm also tired....

      After reading that, (humorous, yes) why would I want Olga doing my web work? I can think of a lot of reasons why I wouldn't. Maybe change the slant of the letter so that your reader will rather do business with you, instead of Olga.

      One infallible rule of sales, is NEVER, NEVER, EVER insult your potential client or your competitors. Maybe you did this in good humor, but your 'good humor' also requires that your potential reader/customer has a sense of humor. Why take that risk? Insults always alienates you from your prospect, and you will never recover. Don't cross that path...just saying...

      Talltom
      Talltom,
      I was thinking the same thing. For me it boils down to the old risk/reward ratio. To each his own and I am sure that there are people who use this approach and make money. I can't help but wonder though how many potential customers might be turned off by such an approach. For me that is just an uneccessary risk that I am unwilling to make.
      Jim
      Signature
      "Thoughts become things... choose the good ones!" Mike Dooley
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[381469].message }}
Avatar of Unregistered

Trending Topics