Blood, sweat and tears on display. Could you take a look at my sales page and give me some input?

by DaniMc 25 replies
Hello,

I have a new clickbank product up and I would like some opinions.

If you want a copy to review just let me know here and I will send a link.

I really need to get this thing going so any input would be great!

Here is the link:

Ultimate Acne Control | End Your Acne & Enjoy Your Skin

(Weird how it automatically grabs the page title info for the link. That is nifty!)

Thanks warriors,
Daniel

PS - Don't be thrown off by the pen name. It is mine 100%.
#main internet marketing discussion forum #blood #display #give #input #page #sales #sweat #tears
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve Garrett
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    • Profile picture of the author DaniMc
      Originally Posted by Steve Garrett View Post

      I didn't read through all of it. I will say that the headline is very nice and the placement of the opt-in box is great, images looked good and were eye-catching.

      In all I'd say a great job (but again, I didn't read the full copy either)
      Thanks a lot Steve.

      I picked up everything here at the forum.

      I hired the copy here, the graphics here, and implemented every tip I have seen.

      I just hope I have pulled it off correctly.

      Daniel
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      • Profile picture of the author Coreyg319
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        • Profile picture of the author DaniMc
          Originally Posted by Coreyg319 View Post

          Well, it looks like every other sales pitch accept it's easier to read and it's a lot shorter.

          With the right marketing and traffic techniques I think you should do very well for yourself.
          Thanks for the encouragement Corey! Now I just need to find some affiliates.

          It feels great to get some good words. I have worked hard on this and it has taken me a long time.

          Nobody here knows what's been going on in my life the last few months...but I'll just say it ain't pretty. About as bad as you can get.

          So, hopefully...this will go well.

          Daniel
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          • Profile picture of the author lindajess
            It's great! I think that everything looks good your opt in box is placed fantastically, and I think you will get a lot of people coming to your page and checking it out!

            Good job! You've got my thumbs up! LOL
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            • Profile picture of the author Rob Canyon
              Hey Daniel,

              I think Pete's right on.

              Story for you... My 13 soon to be 14 year old son doesn't have too much of an acne problem. Which is good. But he doesn't care about the pimples he has... But his mother (my wife) does...

              She's buying all sorts of stuff trying to eliminate every little spot that pops out... Sometimes I think she'd be happy if his freckles disappeared too.

              IMHO acne cures are desperately being sought be women, teen girls or mothers of teenagers. I'd bet men buying acne solutions is very, very small in comparison.

              Therefore I'd have two giggling girls on the front of your ebook and probably remove your name from the sales letter. Make it like two girls talking about this super hot guy they met in the bar (you) that turned them on to the elixir of the century and its home grown.

              Maybe a story like this will pull better.

              But seriously notice the lack of men pictures and men solutions that are being promoted on the big acne sites.

              Cheers,

              Rob
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              • Profile picture of the author Notepad
                Daniel and All,

                Really great thread. Took a loof at the site. Everything everyone has said fits. Clean, no pimples here. But...

                Man, if you get the traffic and you upgrade this thing, I think you've got a moneymaker. What's so different in this new web2.0 or whatever it is now, you can create your own infomercial. You need big time testimonials. You need a picture of someone who had a bad face go to a good face. How do you get this - and, more importantly, be legitimate, is up to you. But, look, you could have video of people swearing your technique or some technique in your material did it for them.

                Let's look at it this way: If what you are selling is for real honest to goodness going to help. let's get that front and center, as plain as the nose and the pimples on it on your face. Sorry, had to throw that in.

                I want faces. I want video. Youtube. Application of techniques. I want you to give this information to people to apply, along with whatever creams or whatever. I want you to become, for a time, Mr. Get-the-pimples-off-your-face Guy. Make it a quest. Am I going overboard? I don't think so. I think you've got something here, and you can go with this, but think about upgrading and making a big launch, with quite a bit of out in the physical world activity, celebration, as well.

                The way your site is now, I can see someone looking aver it thinking, "huh, maybe this'll work - aw, no. Oh well, maybe, I've got a few extra dollars. How much is this thing anyway? I've tried everything else..." No. You want them to sit up and think, holy ###, this could work. I mean, I've got to try it just to see if it does. And what can it hurt, there's a money back guarentee. I've just got to find out. I'm willing to pay just to see if this stuff is for real.

                About the pretty website. Oh man. I spent two years writing coming up with the material and building a great sales page and graphics and coming up with the copy and slogans. No one bit. Not a bite. Not even a nibble. And yet the information is fantastic. So I realized I was in a mindset of marketing something, trying to make it look good so someone would buy it. Now what I'm realizing is that what matters is content, baby. If my stuff is that good, I need to get some people to work it on. See if my information truly changes them - and get this on tape. I'm also thinking that the site itself wouldn't have to look like much if - IF - I had a bunch of folks on the social sites trying it and talking it up.

                I'd also have some video showing - having someone talk - about how rotten it is to have acne and how great it was to not have it any more. Appeal to emotions. I'd also give away some freebie info - besides the opt-in - just give away some freebie info. I might even speak to the directly - a vid - talk about how important this subject is to me and why I want to see it work for you and you and you and you.

                And how did you come up with all this information? Why does it work? How does it work? Do you have any dermatologists saying anything about any of the methods? What do the dermatologists say? Give us as much expertise as you can muster. Make us and our pimples shrink before your authority.

                We expect more, nowdays, from the net. It's not a magazine anymore. It's not even television. It's something else, a multi-media extravaganza. So, great start. now, upgrade and make this thing a real cash cow. Thanks, Beau
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                • Profile picture of the author DaniMc
                  Wow so many replies and I appreciate all of them!

                  I'll have to sift through them and make a list.

                  But how about this for a headline:

                  "Former Pimple Faced Makeup Queen and Pizza Faced Nerd Discover Real Acne Cures That You Won't Find Anywhere Else, And Are Guaranteed To Work!"

                  Opinions??

                  Daniel
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      • Profile picture of the author peteinoz
        "Former Pimple Faced Nerd Discovers Real Acne Cures That You Won't Find Anywhere Else, And Are Guaranteed To Work!"



        Dude. I dont have acne.. but If I did.. I wouldnt be buying from any former Pimple Faced Nerd thats for sure..

        If im going to put something on my skin.. You'd need to provide better credibility than that..

        Your header title is the main focus of your sales page..

        IMO you need a new one

        Hth's

        Pete
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        • Profile picture of the author DaniMc
          Originally Posted by peteinoz View Post


          Dude. I dont have acne.. but If I did.. I wouldnt be buying from any former Pimple Faced Nerd thats for sure..
          Thanks Pete.

          I was thinking the same thing when the copy writer sent me that. I like it but maybe not "Pimple Faced Nerd?" :rolleyes:

          It always cracks me up when I read it...thats for sure!

          I would love a few suggestions of a title besides "Former Pimple Faced Nerd" if anyone has them! LOL

          Daniel
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          • Profile picture of the author peteinoz
            dont every skin care product companies use images of a trust worthy looking Doctor on their adverts?

            I'd do the same

            to get ideas for a killer title..

            google

            acne treatment

            see what stands out for you then make your own

            pete
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            • Profile picture of the author Tom Sunde
              Daniel

              Very good job. I agree with Pete on the headline and the authority figure, though.

              Also, it seems like the stickies are just decoration and create visual clutter rather than adding graphic impact.

              Tom
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              • Profile picture of the author DaniMc
                Thanks Tom, Pete,

                I hear you on the doctor/authority figure but...I'm no doctor...just a regular joe.

                I would hate to misrepresent myself and have my site shut down. That same thing has happened to other IM'ers.

                Hmmm...I wonder if I could get a dermatologist to endorse the product somehow then I could use their picture.

                I'll have to give this some thought.

                Daniel
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                • Profile picture of the author peteinoz
                  Originally Posted by Daniel McCoy View Post

                  Thanks Tom, Pete,

                  I hear you on the doctor/authority figure but...I'm no doctor...just a regular joe.

                  Daniel
                  dude..

                  none of the images of doctors are real on any of the advertising you see..

                  you dont have to say your a doctor..

                  Theres just a pic of a dude with a white coat on

                  Are not we here marketing?

                  pete
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                  • Profile picture of the author DaniMc
                    Originally Posted by peteinoz View Post

                    dude..

                    Theres just a pic of a dude with a white coat on

                    Are not we here marketing?

                    pete
                    LMAO. I'll have to break out the white coat!

                    I can see it now...."Oh that? That's just my wind breaker. I love to wear white coats and hold a clipboard with a cheesy grin."

                    "That stethoscope? That's the new style...I wear that instead of a big gold chain."
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                    • Profile picture of the author bryce
                      I agree that the page looks good, and is easily read and understood. I also agree with the comments about the 'doctor' image as credibility of sorts. I have an image of a nurse as one of the images I use to promote my Work At Home eCyclopedia, but I am "definately" not a nurse!

                      Just one point that I would make/ask....

                      To me, and it may just be me, I am sick and tired of seeing these gimmicks, like $97, $47, $27..... I mean to me if the product is $27, promote it that way. Does anyone realy fall for this "OMG I better get it now" tactic, or the "WOW $97 down to just $27, what a deal" gimmick. I know I don't. Not sure about the majority though, maybe there are some who still think the price reduction is genuine.

                      Other than this, I think the page is fine, good luck with it!

                      Oh and BTW - I also agree with the 'nerd' label. Maybe "Pimple Faced Nerd" could be replaced with "Beauty Challenged Male" or similar, lol

                      B
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                      • Profile picture of the author DaniMc
                        Originally Posted by bryce View Post


                        To me, and it may just be me, I am sick and tired of seeing these gimmicks, like $97, $47, $27..... I mean to me if the product is $27, promote it that way. Does anyone realy fall for this "OMG I better get it now" tactic, or the "WOW $97 down to just $27, what a deal" gimmick. I know I don't. Not sure about the majority though, maybe there are some who still think the price reduction is genuine.
                        I agree with you. I also wonder if it is more effective.

                        I don't think it is a matter of price reduction. I think it is more to make people think "What is this product worth to me?"

                        Oh and BTW - I also agree with the 'nerd' label. Maybe "Pimple Faced Nerd" could be replaced with "Beauty Challenged Male" or similar, lol
                        LOL - But Pimple Faced Nerd is so funny! Yeah I gotta figure something out.

                        Daniel
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                        • Profile picture of the author bryce
                          Originally Posted by Daniel McCoy View Post

                          I agree with you. I also wonder if it is more effective.

                          I don't think it is a matter of price reduction. I think it is more to make people think "What is this product worth to me?"



                          LOL - But Pimple Faced Nerd is so funny! Yeah I gotta figure something out.


                          Daniel
                          Actually I had never thought about it like that "What is it worth to me", but in saying that (or asking that) I know that if the 3 payment options were all active, and I could "select" my purchase price, it would not be $97 or $47 if I thought I could get it for $27 Maybe after I had received the product, and if I thought it was genuinely worth more than I paid, I "might" buy the seller a beer or something, lol.

                          Maybe this would be a great test, as opposed to the "split test system", but to actually have 3 payment options on one page, and let the buyer choose how much he or she was willing to pay up front I might give this a shot and see what happens, lol.

                          Yeah I took the nerd thing to indicate that if I were to have problems with pimples, (which I don't) I should accept that label for myself. And I wouldnt.

                          Just my 2 cents
                          Bryce
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                          • Profile picture of the author DaniMc
                            Originally Posted by bryce View Post

                            Maybe this would be a great test, as opposed to the "split test system", but to actually have 3 payment options on one page, and let the buyer choose how much he or she was willing to pay up front I might give this a shot and see what happens, lol.
                            Someone did this same test already. It was a little different though.

                            They put together three packages at different price points.

                            The results?

                            A very, very high percentage of people picked the middle price.

                            According to the test results and further analysis in the follow up....your middle price will sell more because people see it as a trade-off between the bare bones package and the "bell and whistles" package.

                            The middle package represents the best value.

                            Daniel
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                            • Profile picture of the author lakshaybehl
                              That niche would be easy! And cool! And customers really want what you need!

                              But I would say increase the proof a little more

                              Lakshay
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                              • Profile picture of the author .X.
                                "Pimple Faced Nerd" is a classic John
                                Carlton type line. I don't think there's
                                any problem there but the only way
                                you're going to know is to do some
                                testing. You paid someone to do their
                                job and opinions don't matter - let the
                                job speak for itself.

                                But people don't do anything if they
                                don't have faith and I don't know
                                that you've established that - you
                                definitely need testimonials and before/
                                after pictures.

                                If you have certain "mainstream"
                                advice that can be backed up by a
                                reputable publication - like Dr. Jackson
                                said in the New York Times "This herb
                                is proven one of the most powerful
                                for resolving acne" then utilize that
                                and include the NY Times logo.

                                Stay away from ANY implication that
                                you are a physician, "medical expert"
                                or that you can treat, diagnose or
                                cure anything.

                                You've received some BAD advice on
                                that - I know someone who used such
                                images, lost his considerable assets and
                                got put in jail. Does that image need to
                                appear to sell this product? No.

                                You've obviously spent money on
                                graphics (nice) and will hate this comment,
                                but I don't "buy" Mark Fair(skin) or
                                Angeline Cleary(skin) as real people - they
                                don't look *real* and their names don't
                                sound real either.
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                                • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
                                  Daniel, I took a look at your page. The first screen seems a little cluttered to me. Header + head shot + opt-in form + headline + sticky note... I wasn't sure where to look, so I looked nowhere. Because you were looking for feedback, I scanned the rest of the page, but nothing really caught my eye. If I had just stumbled on the page, I'd have been gone.

                                  Of course, I'm not in your target market, so I have no emotional investment in reading the copy.

                                  I think you're on the right track with your headline, but when you're ready to start testing you may want to try something even a little more over the top.

                                  Something like Pizza Faced Nerd Scores Hot Blond with Clear Skin and Smooth Lines.

                                  If I'm a guy with an acne problem serious enough to hunt for a solution online, I really don't care about where I might find it. I want to know how I can score me a hot blond like the one in the picture.

                                  You have the makings of a good story here...
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                                  • Profile picture of the author macchiavelli
                                    I really like your headline!
                                    I had a website too in the acne niche and its a very hard niche to market too.
                                    One would think that its an easy market but the competition is massive.
                                    Good luck with this one!
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                • Profile picture of the author Derek S
                  So far great job and you have surpassed about 90% of the people
                  trying to make money online just by sticking with a plan and seeing
                  it out to the end.

                  However realize that now everything appears to be completed the
                  real money making work begins.

                  What you have going so far is a great first impression and that will
                  be enough to have readers stick around for a little. But if you want to
                  keep them long enough and pull some money out of them you will
                  need to always improve your sales copy.

                  You need to add more proof with before and after photos as
                  results are what sells.

                  Do not sell your reader on having a clear face as this is just a feature
                  and not a benefit. You want to take the reader and tell them all the
                  great benefits that will come from investing in your book.

                  Simply make a list right after you have introduced the product using
                  bullet points. Sell the reader on being able to get more girls/guys,
                  looking better in photos, having more friends and the list goes on.

                  I would build more authority in the beginning of your copy by
                  including something like "The 4 BIG Mistakes You Are Making-
                  Right Now" and go on to tell them what NOT to do. When you
                  tell people what they are doing wrong you build athority and
                  trust in the readers head. You than go on and sell them
                  on what TO do.

                  The list goes on and as your copy is good it is not compelling
                  so I hope you have not paid a copy writer big bucks. To me
                  it feels very unfinished.

                  Best of luck to you.
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                  • Profile picture of the author DaniMc
                    Originally Posted by Derek S View Post


                    You need to add more proof with before and after photos as
                    results are what sells.
                    Yeah that's a problem. New product = no social proof! I gotta find a way to get some testimonials.

                    I would build more authority in the beginning of your copy by
                    including something like "The 4 BIG Mistakes You Are Making-
                    Right Now" and go on to tell them what NOT to do. When you
                    tell people what they are doing wrong you build athority and
                    trust in the readers head. You than go go on and sell them
                    on what TO do.
                    Cool idea..I'll have to think about this one a little.

                    The list goes on and as your copy is good it is not compelling
                    so I hope you have not paid a copy writer big bucks as to me
                    it feels very unfinished.
                    Ouch...I paid $600 for it. Not a bad deal? When you say "unfinished" does that mean you think it should be longer? Or, just that it should include the things you mentioned?
                    Best of luck to you.
                    Thanks for your suggestions. I will take them all and investigate my options.

                    Daniel
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  • Profile picture of the author Andres
    Daniel - your site looks really good bro.

    I like the placement of your optin and the sales letter is shorter that most which does make it easier to read.

    Nice.

    Andres
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    • Profile picture of the author PatrickDom
      My primary point of feedback: I would want to see some proof points
      (a) why I should believe you are a credible source
      (b) have any medical professionals reviewed or enoorsed your book?
      (c) testimonials - who has benefited from your book

      Also, I found your offer confusing. Is your main offer a survey or a book?

      All the best
      Patrick
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