My squeeze page and your brutal honesty...Please help

33 replies
Hello to all my fellow warriors...

I have just created my first squeeze page to help build my first list in my first market niche.

I am here for your help. Could you please give me your honest opinion of my squeeze page?

Do you like the overall look?
Do you think it has good potential to convert?
What changes would you make to make it better?
What about it is good that I need to improve?
I would like to make the video better, but is it just too cheezy as it is?

Brutal honesty please, as I want to make this the best that it can be. I know you are all busy so thank you in advance for taking the time to review my site.

Here it is...
Quick and Easy Diets :: Losing Weight The Healthy Way

Thanks again!
#brutal #honestyplease #page #squeeze #squeeze page review
  • Profile picture of the author kposs
    I am used to seeing squeeze pages. So, on first impression, I had to actually read the paragraph to discover what I would receive in exchange for my email. As is common for visitors, they don't "read" first, they "scan". If they like what they see during the "scan", then they might take the time to read the details.

    So, I would suggest incorporating the "free report" as part of your headline. Second, at least bold a couple snippets in the paragraphs so it can be scanned more easily.

    Overall I like the design and placement.
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    • Profile picture of the author GingerColeen
      Looks pretty good for a first try. One rule of a squeeze page is to not let them have the option to do anything but take the offer or go away.

      I had never seen those little hover video links before and found myself playing with them and not listening to what you were saying. Also, I can't see your lips when they are displayed so it makes it hard to focus on the video! I hope that makes sense. In other words, lose the video links.

      And, as said before, change the headline, it's boring anyway. Needs something more compelling to make them want to sign up.

      Free Gift! Learn How to Lose Weight the Healthy Way!

      Or something like that.

      Good luck. What a great first try!
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      • Profile picture of the author derek_thomas
        Thanks a lot for the encouraging post.

        I totally agree about the stupid hover links. I'm looking for a way to either remove them or host the video some other way. On that note though, would you leave the one link to my blog in the bottom right corner just below the "privacy policy"? I thought if people did go anywhere, that is where I'd want them to go. What do you think?

        I updated my headline. What do you think?

        Quick and Easy Diets :: Losing Weight The Healthy Way


        Thanks again!!!


        Originally Posted by GingerColeen View Post

        Looks pretty good for a first try. One rule of a squeeze page is to not let them have the option to do anything but take the offer or go away.

        I had never seen those little hover video links before and found myself playing with them and not listening to what you were saying. Also, I can't see your lips when they are displayed so it makes it hard to focus on the video! I hope that makes sense. In other words, lose the video links.

        And, as said before, change the headline, it's boring anyway. Needs something more compelling to make them want to sign up.

        Free Gift! Learn How to Lose Weight the Healthy Way!

        Or something like that.

        Good luck. What a great first try!
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    • Profile picture of the author derek_thomas
      Makes perfect sense.

      If you get a chance, how about checking out my revised addition.

      Quick and Easy Diets :: Losing Weight The Healthy Way


      Don't forget to refresh

      Originally Posted by kposs View Post

      I am used to seeing squeeze pages. So, on first impression, I had to actually read the paragraph to discover what I would receive in exchange for my email. As is common for visitors, they don't "read" first, they "scan". If they like what they see during the "scan", then they might take the time to read the details.

      So, I would suggest incorporating the "free report" as part of your headline. Second, at least bold a couple snippets in the paragraphs so it can be scanned more easily.

      Overall I like the design and placement.
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      • Profile picture of the author burtie
        I just get a blank page at that link.
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      • Profile picture of the author bombdiggity
        'Those fats' sounds a little flakey to me. I think it would sound much better as 'that fat'. That was the first thing that I noticed about the page, and it was negative.

        Good luck with it though. I think if you sharpened it up a little bit and added some more content it could be a winner.
        Signature
        **bombdiggity**

        =ask me about my unique high quality content articles=
        >>explosive content starting at only $3.50!<<
        .boom.baby.boom.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jenni Mac
        Originally Posted by derek_thomas View Post

        Makes perfect sense.

        If you get a chance, how about checking out my revised addition.

        Quick and Easy Diets :: Losing Weight The Healthy Way


        Don't forget to refresh

        I see nothing at that link, complete blank page!! :confused:
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  • Profile picture of the author PeterDudek
    Hi Derek,

    I'll take a stab at brutal honesty.

    If I were you I'd get someone who more closely looks like your target customers to be the spokesperson. I doubt you've ever had a weight problem. I suspect most diet product customers are female. Get a female to speak for you.

    That said, your offer is almost enticing. If I were you, I'd pick the ONE BEST TIP from the free report and tell us what it is in the video. Then tell us there are even more great tips in the report.

    The look and feel of the page are kind of amaturish. But that doesn't mean it won't convert. I have a friend who makes $83,000,000 per year. He has over 3,000 websites. Most of them are very ugly.

    The only way to answer a lot of the questions you have is to just start getting some traffic to the site and doing A/B testing to see what works and what works better.

    You've asked us what we think. What we think doesn't matter. What matters is what your customers think. And you can only find that out by putting the site out there and seeing if it works or not.

    If it doesn't, don't give up. Just keep changing it and testing. Change it some more and test it some more.

    Never give up. Internet Marketing ROCKS!
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    • Profile picture of the author derek_thomas
      So this reply really got me to thinking, and I appreciate that a lot.

      Quick question: Would you say, either get a female to speak, or drop the video altogether?

      Also, any advice on how to not make it so amateurish?

      Originally Posted by PeterDudek View Post

      Hi Derek,

      I'll take a stab at brutal honesty.

      If I were you I'd get someone who more closely looks like your target customers to be the spokesperson. I doubt you've ever had a weight problem. I suspect most diet product customers are female. Get a female to speak for you.

      That said, your offer is almost enticing. If I were you, I'd pick the ONE BEST TIP from the free report and tell us what it is in the video. Then tell us there are even more great tips in the report.

      The look and feel of the page are kind of amaturish. But that doesn't mean it won't convert. I have a friend who makes $83,000,000 per year. He has over 3,000 websites. Most of them are very ugly.

      The only way to answer a lot of the questions you have is to just start getting some traffic to the site and doing A/B testing to see what works and what works better.

      You've asked us what we think. What we think doesn't matter. What matters is what your customers think. And you can only find that out by putting the site out there and seeing if it works or not.

      If it doesn't, don't give up. Just keep changing it and testing. Change it some more and test it some more.

      Never give up. Internet Marketing ROCKS!
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[386457].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author derek_thomas
      So this reply really got me to thinking, and I appreciate that a lot.

      Quick question: Would you say, either get a female to speak, or drop the video altogether?

      Also, any advice on how to not make it so amateurish?

      Originally Posted by PeterDudek View Post

      Hi Derek,

      I'll take a stab at brutal honesty.

      If I were you I'd get someone who more closely looks like your target customers to be the spokesperson. I doubt you've ever had a weight problem. I suspect most diet product customers are female. Get a female to speak for you.

      That said, your offer is almost enticing. If I were you, I'd pick the ONE BEST TIP from the free report and tell us what it is in the video. Then tell us there are even more great tips in the report.

      The look and feel of the page are kind of amaturish. But that doesn't mean it won't convert. I have a friend who makes $83,000,000 per year. He has over 3,000 websites. Most of them are very ugly.

      The only way to answer a lot of the questions you have is to just start getting some traffic to the site and doing A/B testing to see what works and what works better.

      You've asked us what we think. What we think doesn't matter. What matters is what your customers think. And you can only find that out by putting the site out there and seeing if it works or not.

      If it doesn't, don't give up. Just keep changing it and testing. Change it some more and test it some more.

      Never give up. Internet Marketing ROCKS!
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[386471].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author PeterDudek
        Originally Posted by derek_thomas View Post

        So this reply really got me to thinking, and I appreciate that a lot.

        Quick question: Would you say, either get a female to speak, or drop the video altogether?

        Also, any advice on how to not make it so amateurish?
        Don't drop video. Video is king right now. Get a female. You can find someone good at the local community theatre who would be willing to do it cheap or free. Or you can check with drama students (or teachers) at the local colleges. Another way to find actresses is with Craigslist.

        And as far as the look, (you are going to thank me for this one) get Artisteer and play around with it. I use it every day and LOVE it. You'll make beautiful web sites and blogs in minutes. It's awesome. To find it Google "Artisteer".

        Good luck my friend!

        (Note to all the self-appointed forum police: I'M NOT AN AFFILIATE for Artisteer.)
        Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author AlexKaplo
    Hey there Derek,

    I really want you to tell you something that I think you should really take to heart. A lot of people can tell you their honest opinions if they like it or not... but the fact is (and the fact that's the most important to you)... will it convert...

    It can honestly look like crap, yet convert like crazy. So I really recommend you test, test, test and test some more. And the fastest and easiest way to do is by running a small PPC campaign. Let the results and the analytic data tell you what to do.

    And what's brand new and can help you know what others like and don't like about your website... Basically this tool will allow you to optimize your website varying on what people do without them knowing and this is by using Google Website Optimizer + PPC ... very deadly combo and will give you results 100%.

    Good luck my friend ( and I think the landing page looks good... but it really doesn't matter what I think just like I explained... :-)!)

    Alex Kaplo


    EDIT: I also would like to warn you YOUTUBE is not recommend to use because it is so easy for your lead to click on the video end up on Youtube's website and click away from your offer. Your best bet is to go with a "video host network" that has no hyperlink or search or any distractions....
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    • Profile picture of the author derek_thomas
      I'm thinking that is exactly what I needed to hear.

      Part of me was just wanting to get it "perfect", but then I guess I'd just end up working for free.

      Time to learn PPC...


      Originally Posted by AlexKaplo View Post

      Hey there Derek,

      I really want you to tell you something that I think you should really take to heart. A lot of people can tell you their honest opinions if they like it or not... but the fact is (and the fact that's the most important to you)... will it convert...

      It can honestly look like crap, yet convert like crazy. So I really recommend you test, test, test and test some more. And the fastest and easiest way to do is by running a small PPC campaign. Let the results and the analytic data tell you what to do.

      And what's brand new and can help you know what others like and don't like about your website... Basically this tool will allow you to optimize your website varying on what people do without them knowing and this is by using Google Website Optimizer + PPC ... very deadly combo and will give you results 100%.

      Good luck my friend ( and I think the landing page looks good... but it really doesn't matter what I think just like I explained... :-)!)

      Alex Kaplo


      EDIT: I also would like to warn you YOUTUBE is not recommend to use because it is so easy for your lead to click on the video end up on Youtube's website and click away from your offer. Your best bet is to go with a "video host network" that has no hyperlink or search or any distractions....
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  • Profile picture of the author nicholasb
    Just me but I wouldnt let them see the blog until they opt in. after they opt in send them to the blog, continue to update your blog, if they go to your blog first, the way it is you lost them

    provide more benefits, to encourage them to view the video if they need a nudge that is what the video is for.

    they should have the choice to read or watch video
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesFraze
    It didn't render properly on firefox.

    Test future pages with: Check Browser Compatibility, Cross Platform Browser Test - Browsershots

    You aren't animated in the video, looks like someone is going to cut off your feet if you make a mistake... relax, smile, be warm. I kept waiting for a masked guy to jump out and shoot you.

    The design is nice, I like it. It is done professionally (except the rendering bug).

    I would try to build more value into why they are giving you their email.

    I personally wouldn't watch the video but instead would see (and decide) if it's for me within 3 or 4 seconds of eye scanning.
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    • Profile picture of the author derek_thomas
      LOL

      Yeah, I wasn't nervous so much as I just felt funny.

      That being the case, would you say no video is better than my "hostage" video?


      Originally Posted by JamesFraze View Post

      It didn't render properly on firefox.

      Test future pages with: Check Browser Compatibility, Cross Platform Browser Test - Browsershots

      You aren't animated in the video, looks like someone is going to cut off your feet if you make a mistake... relax, smile, be warm. I kept waiting for a masked guy to jump out and shoot you.

      The design is nice, I like it. It is done professionally (except the rendering bug).

      I would try to build more value into why they are giving you their email.

      I personally wouldn't watch the video but instead would see (and decide) if it's for me within 3 or 4 seconds of eye scanning.
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  • Profile picture of the author cowboyrob
    I say keep the video! I think it's a nice touch. What would make it even better would be if you would want to hire someone to professionally produce you a quick video to slap on this page. Otherwise, if you're looking to keep your costs down, this landing page is already set up pretty well to me.

    Also, if you happen to come across a nice testimonial for your product, I'd say to include it in the area under your video and autoresponder form. Just a little extra "push" to get the customer to submit their info.
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  • Profile picture of the author AlexKaplo
    Yeah definitely man, just like I said you can get a million different answers here but until you test it and check the results for yourself you will never get the right answer.

    And keep in mind it doesn't have to be perfect it just has to work!

    Alex Kaplo
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael D Price
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author elsiedixon
      I have gone to your squeeze page five times. All I get is a blank page.
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      • Profile picture of the author derek_thomas
        Mind if I ask what browser you are using?

        Originally Posted by elsiedixon View Post

        I have gone to your squeeze page five times. All I get is a blank page.
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      • Profile picture of the author kramertech
        Originally Posted by elsiedixon View Post

        I have gone to your squeeze page five times. All I get is a blank page.
        Ditto. I'm using Safari. Firefox works fine though.

        Nice squeeze page. The language "those...fats" sounds kind of foreign. You may want to write a few different titles and split test them.
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    • Profile picture of the author PeterDudek
      Originally Posted by Michael D Price View Post

      you might want to make sure that they go to a "working" page after optin.

      Also, check my sig, as im sure it will help you out alot!!!
      Michael,

      I'm new to the forum. I had a "check my sig" comment in a post. I got hammered by three people giving me INFRACTIONS! I'm confused. Seems like a harmless thing to do. When you did it, it seemed totally appropriate to me!

      Peter
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      • Profile picture of the author jimrpips
        Banned
        [DELETED]
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        • Profile picture of the author PeterDudek
          Originally Posted by jimrpips View Post

          Peter: Mike's sig goes to his own site. Yours had an affiliate link and did not go to your site. Mike's sig: yes-yes. Your sig: no-no.


          Happy trails
          Technically my sig had two links. Both went to sites that I own. Both sites had videos giving good information. Neither site requested any money for the free information. One of my sites had an affiliate link to AC. The other had NO affiliate links of any kind. But that one got me chastised because I had the audacity to have it be a squeeze page. My god. How could I use an actual squeeze page? Shocking!

          But don't worry. I've learned my lesson. The lesson? This forum is full of people that are hypersensitive to the point of paranoia. Negative to the point of emotional paralysis.

          Still, I'll continue to try to be helpful. However I must admit that the mood here is less than inviting. Seems very gloomy. So I probably won't be around for long. (Not that I'll be missed I'm sure!)
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  • Profile picture of the author Zach Booker
    I'm Using Google Chrome and all I get is a blank page..
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  • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
    I see no real problem with your squeeze page.

    You need to get to testing and determine your control page.

    All the best with your test(s)!

    TL
    Signature

    "It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. -- Mark Twain

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  • Profile picture of the author Justin Delahoyde
    One thing i have noticed it that in the video you can only see half your face get another light so people can see all of you.

    Next you are not writing a school report so change the text around make it bigger if you can make it so people can read it more easily then they actually will read it.
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    • Profile picture of the author Lance K
      Same here.

      Originally Posted by Elliott View Post

      Using IE7, all I get is a blank page too.
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      "You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want."
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  • Profile picture of the author BJ Min
    i like your squeeze page...maybe make the HEADLINE BIGGER & BOLDER FONT...

    also why not put BEFORE & AFTER pictures of yourself or your customers who tried your diet system
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  • Profile picture of the author Charann Miller
    I like the layout of your squeeze page, clean straightforward design not too many bells and whistles distractions or decisions to make. You don't want to give people too many choices or they won't do what you want them to.

    The only way to really know for sure if it will convert or not is to try one with video and one without and test them against each other.

    I would also look at testing your current video with one of a fit, healthy looking female.

    Your blog is good, but I would have an article right there front and center with something shocking and provoking to glue my eyeballs to the page, again it goes back to that choice thing. I wasn't really sure what to click or what I was meant to be looking at.

    I checked out the 4 year old McD's vid, I was shocked and to think I eat that! At least my insides will be preserved for millennia to come.

    Maybe you could write an article about french fries being better preserved than an Egyptian mummy and then lead the article to the video to cement your point. It not only makes for interesting reading but it's a scary fact that will make you want to take action for the better.
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    Something is funky in your code... The page is blank in anything but Firefox, apparently.

    Here's what I mean:

    Website overview - Browsershots
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  • When i attempted to load it.... well... i think it is offline now.
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    Generating Revenue since 2000, what are you waiting on?
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