Looking For Someone To Give Advise On My Salespage!!

by texasmom64 15 replies
Hey everyone,

I need someone to look at my salespage and tell me how I did. You can click on "HERE" in my sig line below and tell me what you think.

I dont expect to be "Bashed" or "made a fool of" here. I just want to know what I need to do to make it better.

Thanks for the advise in advance everyone. It will be taken very seriously.

texasmom
#main internet marketing discussion forum #advise #give #salespage
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  • Profile picture of the author Ajay Tiwari
    Hey you have done a good job, and contents are really good. Few things i would like to advice, if possible then create a video presentation and add it to your website and use some attractive graphics. While mentioning bonus products ad product image.
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    • Profile picture of the author texasmom64
      thank you for your kind reply.....I started to put the bonus images on there but I didn't. Guess I'll go back and do that now.

      I haven't done a video before. What do you suggest?
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  • Profile picture of the author KimboJim
    I would look at the sales page, but for some reason your sig says: "Please do not use affiliate links in your signature." Sorry, I tried to help.
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    • Profile picture of the author texasmom64
      Yea, I know...sorry about that guys....forgot to take out my affiliate link when I added my product.....I didn't mean to offend the mod of this part of the forum. Sorry about that....It's ok for me to add my product link in my sig right?
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  • Profile picture of the author Ajay Tiwari
    Regarding video creation, i would suggest simply create a powerpoint presentation of your product(you can simply use some of your sales page contents in video). Then use video creation software like Camstudio (an open source free product) to represent your powerpoint presentation in your own voice or you can outsource this work on fiverr for $5. And add your video just below first two lines of webpage.. as your website is based on wordpress it would be easy to add video. I hope that would help you..
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  • Profile picture of the author Chri5123
    Originally Posted by texasmom64 View Post

    Hey everyone,

    I need someone to look at my salespage and tell me how I did. You can click on "HERE" in my sig line below and tell me what you think.

    I dont expect to be "Bashed" or "made a fool of" here. I just want to know what I need to do to make it better.

    Thanks for the advise in advance everyone. It will be taken very seriously.

    texasmom
    Hi,

    I think it looks good and you have a good base there.

    However I would shorten it up and make it more punchy.

    The headline for instance:

    Discover How A 46 Year Old Disabled Woman Made More Money Her First 3 Months On The Internet, Than She Made The Last Year Of Her 20 Year Career In Advertising Using...

    “…A Simple And Easy System To Starting An Online Business Using 3 Profitable Techniques Together To Create A Mind Blowing Cash Machine”

    That is quite a mouthful.

    Focus on benefits and not features.

    "You Are About To Discover How A 46 Year Old Disabled Woman Defied The Odds And Made More Money In 3 Months Then She Did In A 20 Year 9 To 5 Career And How You Can Too..."

    "Are You Ready To Discover A STUPIDLY Simple And Easy Way To Build An Online Business That Lines Your Pockets And Sends You Cheques Like Clockwork Starting From Today..."

    Then the intro should have something to hold their attention:

    "Dear Soon To Be Internet Marketer,

    My name is [yourname] and welcome to [yoursite].

    I just wanted to take 5 mins to tell you how it all started for me and more importantly how the next 10 mins will change your lift just like mine was...

    Drrrriiinnnggg, Drrriiinnnggg,

    That was my alarm clock again on Tuesday morning, 6am, October 5th 2002 - of course that meant it was time for my 9 to 5!

    I was employed as a [yourjob] and I DID like the work but I was always on the look out for something....MORE!

    etc...

    I hope this makes sense?

    A story can do wonders and tell people more about you.

    If you need anymore help let me know?

    Chris Jones
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    • Profile picture of the author texasmom64
      Chris,

      Thanks so much for the advise. I really appreciate it. I am sending you a PM so that I may talk to you a little more about any idea you might have.

      Thanks again
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      • Profile picture of the author Michael D Forbes
        I'm pretty visuals oriented on sales pages. If someone cares enough to make it look good, I am a bit more inclined to trust the quality of the product (this has limitations too though).

        My thoughts -

        Have somebody redo your header. Contact me privately if you'd like me to help you with it.

        The "American Dream" graphic does nothing to help you, it looks cheap. Redo it or leave it off.

        A very basic video with you personally telling about yourself and your experiences would go a long way to overcoming the "spammy" factor, I think.
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        • Profile picture of the author texasmom64
          Someone is taking care of my graphics as we speak. I'm going to take the "american dream" banner off, and them I'll do some editing of the page....I think that I have a better idea of what you guys are saying...thanks so much.

          texasmom
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  • Profile picture of the author rosetrees
    This is a personal opinion, so take it with a pinch of salt. To me the whole page looks and sounds spammy.

    I personally don't like really long sales pitches and I'm immune to the "single mom of 3 on benefits makes $xxx" or "disabled father of 6 discovers system that makes $xxxx" type of sales.


    I'm not saying that in your case it isn't true, but I don't like sales pitches that play on a reader's sympathies.


    I also don't like the "I'm not selling this system of $220, not even $126 - I'm selling it for $18" (yeah, right) sales. That to me is spammy.


    I skimmed your page (I'm afraid I always do that with long sales pages) and have little idea what you are selling. I think you need less text and more highlighted, immediately obvious bullet points to catch the reader's attention.
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    • Profile picture of the author texasmom64
      Rosetrees,

      Thanks for your HONEST opinion..I admire your honesty...I am a very straight forward person and the truth means a lot to me.

      When I was writing this the only thing I didn't want was to make it sound spammy like all the others out there that were taking advantage of the new people that didn't know what to look for. I wanted to tell the truth. I have seen so many newbies fall for the kind of bs that you were talking about, me included.

      So I totally understand where you're coming from. I got caught in that same trap, buying products that didn't offer me anything of real value and getting information overload cause I had so much to read and try and understand.

      If you can offer me any advise on how I could make it sound less "spammy" I would greatly appreciate it.

      Thanks again for your honesty



      Originally Posted by rosetrees View Post

      This is a personal opinion, so take it with a pinch of salt. To me the whole page looks and sounds spammy.

      I personally don't like really long sales pitches and I'm immune to the "single mom of 3 on benefits makes " or "disabled father of 6 discovers system that makes " type of sales.


      I'm not saying that in your case it isn't true, but I don't like sales pitches that play on a reader's sympathies.


      I also don't like the "I'm not selling this system of $220, not even $126 - I'm selling it for $18" (yeah, right) sales. That to me is spammy.


      I skimmed your page (I'm afraid I always do that with long sales pages) and have little idea what you are selling. I think you need less text and more highlighted, immediately obvious bullet points to catch the reader's attention.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ajay Tiwari
    i agree with rosetrees....
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  • Profile picture of the author karinhaworth
    You are brave to put yourself out there . I admire that in people. First, you obviously have a bunch of information to share with others. And all the comments are good here, like "Focus on Benefits not Features" from Chri5123 That's awesome
    You also need to settle on the "Hook" and I agree with Rosetree about the sympathy part. I think the Newbie bit is a hook. All beginners need guidance. I learned from Derrick Van Dyke to look at very successful sales pages and actually use some pieces from them, key phrases and words. I think you a lot to be helpful with.

    Keep going. Hey, I'm still working on mine. :0)
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  • Profile picture of the author Lyanna
    The part about "The Associated Press Reported That The Internet Is Now The Major Driver Of Economic Growth In The U.S." is good info but in my opinion it should be further down the page. Before you go into proof/information it might be better to appeal to the visitor's emotions/needs/wants first.
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  • Profile picture of the author texasmom64
    Hey everybody,

    I've made some changes to my salespage from the suggestions that you guys gave me......I still haven't quite got the header thing worked out, but I may end up just taking it off if I cant get something that I like.

    If you all would, please take another look at it and let me know what you think. I took a lot out and added some to it also, but It still feels like it needs work. Check my sig line for the link.

    I hope to finally finish this up so that I can start selling the darn thing.

    *Advise needed; ball bashing not so much*

    thanks
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