What's wrong with my site?

51 replies
This may need to be on a different forum... and if so, I am sorry. I wanted to post my problem here because this is where most of the internet marketers seem to hang out... and I really want your help!

My team and I recently got our new product up and running on click bank. We are pleased with the traffic since we started 3 weeks ago (251 hops as of yesterday) and affiliates have signed up... (so far we have 66) But no action... only one sale.

Is it the sales page? Or are the affiliates just not promoting properly? We have affiliate tools, but only 2 have signed up to use them...

If any one has any suggestions, I would truly be thankful. We spent months putting this together and we believe it to be a fantastic product. (ok we may be a little biased, but it is good, especially for the newbies.)

Our product is listed as Internet Marketing Success Secrets: Beginner's Guide on Click Bank.

Here is the link to our sales page. Internet Marketing Success Secrets :: ClickForClarity.com

Please let me know what we need to do differently. A fellow warrior suggested we put short video snippets on the sales page showing portions of training. We can do that... but felt like some honest feedback before any additional changes would be more revealing.

Thanks in advance,
Suellen


#affiliate sales #new product problems #sales page #site #wrong
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    You have no headline to speak of, nothing to grab the attention of the visitor. You have a video that auto-starts. Some people are okay with that, others click away immediately. I'm one of those. I'd suggest you allow your visitors to start that if they want. I understand there's probably marketing data that says auto-start out pulls all the rest but I'm not so sure about that.

    The copy is absolutely boring. It's loaded with dated ideas and clich├ęs. There is not a single compelling thing about any of it. I'm not saying this to be mean or cruel. I've been a writer for many years and a copywriter for nearly 10 of those years and this needs a complete overhaul.

    Another missing component is proof. You're selling a how to make money online program. Testimonials aren't enough. If you want to compete you're going to have to do what the other MMO sellers are doing. That means putting up screenshots of people with fat bank accounts who have made money with your info. I know. Ugh. But that's the game.

    The page itself is neat and tidy but it could certainly use some flashy graphics. That may be distasteful to you but that's the niche you've chosen. And last but not least, your price is way too high. If you got some snappy copy and some earnings proof and some slick graphics you might be able to justify a $97 price tag but I'm not sure.

    Again, I'm giving it to you straight. If you want this to fly you're going to need to completely reassess your market and speak to them exclusively. Good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
      Really appreciate the great feedback. We can certainly take away the instant start on the video.. and add a more compelling headline. But it's kind of hard to put those nasty screenshots of sales... when they don't exist yet.
      So guess it's back to the drawing board for the salespage.

      What about the fact that our affiliates aren't using the tools? Any thoughts there?
      Suellen
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      • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
        Another well wisher suggested the copy on the sales page was too long... that it needed to say less about the team... and more about benefits. What do you think? Too long?
        Again... even though these comments hurt... (I wrote the copy)
        sometimes we need to feel a little pain to grow. Did anyone see anything positive there? Or should I totally scrap the page and start with a blank sheet...

        Suellen
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    • Profile picture of the author Kristi Tornabene
      Dated Ideas and cliche's what the newbie wants to know. Where do I start. We are here to help the new internet home business developer find out the basics. The old rules still apply, and cute tricks, and programs do not tell all of what is needed to become the authority on a website. It takes all the steps we have outlined here, regardless of the ordinariness of it
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  • Profile picture of the author helisell
    At first glance (that's all it'll get) it doesn't appear to address any particular problem that a visitor may be experiencing.

    As travlinguy says...'there is no headline to speak of'

    It certainly doesn't grab a visitor's attention...it is frankly....dull...dull...dull

    It's a shame that if you have a great product (and I am happy to believe you) that most visitors will never get to see what it is. It doesn't sizzle at all.

    I think you may need to engage the services of a pro copy writer.

    She will bring out the compelling message in your product and display and demonstrate it to visitors.

    If it's a great product then do yourself a big favour and hire someone to write a great headline and some copy. To be honest even a fairly mediocre copy writer will do a lot better than we can see here.

    Ouch....well....you DID ask.

    Good luck
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  • Profile picture of the author jivens
    Banned
    yeah there seems to be a "movement" on auto play vids. I've noticed that a lot of the big name gurus use them on their squeeze page and that's ALL THEY HAVE. To me it's a little annoying and I click out immediately.
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    • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
      Originally Posted by jivens View Post

      yeah there seems to be a "movement" on auto play vids. I've noticed that a lot of the big name gurus use them on their squeeze page and that's ALL THEY HAVE. To me it's a little annoying and I click out immediately.
      There are many big time marketers who swear by autostart video. They've done extensive testing to arrive at this conclusion. Personally, I need read something on the site to be convinced clicking on the video is worth my time. But that's just me.

      You gotta always remember who the market it. Make Money Online (MMO) products appeal mainly to males between the ages of 18 and around 30. There are plenty of people outside of that demographic interested but young guys are the 'sweet spot.'

      That's who the presentation needs to cater to. Literacy is way down so it's no surprise video has become so popular. But enough on that.

      As for affiliates using the tools you offered... At this point I don't think it would matter much until you get the page in tip top shape. Good luck.
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      • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
        [QUOTE=travlinguy;5180596]
        You gotta always remember who the market it. Make Money Online (MMO) products appeal mainly to males between the ages of 18 and around 30. There are plenty of people outside of that demographic interested but young guys are the 'sweet spot.'

        Ok... I get the idea that we need to be hitting the young male population for this niche. Could the fact that we are all way over that age have any bearing here? We don't say our age... but in the meet the team section, you can see from our thumbnail pictures we aren't as young as we once were!:p

        We kind of felt that this market is attracting the older generation, ready to retire and what do I do now kind of folks... maybe not...
        Suellen
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        • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
          [quote=Suellen Reitz;5180807]
          Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

          You gotta always remember who the market it. Make Money Online (MMO) products appeal mainly to males between the ages of 18 and around 30. There are plenty of people outside of that demographic interested but young guys are the 'sweet spot.'

          Ok... I get the idea that we need to be hitting the young male population for this niche. Could the fact that we are all way over that age have any bearing here? We don't say our age... but in the meet the team section, you can see from our thumbnail pictures we aren't as young as we once were!:p

          We kind of felt that this market is attracting the older generation, ready to retire and what do I do now kind of folks... maybe not...
          Suellen
          Well, yes and no. The market for these products is primarily young males. Are your pics hurting your efforts? Hard to say. Off hand I'd say no. I think the target market would buy from monkeys if they believed the monkeys had something.

          As for targeting people outside the main demographic, sure, you could do that. But you're not going to reach them recruiting garden variety Clickbank affiliates.

          To do that you're going to need to go with paid traffic. You might target baby boomers on Facebook. You might also consider print ads in magazines. There are plenty of ways to reach them but you're going to have to spend some money to do it.

          This is certainly doable but you need to first do some serious market research. Go to Clickbank and look at the competition. Decide whether you're willing to do what they're doing. I stay away from most MMO products because it usually takes a lot of hype and baloney to put them over. That ain't my style.

          If you decide you don't want to go with the necessary hype and baloney formulate a plan for reaching boomers or even a generation before the boomers. There are plenty of customers for good stuff. I believe it's highly likely you folks have put together a bunch of great tools. Now figure out how to sell 'em.
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          • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
            Hey Traveling Guy,
            Thanks for the "small amount" of encouragement. Even a sliver of hope helps! Good points on getting the word out to the target audience. We have done lots of articles in our pre CB period... but didn't specifically target older adults. We will take note of all these great suggestions and reevaluate where we are and what needs to be done.
            Thanks again,
            Suellen
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  • Profile picture of the author Brian Alaway
    How much traffic have you driven to this page? Without traffic, the best sales page in the world will disappoint. Rather than scrapping the page why don't you create a couple other alternatives and split test to see what converts. But you need to drive enough traffic to those pages to get any meaningful results.
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    • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
      Hey Brian,
      Thanks for the response. As I mentioned in my original thread... we have had 251 views. We did a small sampling with our own lists... but didn't have enough opened to really count. You know what they say about don't go to friends....
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Another thing you might want to look into would be ezines targeting people in their 40s and beyond. You can get solo ads relatively (everything is relative) cheap and get the word out that way. But be sure to get someone who knows specifically how to write ezine ads. It's a specialty.
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  • Profile picture of the author nm5419
    Suellen, I don't mean to be harsh, but it doesn't look like there was much effort put into this sales page. And if I don't see a seller making much of an effort, there's no reason for me to believe I'm worth his/her time, so I'll click away.

    The entire page needs to be redesigned to look 100 times more professional and serious. All these cookie cutter sales pages are just internet clutter, and like with Adsense ads, a growing number of people are developing ad page blindness (in some cases, even repulsion). Start with a new design - one that doesn't look like an IM sales page, and work your elements into that design in a way that appeals to you as a customer.

    Can you honestly say you'd be compelled to buy from a web page that looked like the one you have?
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    • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
      Originally Posted by nm5419 View Post

      Suellen, I don't mean to be harsh, but it doesn't look like there was much effort put into this sales page. And if I don't see a seller making much of an effort, there's no reason for me to believe I'm worth his/her time, so I'll click away.

      The entire page needs to be redesigned to look 100 times more professional and serious. All these cookie cutter sales pages are just internet clutter, and like with Adsense ads, a growing number of people are developing ad page blindness (in some cases, even repulsion). Start with a new design - one that doesn't look like an IM sales page, and work your elements into that design in a way that appeals to you as a customer.

      Can you honestly say you'd be compelled to buy from a web page that looked like the one you have?
      well actually there was a great deal of effort put into this sales page... to start with... we developed our logo, click for clarity. And the design itself, we purposefully made on a white background w/ open space not to feel cluttered.
      I have looked at a lot of sales pages... and no we didnt have the "in your face" screen shots of all the thousands of dollars... and I may be biased... but many if not most I feel were not as good as ours.

      I feel our page was clear, logical progression... easy to read with bullets highlighting key points.. exactly what is it you didn't like? And what is it that makes it appear as though no effort was put forth? Don't get me wrong... I know this forum is full of experts. And I value your opinion. But don't kick a girl when she's down! How about some constructive criticism that is helpful... not just generic bad page hype that doesn't specify.

      I'd like to see a sales page that you guys think is great... just for comparison...I challenge you to share your sales page and show me why it's better. And it probably is better. You have the experience factor. I'd just like to see the good vs bad....

      Thanks for your brutal honesty...
      Suellen
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      • Profile picture of the author nm5419
        Originally Posted by Suellen Reitz View Post

        well actually there was a great deal of effort put into this sales page... to start with... we developed our logo, click for clarity. And the design itself, we purposefully made on a white background w/ open space not to feel cluttered.
        I have looked at a lot of sales pages... and no we didnt have the "in your face" screen shots of all the thousands of dollars... and I may be biased... but many if not most I feel were not as good as ours.

        I feel our page was clear, logical progression... easy to read with bullets highlighting key points.. exactly what is it you didn't like? And what is it that makes it appear as though no effort was put forth? Don't get me wrong... I know this forum is full of experts. And I value your opinion. But don't kick a girl when she's down! How about some constructive criticism that is helpful... not just generic bad page hype that doesn't specify.

        I'd like to see a sales page that you guys think is great... just for comparison...I challenge you to share your sales page and show me why it's better. And it probably is better. You have the experience factor. I'd just like to see the good vs bad....

        Thanks for your brutal honesty...
        Suellen
        I'm sorry, Suellen. My brutal honesty is my nature and what I get paid for. Ignore the brash tone, as you have so eloquently done.

        But instead of me showing you a page that I like, why not look at and think about the pages that you like? What pages have you seen that made you think, "Oh this is reeeeeeally impressive! Yeah... I'm definitely going to do business with this gal!"

        That's the reaction you want for your own page. Analyze what makes a site trustworthy, and then emulate (don't copy) those same elements onto your own site. Try the website of a small local bank, library, or community college as an example. Any professional site will do. Look at several and then ask yourself:
        • Do trustworthy sites look as if they were created in 5 minutes? (Most of the ones I see look like they took weeks and weeks of customer-directed development!)
        • Do trustworthy sites hide their company logo in the middle or at the bottom of a page? (Most trustworthy sites show me theirs right away -- at the top. It's a branding thing, and it's an invitation to remember them.)
        • Do trustworthy sites call their customers names? (You called me a newbie when I'm clearly not.)
        • Do those trustworthy sites ask "newbies" for a payment without clearly explaining it's safe? (I heard newbies are scared of online transactions.)
        • Do trustworthy sites avoid contractions? In my experience, only writers from 3rd world countries do that. So now I'm not confident I'm at an American website that understands my American desires. It just looks like it wants my American money .
        • Do trustworthy sites bombard their visitors with almost 6,000 words at once? (Because that's what your page does.)

        I could go on and on, but judging from the size of that page, I'd still be here tomorrow if I did. Please see if there's any way possible you can re-arrange your information into a look that's similar to a trustworthy website. Start out with a free web template if you have to. These look nice: Free Website Templates And they don't scream "MILE LONG SALES LETTER -- RUN AWAY!!"

        I can tell right away that there was some real effort put into those templates. If you use one, people will assume you put some real effort into your own website, and you will have begun traveling upon the road of becoming a real, trustworthy merchant.
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  • Profile picture of the author LauraJames
    Please note that the pages comes across as unimaginative. Basically, it is dull. Please do not take offence (offense, as you may spell it in the USA). Please avoid these types of generic, "cookie cutter" websites as there are a seemingly endless amount of these on the internet. Trust me when I tell you from personal, and professional, experience....you have ability to present something that is both professional and effective. Best wishes you.
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    • Profile picture of the author nm5419
      Originally Posted by LauraJames View Post

      Please note that the pages comes across as unimaginative. Basically, it is dull. Please do not take offence (offense, as you may spell it in the USA). Please avoid these types of generic, "cookie cutter" websites as there are a seemingly endless amount of these on the internet. Trust me when I tell you from personal, and professional, experience....you have ability to present something that is both professional and effective. Best wishes you.
      Yeah, cause there's nothing worse than "cookie cutter."
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  • Profile picture of the author seobro
    The problem is the price. $97 is a lot of money. People are sss-stretched sss-so thin in this holiday season. If your price had been $17 I would probably ordered one right away. Still, you might think that your product is worth more money. That very well might be the case. However, many people are poor. Those very few that are rich will probably not order anything anyway.
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  • Profile picture of the author shireen
    Hi:

    Shireen here :-)

    My personal opinion: the headline doesn't catch my attention, I don't really understand what you're trying to tell me.

    Perhaps a more direct & specific headline will help..
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  • Profile picture of the author Damielle
    I'm going to be honest and just recommend a complete overhaul of the sales page. It's your product so you know the value of it, the problem is to get your customers to see the value.

    You only have a few seconds to grab your viewer's attention, especially in this market. You have to immediately start to outline what the product will do for the customer. That's all they are really interested in.

    The best place to start is your headline, I was on the page for about 10 seconds and didn't know what was being sold or even what market it was for.

    Try getting to the 'meat' faster and provide some proof of income if possible.

    I'm sure that the product is good, but the marketing is the real hard part.

    As for affiliates not using the tools, its a Clickbank product so most affiliates know how to get their hoplink. Also a lot of affiliates don't use the tools anyway because they are generic and they don't want their customers to see the same promotions coming from another marketer and risk losing their credibility with their customers.

    Hope that helps...
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    • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
      Originally Posted by Damielle View Post

      I'm going to be honest and just recommend a complete overhaul of the sales page. It's your product so you know the value of it, the problem is to get your customers to see the value.

      You only have a few seconds to grab your viewer's attention, especially in this market. You have to immediately start to outline what the product will do for the customer. That's all they are really interested in.

      The best place to start is your headline, I was on the page for about 10 seconds and didn't know what was being sold or even what market it was for.

      Try getting to the 'meat' faster and provide some proof of income if possible.

      I'm sure that the product is good, but the marketing is the real hard part.

      As for affiliates not using the tools, its a Clickbank product so most affiliates know how to get their hoplink. Also a lot of affiliates don't use the tools anyway because they are generic and they don't want their customers to see the same promotions coming from another marketer and risk losing their credibility with their customers.

      Hope that helps...
      Hey I appreciate your input. Everyone is hitting the headline... got it. That is a definite change to be made! As for the affiliate stuff... we wrote up some great emails, articles, banners, text ads... etc... I understand people want to be unique.. I appreciate that and the effort it takes. But from what little amount I can see when I type in our product name in the search bar... they are doing nothing more than copy/paste our product description from the marketplace onto their blog. I can't understand why anyone would turn down good material if that is all they are doing..... but then... maybe that too has a big factor in the "why" of why we arent making sales.:confused:

      The internet is truly an interesting blend of people.

      Suellen
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  • Profile picture of the author ebusinesstutor
    When I first went to the page on my laptop, I didn't notice the sales page below the video. So I missed it and only went back to it when others were talking about the copy.
    This very much seems like the "old" style of copywriting. I find the editorial style of copywriting to work much better.

    I would recommend a book called "Attracting Perfect Customers" to help you understand your customers better and Mario Veloso's "Web Copy That Sells" for a better understanding of the editorial approach to copy.

    Here are some examples she uses of editorial style headlines:


    I am currently rewriting all of my web sites to this style of copy.
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    • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
      Hi Garland,
      Thanks for the great tips. I downloaded your IM 101 free ecourse and am impressed with your material. Good basic info all new marketers should read! I plan to take some time with it. But first, I will be working on a rewrite of the sales page!

      Good point that you did not see the written copy below the video. I have read you need to put the CTA and buy button before the fold... I can see how people might miss that. No worries... going to be changing the entire page.

      Looks like you have a great business going. Hope to someday be at your level. We all start somewhere...
      Suellen

      Originally Posted by ebusinesstutor View Post

      When I first went to the page on my laptop, I didn't notice the sales page below the video. So I missed it and only went back to it when others were talking about the copy.
      This very much seems like the "old" style of copywriting. I find the editorial style of copywriting to work much better.

      I would recommend a book called "Attracting Perfect Customers" to help you understand your customers better and Mario Veloso's "Web Copy That Sells" for a better understanding of the editorial approach to copy.

      Here are some examples she uses of editorial style headlines:


      I am currently rewriting all of my web sites to this style of copy.
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  • Profile picture of the author KrisOlin
    Looks like a pretty standard "long sales letter" format to me. Maybe that is the problem? Your target audience is internet marketing people and they have seen these to the max. Maybe you should try something different? Shorter perhaps? Get to the point faster?
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    • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
      Originally Posted by KrisOlin View Post

      Looks like a pretty standard "long sales letter" format to me. Maybe that is the problem? Your target audience is internet marketing people and they have seen these to the max. Maybe you should try something different? Shorter perhaps? Get to the point faster?
      Thanks for the input Kris,

      I think you are right... time is money... and the page was long. Next one will be shorter.

      Suellen
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  • Profile picture of the author John Romaine
    Suellen, something doesnt sit well with me here. What am I missing?

    You claim "If you are interested in making money on the Internet, you are in the right place.."

    But you've made no sales, and you're here, asking us for help?

    What gives?
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    • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
      Originally Posted by ramone_johnny View Post

      Suellen, something doesnt sit well with me here. What am I missing?

      You claim "If you are interested in making money on the Internet, you are in the right place.."

      But you've made no sales, and you're here, asking us for help?

      What gives?
      Excellent Point!
      We put this program together with joint knowledge and a lot more research... pulling from great resources tips and nuggets and giving them our own spin. The product itself was initially part of a very high end training program that required a team to be formed and product made using their guidance from a multitude of guest speakers in a 10 week webinar training program.
      Our group opted not to do the e-book, but chose to make a more extensive product designed for the newbie. That 10 weeks has expanded into a full year of work. Why so long? Big learning curve.

      I truly believe the material within the course is a great value to the new marketer. Written in a language easily understood, it covers all areas. The big question is exactly why it isn't selling.

      According to the feedback I have received, it is due to an ineffective sales page. Point taken. The rewrite is currently underway. With a new sales page... let's see what happens.

      Also, in our defense, the affiliates who have currently signed up are doing nothing to promote. Simply posting a copy/paste description from the CB Market Place. At least, that is all I can find.

      If you would like to see the material... pm me. I will happily give you a review copy in exchange for your feedback.

      Suellen
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      • Profile picture of the author woodymcgrath
        Suellen,

        I'm Ted from TedsWoodworking.com. Having written tons of 6 figures salesletters for several apex clickbank vendors, I thought I'll share pointers since I think you're genuinely struggling with this.

        1. Change your headline immediately. "Its Time To Stop Dreaming and Make It Happen" just doesn't cut it. You need to be more direct. Either use something extremely controversial, or simply use a benefit-laden headline. Your current headline is confusing and too general.

        At the top of my head, here are some "action" words and header combinations I like to use:

        How To…
        How Would…
        How Much…
        Who Else Wants…
        Inside Secrets Of…
        Do You…
        100%-Guaranteed!…
        Little-Known Secrets…
        Closely-Guarded Secrets…
        How Would…
        Advice To…
        At Last…

        2. I would remove the quote at the top of the main body. I think it is confusing to your visitor. Rule #1 - Don't make them think too hard, let alone confuse them. In its place, put a photo of your team to add credibility, then HIT the visitor with a brazen statement (sell the sizzle) to grab their attention.

        Take a look at the top converting MMO sites. Google Sniper has one of the best conversions in our testing.

        3. Condense your salescopy and remove redundant words. An eg:

        "The ability to make money has always been a high priority for mankind. Throughout generations, that goal has often been met with many obstacles. The great news is that we now live in a time where a little thing called the Internet has allowed people like you and me to make money without even leaving home. In fact my friends, I would submit to you that the internet is THE way to make money both now and in the future. "

        I would delete the entire paragraph and replace it with

        " Let Me Show You How YOU Can Make Your First $100.. etc etc"

        Your current copy is too lengthy, too boring and there is no "punch" or "sizzle"

        Lastly, affiliates won't start really promoting your product, using your affiliate tools until they are convinced that your product sells. And in the MMO niche you're in, there is tons of competition. If you don't stand out and prove your product with a strong salescopy and professional looking graphics, you're going to be swimming in a sea of red.

        Hope that helps,
        Ted
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        • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
          Originally Posted by woodymcgrath View Post

          Suellen,

          I'm Ted from TedsWoodworking.com. Having written tons of 6 figures salesletters for several apex clickbank vendors, I thought I'll share pointers since I think you're genuinely struggling with this.

          1. Change your headline immediately. "Its Time To Stop Dreaming and Make It Happen" just doesn't cut it. You need to be more direct. Either use something extremely controversial, or simply use a benefit-laden headline. Your current headline is confusing and too general.

          At the top of my head, here are some "action" words and header combinations I like to use:

          How To...
          How Would...
          How Much...
          Who Else Wants...
          Inside Secrets Of...
          Do You...
          100%-Guaranteed!...
          Little-Known Secrets...
          Closely-Guarded Secrets...
          How Would...
          Advice To...
          At Last...

          2. I would remove the quote at the top of the main body. I think it is confusing to your visitor. Rule #1 - Don't make them think too hard, let alone confuse them. In its place, put a photo of your team to add credibility, then HIT the visitor with a brazen statement (sell the sizzle) to grab their attention.

          Take a look at the top converting MMO sites. Google Sniper has one of the best conversions in our testing.

          3. Condense your salescopy and remove redundant words. An eg:

          "The ability to make money has always been a high priority for mankind. Throughout generations, that goal has often been met with many obstacles. The great news is that we now live in a time where a little thing called the Internet has allowed people like you and me to make money without even leaving home. In fact my friends, I would submit to you that the internet is THE way to make money both now and in the future. "

          I would delete the entire paragraph and replace it with

          " Let Me Show You How YOU Can Make Your First $100.. etc etc"

          Your current copy is too lengthy, too boring and there is no "punch" or "sizzle"

          Lastly, affiliates won't start really promoting your product, using your affiliate tools until they are convinced that your product sells. And in the MMO niche you're in, there is tons of competition. If you don't stand out and prove your product with a strong salescopy and professional looking graphics, you're going to be swimming in a sea of red.

          Hope that helps,
          Ted
          Hi Ted,
          A big thankyou for the great tips. I appreciate the specifics in lieu of generic put downs. I know I put myself out there and can't expect people to sugar coat something they think stinks. However, getting good constructive criticism is helpful for even the worst sales pages. (which I don't believe ours is..)

          I will take your advice and that from others who have had specific comments and go forward. Thanks for taking time to help out a struggling fellow warrior.

          Suellen
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  • Profile picture of the author onSubie
    Hi

    You've got some great advice on copy writing up there!

    Here are some more thoughts.

    You chose IM as the niche to target with your product. That is a highly competitive niche with lots of hype. The reason there is such hype is because it is required to sell.

    Despite everyone's claims of hating the hype, the reality is that is what sells and in an ultra-competitive market like IM you need every tool in your arsenal.

    I read a thread recently where someone was complaining that they needed "hype" to sell their WSO. He had created what he felt was an honest solid product that would sell on its merits. The WSO had informative but not "hypey" sales copy and the OP was active in the WSO thread backing the product.

    It sold, but not well. So after a while he changed the subject of his WSO to something like "$10,000+ per month with a solid proven system!" and bumped it. Suddenly his WSO started selling very well.

    You may not like the hype, but it is what the IM market responds to. Don't worry- they are used to it.

    Mahlon
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    • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
      Originally Posted by onSubie View Post

      Hi

      You've got some great advice on copy writing up there!

      Here are some more thoughts.

      You chose IM as the niche to target with your product. That is a highly competitive niche with lots of hype. The reason there is such hype is because it is required to sell.

      Despite everyone's claims of hating the hype, the reality is that is what sells and in an ultra-competitive market like IM you need every tool in your arsenal.

      I read a thread recently where someone was complaining that they needed "hype" to sell their WSO. He had created what he felt was an honest solid product that would sell on its merits. The WSO had informative but not "hypey" sales copy and the OP was active in the WSO thread backing the product.

      It sold, but not well. So after a while he changed the subject of his WSO to something like "$10,000+ per month with a solid proven system!" and bumped it. Suddenly his WSO started selling very well.

      You may not like the hype, but it is what the IM market responds to. Don't worry- they are used to it.

      Mahlon
      I appreciate your input. Yes, I realize that this specific niche is the most competitive out there. I understand people using hype. But to put false claims is not something I can honestly do and still sleep at night.

      In addition to the "right thing to do" Click Bank won't allow the false hype anymore. As of Aug 1st, they are very strict in what they will and will not approve. Any hint of a make money quick scheme... and it is disapproved.
      I know this because it took several attempts to get through their gate keeper. Not for false claims, but simple words like... in our logo.. we had to take away the words Click For Clarity... Where Answers Are Just A Click Away.

      Yes there are definitely a lot of CB products still around with the inflated numbers and claims to instant riches... I suppose they are grandfathered.
      But woe be unto the new product launch that goes that path!
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  • Profile picture of the author onSubie
    Hi

    "hype" and "false claims" are not the same thing.

    I'm just saying, don't be afraid to toot your own horn. I'm not saying make stuff up.

    Make the course sound exciting, fun and rewarding.

    Mahlon
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  • Profile picture of the author GeorgR.
    We are pleased with the traffic since we started 3 weeks ago (251 hops as of yesterday) and affiliates have signed up
    Despite the fact that (for me) this is only "another MM clickbank prroduct"...i dont think the 251 are a good number, AT ALL. Actually...it looks like the problem seems to be your promo/traffic/affiliate generation, not the product itself.

    You should have MUCH more than a measly 251 hops in 3 weeks.

    I dont know what your payout is and what your commission % is...maybe one reason to find there. (Naturally, affiliates go for everything which pays well, regardless of product quality)

    Make a product with a $1997 price tag and put on CB, go to JVNotify and promote it, offer $1000 commission per sale...every affiliate, their mama and their pets will promote it simply because the $1000 payout. Sad..but true.

    Edit: You are saying you had 66 affiliates signed up and you only got 251 hops in 3 weeks...from the 66 affiliates? This is...totally and way off....there is either a flaw in the tracking or those affiliates don't promote this at all.
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  • Profile picture of the author gjabiz
    Suellen,

    Obviously a lot of hard work went into the site. The problem is when two or more minds get together, they form a third mind...a supermind...and the problem is you are all very smart people.

    How can that be a problem? It comes across in your copy.

    At 53 seconds into the video, I clicked off...had to force myself to watch it all the way...

    The problem is the focus of the ad, and tooooo much WE/US...TEAM ClickClarity...and not enough...BENEFIT RIGHT UP FRONT FOR THE READER...

    I, being a dumbdowned IMer searching CB for product to sell, would be attracted to a 75% commission...don't know what yours is...

    OR a so-called killer ad that converts...TOO early in the game to get that...

    You've heard about the headline and opening and video...and ask yourself...

    What does the reader care about? YOUR reader isn't the consumer of the product...it is the affiliates at clickbank...

    You've missed your target audience...But...it could be two-fold...

    There ARE people who are seeking a mature viewpoint on making money online...and the copy as written appeals to a more intellectual crowd...YOU can't be dumbed down, nor can your team...

    which creates the pardoxial dilemma for you...

    decide who your TARGET market is going to be...do the demographic research and you can't have your cake and eat it too...

    The video should start at the 7 minute mark, no disrespect intended to have to watch a talking head for 7 44 is excrutiating and painful...and a talking head who drones...is simply unbearable. The last 44 seconds tells me what I need to know...why not try an under 2 minute video and hit the highlights of what your product can do for me and lose all that babble about who you are .... us, me, us, us, team...blah blah blah...

    It sounds as if you have a terrific product...tell us, the reader, what can it do...and you don't need hype or unsubstaniated claims...

    you need a better TARGET, a well defined person who is either going to

    A. Become an affiliate
    B. Buy the product to use the information.

    TWO very different animals. There should be Clarity, no ambiguity

    And that, is, IN MY OPINION is the problem.

    Choose who your customer is and it could be both...but you'll need (probably) different approaches.

    Right now, it is an INTELLECTUAL master-mind copy...it needs to be a person to person. PERSONAL.

    You need to talk to one READER, one prospect at a time. I disagree with the criticism of length...it is NOT too long...

    But there is no reason to read it, for either type of customer you want.

    OK, what can you do?

    Identify the NICHES of your group so the reader can find one to relate with..

    Try different headlines, shorten the video...

    ALLOW THESE 8 INTERNET MARKETING SUCCESSES TO SHARE THEIR SECRETS WITH YOU...READ ON TO DISCOVER THEIR SECRETS

    If you are looking for real guidance to find Internet Marketing Success, learn from real people who have done it, like Kristi Tornabene of
    HEALTH SUCCESS.

    Kristi was once seeking blah, blah blah...

    or Bill Hildebrand, a retired blah blah blah...

    See? It is more relatable to the reader.

    I don't care about groups, but I do like to read about people and their successes.

    OR, We all were newbies, struggling with our Internet Marketing...we've walked the path to success and now we light the way for your IM success.

    It wasn't easy for us. We didn't have experienced people to follow.

    But now it can be easy for you because we've joined forces to bring the very best of what we've learned to you.

    OR...Faster Success in IM comes from following the steps of successful people...

    so, you can "hype" up the headline, so to speak, without the hype and outrageous claims the grandfathered in CB IMers use.

    BOTTOM LINE:

    As a group, you are BORING.
    As individuals, you are a neat group of people.

    Let your PERSONAL stories touch the emotional hot buttons of either

    your affiliates
    your IM wannabee successes

    gjabiz





    Originally Posted by Suellen Reitz View Post

    This may need to be on a different forum... and if so, I am sorry. I wanted to post my problem here because this is where most of the internet marketers seem to hang out... and I really want your help!

    My team and I recently got our new product up and running on click bank. We are pleased with the traffic since we started 3 weeks ago (251 hops as of yesterday) and affiliates have signed up... (so far we have 66) But no action... only one sale.

    Is it the sales page? Or are the affiliates just not promoting properly? We have affiliate tools, but only 2 have signed up to use them...

    If any one has any suggestions, I would truly be thankful. We spent months putting this together and we believe it to be a fantastic product. (ok we may be a little biased, but it is good, especially for the newbies.)

    Our product is listed as Internet Marketing Success Secrets: Beginner's Guide on Click Bank.

    Here is the link to our sales page. Internet Marketing Success Secrets :: ClickForClarity.com

    Please let me know what we need to do differently. A fellow warrior suggested we put short video snippets on the sales page showing portions of training. We can do that... but felt like some honest feedback before any additional changes would be more revealing.

    Thanks in advance,
    Suellen

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    • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
      Originally Posted by gjabiz View Post

      Suellen,

      Obviously a lot of hard work went into the site. The problem is when two or more minds get together, they form a third mind...a supermind...and the problem is you are all very smart people.

      How can that be a problem? It comes across in your copy.

      At 53 seconds into the video, I clicked off...had to force myself to watch it all the way...

      The problem is the focus of the ad, and tooooo much WE/US...TEAM ClickClarity...and not enough...BENEFIT RIGHT UP FRONT FOR THE READER...

      I, being a dumbdowned IMer searching CB for product to sell, would be attracted to a 75% commission...don't know what yours is...

      OR a so-called killer ad that converts...TOO early in the game to get that...

      You've heard about the headline and opening and video...and ask yourself...

      What does the reader care about? YOUR reader isn't the consumer of the product...it is the affiliates at clickbank...

      You've missed your target audience...But...it could be two-fold...

      There ARE people who are seeking a mature viewpoint on making money online...and the copy as written appeals to a more intellectual crowd...YOU can't be dumbed down, nor can your team...

      which creates the pardoxial dilemma for you...

      decide who your TARGET market is going to be...do the demographic research and you can't have your cake and eat it too...

      The video should start at the 7 minute mark, no disrespect intended to have to watch a talking head for 7 44 is excrutiating and painful...and a talking head who drones...is simply unbearable. The last 44 seconds tells me what I need to know...why not try an under 2 minute video and hit the highlights of what your product can do for me and lose all that babble about who you are .... us, me, us, us, team...blah blah blah...

      It sounds as if you have a terrific product...tell us, the reader, what can it do...and you don't need hype or unsubstaniated claims...

      you need a better TARGET, a well defined person who is either going to

      A. Become an affiliate
      B. Buy the product to use the information.

      TWO very different animals. There should be Clarity, no ambiguity

      And that, is, IN MY OPINION is the problem.

      Choose who your customer is and it could be both...but you'll need (probably) different approaches.

      Right now, it is an INTELLECTUAL master-mind copy...it needs to be a person to person. PERSONAL.

      You need to talk to one READER, one prospect at a time. I disagree with the criticism of length...it is NOT too long...

      But there is no reason to read it, for either type of customer you want.

      OK, what can you do?

      Identify the NICHES of your group so the reader can find one to relate with..

      Try different headlines, shorten the video...

      ALLOW THESE 8 INTERNET MARKETING SUCCESSES TO SHARE THEIR SECRETS WITH YOU...READ ON TO DISCOVER THEIR SECRETS

      If you are looking for real guidance to find Internet Marketing Success, learn from real people who have done it, like Kristi Tornabene of
      HEALTH SUCCESS.

      Kristi was once seeking blah, blah blah...

      or Bill Hildebrand, a retired blah blah blah...

      See? It is more relatable to the reader.

      I don't care about groups, but I do like to read about people and their successes.

      OR, We all were newbies, struggling with our Internet Marketing...we've walked the path to success and now we light the way for your IM success.

      It wasn't easy for us. We didn't have experienced people to follow.

      But now it can be easy for you because we've joined forces to bring the very best of what we've learned to you.

      OR...Faster Success in IM comes from following the steps of successful people...

      so, you can "hype" up the headline, so to speak, without the hype and outrageous claims the grandfathered in CB IMers use.

      BOTTOM LINE:

      As a group, you are BORING.
      As individuals, you are a neat group of people.

      Let your PERSONAL stories touch the emotional hot buttons of either

      your affiliates
      your IM wannabee successes

      gjabiz
      Hi Gigabiz,
      Thank you for your input. Truly, it relit my inner spirit. I know where people are coming from now and I am going to take the advice from so many to make this work. I believe your input probably had more impact to me than the rest. Not that all the others had nothing to say... but rather, you let me know that this was worth redoing. I was almost to the point of giving up before trying.

      Suellen
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  • Profile picture of the author mnov5534
    Hi Suellen, I thought I'd add my thoughts. I'm pretty much an IM newbie so I had a look at your sales page as someone who you'd probably be wanting to target. Rather than giving you expert opinions, here's what I thought.

    As others have said, there's no clear heading. It seems there are 2 competing headings "Why excuses won't work anymore" and "Its time to stop dreaming..." but neither is very persuasive or strong. They don't really compel me to want to watch the video.

    As for the video itself, I've got Flash disabled in my browser, because I've been doing a lot of reseach into IM lately and I'm sick of autoplay videos, so the best way to combat them is to disable Flash altogether (makes my browser run so much faster too)!!

    Also your copy is far too long. There seems to be pages and pages of text there and without meaning to be rude, I don't have the time to read so much, and again there's nothing to compel me to read it all.

    Your wording in the copy is also very soft and gentle. This is nice in a way as it gives a friendly feel, however your niche is very cut-throat and there's no room for warm and fuzzy sadly

    I think you need to condense your main messages, cut out a lot of the text and really drive the message home with short, sharp sentences and use persuasive language.

    Finally, I think your price is very high. You might have a brilliant course that you're selling, however I don't think many people will be willing to take a chance and pay nearly $100. Its up to you whether you want to sell 1@$100 or 10 @ $10. Obviously it'll be easier to get people to pay $10 then it will to get people to pay $100.

    You'll probably think that its criminal to give away your course so dirt cheap, but hey its better to make many smaller sales than 1 big one. Look at the iPhone App Store, the biggest selling apps are the 99c apps! Angry Birds for example, only 99c, they've made millions!

    I think when aiming at newbies you should make the price so low that they won't need to think twice about buying and then you should see sales starting to flow!

    Hope this helps somewhat, feel free to ask me about any other thoughts if you're interested in the way I'm seeing it
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    • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
      Originally Posted by mnov5534 View Post

      Hi Suellen, I thought I'd add my thoughts. I'm pretty much an IM newbie so I had a look at your sales page as someone who you'd probably be wanting to target. Rather than giving you expert opinions, here's what I thought.

      As others have said, there's no clear heading. It seems there are 2 competing headings "Why excuses won't work anymore" and "Its time to stop dreaming..." but neither is very persuasive or strong. They don't really compel me to want to watch the video.

      As for the video itself, I've got Flash disabled in my browser, because I've been doing a lot of reseach into IM lately and I'm sick of autoplay videos, so the best way to combat them is to disable Flash altogether (makes my browser run so much faster too)!!

      Also your copy is far too long. There seems to be pages and pages of text there and without meaning to be rude, I don't have the time to read so much, and again there's nothing to compel me to read it all.

      Your wording in the copy is also very soft and gentle. This is nice in a way as it gives a friendly feel, however your niche is very cut-throat and there's no room for warm and fuzzy sadly

      I think you need to condense your main messages, cut out a lot of the text and really drive the message home with short, sharp sentences and use persuasive language.

      Finally, I think your price is very high. You might have a brilliant course that you're selling, however I don't think many people will be willing to take a chance and pay nearly $100. Its up to you whether you want to sell 1@$100 or 10 @ $10. Obviously it'll be easier to get people to pay $10 then it will to get people to pay $100.

      You'll probably think that its criminal to give away your course so dirt cheap, but hey its better to make many smaller sales than 1 big one. Look at the iPhone App Store, the biggest selling apps are the 99c apps! Angry Birds for example, only 99c, they've made millions!

      I think when aiming at newbies you should make the price so low that they won't need to think twice about buying and then you should see sales starting to flow!

      Hope this helps somewhat, feel free to ask me about any other thoughts if you're interested in the way I'm seeing it
      Hi Imnov,
      I can see from your profile that you are just starting to make posts. Thanks for taking the time to add your thoughts to mine.

      I appreciate what you've said here, especially as a "newbie". You are not the first in the responses I've had that thinks the price is too high. But come on... $10 for 17 plus hours of video training and 6 great bonuses...3 totally original from our team? People pay $10 for a WSO that is sometimes 3 pages in length written in large font. Not that the copy on them is worthless... but do you have any idea the amount of effort to put together a complete program like this has been?

      Yes... times are tough right now. But take into consideration the aspect that price is part of how people judge the content. Price too low will make people suspect if it could possibly be of any worth. Here on the forum, things do sell for much less. That's because people sell their products low for quick sales and validation that it meets the audience needs. They also do it as a way of giving back to their fellow marketer's. Some stop there and move on to other products... others take it further to places like ClickBank and sell to the public for more competitive price points.

      There was a thread a few months back that generated quite a bit of traffic on this very topic... people selling WSO's so low that it forced others to follow the pattern. Perhaps we may have to lower our price if we still have difficulty in making sales. But I believe quality deserves more than that.

      I too am very thrifty in how I spend my money. But I'd rather spend a little more for something of value than less for something that does not last or does not deliver. There are consumers who follow both theories. The K-mart vs the Top of the Line product choice. I may not be able to afford the very very best... but I choose not to go for the bottom of the heap. And with a money back guarantee... why not try the product before going else where? You might just find it was worth the extra money!

      Suellen
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      • Profile picture of the author KevUK
        Hi Suellen

        First off I can see that you have all worked hard to put a product together & obviously a lot of effort has gone into it. I will say nothing about the copy as many have made comments & you are working on revamping it.

        In the video it refers a few times to creating "your own product" which whilst we all know is important, there appears to be so much more than this in the course. Rather than an extended "talking head" you could consider bullet pointing each part of the course in the video expressing the benefits & why's. You have to get the viewers attention very quickly & make them want to stay.

        In all markets you need to differentiate yourself & I think you could certainly achieve that from what I have basically seen.

        I am expanding my offline small business consultancy to encompass web marketing. To aid this I have invested very many pounds (I am from England) in my education & have bought many courses ranging in value, including many WSO's through to Clickbank products through affiliates.

        From my personal perspective at first view I would have been hesitant in taking your course on, but with the usual guarantee in place I may have risked it.

        I would concur that it would appear that some of your affiliates are not doing much promotion. From a quick search I have done I have found 4 affilates whose lists I am on who have not promoted your product to me.
        In fact the first I have heard of your product is from your post.

        Sorry for the wordy post but I am not able to PM you.

        I hope you take my comments in the way they are intended & please feel free to PM me. I would like to hear from you.

        Kevin
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        • Profile picture of the author Suellen Reitz
          Originally Posted by KevUK View Post

          Hi Suellen
          ...I would concur that it would appear that some of your affiliates are not doing much promotion. From a quick search I have done I have found 4 affilates whose lists I am on who have not promoted your product to me.
          In fact the first I have heard of your product is from your post.

          Kevin
          Hi Kevin,
          Hope you got my pm. Just wanted to ask how you know which affiliates have signed up for promoting a product from CB. Didn't know you could do that. Am I missing something?
          By the way... i'm re-doing the video too. Thanks for those suggestions.
          Suellen
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          • Profile picture of the author KevUK
            Hi Suellen

            Have received your pm but unable to reply. The affilates I found were not through Clickbank. If you would like to pm your e-mail address to me I will give you the full run down rather than post everything on here.

            Kevin
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    I've seen several comments about the copy being too long. I don't necessarily agree. This is a $97 sale. And more often than not, the higher the price tag, the longer the copy must be.

    But there is a way to make the copy appeal to both those who want it short and to those who need every last detail. And that's with formatting.

    Make the copy as long as it needs to be to make the sale. But it needs to be broken into bite sized pieces. It needs very short paragraphs, two or three sentences. It needs a paragraph header for every two or three paragraphs. It needs a little cliff hanger at the end of each of the paragraphs to get the reader to want to read the next one.



    It needs lots of visuals. It needs relevant, compelling bullet points. It needs tables and boxes displaying the high points of the offer. Most people read a sales page like this:
    • Headline. If this catches their interest they go to...
    • Price and/or Postscript... If you still have them they'll look at...
    • Bullets and highlighted copy, including paragraph headers...
    Some people will be sold on this stuff alone. Others will read everything, sometimes multiple times.

    When a page is set up like this the length doesn't really matter because people in a hurry can get virtually everything they need by scanning the headers, bullets and stuff contained in the boxes and tables.
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    • Profile picture of the author mnov5534
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post


      It needs lots of visuals. It needs relevant, compelling bullet points. It needs tables and boxes displaying the high points of the offer. Most people read a sales page like this:
      • Headline. If this catches their interest they go to...
      • Price and/or Postscript... If you still have them they'll look at...
      • Bullets and highlighted copy, including paragraph headers...
      I think you've summed up what I was trying to say in my previous post. Due to the length I scanned the page. As I was going down, there really wasn't much that stood out, or jumped out at me to get me to stop scrolling.

      Many sales pages I've seen have images like post its with key points highlighted and bullet lists are very commonly seen, which help to break up long chunks of text.
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  • Profile picture of the author mnov5534
    Hi Suellen, sorry I didn't mean to devalue your course in my example when I said $100 vs $10. It was intended as an example, just saying about how its easier to sell higher volume at a lower price instead of fewer copies at a higher price.

    I agree that $10 is definitely too low and the current price too high. Although with the guarantee in place, that might reassure some people that were sitting on the fence to give it a go.

    Personally, when I've seen many sales pages in the past I've always doubted whether there is any chance of getting your money back with the guarantees that some marketers state! Hopefully people will have more confidence in the guarantee when they realise the payment is being processed by Clickbank.
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  • Profile picture of the author winsenken
    You can insert the testimony into your video. It is a powerful tool to capture visitors' attention. I have seen other fantastic sale pages, and they have made a good job on that (on selling part).
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    • Profile picture of the author KevUK
      Hi Suellen

      Hope your revamp is going well.
      Received your latest pm but not able to reply. Your e-mail address was not shown in your pm so have logged a ticket on your products support page.

      Kevin
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  • Profile picture of the author Drew Trainor
    To me it looked like a poorly formatted squeeze page...I didn't even realize there was any copy below. A header with your logo would help a lot.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tadresources
    Personally I would never have touched your product due to the video that you have on your site that auto starts - I find this very off putting.

    You also need a catchy headline.
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  • Profile picture of the author Benjam1n
    So you think pasting pictures of big bank accounts is unethical, and yet you are on a forum asking for marketing help, when you are selling an internet marketing "secrets" product for $97???

    If you have so much marketing knowledge, why not use your super secrets??

    No offence, but I wouldn't buy an internet marketing product from someone who is asking for help about the very thing they are trying to sell.
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    "You become what you think about most of the time" - Think BIG!!

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  • Profile picture of the author A8ch
    Hi Suellen,

    I got the same squeeze page impression as Drew and wondered why
    there was a payment button where a web form would normally be.

    First impressions are extremely important, especially on the Internet
    where people tend to be impatient. That's why you should use the
    "above the fold" real estate of the sales page to grab the viewer's
    attention and draw them into the copy.

    You could begin with a compelling headline statement or question that
    isolates a particular problem your ideal visitor would be struggling with.
    Your secondary statement could suggest a solution the reader would
    enjoy by using your product.

    In the first few seconds of reading, the viewer must get a clear sense of
    what the page is about, and be able to decide whether or not the subject
    pertains to her; otherwise, there'll be no need to read further.

    There are many useful and practical suggestions in this thread that could help
    your page's performance. Hope things work out for you!

    Hermas
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    http://HermasHaynes.com - Web Marketing - Simple & Direct
    http://www.OnlineListBuildingFormula.com - How to Build a Super Responsive List Fast!
    http://www.eBizInfoProducts.com - Prosper with Info Products
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