What If Your Mentor Ignores You? As He Gets More Successful.

by jhongren 41 replies
Hi,

Among our internet marketing friends, some unhappy things happened.

This mentor of mine is among my close friends and lately, he has been avoiding everyone in this group of friends, working his way out to other bigger names.

He has guided me all along and promised to help me throughout the product launch.

But lately, because of this unhappy incident, he ignores everyone including me, even though I am not in the picture of the unhappy incident.

I emailed him, msn him and sms him. He replied he was too busy to help and will get back to me later.

He said he would come back to me but it never happened.

Weeks passed and still no news.

I am in his twitter contacts and his mailing list. He has been promoting other bigger names products and doing teleseminar with those more popular Internet Marketers.

I am really saddened as it gives me the impression I am not important and just a small "fry.

My other IM friends (who are successful IMers, making 6 figures to 7 figures monthly) who used to be close to him also have this feeling that they are made use of in a way by my mentor.

Anyway, enough of ranting.

I would just like to us have you ever had the experienced that sometimes your more experienced Internet Marketers friends will slowly ignore you as they get more successful.

John
#main internet marketing discussion forum #ignores #mentor #successful
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  • Profile picture of the author kelvin yeo
    Hi John:

    Sorry to hear this is happening to you. Can't say I have experienced this myself. However, it is common for a person's "true colors" to start to show when he or she becomes more successful. I believe it boils down to a person's character. Just my 2 cents' worth.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mike Murphy
      Although it is a shame that Mr. Mentor has snubbed you, I say why limit yourself to just one teacher?

      If you have friends making 6-7 figured monthly, there must be a gold mine of information there as well!

      I would assume that if the mentor is successful, he likely has more that one person seeking his guidance. Perhaps he has spread himself a bit thin.

      If he is a true friend, he'll get back to you but time waits for no man...in the meantime, seek your answers out elsewhere and forge ahead!
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    • Profile picture of the author bryce
      Hi John,

      Unfortunately I tend to be someone who does not wait for people. If I want something, and I have a need for it, then I expect those around me who have 'agreed' to assist, do just that. The attitude you have received from this mentor, is nothing short of arrogance in my book, and that would earn my total disrespect for the person. I would then move on, as he is doing.

      You say you have other 'friends' in your circle who are earning 6 or 7 figures per month, and even at the lowest scale of these figures, that would represent a million at least every year! Why not tap on the shoulders of these people, particularly if they are feeling the same neglect, and see if they can mentor you - if you still need it

      Those in life who treat friends with contempt are not worth the paper they write their alleged titles on.
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  • I am really saddened as it gives me the impression I am not important and just a small "fry.
    I think you hit the nail on the head right there. If you were Mike Filsaime, I'm sure he would suddenly find loads of time to spend with you.

    Obviously, it has gotten to the point where you can't count on this person. If you need a mentor's advice, I hope you are successful in finding it elsewhere. The forum itself can act somewhat like a mentor. If you have questions about how to conduct your launch, ask them here, and I'm sure you'll get plenty of advice.

    Barry
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  • Profile picture of the author ExRat
    Hi,

    If you are finding success of your own and this mentor has left you behind because he/she has accelerated - why not just try and catch up?

    My other IM friends (who are successful IMers, making 6 figures to 7 figures monthly) who used to be close to him also have this feeling that they are made use of in a way by my mentor.
    I wish I had friends making 7 figures monthly. If I did, I wouldn't be so bothered about one mentor who had no time for me anymore - I would just continue to network with my multi-millionaire friends.
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    • Profile picture of the author Daniel Flower
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      • Profile picture of the author jhongren
        Thanks Jeff for the awakening email.

        Hi Dan, great tip on always answering email personally. It reminds me of Reed Floren. He always reply my emails within a day or 2 no matter how busy he is.

        John
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      • Profile picture of the author mmurtha
        John,

        I do feel badly for you, but as Jeff pointed out there are always 2 sides to every story.

        I know I went thru the same thing too, and ended up doing it with other people as well.

        The biggest reason for turning another person down is usually when the other members of the relationship suck you dry, and depend on you too much instead of giving it a go themselves.

        The second reason is usually because that person who leaves wants to grow and cannot do it in the group they are in. It's all about relationships whether it is 2 or many people.

        Right now you have several options like me and many others had before you. Here are just a couple:

        Go get another mentor

        Try putting the things you've learned into action like the other members of the group do who are making the 6-7 figures.

        Spread out your network with other groups - groups do get stale and someone has to make a move because they can't stay there in one spot anymore.

        Another option to think about is keeping yourself busy until this passes, but I most certainly wouldn't stop and wait for this person to contact me.

        Believe it or not, this too shall pass like many other things in your life. Learn from the experience, grow from it, and move on to something bigger and better.

        Hope this helps ...


        Mary
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        • Profile picture of the author jhongren
          Thanks Mary. I will need time to get over it. Meanwhile my new mentor is Warrior Forum. So much gems of wisdom here.

          John
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          • Profile picture of the author sachibhat
            warriorforum is the best mentor for newbies. I didnt have any
            luxury of getting any mentors. I learned a lot from this forum trying
            to put into action the ideas given out by the members and If any
            problem warriors are always there for guiding.

            Its like having a 24x7 support team for helping you out

            Sachi Bhat
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            • Profile picture of the author Alan Petersen
              Was it a paid mentor or free mentor? I would ask your friend who is making 7 figures per month to be your mentor!
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              • Profile picture of the author Johnson Tay
                jhong ren,

                I know who you're referring to EXACTLY

                Back to the issue, I think the problem lies with him being your "mentor" and not your "friend"

                Since he's only your "mentor", and not your "friend", there'll only be a certain extent of help you're gonna receive. Anything beyond that, he'll probably "ignore" you like he's doing now.

                But if he was your "friend", then it might be different...

                Am I making sense?
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                • Profile picture of the author Jelasco
                  This is pretty common- people get more successful and "forget" about their friends when they get to start hanging out with more famous people.

                  What you should do is get more famous than your mentor, then you can start ignoring him.
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                  • Profile picture of the author jhongren
                    Originally Posted by Jelasco View Post

                    This is pretty common- people get more successful and "forget" about their friends when they get to start hanging out with more famous people.

                    What you should do is get more famous than your mentor, then you can start ignoring him.
                    Hi Jelasco, thanks for your advice everytime.

                    It is a paid mentorship. I guess he only mentors those who paid for his IM course. So hmmm, I will still increase my network (not to be able to ignore him in the end) but just to make more friends and continue to learn more.

                    Long live to Life Long Learning!

                    Cheers,
                    John
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                    • Profile picture of the author Josh Anderson
                      Move on.

                      Your success is up to you.

                      Take charge and make it happen.

                      I don't know anyone who became successful because of what their mentor did for them only from applying what their mentor taught them on their own two feet.

                      Look, if the guy's heart is not in it... you need to just take charge of your own life and put things in action. Because waiting around and peeping like a chick who just lost its mother is only going to hold you back.

                      Also... when a mentor has given all they have to give there is nothing more to get. You cannot squeeze blood from a rock. There is the possibility that you are also expecting your mentor to do more for you than they are willing to do and they may not feel you are prepared or dedicated or progressed enough to be able to assist you further.

                      There are so many complexities to this type of relationship that its impossible to see all sides clearly and its probably just time for you to walk away and feel your wings.

                      Go out, grab some success, then send your mentor a postcard from your next vacation in some tropical paradise letting him know you appreciate what he taught you.

                      Btw... paid mentors are the least dedicated type ;-)
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                      • Profile picture of the author jhongren
                        Move on.

                        Your success is up to you.

                        Take charge and make it happen.
                        Hi Josh, Thanks for your excellent tip.

                        I will definitely move on. Let me plan a date to send him a postcard

                        Cheers,
                        John
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                        • Profile picture of the author jhongren
                          Hi Craig,

                          It is somehow a follow up after I joined and paid for his IM course locally.

                          John

                          Originally Posted by Craig Desorcy View Post

                          Are you paying him?

                          If so, that would suck.

                          Craig
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                          • Profile picture of the author Johnson Tay
                            JR,

                            And you... ignored... my Private Message?

                            LOL
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                          • Profile picture of the author Rob Canyon
                            John,

                            Mentorship is always temporary.

                            Either you aren't growing as quickly as they expect or they don't live up to the amount of time you think they should be offering.

                            If you are making $3,000 from your blog as you're suggesting that you're able to teach, I'd think that you've learned enough from a mentor and it's now time to start learning from JV partners.

                            All big dollars come in any business from JV's with other like minded business people. Seeing how you work the forum, edify others, offer to help etc. etc. you've got what it takes to find those opportunities now.

                            You can do it.

                            Cheers,

                            Rob
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                            • Profile picture of the author jhongren
                              Originally Posted by Rob Canyon View Post

                              John,

                              Mentorship is always temporary.

                              Either you aren't growing as quickly as they expect or they don't live up to the amount of time you think they should be offering.

                              If you are making $3,000 from your blog as you're suggesting that you're able to teach, I'd think that you've learned enough from a mentor and it's now time to start learning from JV partners.

                              All big dollars come in any business from JV's with other like minded business people. Seeing how you work the forum, edify others, offer to help etc. etc. you've got what it takes to find those opportunities now.

                              You can do it.

                              Cheers,

                              Rob
                              Hi Rob,

                              Thanks for your kind words.

                              I am just returning back to the forum as when I was new, my Warrior Members have helped me along the way.

                              So just doing my best to help.

                              Cheers,
                              John
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                              • Profile picture of the author Kay King
                                The mentoring seems to have been a free effort following a purchase you made. There's no guarantee that a mentor will have unlimited frame of time to keep helping. Also you mention a bad incident - and that may have caused him to stop mentoring.

                                Or - he may be trying to break away from the original group he mentored so that he can help those who recently purchased his product.

                                Clearly, his own business is growing bigger - and he has to grow with it. If that means less time to give away, that's what must happen. His top priority must be his own business and that may make it impossible to donate time to help others on a long term basis.

                                The same people here criticizing someone who is now working with top end marketers would jump at the chance to do that themselves.

                                Free mentoring is voluntary - and if he's had a bad experience due to it - and is also working more on his own growing business, that doesn't say anything bad about the mentor. Things change and people move on.

                                I think best thing is to be grateful for the help he gave you - and move on.

                                kay
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                                • Profile picture of the author Fabian Tan
                                  I've learnt that there are some people you can't trust in the 'inner circle' as we call it.

                                  There are marketers who will treat you like their best friend in the beginning and even do you favors in the beginning, then they will turn their back on you quickly and turn vicious.

                                  And people who think alike will stick together.

                                  This is the nature of business. I've learnt to avoid those people with certain personality types (those who seem overtly friendly, those who think the world revolves around them) early on in the 'relationship' so as to avoid created any further troubles and wasted time.

                                  Fabian
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                                  • Profile picture of the author Jose Delgado
                                    What are you talking about...

                                    You Don't need those kind of "Mentors"...

                                    I just saw your site: bloggers paycheck and you seem like you can do way better than OK all by yourself.

                                    Wish you the best John.

                                    PS: I like playing with the wii too.
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                                    • Profile picture of the author jhongren
                                      Originally Posted by Jose Delgado View Post

                                      What are you talking about...

                                      You Don't need those kind of "Mentors"...

                                      I just saw your site: bloggers paycheck and you seem like you can do way better than OK all by yourself.

                                      Wish you the best John.

                                      PS: I like playing with the wii too.
                                      Hi Jose,

                                      Thanks for your reply.

                                      Yah, now Im playing wii to destress. Tomorrow is another brand new day.

                                      John
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                                      • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
                                        Hi John,

                                        I've found that different people are more suitable at different times.

                                        It may be that your time with this person is now ending and it's the right time for you to move on and find a new mentor to take you on the next stage of your journey.

                                        Don't take it personally - we're all changing constantly as we strive to improve ourselves and it's your responsibility to do the best for yourself, so just accept that this person is focused on the things that are important to him and you should do the same.

                                        If you're not working your own plan - you're working as part of someone elses.

                                        Andy
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                                        • Profile picture of the author jhongren
                                          Originally Posted by Andyhenry View Post

                                          Hi John,

                                          I've found that different people are more suitable at different times.

                                          It may be that your time with this person is now ending and it's the right time for you to move on and find a new mentor to take you on the next stage of your journey.

                                          Don't take it personally - we're all changing constantly as we strive to improve ourselves and it's your responsibility to do the best for yourself, so just accept that this person is focused on the things that are important to him and you should do the same.

                                          If you're not working your own plan - you're working as part of someone elses.

                                          Andy
                                          Hi Andy,

                                          Thanks for your kind words.

                                          Marvellous quote: If you're not working your own plan - you're working as part of someone elses.

                                          Guess it is really time to move on.

                                          Cheers,
                                          John
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  • Profile picture of the author fred67
    Originally Posted by jhongren View Post

    Hi,

    Among our internet marketing friends, some unhappy things happened.

    This mentor of mine is among my close friends and lately, he has been avoiding everyone in this group of friends, working his way out to other bigger names.

    He has guided me all along and promised to help me throughout the product launch.

    But lately, because of this unhappy incident, he ignores everyone including me, even though I am not in the picture of the unhappy incident.

    I emailed him, msn him and sms him. He replied he was too busy to help and will get back to me later.

    He said he would come back to me but it never happened.

    Weeks passed and still no news.

    I am in his twitter contacts and his mailing list. He has been promoting other bigger names products and doing teleseminar with those more popular Internet Marketers.

    I am really saddened as it gives me the impression I am not important and just a small "fry.

    My other IM friends (who are successful IMers, making 6 figures to 7 figures monthly) who used to be close to him also have this feeling that they are made use of in a way by my mentor.

    Anyway, enough of ranting.

    I would just like to us have you ever had the experienced that sometimes your more experienced Internet Marketers friends will slowly ignore you as they get more successful.

    John
    Name Him & Shame Him so that he can't RIP-OFF others like he's doing now.

    The behaviour is totally unacceptable. (I bet he's even downloading 'pirated' software :-)

    Pete.
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    • Profile picture of the author BIG Mike
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      • Profile picture of the author alphykool
        Hi, John,
        I really felt for you especially as he has been your mentor...and maybe you have a project at hand he may still be guiding you. But, then, do not loose any single hope. Why? Because this might be an opportunity to discover more on real you. You may have to know that certain challenges as they ought to be always and should bring out the best in us.
        Be that as it may, keep on calling him, ok. He might change to his normal self by still being there for you.
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        • Profile picture of the author jhongren
          Thanks so much guys for the great tip, advice and sharing of personal experience.

          Maybe everybody deserves a second chance even for mentors. (they are humans beings after all.)

          Cheers,
          John
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          • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
            Over the years (ask anybody here) I have never ignored an email from
            somebody who has been a customer or student of mine. I have people who
            still email me 3 years after our first get together and it's always great hearing
            from them, especially when they tell me they're having success.

            I don't know why this happens. I can't speak for others. I can only speak for
            myself. Maybe that's why you won't see a bad word said about me online. Oh
            some people have called me some pretty harsh names because I tend to be
            a bit outspoken, but I've never been accused of ignoring my people. It's part
            of the reason my day is so long, but no, I won't just get a help desk and
            outsource this stuff. If somebody wants my personal attention and has
            paid for it, earned it or whatever, they get it. Plain and simple.

            I don't know what else to say to you my friend. It takes all kinds to make up
            this world of ours. Some are nice, some are not so nice. I try to focus on
            what's good and discard the folks who have been less than pleasant. I've
            been burned to the tune of some big bucks online. I could choose to hold
            a grudge and let it eat me up alive or just move on. I choose to move on.

            I'm sure you will find a way to deal with this so that it doesn't eat you up
            alive.

            Because trust me, this stuff can do it to you.
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            • Profile picture of the author jhongren
              Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

              Over the years (ask anybody here) I have never ignored an email from
              somebody who has been a customer or student of mine. I have people who
              still email me 3 years after our first get together and it's always great hearing
              from them, especially when they tell me they're having success.

              I don't know why this happens. I can't speak for others. I can only speak for
              myself. Maybe that's why you won't see a bad word said about me online. Oh
              some people have called me some pretty harsh names because I tend to be
              a bit outspoken, but I've never been accused of ignoring my people. It's part
              of the reason my day is so long, but no, I won't just get a help desk and
              outsource this stuff. If somebody wants my personal attention and has
              paid for it, earned it or whatever, they get it. Plain and simple.

              I don't know what else to say to you my friend. It takes all kinds to make up
              this world of ours. Some are nice, some are not so nice. I try to focus on
              what's good and discard the folks who have been less than pleasant. I've
              been burned to the tune of some big bucks online. I could choose to hold
              a grudge and let it eat me up alive or just move on. I choose to move on.

              I'm sure you will find a way to deal with this so that it doesn't eat you up
              alive.

              Because trust me, this stuff can do it to you.
              Hi Steve,

              You have never fail to puzzle and amaze me.

              Do you have 48 hours in a day?

              You seem to be everywhere in this forum answering almost everyone's thread.

              Thanks so much for the dedication and your love for your members and students.

              I am certain I do look up to you and many other Warriors here.

              Cheers,
              John
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            • Profile picture of the author jedz
              Banned
              John,

              try to talk to him in person (I think this would be a nice move, since you're on the same organization) If he refuse to do it, then that's the time you need to think and consider some situations. Hope everything turns out OK.
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